“So let me get this straight, you dyed Peganon blue, hired a Zebrican prostitute to pretend to be a gift for Blueblood, and now they’ve infiltrated Canterlot” Cream Heart said, making sure she understood everything.
“Another flawless Anonymous plan” Anon stated.
The sound of several hooves slapping against the faces of their owners could be heard in the distance.
“Why?” Cream asked, her voice almost sounding pain filled.
“Well now we can plan a counter coup” Anon explained.
“A counter what?” Twilight asked.
“Well now I’ve got someone on the inside we can instruct him to manoeuvre Blueblood out of favour causing the nobles no choice but to let Cadance be regent again. Or whatever the endgame here is” Anon explained.
“That- is actually a really good idea” Cadance admitted.
“Yeah good going Anon” Twilight agreed.
“Thank you girls I’m a stallion of many talents” Anon ‘humbly’ said.
“So what now?” Pinkie asked.
“You girls are free to do whatever, I need to prepare olan B” Anon stated.
“What’s that?” Applejack asked.
“Build megaspells like there’s no tomorrow just in case Peganon fails” Anon said.
“Aaaaaaand we’re back to square one” Applejack sighed.
“Anon you promised Celestia you wouldn’t build any more of them!” Twilight chided.
“That was then, now is now, right now Blueblood is effectively ruler of Equestria. The fact that happened is enough to warrant the extinction of your entire race” Anon argued.
“It’s temporary, when the Princesses get back-“ she began before being interrupted.
“IF! Zebrica is a rough place, they could be killed, or caught in a sand storm, or catch an exotic disease. If that happens Blueblood will be King of Equestria, or just Prince but with power. Again it warrants genocide” Anon said.
“Anon let me put it this way, if you build one more megaspell, despite there being eight of me now, you won’t be getting any for ten years. Right girls?” Cream Heart threatened.
Nodding in agreement, the Heart sisters stared down their husbands.
“Ok you girls win, no megaspells” Anon quickly surrendered.
“We’ve got to come up with a defence against that” Unianon whispered.
…
“To all whom it may concern. I, Princess Celestia, Princess of the Sun and Co-Ruler of Equestria, hereby dictate that all creatures of the world should know. Twilight Sparkle is not my daughter, I did not have her raised by unicorns due to her being born from an affair or to protect her from assassination. And no, my hips are not wide foal bearing, nor are they the loving curves of motherhood” Celestia dictated to a scribe.
Luna simply sat on the sofa near her sister. The servants of King Khefer of Maregypt pampered the Princess of the Night.
“Sister, don’t thou think you are taking this too personally?” She asked as Celestia paced back and forth.
“How would you react if somepony assumed you were a mother Lulu? I don’t look that old do I?” Celesita asked, checking herself in the mirror for wrinkles.
“Sister you look not a day over two hundred and ten” Luna stated.
“Good, I know I’ve eaten more than a little cake in my life. But I make sure to exercise daily” Celestia stated.
“Tia, raising the sun every morning doesn’t count” Luna said.
Puffing up her cheeks in a huff, Celestia ignored Luna’s giggling.
“Tia you have nothing to fear. Even if your rump were twice its current size you would still radiate beauty and draw the lust of all Equestria’s stallions” Luna reassured her.
“It’s just… nopony has ever assumed I was a mother before. Even after a thousand years, it only just occurred to me how old I am compared to all my little ponies” Celestia explained.
“Age is just a number sister. Look at Anon for example, he is barely twenty four yet he prefers mares who are twice his age. Before he and Cream Heart met he even had more than a few fantasies about you~” Luna said, chuckling at the sight of Celestia’s cheeks going crimson.
“I really didn’t need to know that Lulu” Celestia stated.
“Neither did I, yet I still had to watch a dream version of you crush poor Anon to death with your rump” Luna said flatly. The unpleasant memories still contaminate her mind.
“Aaaaaanyway. How do you think Twilight is doing?” Celestia asked.
“Presumably well, but are you sure it was wise? Setting up this fake coup we mean” Luna asked.
While unorthodox, Luna couldn’t deny the genius of her plan. Create a fake coup against the alicorns that would lead to Twilight taking the initiative in Equestrian politics.
A precursor to her ascension to the position of sole ruler of Equestria.
“It’ll all be fine Lulu, the nobles and I have an agreement. They pretend to overthrow Cadance then get overthrown themselves by Twilight, I return and pardon them then grant them the tax cuts they’ve been hounding me for” Celestia explained.
“It just seems a little convoluted” Luna pointed out.
“I work in mysterious ways sister, I work I’m mysterious ways” Celestia chuckled.
