Chapter 7: Shiny Shenanigans
(Twilight)
***
Shining Armor made his way through the book labyrinth that now filled Celestia’s chambers, attempting to find his not-so-little sister. He navigated through a narrow path that led to the one place he was sure to find the studious mare; Celestia’s personal study. Finally, at the end of the maze, he found the alicorn he was searching for. The captain almost bowed to the Princesses’ form, purely out of instinct.
“Twily, what is going on here? What have you done to this place?” She didn’t seem to hear him; she was too engrossed in a multitude of tomes and scrolls. Shining got a little closer.
“Twily?”
“Ahh!” Twilight yelped in surprise, falling back in her chair while flailing her white and gold hooves in the air.
“Twily!” Shining Armor gently caught the mare and chair within his magical grasp.
“Oh, heh heh, it’s just you,” Twilight blushed. Shining Armor’s magic flickered, causing Twilight to fall a short distance to the floor with an “umph” and a clatter of wood hitting tile.
Twilight gazed up at the sheepish grin plastered on her brother’s face. “You did that on purpose,” she said with the annoyed conviction only youger siblings could deliver. She hoofed him in the shoulder, knocking the stallion over.
She cringed as Shining tried to hide his wince of pain. She may technically be my boss, but she is still my little sis. Can't let her see my weaknesses.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot I have the strength of a super earth pony now. I guess it doesn’t help that I’m also wearing metal shoes.” Twilight said as she rushed to help him to his hooves.
“No kidding. It’s... okay. I’ll be fine.” Ow, ow, ow, he thought as his shoulder throbbed. A large bruise was already forming under his white coat.
Twilight frowned as she gently leaned into her brother. I can’t believe I hurt my BBBFF, but the least I can do is preserve his brotherly pride.
The two were silent for a few moments, as Twilight continued to stare at the floor.
“Oh Twily, don’t you worry about ol Shiny,” he said returning a light hoof-punch to her shoulder. He awkwardly smiled. If I saw anypony else do that I would consider throwing them into Tartarus. “So, what’s with all the books? It looks like you have half the Canterlot archives in here.” He looked up at the teetering towers of books. that nearly reached the vaulted ceiling as he spoke. “Shouldn’t you be researching what we heard at that secret meeting at the library?”
“I’m getting to that secret meeting stuff, but that book is in ‘W’,” she said, indicating a book in one of the alphabetical stacks on Celestia's finely crafted desk.“Don’t be ridiculous. One couldn’t come close to fitting all those books in here without some sort of pocket dimension or compression spell. This is just a sixteenth of the first shelves from sections A-Z. I’m checking to make sure none of these books have outdated information. The librarian insisted they were all ‘current enough,’ but double checking couldn’t hurt. Plus I get to read all these neat books and use Celestia’s amazing big desk. Oh, heres a mistake. This book says Star Swirl’s hat had ten stars, but I remember reading from many other sources that there were nine, to signify—”
“Wait, does that mean you have read all the way up to ‘S’? You're going to go blind reading that much.”
“Shiny, there is no scientific evidence to prove that reading can—”
“Yes, I know I know, you told me before,” he said exasperatedly.
She looked annoyed at being cut off, especially by her brother. Twilight righted the chair and sat down in mock irritation. She turned away from Shining and levitated a few books in front of herself. “Well if all you wanted was to interrupt my work, then you have done a great job.”
“That’s partially what I’m here about. I don't think you—”
“I... I can do this. I just...”
“Twilight, that book is upside-down," Shining said. I don’t think you’re quite focused on what’s important here and, I don’t think you quite comprehend the scale of impact you can make.”
“Look, I did all the paperwork, I raised the sun, I went to this morning’s meeting, what else is there?”
Shining Armor moved up beside the desk. “You can’t solve everything with logic. You have to weigh in the emotions and livelihoods of the ponies involved. Ruling isn’t just about paperwork and meetings or sorting books.” What in the blazes were you thinking, Celestia? I hope you know what you’re doing.
“I don’t understand. Logic works with everything, except maybe Pinkie Pie. I have already restored Luna’s political power, I haven't let anypony (especially Luna) know that I switched places, prevented war against the Diamond Dogs, and even uncovered a secret plot by the Major General, all with the help of logic... and a little tickle fight with Luna.”
“Wait, what was that last part? Oh never mind.” He shook the ensuing images from his mind. “That is pretty good for just a day and a half, but you also turned two of my guards into bumbling fools and caused half the guard to go on a wild goose chase for a crème colored mare claiming to be a door to door candy salespony. Do you know what Princess Luna is doing right now? Do you know how the citizens are feeling in Manehattan or Appaloosa?”
