//------------------------------// // 11. Hot and Cold // Story: Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria // by Stalin with Da Spoon //------------------------------// Believe it or not, coming up with plans to kill your arch-rival was in fact, very difficult. Sure, executing the plans was simple enough, but when said plans require so many variables to be in the right place at the right time, it was hard to properly adapt them to the situation. Being in a magical land of technicolor talking ponies didn't help, at all. White couldn't even search up ideas for his diabolical plans of destruction now! He didn't even have sat-nav, oh the humanity! There was also the critical issue of the freezing cold filling his hideout even after installing a space heater to try and warm things up. Said heater almost caused a fire, which left White spy a little toasty, but more crispy than actually warm. And now, he was getting annoyed, because he simply couldn't work or even think in these conditions. Why couldn't these ponies just have global warming like everyone else? Wait... Warming... That's it! Quickly dashing off to check through his toolbox, he grabbed a welder and welding mask, sliding the mask over his eyes before grabbing materials and rushing outside, the sound of hammer smashing, bolts screwing, drills whirring, and welders hissing heard as the White spy worked on his dastardly device. When he was finished, he marveled at his creation, a large machine with a circulating heat coil at the base surrounded by metal, with a large emitter dish mounted on top, aiming directly at the sky. On the machine was a lone dial with temperature controls, as White gripped the dial and twisted it halfway up. The machine whirred and hissed with steam, building up energy and heat before firing a bright orange beam into the sky, its energy dispersing and turning the sky itself bright orange as the snow and ice around him began steaming. And yet, he still felt chilly... So it needed to be even hotter! He grabbed the dial again, turning it all the up to a symbol with a flaming skull on it, the beam growing wider and brighter as it's effect intensified, the snow and ice dissolving into mist as the White spy sighed in content, finally getting some warmth. The heat also caused the clouds to disperse, as White walked inside his hut, grabbing a lawn chair and glasses before laying the chair out and laying back, pulling out his silver screen to get a nice tan going, seeing as he was a little bit pale. The scissors slipped out of Rarity's magical grasp once more, the sweat gathering on her brow disrupting her magic as she groaned in frustration, gripping a fan with her magic and waving it for any sense of coolness as she panted. "Oh this dreadful heat makes it impossible to work... Those weather-ponies never mentioned a heatwave!" Rarity said, deciding to take a break as she walked out, only to dramatically yell as her hoof hissed when touching the red hot stone ground before her hooves. The ground itself was steaming as everybody was hiding in the shade, as Derpy just walked along seemingly unbothered by the heat. "Goodness gracious, this is far too intense to be a simple heatwave!" Rarity said, taking a couple extra steps back to ensure she didn't burn herself again. "Yeah, tell me about! Everypony at the Rainbow factories can't figure it out! Well, mostly cause they all took the day off from it being too hot." Rainbow Dash said, using her wings to hover off the ground and keeping a rain cloud over her head to keep cool. "This heat isn't natural! And I think, it's got something to do with that!" She said pointing towards a large mountain range past the Everfree, particularly at the great beam of orange light shooting into the sky. "That certainly seems odd... We should gather our friends together and solve this post haste, I simply cannot work in these conditions!" "Alright, come under my newly patented heat-brella!" "You seriously did not just call your cloud that." Rarity said as she quickly stepped under the rain cloud. "You bet I did. Now come on, let's go tell Twilight and others!" Black Spy officially declares that being hot is easily the worst thing in the world. Sure, being cold sucked, but constantly sweating and panting made it impossible for him to finish work on his invention. You'd think being in a cave would help, but it sadly didn't. Wearing black was also a very bad thing to do in high heat conditions, so clearly this was partially his fault, but he did not regret his clothing choice, because black is superior to white. So imagine Black Spy's frustration when he hops on his elevator and exits his cave to see the telltale bright orange sky beam that's common to see from an Heat Ray. That dang White Spy probably built one just so he could kick back and relax in his mountain top home without freezing to death. That simply, could not stand, as Black Spy ran back into his hideout to grab some supplies, and got to work. Building a global freezing ray would be more difficult than a global warming ray, but luckily Black was a bit more adept at cryogenic engineering than his colleague. Grabbing a tool box and a box of metal scraps, he moved to a clearing in the forest and got to work as he hammered nails, sawed plates in half, and screwed in... Well, screws. The resulting device was similar to the heat ray in design, but instead of a dish the machine had a spiral coil jutting upwards, the sheer cold emanating from it enough to make Black shiver. But the