//------------------------------// // Chapter 10: Losing His/Her Mind // Story: Acceptance // by Meatabex //------------------------------// “I’m so sorry,” Fluttershy said for the fiftieth time as we crossed the bridge into Ponyville. “I couldn’t do anything...” “You don’t have to apologize,” I repeated for also the fiftieth time. “The fact is, we made it out alive, and you’re safe. And hopefully whoever else they find in the forest...” We had long left the cottage, and Highlight had volunteered to find the other group that had set out to find the other element. Meanwhile, we had escorted Fluttershy (on the road this time, with no fear of getting lost) to Ponyville, and I had decided the first order of business was to get her to Rarity as soon as possible. “But what about Canterlot?” Fluttershy squeaked, drawing my attention to her again. “What about... Princess Celestia?” Her mention of the princess reminded me. I looked at the sun again. Now, it was clear that the ponies were starting to notice it was not moving. The thatch roofing of many of the houses were beginning to scorch, and many ponies that were awake (many seemed to be sleeping, or trying to, I assumed) huddled under the protection of any shade they could find. I would do the same, if I had not been nearly frozen solid just a few moments ago. “Why aren’t you under the shadows?” A dark mare hissed at us as we walked by. “We’re still a little cold, but thank you for offering,” Fluttershy whispered back. “You’ll burn!” the mare crowed ominously. “The town is slowly burning...burning...” as we passed her by, she continued to repeat the warning to others that passed by. “Calm down, everypony!” As we entered the town square, it was evident that the mayor was attempting to rally the townspeople, with little effect. As a few gathered outside to watch the mayor, she continued stumbling along with her obviously impromptu speech. “I’m sure the princess is just fine...” “Mayor,” a mare with a puffy orange mane objected, voice scratchy, possibly from lack of water, “my carrots are literally baking outside of my house!” “We must remain orderly,” the Mayor called, “we must remain calm...” “How am I thuppothed to be calm,” a filly with large purple glasses and a prominent speech impediment asked, “if thchoolth been clothd early?” “Who cares about school Twist?” Another filly wearing a tiara, inset with diamonds, shouted. “This is the best day ever!” “Only a neeerd like you would want to stay in school, Twist,” another spiteful filly added. “Yeah!” an obnoxious misshapen green colt added, “let’s go play on the playground!” The other fillies surrounding her cheered, and quickly ran off to a nearby playground of sorts. The filly named Twist caved to peer pressure, and joined her classmates. “The fillies and colts seem to be getting the idea!” the mayor smiled, sweat dripping from her grey mane. “Still,” the mare with the orange mane continued, “we aren’t fillies anymore! We have lives!” “And so does the Princess!” the mayor had started to argue with just the concerned mare. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure everything out as it comes along...” “The mayor has always had trouble with handling the town,” Lyra said, snapping my attention back to her. “She barely even does anything during Winter Wrap up time. I’m still wondering why they still call her mayor.” “I agree,” Bonbon nodded. “After all, Twilight and her best friends pretty much run Ponyville.” “That can’t be true!” I interjected. Lyra frowned. “It kinda is.” With that, her and Bonbon began to list off the various ponies, one by one. “Rainbow Dash leads the weather patrol around these parts,” Bonbon said. “Applejack and her family grow a majority of the food in the area,” Lyra contributed. “Rarity’s Boutique is the only place to find suitable attire for formal occasions.” “Pinkie Pie caters for all sorts of parties, and also supplies a good portion of the baked goods.” “Fluttershy... wait, Fluttershy.” We all turned to Fluttershy. “Oh, right, she takes care of Ponyville’s pet and animal population!” Fluttershy blushed meekly. “Then what does Twilight do?” I asked. “Oh, she’s the ringleader,” Bonbon explained. “She does all the organizing, planning, speeches, you name it. She would be the mayor, if she wasn’t here as a student of Celestia.” “Wait, she’s a student?” The others turned to me, and looked at me like I was a newborn foal. Wait, foal? I paused my thoughts for a second. What’s with my vocabulary? I was starting to think like a pony. That couldn’t be good. “Yes, Leafwing, silly,” Bonbon laughed, but I could barely hear her over my thoughts. “She’s just here to study the ‘Magic of Friendship’ or something. At least, that’s what she tells us...” I drifted into my deep thinking. I suddenly realized, the longer I lived as a pony, the more used to it I was becoming. This could help me out of more awkward situations, but I was scared now.  Was I losing myself? I thought back to when I had... kissed Highlight... When I felt that it wasn’t right for me as a mare to have feelings for another mare...I mean, girl... was I becoming another pony... person? I shook my head, trying to remove my thoughts, but they flooded back, like I was trying to dig a pit into a sandbox with only my hooves... hands... And as I thought about Highlight, I thought about the kiss. It was almost like when I was under the poison joke... was I starting to develop feelings for two different ponies... I mean, people... ponies... “...She used to be a real introvert,” Lyra remarked. “Always carrying around those books...” I barely nodded... there was something changing in me, I knew it. I didn’t know if it was me adjusting to my new body, or... hormones... ew... but something was changing, and I knew it. I was losing my old self with each passing second. And it was affecting my ability to be normal. Then again, I hardly knew what it was to be normal. “...Either way, that’s a big reason why this town is in chaos!” “Wait, why?” I tried to join the conversation again, but everything was so confusing...my head reeled with the discovery of my ongoing internal transformation... “Because she’s not here to supervise the town!” Bonbon repeated. “Have you been listening?” Sweat dripped from my neck, and I nodded weakly. The heat from the sun... it was starting to get to me... my eyelids drooped slowly, and my tongue slid out of my mouth as I started panting. “Are you ok Leafie?” Lyra asked, concerned. “Let’s bring you to some shade, if that’s alright with you...” Fluttershy whispered, and I nodded