…
Within the Royal Castle, Peganon and Zira the zebra prostitute plotted.
“How much longer do I have to keep up this act?” Zira asked in a thick Manehattan accent.
“Until Blueblood is gone. Besides you’re being paid by the hour and you’re being showered in gifts by the dimwit, all you have to do is pretend to be from Marebasa and sleep with the idiot. I have to speak in rhymes and manipulate the entire government!” Peganon stated.
“And what do I do if he asks me about Marebasa? I’ve never left Manehattan until now” Zira asked.
“Make shit up, I doubt he’s ever been there” Anon instructed.
While they spoke, a knock came on the door.
“You can’t be discovered here, hide!” Peganon whispered as he hid her under a table sheet.
“Yes!?” Peganon called out.
Opening the door to his chambers, one of Blueblood’s guards entered the room.
“Apologies your grace, but Prince Blueblood requests your presence” he explained.
Travelling to the throne room, Peganon greeted Blueblood as he sat in Celestia’s throne.
“Have no fear! Zigzag your grand Vizier is here!” ‘Zigzag’ rhymed as he approached the throne.
Smiling lightly Blueblood stepped down from Celestia’s throne until he was at eye level with Zigzag.
“Ah Zigzag, quick to the summon as ever I see. I have an issue and I seek your council” Blueblood explained.
“As you know, that uncivilised bruit Anon has parked some cities on Equestrian soil and declared himself a King. Could you imagine that? Someone just making themselves a King? He doesn’t even have the breeding of education” Blueblood began, chuckling at the idea of someone who wasn’t born into it being a royal.
“Praytell, weren’t the Princesses born commoners as well?” Zigzag asked.
Snorting, Blueblood flipped his perfectly groomed mane back with his hoof.
“That’s different, Aunt Celestia is an alicorn” he explained.
“Anyhow, the cretin has been permitted to inhabit Equestrian land for far too long. Now I love my Aunt Celestia but she’s just too soft on him. But I’m not entirely sure my plan to push him out of our lands is effective” Blueblood said.
“What do you think?”
Getting a sinister grin, Zigzag poured on the charm.
“Oh Great Prince I must confess, I only see one way to pass this test” he began to rhyme.
But before he could continue, Blueblood let out a hearty laugh.
“Oh good, thank you for your advice Zigzag. I thought I was wrong to send an army to clear him out” Blueblood chuckled.
“What?” Zigzag asked, hoping he had heard wrong.
…
“I’m home!” Button called out as he placed his saddle bag on the counter.
“Button? Why aren’t you at school?” Cream asked.
“I tried to go but some guys told me I can’t” he explained.
“Oh yeah? Then and whose army?” Anon asked.
Following the small colt out to the city limits, Anon was met by legions of gold armour clad stallions and mares.
“The Equestrian army” Button stated.
“Oh that’s a good army” Anon stated.
A singular unicorn approached the city. He was much older then the average guard, and was wearing purple armour much like Shining’s and had several medals attached to his chest plate.
“Um, excuse me? You’re kind of blocking my view” Anon stated.
“My name is General Lionheart of the Equestrian royal army. The Prince-Regent Blueblood has requested that I remove you and your populace from Equestrian land” Lionheart introduced himself.
“Dude, where do you expect us to go?” Anon asked.
“You got Discord to move the city before, just do it again” Lionheart suggested.
“Why should we? Celestia said I could live here” Anon reminded him.
“That was then, I have orders to clear you out if you won’t leave. I’m sorry but orders are orders. If you won’t leave it will be counted as an act of war” Lionheart warned.
“Oh we’re not going to war, I’m going HIGHER. I declare the… Conqueror's Challenge!” Anon stated, pointing his right hoof at Lionheart’s face.
“You made that up” Lionheart called him out.
“No, it’s all right there in the Floridian Code of Conduct” Anon explained.
Lionheart raised an eyebrow as Unianon rushed out with a thick leather book with a gold stamp shaped like Florida hastily glued on the front.
“It’s all there on page seven eight four. A battle to the death between the greatest warrior of the attacking race and the greatest warrior of the nation under attack. If the greatest warrior isn’t available a replacement can be selected by the challenged government. Winner gets both kingdoms” Anon explained.
“Wait what?” Button asked.
“I… I’ll take this to Prince Blueblood. But I’m warning you, you can’t buy time forever” Lionheart said as he turned and left.
…
After hearing about Anon’s plan, knowing she wouldn’t be able to convince him to withdraw his challenge, Twilight made for Canterlot. Her only hope now was to convince Blueblood to run for his life, leaving Cadence to return to the Regency.
