Right, so while I was writing this, I had a letter sent to me from one Miss Harshwhinny of Canterlot, and...apparently, she didn't much like how I was writing this fanfiction. She said, and I quote;
Dear Sir
Recently, I have noticed a very strong tendency for this collection of short stories to get unashamedly silly. As a highly esteemed civil servant, I do my best to ensure the upkeep of public morale, but I'm not having things getting silly. Those last two stories of yours got very silly indeed, especially the one about the Høyland parrot. Everypony knows that the Frozen North is far too cold for parrots, and the one about the restaurant staff obsessing over a dirty fork was even sillier. Obviously nopony enjoys a good laugh more than I do, except perhaps for my secretary and some of her friends, and Lord Cloud – come to think about it, most creatures like a good laugh more than I do, but that's beside the point. The point is that I must insist that you overhaul the stories as per the list of recommendations provided.
Yours, etc.
Ms A Harshwhinny
Now, of course I am extremely conscious that there are some ponies out there who feel these stories are getting more than a little lowbrow, so I had a good solid browse through Miss Harshwhinny's list of recommendations as to how I should improve on the current format – and have rejected every single one of them. Why?! Because it's Mountie Python, for crying out loud! There's no place for stiff upper lips and serious minds and high brows and all that rubbish in this collection! All these stories are meant to be silly – that's what makes them so enjoyable!
And it seems I'm not the only one who feels that Harshwhinny is coming down too strongly on these stories, because not too long afterwards, I received another letter. This one is from Pinkie Pie, and reads as follows;
Dear Mr Author, Narrator, etc.
As an avid breaker of the fourth wall and a connoisseur of good comedy, I feel I must protest about that last letter. We all live in a cartoon universe, and we're entitled to get as silly as we want. Also, your offer of free cupcakes as recompense for your writing such silly stories is still open.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Pinkie Pie for backing me up on this particular point...
“You're welcome.”
...and to add that anypony accusing me of not taking this story writing business seriously needs to re-evaluate their priorities. Just like the writer of this next letter.
Dear Sir
I object strongly to the letters being read out in your short story collection. They are clearly not written by the Equestrian public, and have merely been included for a cheap laugh.
Yours, etc.
Red Botty
Now, personally, I fail to understand why somepony with such an embarrassing name as that feels compelled to complain about others having a sense of humour. However, I soon learned that he was complaining about another fanfiction not written by me involving a great deal of toilet humour, and had written the wrong address on the envelope. Either way, he has been dealt with in the strongest possible terms. Furthermore, another, rather more prolific letter writer has retaliated with a complaint of his own;
Sir
I wish to complain about the previous letter, regardless of whether it was directed to you or not. The writer obviously didn't check the address was right, and should be banned from writing letters for at least the next month or so. As for your incredible story about Shining Armour, I noticed that you didn't allow him enough time in the spotlight like you promised you would, and also refrained from featuring the adorable Flurry Heart. Could you correct this, please?
Yours sincerely,
A potted plant called Steve
Well, frankly, I think he's rather misinterpreted my promise. You see, I was actually looking to give the Changeling Inquisition more of a starring role in this fanfiction than in previous ones where, funnily enough, they didn't appear at all. As for Flurry Heart, it wasn't actually in the job description for me to give her a part in this at all. To quote this next letter from an anonymous writer (called Dizzy Twister);
Dear Sir
I feel the time has come to complain about creatures who make rash complaints without first making sure those complaints are justified.
“Are you referring to me?!”
No, Pinkie, of course I'm not. However, I would like to point out that a potted plant doesn't really make a good critic, and whoever sent that letter should really have come up with a better alias.
“Yeah, I totally agree with that.”
And speaking with agreeing with others...
Dear Sir
I'd like to complain about creatures who complain about other creatures complaining. It's about time something was done about it.
Quite honestly, I could see where the donkey who wrote this letter was coming from, and I couldn't help sympathising with him – so I dropped a piano on his head to shut him up. Anyway, onto the next story.
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…lemon curry?!