“Well no but...”
“Have you followed up on what we heard at the library? Do you have a backup plan or did you just choose one logical track to follow?” Twilight took a breath to speak, but was stopped once more. “Do you even know what Rule 63 of War Engagement means? If you had, you would know that it basically states that if a foreign entity invades Equestria, the general may mobilize our forces against the enemy, despite what the princesses may say.”
“No I didn't... I don’t know.” Shining was about to open up again, but Twilight was not having it. “STOP! ...Just stop. I can't answer all these questions at once. If you would just let me speak I could explain.” Twilight said, before slowing her breathing closer to a normal rate and answering Shining’s queries. “I learned the empathy spell Celestia uses to track the overall feelings of the major cities, but I haven't checked all the cities yet. I don’t know what Luna is doing, but Celestia told me not to let her know we switched places. I figured the best way to do that was to stay away from her when I can.”
With each sentence, Twilight grew closer to tears. “Earlier this morning, I was making my way through books on war to figure out what that rule meant, but, but there are so many terrible things in those books I had checked out. I panicked and went to the library and ended up getting all these books. I was reading this little book on Star Swirl to get those bad thoughts out of my head. Even checking on the cities didn’t help any. Overall they seemed happy on the surface, but delving deeper... I just feel like there’s too much to fix and everypony is counting on me.” The alicorn’s large head thumped onto the desk and the big violet eyes started glistening a little.
“Oh Twily.” She calls that four inch book little? I would hate to see Twilight’s idea of a tome. Shining startled the mare with a protective hug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I interrogated you like that. I only want...”
“...what is best for everypony. I know. You can't let my flaws jeopardize Equestria.” A small streak of tears was running from Celestia’s large eyes onto the Captain’s shoulder. “I just wanted to be strong for her. I couldn’t let her down. Especially after her last letter.”
“Yes I do want what is best for everypony, but what I was trying to say is that, as Captain of the Guard, it is my duty to keep an eye on things for everypony. That includes you, Twily. Especially because you're my little sis.” He nuzzled her in the chest until she finally started to giggle softly. “You always know how to bury yourself in work and bite off more than you can chew, don't you?
“Heh heh yes, yes I do,” she admitted with a guilty grin. “And you have always had a weird way of showing you want to help.”
“You don’t have to do it all alone. I know all the rules of war by heart, so I can fill you in and skip over the unpleasant stuff for you. I can help in other ways too.”
Twilight wiped the moisture from her eyes. “You would do that for me? I thought you said you were going to do the investigation your way?”
“That doesn’t mean I won't share info with you, you silly filly,” he said as he continued to tickle Twilight’s white coat with his muzzle. They rolled out of the chair in a fit of laughter. As they rolled around the floor, they toppled towering stacks of books which cascaded all over the bare parts of Celestia’s office floor. Gold and pink magic automatically sprung up, blocking heavy books from raining on their heads.
I bet this looks just as strange as it feels, thought Shining armor. Just as long as ‘she’ doesn’t come looking for me here.
“Hey Shiny?” The siblings lay under a cave of books supported by their magic.
“Yeah Twiliy?
“I think I have a plan for how to stop Double Edge.”
“You never stop thinking do you? Silly filly princess.” Shining Armor grabbed Celestia's tiara off of Twilight’s head.
“Hey give that back!”
“Ow!”
“Sorry, sorry. Earth pony strength. I forgot.”
***
“So, let me get this straight. We just stand here and call out to Celestia if somepony wishes to speak to her?”
“You just wait and you will see what a crazy headache this job can be. Thankfully they just installed this new communication device that links to the Princesses’ chambers. Now us guards don’t have to yell through the door anymore.” Claymore looked over at the new mug that would be standing in for Stonewall. The new pegasus guard was observing the brass pipes running up the wall and into the Princesses’ chambers.
“That’s a shame,” said Morning Star, now taking notice of the newly painted cutie marks of the sun and moon goddess beneath the series of metal pipes.
“What’s a shame about protecting our leader from intruders and annoying ponies?” Claymore said, stressing the words ‘annoying ponies.’
“There’s no shame there. I’m glad to be paid more to do nothing just as much as anypony. However, just think, the last legal and excusable way to yell at the royal princesses has just been replaced by these metal tubes.”
“That is a really odd way of... Morning Star! What do you think you’re doing over there?” asked the white stallion. His gold armor clattered as he broke stance. He occasionally glanced at his partner, who continued to ignore his cry of disapproval.