beads of sweat dripping down his brow told him that standing next to the source of cold wasn't enough, as he grabbed the dial and decided to fully send it, turning the dial all the way up to a symbol of a skull with snowflakes in it's eyes. A bright blue beam of pure freezing cold fired up into the sky, blending with the bright orange and over-powering it as the sky turned blue before it was shrouded by a massive cloud, snow beginning to blanket the landscape as Black walked back towards his lair with a smile on his face. He could definitely go for some hot chocolate now, especially now that he saw a full-on blizzard heading his way. "Okay, now this is getting ridiculous. Literally just a few seconds ago I felt like I was going to melt, now it feels like I'm going to be turned to ice!" Rainbow Dash with frustration in her tone as she flapped her wings to blow the snow off her and her friends, as Fluttershy was seen shivering. "T-thi-this isn-isn't nat-natural, the po-poor ani-animals must be free-zing, cause nor-normally they'd h-hibernate in this c-cold!" "Ho-how is this even po-possible!? It was literally sw-sweltering a few moments ag-ago!" Twilight said, teeth chattering as not even her emergency heat spell managed to dispell the freezing cold. "It's 'nother one of 'em sky beams, look!" Applejack said, pointing towards the bright blue, it's light contrasting with the orange as the two fired parallel into the sky! "You think this is some kinda weird magic thing, Twi?" "I- I'm not cert-certain, I've never temperature shifting magic as extreme as this!" "Well, we've gott-gotta go and stop it then!" Rainbow Dash yelled out, before a cracking of branches was heard above them, tree limbs snapping and leaves falling as the ponies looked up to see a large blanket of snow barely being held by a single branch. "Ah horseappl-" WUMP. "Well this sucks." A slight shiver went down White's spine, and that meant something was definitely wrong. He lifted his shades to inspect his heat ray only to see it was working fine, aside from the ice accumulating on it. Wait, ice? Impossible! The spy shot up and looked to see the bright blue telltale of a freeze ray, groaning in annoyance. That darned Black spy wanted things to stay cool huh? Well too bad, cause now things are gonna get heated! The White spy rushed over, grabbing the dish of the ray and aiming it directly at the source of the cold beam, it's intense heat focused onto the cryo machine as it sparked and hissed with steam and smoke rising from it's vent. Black spy felt a heat wave rush over him as he turned to see his device being bombarded by that blasted heat beam, as Black quickly rushed over and angled the coil right back at the beam, the two of them intersecting at a middle point as a balance of hot and cold was gathering in a slowly glowing orb of temperamental energy in the center. Snicking, Black decided to use a back up plan, grabbing the dial and switching it to a previously hidden setting, showing the world encased in ice. White, seeing his glorious heat ray was losing the battle, quickly turned up his machine as well,the depiction of a burning world doing little to dissuade him as he turned it all the way up and laughed maniacally as the two beams fought for dominance and power. Both spies failed to notice the various warnings and alerts beeping on the machines as gauges and readouts malfunctioned from the extreme temperatures and large amount of power being. The beeping reached a climax as the devices to come apart, the heat ray's nuts and bolts bursting and flying out in puffs of steam as the entire machine shook and became encased in fire, while the freeze ray was slowly being encased in ice as the metal groaned. The beeping got louder and louder, faster and faster, before the two spies looked towards their machine simultaneously and had a collective thought. Oh poop. KABOOM! On that day, two extra miniature burning bright suns were on the horizon, and it left Celestia very confused. Black spy grumbled to himself as he dusted off the soot and patted away the fires raging on his chest with his hat, pinching the little ember on his nose before stepping onto the elevator down into his lair and groaning as he collapsed in his chair. Man, he could go for a cold beer right now. Though he was pretty sure he would die of temperature shock if he touched anything that wasn't room temperature. Suddenly, however, a little device he had built in the corner began to beep and buzz. His message interceptor was triggered, but how? These primitive ponies barely even had a functional rail system, how did they have telecommunications? The Spy stood up and walked over right as the device dinged and shot out... A letter with the seal of a star? Quickly opening it the Black Spy inspected it's contents. Dear Princess Celestia, Today was a rather odd day once more, as you no doubt felt and saw from Canterlot. First, it was hot, then it was cold, then it fluctuated before something in the Everfree and mountains both exploded with the force and fury of Rarity when her dress gets dirty. Honestly, I give up trying to understand it, but we did have a fun day in the snow, so it wasn't all bad. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. First, blech and ew to the tenth power. Second, Black sniffed the letter... And he smelled opportunity. Next time, on Spy Vs. Spy Vs. Equestria! You smell like a doodoo fart and your hair is weird. Also I am very dumb and smelly. Also also I think the farm pony is secretly gay.