//------------------------------// // Story 6: Secret Service Confectioners // Story: Mountie Python's Flying Circus // by Locomotion //------------------------------// Today had been a rather slow day for Bonbon, but given how hectic business had been over the past week, she didn't consider that a bad thing. Indeed, it was a perfect opportunity for her to go and check out the new bookshop in town; she was always on the lookout for new recipes, and was keen to see what this place had to offer. She trotted cheerfully down the street, reminding herself to thank Berry Punch for bringing the place to her attention. But on her arrival, she found the shop to be eerily quiet. There were no other creatures around save for a pale yellow stallion behind the counter, who gazed awkwardly at her as she examined her surroundings. After a long, uncomfortable silence, Bonbon finally decided to break the ice; “Good morning,” she spoke up. “I'd like to buy a book, please.” “Oh, well, uh...” The stallion dithered for a moment, almost as if he was trying to hide something. “...we don't have any, I'm afraid.” “Say what now?” Bonbon was taken aback. “We don't have any books – haven't even had a chance to place an order. Sorry.” “Well, what are all these, then?!” objected Bonbon, gesturing to the endless shelves of books all around her. “All what...oh, these? These, uh...books?” stammered the stallion. “Exactly – and more to the point, they've still got price tags on them.” “Ah, right...well...they're all reserved awaiting full payment.” “All of them?!” Bonbon clearly wasn't buying his act (no pun intended). “By whom?” she demanded. “Oh...various...” The stallion raised an arm as if to check an invisible watch. “Gosh, is it lunchtime already?!” “Of course it isn't,” exclaimed Bonbon, eyeing the grandfather clock next to him, “it's only half past ten!” “Yes, well, I've built up quite an appetite since opening up shop. Don't expect I'll open up again at all today, I'm in the mood for a jolly good feed.” The stallion hastily trotted over to the window and pointed outside. “My goodness, that's a neat little bookshop just across the other side of the road,” he went on, “much better selection than we can offer, and probably at ridiculously low prices! Why don't I show you...” “But I was told to come here!” Almost before Bonbon knew what was going on, the stallion grabbed her by the withers and turned her round to face him, a look of sudden realisation crossing his face. “Were you indeed?” he remarked. “Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?” He lowered his hooves again and looked around, as if he expected a spy to be listening in on them. “I was just saying to myself earlier, we've been seeing a lot of peaches on sale in Market Square this spring – same with the mangoes,” and he gave her an exaggerated wink. “Huh?” “Peaches,” repeated the stallion. “Rather a lot of them on sale – same with the mangoes.” Bonbon now looked absolutely lost. “I didn't see any.” The stallion nodded and waved a hoof in a circle. “Yes, go on.” “Go on what?” “You were supposed to say 'I didn't see any, but the Big Cheese has organised a shipment to come in at midnight'.” “I didn't know that,” protested Bonbon. “I don't even know who this Big Cheese of yours is.” The stallion paused, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Then who sent you here?” he demanded. “Berry Punch did,” said Bonbon. “She's the mare who runs the Mulberry Bush juice bar.” “She didn't have a duelling scar and a patch over one eye?” “What, Berry Punch?!” spluttered Bonbon in dismay. “She's never duelled with anypony!” “Ah, well, must be thinking of somepony else then. Thanks for visiting, be sure to come again!” said the stallion in a cheerful tone as he attempted to usher her out of the shop. But before he could, Bonbon spoke up again in a wary tone; “Hang on a second – there's something strange going on around here.” The stallion froze. “What do you mean? You didn't see anything, did you?” “No, but there's definitely something odd going down in this shop,” insisted Bonbon. “No there isn't! Please believe me, there is absolutely...” As if things couldn't get any stranger, the stallion began waving