The reader’s view casually zoomed in on a scene that wasn’t too different from the one in the show. Pukie Pie was blabbering on about nothing in particular, while Twilight Novel read a book and pretended to listen.
Suddenly, a blue streak flew by, and Pukie ran off in pursuit, much to Twilight’s relief. “Brainbow! Hey, Brainbow Bash!” she yelled.
“Not now, Pukie Pie. I’m very busy!” the pegasus groaned.
“But Brainbow-” the pink mare started to say.
“But nothing! I told you I’m-” She interrupted, but was herself interrupted by a strange event. One of the author’s old OCs from the franchise he followed before getting into ponies appeared from a random portal and landed on Brainbow’s back. He was a green bipedal robot-like thing. He was slightly shorter than an average pony and wore a strange mask for a face.
“Beep beep! I’m a race car driver!” he yelled. Looking down, he noted, “Is that the ground? Wow, this car is really tall! Vroom vroom!” Brainbow Bash plummeted to the ground under the extra weight. As she landed, another portal opened up in front of her. The strange being tumbled off the mare due to his momentum and fell into the portal, hopefully sending him back to where he came from.
Pukie Pie trotted up to the groaning pegasus, a grin splashed across her face. “I was gonna tell you to watch out for that moron!” she said with a smile. Brainbow Bash’s only response was an annoyed groan.
Friendship is Overrated
Episode 5: Gimme a Crush Pop
Brainbow Bash snoozed peacefully in her court-designated location of Apple Tree #326871. What wonderful dreams she was having… Nothing could spoil this beautiful-
“Hi, Brainbow Bash!” a voice called out from below her. Recognizing it, the pegasus flew away as fast as she could to hide from Pukie Pie. However, no matter where she hid, Brainbow could not evade the pink pony. Finally, she had the blue pegasus cornered. “What do you want?” she asked with a sigh of resignation.
“Take a look at this!” Pukie exclaimed, giving the legal mare a piece of paper.
After reading it aloud, Brainbow said, “It’s a court order stating I have to ‘have fun’ with you today. It’s legitimate…”
“I have so many things planned for today! This is gonna be so fun!” Pukie gushed.
The two ponies were positioned just outside the Town Archives. Brainbow Bash was in the air holding a storm cloud. Pukie peered inside through a window, revealing Twilight Novel’s background pony roomie and stand-in for Spike the dragon, Butterscotch Syrup (a.k.a. “Scotty”), downloading several files to her OranBerry. Humming to herself, she trotted towards the door.
Pukie gave the signal. Brainbow Bash kicked the cloud, lighting up the area with lightning and sending forth a loud explosion of thunder. Scotty gasped, accidentally tapping a button on her phone in surprise. “Oh no!” she gasped, “I just e-mailed Twilight’s entire collection of clopfics to Princess Trollestia!”
Up in Cantaloupe, the Princess answered the beep on her phone. Ah, these would be good for some nice blackmail, she thought.
Back in Pokeyville, Scotty was angrily chasing Pukie around in a circle. Brainbow kicked the cloud again, causing the background pony to drop her phone. It hit the ground with a beep, signaling another sent message. Picking it up and looking at the screen, Scotty gasped in horror. “Oh no! My program for getting back at Twilight for skimping on the rent!”
Back at the castle, Trollestia had just finished saving the clopfics when her phone beeped again. Princess Trollestia opened the file. Immediately, her phone flashed a warning: “Virus detected!”
Her phone immediately caught fire, setting off the fire sprinklers and dousing a now-irritated princess.
Leaving the background pony to her fate, the pranking duo moved on to another victim. “You were right, Pukie. I did need this,” Brainbow admitted. They arrived at the store where Rhapsidy worked.
“All right, listen up,” the white unicorn addressed the new employee at the counter. “I’m going to make a stop in the little fillies’ room. Do try to keep on task while I’m gone.” The mare behind the cash register nodded, but as soon as Rhapsidy was out of sight, she plopped down into a chair and started to snooze.
Five minutes later, Rhapsidy came out of the restroom and was greeted by a chaotic sight. All the merchandise had been removed from the shelves and was strewn about on the floor. All the clothing had been removed from the racks and was hanging from the ceiling. The new employee was sound asleep, oblivious to it all. Needless to say, she wouldn’t be coming back the next morning.
Twilight Novel levitated a book out of its place on the shelf with her magic. She opened it up and was immediately sent flying by a punch in the face with a spring-loaded boxing glove.
Apple Peel was exhausted. With her two siblings unavailable, she had to harvest all the apple trees by herself. She pulled a cartful of apples into the barn and dumped them into shipping crates. She walked outside to load some more baskets into the cart, but found they were empty. Looking around, she saw that all the apples had somehow been painstakingly tied back on to the trees she had just removed them from.
A fake turtle floated across a pond towards a sunbathing yellow pegasus mare. On the other side, two other mares were chuckling. “Who are we pranking next?” Pukie whispered.
“F**kershy,” Brainbow replied. “There’s a fire extinguisher hidden in that turtle, and we’re going to douse her with foam.”
Pukie spit out the trigger pull cord she had been holding. “No! We can’t prank F**kershy; she can’t take a joke. She’ll shove things up our butts!” the pink pony gasped.
“She will not,” the blue pegasus scoffed.
“I’ve seen her do it!” the earth pony cried softly. “Haven’t you ever wondered why Derpy’s eyes are so googly all the time?”
“…Fine; I guess it’s getting late anyway,” Brainbow conceded. “See ya tomorrow, Pukie.”