Morning Star, clad in an identical set of armor, held an ear close to the series of metal pipes which led into the princesses’ chambers. Inside, she could faintly pick up two voices. “I thought I heard laughing and screaming in there. I wonder what the old captain is doing in there?”
Claymore just scowled at his new partner. You have got to be kidding me.
“Excuse me sirs— hey, is your partner eavesdropping on the Princess?”
Claymore snapped his head toward a mare who had a look of annoyed concern.
***
“So you didn’t just come here to give me moral support. I knew you looked more nervous than usual.” Wow, as soon as we got company at the door, he just flipped out.
“It doesn’t matter. I just need your help to hide.” Shining Armor was practically dancing in place. His eyes darted around the room for a means to help him escape. Why did this place have to be built on a bucking mountain top?
“I don’t know... if you won’t tell me exactly what is going on, I don’t know if I should help. Plus I’m still annoyed about you erasing my memories last night. I’m going to figure it out eventually.” The voice of Celestia was almost playful.
“There's no time to explain. I just need your help.” Great, my memory spell works on my sister, but not on the one that matters.
“What do you mean there is no time? There are two of the most highly trained professional guards standing just beyond that door.”
“I don’t think that’s going to be good enough for what’s coming.”
“Princess? Are you allowing entry to your chambers?” The guard’s voice rang from the metal like funnel near the ceiling.
“Whatever or whoever it is, I’m sure we can handle it,” she said calmly.
Twilight then walked over to the nearest pipe of newly installed com system. “Go ahead, send them in.”
“Wait, no. They'll destroy us all!” Shining yelled in fear as the doors started to part. He ducked down to the ground and covered his eyes in his hooves.
By Celestia’s mane, he’s acting almost as dramatic as Rarity. A light grey unicorn mare strode in. Her cutie mark was an unfurled scroll with nondescript writing upon it.
“I’m sure the the Court Announcer will devastate the Solar Princess and the Captain of the Royal Guard with her world-ending spells.”
“Um... your highness, what are you talking about?” She looked around the room. I never knew the Princess read this much. What an egghead. No wonder she’s so weird. The comparatively small unicorn mare looked utterly confused. Shining armor got up off the floor and tried to look as official as possible, which wasn’t saying much as his face was flush red.
“Oh nothing, just my bro... overreacting to something.” ‘Celestia’ winced at her near mistake.
“Right, your ‘bro.’” Bright Herald scrunched her nose. Spending too much time near college frat houses are we? “So what did you need from me exactly?
The large double doors closed with a gold layer of magic causing a tinge of panic to grow within the grey mare. Twilight caught the nervous look she saw on almost all the castle staff.
“I know you loathe your job as Court Announcer.”
That certainly wasn’t a question. She knows I do. What do I say? If I admit it, will she punish me, maybe give me a worse job. “Now what would give you that idea?” The unicorn forced a smile.
“There’s no use in hiding it. You said it yourself yesterday.” Twilight gave her a critical look. “I decided I would like you to...” Her speech paused for a second. I just know she’s going to love this.
Bright resisted the urge to run or prance in place. Oh no, here it comes. I just know I’m going to hate this. I’m going to be a window washer, I just know it.
Twilight smiled slightly. “I want you to help plan a party. A big party, for all the Castle staff.” I hope I can make Pinkie Pie proud.
Wha... what the drought.
***
“You need to get back to your post.”
“Shhh, I’m trying to listen,” Morning Star snapped. Each attempt to get here to stop eavesdropping had been just as unsuccessful as the last. She leaned towards the pipes again, but her fellow guard wedged himself between her and the source of Princessy gossip..
“You’re going to get us into trouble," he said, with a strained grimace.
“Oh Claymore, loosen up a little. Aren't you a tad curious about why Shining Armor was all worked up? Besides, we are technically the same rank, so you can’t order me around. Just stand watch if you're so worried about it.”
“Uh, if you hadn't noticed, that’s my job." Claymore resumed his post, looking extra serious. "And of course I am curious, but it doesn't concern us.”
“Are you sure? Celestia was just talking about how we are highly trained professionals. She said something about a party as well.”
“A party? You’re just making things up to get me to join you. Ha! How could somepony like you be professional? I bet you barely passed qualification for this job,” Claymore said with a huff as he resumed his watch.
“Are you saying that because I’m the first mare to make it here? I should report you to HR for this,” she said, removing her helmet to stare angrily at her compatriot.
“No, uhh... I didn’t mean,” Claymore stuttered as he flushed with embarrassment and fear. I can’t go back to HR. You tackle one pony by mistake and they get all in your mane about it. Why would an Element of Harmony make a bomb shaped cupcake for the princess?