his hoof frantically at what may as well have been some clandestine assailant. “...nothing going on, AND SHE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!” he called out at the top of his voice. Bonbon flinched, rubbing her temples and trying to stem the ringing in her ears. “Then who were you talking to just now?” The stallion continued to play it off as if nothing was amiss. “My aunt,” he replied hastily. “Look, which book were you after?” Oh well, thought Bonbon, whatever it is, I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it. In the meantime... “Well, I was hoping you might have a copy of Licorice Lace's 'Ultimate Candy Recipe Collection',” she requested. To her further confection...uh, sorry, confusion...the stallion turned on her with a venomous look. “You're better than I thought,” he snarled, and pulled out a crossbow from under the counter. “Trying to filch information from me, are you?” “What are you talking about? What information?!” Bonbon edged towards the door, trying to get away from this mad stallion before she got an arrow between her eyes. “Get away from that door! Stay where you are! You're not leaving this bookshop – ever!” “Why not?” “You know too much, my confectioner friend!” “I don't know anything! I'm just a monster hunter!” Bonbon knew that was no longer true, but she was really clutching straws at this point. “A monster hunter who just 'happens' to be buying a book on candy! And you expect me to believe that?!” sneered the stallion. “No – I didn't think you would! Say goodbye to your sherbet lemons!” But just as he was about to pull the trigger, another pony burst into the shop. “Oh no you don't, Goldengrape! Throw down your bow and get against that wall!” The stallion spun around, dropping the crossbow. “Sweetie Blue!” “The same!” smirked the pony in question, a svelte blue Earth mare with a two-tone pink mane and tail and a cupcake Cutie Mark. “Now tell me honest, Goldengrape – where has Gumdrop hidden the lollipops?!” “I...I don't know what you mean.” “Oh yes you do!” retorted Sweetie Blue. “Two-hundred strawberry flavour, a hundred and sixty cola, a hundred and eighty-five lemon and lime! Now where are they?!” she demanded, holding a pistol to Goldengrape's head. “Remember what happened to Sugar Strand.” Goldengrape nodded nervously; but Bonbon was still puzzled. “What happened to Sugar Strand?” she whispered. “Sweetcream Scoops gave her a nitroglycerin acid drop.” “I knew there was something going on here,” muttered Bonbon to herself. “Well, there isn't,” protested Goldengrape. “Then why are you making such a big fuss about it?” “Come on, Goldengrape,” snapped Sweetie Blue before the stallion could answer, “the lollipops – where are they?!” Goldengrape gulped. “They're at Sugarcube Corner.” “Don't toy with me, Goldengrape!” Sweetie Blue rammed the gun barrel into Goldengrape's left eye, causing him to flinch back in pain. “Alright – they're in the basement level beneath Sugarcube Corner.” Sweetie Blue smirked again, looking much more pleased with herself. “That's more like it. Now, before I leave...” “Not so fast, Sweetie Blue!” Now it was the turn of a buff-coated unicorn stallion to enter the scene, this time armed with a sub-machine gun. Sweetie Blue went pale with dread. “Doughnut Joe!” she shrieked. “You said it, Blue! Now down with that weapon of yours!” ordered Joe, training his own gun on the terrified mare. “What's he doing here?” Bonbon asked Goldengrape. She had met this unicorn enough times in Canterlot, but rarely here in Ponyville. “That's Doughnut Joe,” replied Goldengrape. “He's on our side.” Both ponies watched as Joe took the pistol and the crossbow into the saddlebag he was wearing. For a moment, Goldengrape felt sure they had outwitted Sweetie Blue – until Joe turned on all three of them. “Right,” he growled, “up against that wall, the lot of you – and that includes you, Goldengrape!” “Why you...you slimy, double-crossing rat!” burst out Goldengrape, visibly outraged. “Alright, now that we know about the lollipops,” barked Joe, “I demand to know where the candy canes are!” Goldengrape sneered at him. “I'll never tell you, Joe!” “You will, unless you want me to start