On the other side of the pond, a gray streak dove in and crashed into the fake turtle, setting it off and dousing F**kershy with white foam. “Bend over, Derpy,” she growled.
“Not again!” the gray pegasus groaned.
The next morning, Pukie Pie trotted along the path to Brainbow Bash’s flying house, a Guy Fawkes mask adorning her face. Upon arriving, she began to yell, “Brainbow Bash! Wake up! It’s time to spread anarchy through-”
Her words were interrupted when the door opened and a strange-looking creature peered out. It flew out the door and onto the ground in front of her, followed closely by Brainbow Bash. “Hey, Pukie,” Bash greeted, and then turned to her friend. “This is Pukie Pie, the pony I told you about.” She then turned back to the pink pony. “Pukie, this is Glinda. She’s a griffon, and an old colleague of mine from college.”
“What’s a griffon?” Pukie asked.
“She’s half lion, half eagle,” the pegasus replied.
Pukie tried to imagine an eagle and a lion getting “intimate” together, but she just couldn’t do it. “How does that even work?” she asked. “I mean, how could her parents even do it?”
“Very carefully,” the griffon replied.
“Since that court order’s finished, I’m going to have some meetings with Glinda,” Brainbow Bash stated as the two flew off to a cloud on the other side of town.
After getting comfortable, Glinda and Brainbow opened their briefcases and made sure their paperwork was in order. “Okay, first off, we-“ Brainbow began, but was interrupted by a pink face appearing through the cloud.
“Hi again!” Pukie exclaimed, before disappearing below the cloud. Appearing again, she asked, “Are you done yet?” She then disappeared again, only to pop up again a moment later. “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?”
Noticing the trampoline beneath them, the two magical creatures groaned, repacked their cases, and flew up to another cloud.
“Okay now that that’s out of the wa-“ Glinda began but once again, a pink face appeared nearby, this time sitting in a hot air balloon.
“Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?” “Are you done yet?”
They raced to Twilight Novel’s library and bribed her to teleport them to another planet. As they sat down again, a strange being approached them. It was a green, bug-eyed creature with four leg-like tentacles whose face somehow resembled that of a certain pink pony.
“Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?” “Era uoy enod tey?”
Twilight Novel, who had gone along to bring them back when they were done, charged her horn and sent them to another world. This world was rather cold and mountainous, at least as far as they could see.
As they once again began setting up their meeting, a strange, nearly-hairless ape-like creature strode up to them. He was wearing some sort of crude metal armor, complete with a horned helmet. He took a deep breath and…
“FUS ROH DAH!”
Their briefcases, paperwork, and supplies went flying over the horizon. The gust also messed up their hair (or feathers, in Glinda’s case). “Postpone the meeting?” Glinda asked.
“Postpone the meeting,” Brainbow Bash sighed in confirmation. Twilight Novel’s horn glowed, and the trio found themselves back in the library. Just as they reappeared, Bash’s watch started beeping. “Oh! I’ve got to meet with a client. Why don’t you take a walk around Pokeyville? See the sights,” Brainbow suggested.
“You know, I think I just might,” Glinda said.
About an hour later, Glinda strode up to a food stand. As she perused its wares, an elderly green mare walked up next to her, also trying to make a purchase. She looked up at the griffon to say hello. She had forgotten to wear her glasses, however, so all she could see of the other creature’s face was a white blur. I think we all know what we think of when we see something with a white faceless head. “It’s the Slenderpony! RUN!” the mare screamed before fleeing as fast as she could (which, admittedly, was not very fast).
“Okaaaaay…” Glinda said, unsure what to think of the mare’s behavior. She shrugged, deciding the old mare must’ve just been senile. She picked out an apple and paid for it. She walked away, munching on the fruit as she went along.
A few minutes later, she spotted a familiar yellow pegasus. “Hey, professor!” she greeted. “You still teachin’ at Clumpsdale U?”
F**kershy groaned and snapped, “Glinda, you idiot! The author didn’t want to reveal any parts of my secret past for another few chapters!”
“Oops, sorry,” the griffon said sheepishly. The yellow mare simply stomped off in a huff.
Pukie Pie, who had been spying on Glinda since she returned from that alien world, saw her dejected expression, and decided she needed some cheering up, Pukie Pie style.
Half an hour later, Glinda strode into Corn Syrup Corner to grab a pastry. With a sigh, she opened the door an-
(SPLAT!)
Peeling the patty off her face, Glinda glared at the pink pony in front of her. “What was that for?!” she demanded.
“I noticed you looked sad, so I decided to throw a huge patty to cheer you up!” Pukie answered.
“Well, I appreciate the thought, but I believe the expression is-”
(SPLAT!)
The griffon’s words were interrupted by another patty to the face. She peeled that one off, but then started to scream as an incredible pain seared her eyes.
“You like that one? I made it using lots of lemon juice!” the mare exclaimed.
Still screaming, Glinda raced out the door and out of this fanfic. Brainbow Bash, having just arrived at the shop as well, stared at her old friend retreating into the distance. “Well… that wasn’t the ending I was expecting.”
Today’s Moral: Pukie Pie is an idiot.
Up in Cantaloupe, Princess Trollestia had finally just finished drying off when she heard a familiar ringtone, indicating the latest moral had just come in. She opened up the file, and started to rea-
“Virus detected!” a message flashed on the screen, before her new phone burst into flame, setting off the fire sprinklers and once again dousing the now-very-irritated princess.