There was just one problem.
Blueblood didn’t know who she was.
“It’s me, Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic? Thrice Savior of Equestria? Princess of Friendship?” She listed off her various titles hoping they’d ring a bell.
But they didn’t.
Blueblood just sat there, completely unaware who she was.
“We sat next to each other at school for eight years?” She tried reminding him.
Still she got a blank stare.
“You acted like a pig to my friend Rarity at the Gala?”
More blank states.
“I’m the book-pony”
“Ah Twilight! What brings you back to the city?” Blueblood said pleasantly as his mind finally clicked.
Resisting the urge to go evil and destroy him, Twilight took a deep breath.
“Well, I’ve come to talk to you about Anon’s Conqueror’s Challenge,” she explained.
“Ah yes, since Aunt Celestia and Luna aren’t here I’ve decided to fight myself” Blueblood explained.
Feeling fear flooded her mind, Twilight’s fur physically started turning white when she heard that.
“P-please tell me you’re joking” she almost begged.
“Of course not! I was wrestling and hoof boxing champion at school for three years straight! And after all once Aunty Celestia comes back, being a King of my very own nation would be a nice reward for my Regency” Blueblood explained.
“Blueblood I’m warning you, Anon is unpredictable, he may seem like a goofy, silly, cute, daffy stallion” Twilight began.
“Wait, did you say cute?” Blueblood asked.
“BUT, underneath that appearance is a force of nature. Ponies have made the mistake of underestimating him before and they’ve all regretted it. Please, let Cadence resume her Regency or Anon WILL come looking for a fight” Twilight warned.
Letting out a dismissive snort, Blueblood picked up a mirror to admire himself with.
“Oh please Twilight, he’s a common thestral. He can wear a crown all he wants but in the end he’s nothing special. I bet this whole thing is just his way to buy time for Aunt Celestia to come back, he’s probably shaking in his coat as we speak” Blueblood monologued.
…
“Seventy eight… seventy nine!” Anon grunted, bench pressing a barbell in preparation for his fight with Blueblood.
“Anon I’ll ask you again, don’t go through with this” Cadence almost begged.
“Go for the throat and crotch. Those should be his weak spots” Rosa encouraged her father.
“I can’t, once the challenge has been declared it cannot be rescinded. I must force Blueblood into submission in the least gay way imaginable” Anon explained.
“Best make sure it’s also the gayest way possible, just to be sure” Rosa advised.
“Anon you made up the challenge, there’s got to be some way out of it” Shining said as he read through the hastily written words of the Florida Code of Conduct.
“Nope, he must yield and surrender his nation onto me if he wants to live. Hey Rosa sweetie? Could you get your dear old Papa another protein shake?” Anon explained, asking for a drink at the end.
“Do you want me to mix some of your ‘roids’ in with it?” Rosa asked.
“No, I asked Zecora those need to go in my butt” Anon explained.
“Anon Blueblood isn’t going to surrender. He’s a coward but he won’t surrender all of Equestria without a fight” Cadence explained.
“Then I will kill him and give it back to Celly when she gets home myself” Anon explained.
“Perhaps I can make it a little fairer~” a familiar voice suggested.
Popping into existence, Discord hovered over Anon.
“Sup Diz” Anon greeted.
“Sup Non” Discord greeted his fellow chaos spirit.
“What are you doing here Discord?” Cadence demanded, unhappy at the chaos spirit’s presence.
“I’m just evening the playing field a bit for my best friend. Blueblood has magic doesn’t he? Giving Anon a defence against it should even things up a bit” he explained before zapping Anon’s shades.
The glasses quickly morphed into a black draconequus shaped pendant on a chain. The pendant displayed one of Discord’s species curled into a ring, its face meeting its tail.
“This should counter most magic, no more worrying about Blueblood just levitating you up the whole fight” Discord explained.
“And here's one for that wife of yours as well, considering one of her is a thestral and all that” Discord said, placing it in Rosa’s hooves.
“This is going to be a good show” the draconequus chuckled.
“I have a really bad feeling about this,” Shining groaned.
…
Back at Canterlot, Blueblood was enjoying a cup of tea with some other nobles. Nothing going wrong in the slightest.
Other than the giant green fireball that crashed into their table sending splinters and inbred ponies flying everywhere.
Taking a step out of the fiery wreckage, somehow unharmed by the flames, was Anon. His eyes dead set on Blueblood.
“Prince Blueblood I’ve come to kill you and conquer your kingdom. Is now a bad time?” Anon asked, a sinister grin on his face.
AN: The one time Anon uses the rules XD