//------------------------------// // Babes and Battles. // Story: Adventures of thestral Anon // by ImNew2023 //------------------------------// “So this was all a convoluted lesson?” Twilight asked. Rubbing the back of her neck, Cadence looked sheepishly at her sister in-law. “Yeeeeah, Aunt Celestia wanted you to learn how to lead a kingdom in case you had to. So she organised everypony in Canterlot to pretend there’s been a coup and Blueblood is in charge” Cadence admitted. Twilight took a couple seconds to process all of this.  “Twilight, I’m sorry I lied to you. But you have to understand Aunt Celestia has her reso-“ Cadence began before being interrupted. “That makes so much sense! Nopony would ever pick Blueblood even as a puppet! It was so obvious yet I couldn’t see it!” Twilight giggled. Blinking a few times, Cadence raised an eyebrow. “You’re not mad?” She asked. “Well I am a little. But I’ve got to admit, Celestia believing that I could overthrow the entire bureaucratic framework of Equestria’s actually quite flattering” Twilight explained. “Oh, well. Good?” Cadence asked. Seeing Blueblood get thrown through the wall behind them the two mares continued watching the fight between the Prince and Anon. “So this is all staged as well huh?” Twilight asked, her mood swiftly improving. Jumping through the hole he made, Anon let out a blood curdling war cry. “Aaaaactually no. Anon is legitimately trying to kill Blueblood and take over Equestria” Cadence corrected the younger mare. “Oh I see… oh no” Twilight said, her face dropping as soon as she realised what was going on.  … “Tia, why did you turn yourself into a pegasus?” Luna asked. Stood not as the tall and radiant alicorn she usually was, Celestia instead took the form of a pegasus mare. Near identical to her true form in every way but without her horn or gravity defying mane. “Luna we have three days before we leave Colthage and return to see how Twilight has done. Our diplomatic ventures have succeeded so I’m going to the beach to prove once and for all that my flank isn’t that big” Celestia explained. “By shrinking it?” Luna poked a hole in her sister's plan. “It’s proportionally the same size!” Celestia said. “Sister, you've taken this too far. Being self conscious about your appearance is perfectly normal. But changing yourself into a common unicorn and strutting about the beach is entirely too far” Luna stated. “So you DON'T want to come to the beach where there will be thousands of young, FIT stallions?” Celestia asked, a little grin growing on her muzzle. Luna looked at her for a second before “POOF” and she too was a pegasus. “I’ve had to deal with a thousand heat cycles alone. This is for me not because you brought it up” Luna stated.  … Continuing his climactic fight with Blueblood, Anon spat out some blood that had been pooling in his mouth. Taking a second to see his reflection in a broken mirror, Anon saw his lip had been cut open on something. “I’d… give up… if I were… you- OW!” Blueblood panted before a vase smashed into his head. Followed by another one, then a mural of Equestria’s founding, then a bust of Celestia’s head. Throwing more stuff, Anon eventually threw the last priceless historical artefact. “Crap! I’ve ran out of shit to throw!” Anon panicked. “Ahah! I was waiting for that!” Blueblood said, shaking from side to side as he tried to stay standing up. Just as his moment of victory seemed in his grasp, Blueblood was smashed against the floor as Anon THREW HIMSELF AT THE PRINCE. Running into the corridor, the girls watched as Anon proceeded to beat Blueblood with a broken in half ceremonial staff. “We need to stop this before they kill each other!” Twilight stated. “More like before Anon kills Blueblood” Rainbow corrected. “Whatever, the point is we need to stop this NOW! Cream you’re good at controlling Anon, do something- Cream?” Cadence said, looking at the queen of the empire, currently swooning as she watched the fight. “Oh yeah, commit acts of violence for mommy~” Cream Heart drooled slightly. “Cream Heart!” Cadence called out, surprised by her fellow mother’s actions. “Cadence how would YOU react to your husband dominating a less masculine stallion?” Cream asked. Blushing slightly Cadence stumbled over her response “that was one time and it was Las Pegasus” Cadence responded, sounding like she was defending herself. “Wait what?” Twilight asked flatly. “Citizens of Equestria! I have defeated your champion! As per the Florida Code of Conduct, ratified by the Kissinger/Cheney Acords I claim dominion over your entire nation!” Anon called out as Blueblood started bleeding out over the floor. “Does this mean I can wash out this dye? I think I might be allergic” Peganon/Zigzag asked as he popped his head out from behind a door, scratching his neck profusely. “We’re all doomed,” Applejack stated. “I’m moving to New Mareland” Rarity stated. “Can I come with you?” Rainbow asked. … “ALL STALLIONS ARE BASTARDS!” Celestia cried as she stormed back into her guest room at the Colthaginian Grand Hotel. “Sister it wasn’t that bad” Luna said following her sister close behind. “He thought I was your MOTHER Luna” Celestia reminded her. “Well I think the correct term he used is milf, but that’s still not a reason to hold his head underwater for three minutes” Luna said, defending the poor earth pony who tried hitting on them. “Those horse colts were better right? If they didn’t insinuate they wanted a foursome that might have been our summer flings sorted” Luna said, trying to cheer her sister up. Flopping onto her bed, Celestia buried her face in her pillow and let out a muffled scream. Climbing up onto the bed next to her, Luna put a caring hoof on her sister’s shoulder. “Tia I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you hoped it would” Luna said, using a comforting tone. “You know what really did it? That little foal waddling up to me and calling me ‘Mommy’” Celesita said, lifting her head out of her pillow enough to speak. “In the foal’s defence you did look EXACTLY like her mother” Luna reminded her. The image of the white pegasus mare coming to collect her foal is still fresh in her memory. Looking back on it, Celestia remembered strange feelings moving around her mind during that encounter. After a while, Celestia came to a profound epiphany.  “Luna, I think that might be it. I’m not upset that stallions assume I’m a mother, I’m upset that I’m NOT one” Celestia came to her grand realisation. “Tia, think very very carefully about what you say next. The last thing we need is for you to rush into something you haven’t thought through” Luna warned. “I know I know, but… I think I might want to have a foal” Celestia explained.  AN: Say what you want. I still think Sun-Bun would make a good mother. Now we just need to find a way for Anon to sabotage it. Nothings set in stone, but I definitely want groundhogs to be involved.