//------------------------------//
// P. A. Problems 
// Story: Thomas and Friends: Tales from the Mainland Volume 3 
// by The Blue EM2 
//------------------------------//

One morning, Porter propelled some coaches into the platform at Falmouth. "Morning!" he said.

To his surprise, Sophie was there as well. "Hello?" she said in return. "Not often I see you doing this job!"

"Salty fancied a change of scenery," Porter replied, with a smile. "I was happy to oblige."

Just then, a series of musical notes played. "Attention all passengers. Attention all passengers. The coaching stock that has just arrived is not in service. Do not board the coaches until instructed to do so by a member of staff. Thank you.

Every station relies on its public address system, which is critical for communication. Often informally called a tannoy, after the company that built many of the first public address systems, this equipment informs passengers of what is going on and what platforms to go to. This, combined with the departure board, tells passengers where their trains are departing from, making it absolutely vital for operations on the Maritime Line.

Unfortunately, a rather more elderly passenger, who appeared to be a little hard of hearing, had not quite understood the message, and began to board the train.

"Excuse me, ma'am!" called Izzy. "Those coaches aren't in service right now!"

"What?" the passenger asked.

"I said the coaches aren't in service right now!"

The woman shook her head. "I didn't know coaches began with a K. Must be one of the strange changes to the English language."

"No, madam," said Izzy, now a little baffled. "Coach begins with a C, not a K. But these coaches are not in service."

"Then why are they in the platform?"

"Because Porter just shunted them in!"

"I didn't see a porter push them."

"OK."

"You said that coach begins with C, not K. So is it K C or just C?"

"What?" Izzy asked.

The passenger's eyes lit up. "Of course! C. K. Watt! He must be the station master!" And she walked off, quite pleased with herself.

Izzy blinked. "That was the wierdest conversation I have ever had. And that's saying something!"

The Public Address system then began to play again- but something didn't sound right at all. The message was slow, oddly slurred, and made little to no sense.

"What's going on?" Porter asked.

Pipp looked out and looked at the speakers. "It looks like they aren't working properly."

Just then, the passenger from earlier spoke up. "What?"

"I said they're faulty," Pipp replied.

"The Station Master, C. K. Watt! He's faulty?"

Pipp blinked in confusion. "I don't really follow." She then saw the woman had a hearing aid. "Is your hearing aid faulty?"

"Not at all!" the passenger said. "I just don't turn it on. It wears the battery down otherwise."

Pipp sighed. "That completely defeats the point of a hearing aid."

"What?"

"I said it completely defeats the point of a hearing aid!"

"Sorry, what?"

"I said it completely defeats the poi- oh, I give up!"





The actual station master needed some help. Although extremely good at managing a station he was not the most technically minded of people, and as such he usually called in outside help when the electrical items started having problems.

Argyle and Alphabittle were in his office. "What appears to be the problem?" Argyle asked, adjusting his glasses.

"The Public Address system is behaving oddly, and is completely incomprehensible," said the station mster.

"Isn't that normal for Public Address systems?" Alphabittle asked.

"It would have been in the 1980s," the station master said. "But this system was installed in the 1990s. If the passengers cannot hear what's being said, they shall miss their trains and we'll be in a right muddle!"

"We'll be glad to help," Argyle said. "I may be a professor of art history, but I know my way around wiring, if you know what I mean."

"Then this should be a relatively easy job," Alphabittle replied. "Let's get to work!"





A few minutes later, some wiring had been changed in the speaker system, and Alphabittle popped outside to check it was working.

Unfortunately, the message that played was still completely incomprehensible, as there was a lot of feedback.

Argyle glanced over as Alphabittle popped back in. "Well?" he asked.

"Too much feedback from the speakers," Alphabittle replied. "The speaker unit is picking up its own playback. We'll need to tweak the sensitivity of the microphone."

So they started again, and eventually adjusted the microphone to try and fix the problem. But when Alphabittle popped outside to check the system, the changes had produced another unintended side effect.

The feedback was gone... but the message was incredibly high pitched!

Salty pushed some coaches into the platform and looked over. "What in the Seven Seas?" he asked. "Have they got a group of chipmunks on the speaker system today?"

Alphabittle, once again, popped back into the office. "It's still not working," he said. "It sounds like a group of Clangers are doing the announcements."

Argyle rolled back from under the desk. "What are Clangers?" he asked.

"You don't know what the Clangers is?" Alphabittle asked.

"No, I don't. Remember I am about twenty years younger than you."

"Gee, thanks," Alphabittle said. "Anyway, we need to make another change. Hold on."

After a few more minutes, they had made more changes. But the problems only got worse. When Alphabittle stepped outside to check the speakers, the announcements were now playing backwards!

Sophie was still sat there, and was still listening to all the chaos going on. "This is absurd!" she said. "How can anybody understand what to do?"

Pipp sighed. "Excuse me a moment." She hopped out of the cab and stepped into the office, to see Alphabittle and Argyle frantically adjusting things.

"Kinda busy, Pipp!" Argyle said.

Pipp frowned. "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"Unless you have something useful to propose I suggest you leave us to it," Alphabittle said.

Pipp rolled her eyes. "I know exactly how to fix this. Excuse me, coming through!"

With that, she sat at the desk and made some adjustments on the computer display, moving some dials. "Who thought panning the audio over there was a good idea?"

After the slides were moved, she moved over to the microphone. "Could one of you stand outside whilst I test this?"

This time, Argyle went outside to listen.

And then, the message rang through clear as day.

"Good morning Pippsqueaks! This is the voice of your station, Pipp Petals, keeping you vibin' with the latest announcements! The next train leaving the station is the 10:30 to Truro, so totes be onboard! Love you lots, bye!"

Argyle was amazed, and walked back in. "How did you know how to fix it?" he asked.

"Easy," Pipp replied. "This is no different to configuring audio for a stream. I could do this in my sleep."





Thankfully, everything was now back to normal, and with a quick blast of music to check the configuration the system was back in order.

Far from the old stereotype that those connected to the internet have nothing to share, it was precisely the skills Pipp had acquired from streaming that had saved the day.

And, happily, the railway was now back on track. At least they knew who call if things went wrong!