“I'm just pulling your tail,” Morning Star said with a laugh. Claymore gave an awkward chuckle in relief before she continued. “If you're referring to my skills, that test was easy. I think I scored around 96 or so. I bet it was easy for you too,” she said, nudging the guard between his armor.
Claymore stood dumbstruck. She can’t be serious. I could barely score above a 73... on my third try, and that was just the written part. “Yeah, catching ten boulders hurtling past your flank with your magic is a piece of cake,” he half heartedly laughed. I’ll just pretend I didn't see anything. Morning Star had taken advantage of his stray thoughts and was back to eavesdropping. “You know what, scoot over. It’s time to break up the routine.
“Maybe I can be a good influence on you after all,” Morning Star chided. The two Royal Guards stood nearly flank to flank as they held their ears to the brass pipes.
***
“So I keep my job as court announcer and you are paying me to plan a party with Porcelain Pot? This is a joke right? What is this party even for?”
“Not just a party. This is going to be big. Twilight started slowly pacing between the stacks of books. "I noticed that many of the staff members here are a little... apprehensive in my presence.”
“That’s a gross understatement.” She rolled her eyes, before catching herself. “Sorry, sorry your highness.”
“That sort of cowering is exactly what I’m talking about. This whole thing is a gift from me to my subjects,” Twilight said as she laid a foreleg over the unicorn in a friendly manner. “I’m sorry, but I can’t recall your name?”
“You never asked,” she said rudely. “I mean, my name is Bright Herald.”
“Well you had better get started, and you may want watch how you address a princess. I’ll give you more specifics as you go along.” Twilight tried to sound informal and full of warmth, just like Celestia did to disarm her paranoia when she was Celestia's new student.
As the double doors opened up again, Shining hid behind some stacks of books.
The court announcer made a hasty retreat, a pep in her step. She must have killed me and this is some crazy form of heaven. Paid to plan a party? thought Ms. Herald.
***
Twilight and her brother were alone once more.
“...So I gather that you made somepony angry, but it wasn't your fault. You finally came here because this room prevents teleportation in or out.” Twilight scratched her head with a gold clad hoof, recoiling from the chilling metal. “Did you try talking it out with her?” This must have something to do with that memory spell last night. Maybe I can get him to tell me.
“Of course I did, but... hey, I never told you I was running from a mare.”
“You just did,” Twilight said with a smile.
Ooh, she’s good. Shinning would have smiled, if he wasn't so nervous.
“I take it you tried teleporting and she kept tracing your magical trail?”
The stallion nodded and said, “It doesn't help that my magic keeps going haywire, thanks to my head injury yesterday. I can't hide my trail.”
“You must have ended up in some really random places? That explains why you dropped me and the chair earlier. What did you do to make her so angry? It’s not like you were dating and she thinks you are cheating on her?”
Shining dropped his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” How does she keep doing that.
“I’m right again!,” she exclaimed with a hoof pump. “So who was the lucky mare and who does she think you’re cheating with?”
“And now you know exactly why I had reservations about telling you what was going on.”
“Sorry, I guess I can help you first, but you'll have some explaining to do later.” Twilight cleared some floor space with her magic before lying down with her head up. She winced at the books they had toppled, hoping they would be okay. “You must have also tried invisibility spells, but I guess it doesn't matter what you use if your magic is malfunctioning."
Twilight reached up to scratch her chin in thought. Once again subjecting herself to the cold dead touch of the royal hoof coverings. Aghh, darn these things!” She glared at the royal accessory, before tossing it to the side. Twilight winced, as the shoe toppled some books with her godlike strength. Maybe I could cast a heating spell on the shoes? That would make them nice and comfy. She placed her bare hoof upon her chin, contemplating solutions to help her BBBFF.
She didn't get very far, before a new ruckus could be heard at the other side of the doors.
***
“You two!”
“Ye... yes?” The two royal guards stuttered at the same time, dropping prostrate “Please spare us. We're sorry your highness.” Claymore happened to make the briefest of eye contact with the Princess of Love. Only, the Princess seemed to be a darker, more angry shade of pink. If colors could be angry that is.
“Lucky for you, I'm saving my plans for the complete and total annihilation of somepony else. Have you seen Shining Armor?”
“Well, um I did see... you seem a little angry, maybe you should come back after a break.” After his comment Claymore was pulled to the side by Morning Star. The pink alicorn just stood still and huffed in disbelief. Her pink, purple, and blond mane was frazzled, and she was breathing aggressively out her nose.
“What do you think you’re doing? You’re going to get us killed!” Morning Star whispered in panic.