pumping pear drops from this Chicolto piano of mine!” threatened Joe. “Now tell me, where are the candy canes?!” “That's for me to know, Joe,” said a squeakier, yet more ominous voice from the doorway. “PINKIE PIE!!!” Everypony goggled in horror – all except Bonbon, who just stared with interest at the pink party animal's weapon. “Okay, you sour plums,” jeered Pinkie Pie, “you're all at my mercy now, and the first pony to try anything moves to the great bakery in the sky!” She pointed towards the Party Cannon she had brought with her. “This thing may look harmless, but it can pack a real punch when it needs to! It's loaded with cake batter, and you've just got five seconds to tell me...why did the chicken cross the road?!?!” “What?!” All four of her captives stared at her in complete bafflement. “Ah, oops – wrong sketch, sorry,” giggled Pinkie Pie, and began again. “You've got five seconds to tell me...” The look on her face quickly went from threatening to puzzled. “...what was it again?” she asked herself quietly. “The five seconds haven't started, have they?” inquired Goldengrape tentatively. “We don't even know the question yet,” put in Joe. “Was it about Rarity?” suggested Bonbon in an almost blasé manner. “No, nothing to do with Rarity. No, you have five seconds to tell me...” Pinkie Pie broke off again as she tried to jog her memory. “About Sugar Strand?” asked Joe. “Nope.” “Apple Brown Betty?” added Sweetie Blue. “Nah, not her.” “The sprinkles?” “Yes, that's it, Goldengrape, the sprinkles!” squeaked Pinkie Pie, finally remembering what her line of dialogue was meant to be. “Right – you've got five seconds to tell me, where are the sprinkles?! Five – four – three – two – one – zero!” The others prepared themselves for the worst, but nothing happened. “Uh, zero?” Still nothing. Pinkie Pie looked down at her cannon, wondering why it wasn't firing. “Oh – oops!” she giggled again. “Forgot to light the fuse. Right, so as I was saying, you've got five seconds to tell me...” “It's no use firing that pop-gun of yours, Pinkie Pie.” Right before their eyes, one of the walls opened up to reveal an orange Earth pony on a comfortable armchair sliding towards them. On his lap was a laser gun and a rubber chicken, and he wore a pair of intimidating sunglasses. “THE BIG CHEESE!!!!” “Yes – or to give me my proper name, Cheese Sandwich,” the pony replied in an unusually oily voice. “I'm glad you could all be here at my little party, and Boneless is pretty excited about it too, aren't you, Boneless?” He looked down at the chicken, but got no response. “Aren't you, Boneless?!” When Boneless still didn't answer, Cheese Sandwich picked him up and fired at him with the laser, leaving a gaping hole in his chest. “That'll teach you to be normal,” he sneered, and turned his attention back to his captives. “There, Boneless is dead, and never even thanked me for the sunflower seeds I gave him. And since I take my acts of silliness most seriously, I hereby sentence you all to...death by chocolate!” “Couldn't you do that later, Cheese?” interrupted Bonbon. “It's already gone one o'clock.” “Has it?” said Cheese Sandwich, looking up at the clock. “Oh, so it has. Lunch break, everypony; back here at two!” With a deep sense of relief, the remaining ponies all followed Cheese Sandwich to a sandwich shop across the road. Bonbon, on the other hoof, stayed behind, and as soon as she was sure all the others had gone, she reached for the telephone on the counter and dialled a number. “Hello, is that the Equestrian Confectioners' Guild? Special Agent Sweetie Drops here – we've got an extortion case at the new bookshop in Ponyville...” “...so you were right about there being something suspicious about that place, huh?” “Yes, Lyra, honey. Of course, Cheese Sandwich made two mistakes – firstly, he failed to recognise me as Bonbon, codename Sweetie Drops, of the ECG; and secondly, his lunch break bought me more than enough time to gather all the best secret agents from the guild. By the time he and the others got back, we were all waiting in the broom cupboard to arrest them.” Bonbon smiled knowingly as she sipped at her cocoa. “You sure know how to lick 'em, Bonnie!” laughed Lyra.