TMP Prompt #123 - “Sad Tears of Love”
Prompt:
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Ice Cream is Bad (For You)
Pinkie was crushed, her world falling apart around her. All she could do was whimper softly. “But…but…but…”
“Sorry,” the chubby chartreuse unicorn colt behind the counter said, “But it is a seasonal flavor. You’re lucky I decided to extend it through spring.”
“It’s okay, Pinkie. I’ll treat you.” Rainbow Dash patted her back. “Get as much as you want.”
“By the way, since this is the last batch I‘m making all year, I’m raising the price by an extra five bits a scoop.”
“What!?” Dash cried. “That’s highway robbery! Pinkie, do that…thing you do.”
But she only sniffled.
“That’s ridiculous! It’s just crushed-up Hearth’s Warming candy and peppermint ice cream! I could make it at home for less!”
“Certainly you could,” the colt smiled. “But look into your heart. Could you really deprive poor Pinkie of the real thing, loyal Rainbow Dash?”
***
The mares stared down at their bowls of red-and-green flecked ice cream, one sour, one sobbing.
“I hate this place!” Dash slammed her hoof on the table. “The ice cream may be ‘the best in Equestria’, but—”
“I love you.”
“Say what!?”
“I…I love…“ Pinkie whispered to the last bit of ice cream in her bowl. Words apparently failed her, and she scooped it up with her tongue, holding it in her mouth as tears streamed down her cheeks. “Sho beau’iful…”
“Oh, for crying…” Dash shoved Pinkie’s bowl aside with her own. “Take it.”
She shook her head as Pinkie scarfed the ice cream down.
“Pinkie, getting worked up over something like ice cream is stupid. Sure, I get a bit carried away once in awhile, but I have some restraint. Where‘s your pride?”
“I…” Pinkie wiped her eyes. “I guess you’re—*GAAAASSP!*”
“There’s something over my shoulder that’s going to make me look like a huge hypocrite, isn’t there?”
Pinkie nodded.
“Well,” Dash sat on her haunches and crossed her forelegs. “I’m not looking. No way, no how.”
“Not even for my store-exclusive, signed, poster promoting Wonderbolts ice cream?” The colt’s mellifluous voice cajoled.
Rainbow Dash made a funny sound like “Nyerk!” and her head began to turn, but she forced it back forward with a hoof.
“No! In fact, you know what? I’m never coming here again! And I’m telling all my friends to stay away too! What do you think of that, huh? You lose!”
“What are those flavors next to their heads?” Pinkie asked.
“Starting next week, and for each week of the summer, I’m featuring a different Wonderbolt’s favorite flavor,” the ice-cream colt chuckled. “I’m sure lots of ponies are very curious as to what they might be…”
“…I can look at your dumb poster without wanting to come back in here. I’m stronger than you think.” She turned. “See? S-some of those look pretty tasty, but I’m still not coming back!”
“You go, girl!” Pinkie cheered. “But, wow! Eating what the Wonderbolts eat! That’s like one step closer to being a Wonderbolt yourself!”
“Stop helping him! Why are you helping him?” Dash rushed to the door. “Come on!”
“Oh, yes…were you wondering about those question marks on the other side of their heads?”
“No! Shut up!”
“I asked each of them which flavor they felt best represented their personality. I’ll be selling those, too, naturally.”
“What’d they say? What’d they say?”
“Ah, Pinkie. That’s a secret, only to be told to ponies who come in to find out for themselves. I’m sure whoever does that will be very surprised. Don‘t you think, Rainbow Dash?”
“Nooooo!” Dash fell to her knees and pounded the floor with her hooves. “You bastard! You horrible, wonderful bastard!”
“See you next Sunday, then?”
“…Yes.” She rose from the floor with what dignity she could muster. “Yes, you will.”
“One more thing…” the green colt said, when Dash’s hoof was on the door. “That poster? I’ll be selling it to the highest bidder at a little end-of-summer auction. I trust I shall see you there?”
“You son of a—!” She gritted her teeth. “Probably.”
“Where are we going?” Pinkie asked when they were outside.
“Twilight’s.”
***
“No,” Twilight Sparkle said. “We can’t banish the evil from the ice-cream colt’s heart. He chooses to be that way.”
“Crap. Can we just turn him to stone or something?”
“It would…” She sighed. “It would be a gross abuse of our powers, and a violation of the great responsibilities we bear as Elements. Dammit.”
“You too, huh?”
“Last month he had the Lunestia special. Forty bits for six scoops of ice cream…but all their favorite flavors.” She bowed her head. “It was so good, even though I knew it was wrong. I just kept coming back for more. I’m so ashamed.”
Pinkie took her into a hug.
“Come on, Dashie…”
“Oh, fine.”
As the friends commiserated, they thought they head faint, demonic laughter on the wind.
They didn’t need to ask whose.