Claymore pushed her aside. “I follow the orders of Captain Armor and Princess Celestia, and those orders are to stop 'anypony' not expressly invited, from passing these doors. That includes Your Highness, as well. Besides, Shining Armor would be less than pleased if his best guards were taken out.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?,” both mares said. Cadence's gruff expression almost broke from the coincidental agreement.
Claymore stomped the ground, prompting a large sword to rise from the floor. He levitated the blade with his magic and prepared for battle. “Maybe, but I will do my job whether or not you help.” He said as he stepped between Cadence and the doors.
Morning Star joined him, pulling the weapon of her namesake from under her wing. “Something interesting is finally happening and I’m not letting you have all the fun.” She winked in his direction. “Plus, I like crazy ponies.”
“You have got to be kidding me? Not only do I have a multitude of ways to get passed you two, but now I know he must be in there! Move now or face the fury of the Princess of Love!” Cadence scratched the floor with a hoof and snorted.
“You were right, this job isn't a stroll through the park.” Morning Star smiled around the hilt of her weapon.
***
There was silence for a bit, the sound of a scuffle, then a terrifying yell that could only come from a mare in complete rage.
“CELESTIA, IF SHINING ARMOR IS IN THERE YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION!”
“Shiny, you have got to be kidding me. It’s Cadence?”
There was a heavy impact on the double doors. It almost felt like the entire Royal Tower shook.
“She is the princess of spreading joy and love.” He shrugged. “It was bound to happen.”
“That doesn't even make sense...”
The sound of another forceful impact and splintering wood filled the room. Both siblings cringed.
“Well it really sounds like she wants to smother you in her love now. I thought these doors were impenetrable to any being?” She cringed as another blow to the door reverberated through the room.
“They are, but princesses endowed with godlike powers are not just ‘any being.’" Shining started prancing in place in sheer panic. "Twily, do something!”
“If I cast a spell on you it could hide your aura, but the only spell I can think of right now...”
“Just hurry.”
“I don’t know if I can...”
“Just do it!”
“Pushy, pushy, sheesh.” Twilight charged her horn with golden magic. A beam shot straight for Shining Armor, enveloping his body in a brief burst of light. "There. It's done."
Shining opened his eyes. Nothing seemed to have changed around him, but he froze once he raised a forelg. Pink! PINK! “You have to be bucking kidding me.”
The nerdy alicorn of sisterhood, didn't seem to have noticed his plight at all. "We still need a way to cover your cutie mark. I know!” She hurried off towards Luna’s chambers, weaving between the book towers.
"But... but... PINK!"
***
A crème colored mare stepped onto the landing at the train station, with the help of the friendly conductor.
“Welcome to Canterlot, Miss. Wait! Do I know you from somewhere?,” He asked. His accent like any good gentlecolt from the city would.
“No, I don’t believe we have met.”
The conductor rubbed hi mutton chops for a moment. "Hmm. Well, I won't keep you waiting. Thank you for your patronage."
Bon Bon had her business saddlebags on, and headed straight for the residential district of town. Maybe Twilight was right. Perhaps new customers is all I need to make more bits. Even my regular customers in Ponyville are getting tired of my goods. Bon Bon was too distracted by her own thoughts, to notice all the wary looks the ponies at the market district were giving her.
She made her way to the first door, at what looked like a friendly enough neighborhood. After a moment the resident answered. Bon Bon took a deep breath and took off on her practiced sales pitch. “Greetings, we all need a bit of sweet relief in our lives and that is why I know you will love Bon Bon’s Bon Bons.” As she reached into her saddlebags stitched with four letter “Bs,” the resident screamed in terror and slammed the door in her face.
“Oh well, a good business mare knows not to be discouraged!” She pumped a hoof in the air and trotted onward.
After seven more houses with the same reaction, that positive sentiment was getting hard to keep. The things she heard everypony scream were also starting to bug her. It’s like salesponies were some sort of criminals around here.
“Hey you, halt!”
Bon Bon looked behind her, convinced the town guard was addressing somepony else, but all she saw was a piece of paper on the wall behind her. A piece of paper with a very familiar looking crème colored mare. The sketch did seem to catch the mar's good side.
“Oh buck.” Why the hay am I on a wanted poster? Bon Bon put a hoof to her chest. “Are you referring to me, because... I have to run, bye!” With that she took off down the nearest ally.
“I always love it when they run.” The guard shot a magical flare into the sky to call for reinforcements.
Bon Bon looked up at the flare of magic in the sky, as she sprinted away from the fuzz. Well at least this time, there is no way it’s Twilight’s fault that I’m about to be arrested.
***
To be continued...