again. My friends dragged me next to a nearby store, where an overhang shielded us from the threatening rays of sun. Sounds of quick galloping were coming from behind us, and we moved aside as a single buck charged towards the stands. He appeared to be wearing a blue overcoat with a broad hat, much like a train conductor’s. As he reached the stands, he stopped to gasp for breath, and sweat poured from his mane. “What’s going on, All Aboard?” the mayor said, relieved to have something interrupt her announcement. “Have you established communications with Canterlot yet?” “I... don’t... know...” the buck wheezed. “I think... I’m afraid whatever affected... the town... has warped the tracks to Canterlot!” “Ugh!” the mayor stomped a hoof on a wooden beam in frustration. “How could this get any worse!?” “Um...” the conductor paused, and looked up at the mare with a considerable amount of guilt. “The coal tender... has combusted into flames.” “What?!?” Murmurs of disbelief and shock arose from the crowd. “One of the trains coming in from Appleloosa was stalled on the tracks for an hour, because of the tracks, and so... we had to leave the train out in the open. By the time the fire fighting department had gotten to it, the car was half melted. I’m sorry.” “So... this means no transportation by train then...” the mayor said blankly. “You see?” the orange-maned pony screamed. “This heat is affecting everything!” “Don’t be so melodramatic...” the mayor said, as if to reassure herself more than anypony else, which did nothing to loosen the tension that was quickly rising. Even if she had meant to talk to the gathered ponies, she would not have snatched their attention as well as the crackling noise that arose from the playground. Ponies turned to see what was going on, and as screaming began, I could see why. FWWWSH! A gout of flames burst from the roof of the main play structure. “AHH!!” Ponies dashed for cover as fire scattered into the playground. The roof burned, and the foundations threatened to fall apart. My instincts kicked in, and I pumped my wing muscles to get to the playground. The fillies and colts playing in the playground were either crawling to safety, or dangerously close to burning to death. I had to save them. “Go!” I screamed, and two colts snapped out of their daze as they watched the playground burn, shaking in fright and running in the opposite direction. I took a deep breath and looked for more foals. Another group of two fillies huddled near a burning swing set. “You have to get out of here!” I urged as I approached them quickly. One of them, an orange pony with a short purple mane and miniscule wings, responded frightfully. “Our friend’s in there!” she squeaked, pointing to the main structure, which was now surrounded with flames. I pawed a hoof into the ground, and then throttled to full gallop, charging blindly into obvious danger. Reaching the structure, I arrived just in time to see another beam collapse, and I heard crying. Turning, I glimpsed the sight of a young filly, trapped in between a group of unstable pillars. Another beam landed in front of me with a smash, releasing embers into the air, and obstructing my view, although I could still hear her. I couldn’t let her burn. Taking my wings, I hovered above the beam, and dove in, hooves outstretched, eyes closed. I felt my hooves brush against soft fur, and grasped at it with all my strength, trying to pull her out of the burning structure. She wouldn’t budge, however, and as I opened my eyes, I found myself stuck, trapped in the flames with her. “We’re gonna be ok,” I reassured the filly, who could only whimper. I flapped my wings, but the flames nearly set my feathers on fire, eliciting pain, and I jumped back in fright. The flames slowly closed in, and smoke filled the air, congesting the slowly collapsing building. “Stay down!” I shouted. She complied, and we hugged the slowly conflagrating grass. The flames licked at my tail, and I tried stomping the embers out, only to be burned. Yelping, I pulled my singed hooves back. There was no way out. My hope paled as I watched the fires draw closer and closer... It became harder and harder to breathe... “At least you tried...” the filly coughed. I put a hoof next to hers, in an attempt to comfort the both of us. The heat was unbearable. Sweat dripped from my wings, and my mane was soaking wet. I thought about how it would quickly evaporate as the flames approached... It was already happening, steam rising from the ground, the fires slowly... dying? Droplets of water splashed against my muzzle, and I looked up. A raincloud had auspiciously opened up above us, releasing a torrent of rain that quickly drowned out the flames. Wood ceased to burn, and only black scorch marks remained. I took the chance, I wasn’t sure if another would come. Sopping wet, I crawled out of the wreckage, gasping for air. Couldn’t breathe. Must. Push on. Remembering the filly, I grasped her hoof with more determination, and dragged her along with me, struggling against the burnt, wet grass out of the playground. The lack of air was affecting my ability to think. It was all I could do to help myself and her out of the fire. My vision was fading, but I still looked back to make sure the filly was ok. I noticed her coat was bright white, much like Rarity’s, and she was a unicorn as well. Her mane was an alternating hue of pink and purple, curly and bouncy, a little like Pinkie, but for some reason, it still reminded me of the fashionista that had taken temporary residence with Spike. Crawling a short distance more, I looked back to see the playground. Most of it had burnt to the ground, with a few support beams still sticking out of the earth like misshapen totem poles. Rogue fires dotted the area, before the cloud moved to extinguish those flames as well... was there a pegasus on the cloud? I couldn’t tell, I could barely see anymore. “What’s your name?” I asked, losing focus. She could barely squeak out a name, and I thought I heard “Sweetie Belle” or something... “Sweetie Belle,” I said, coughing. The smell of smoke still clung to our coats, and only served to reinforce the severity of our near death encounter. My vision blurred again, and I found I was unable to breathe... “I think we made it...” I blacked out. ----- As I opened my eyes, I found that they were covered in ash. After using a hoof to wipe away the dust, I could finally see clearly. I tried to breathe in. “ACK!” Sputtering, coughing, I found it surprisingly difficult. I tried again, this time through my nose, and finally oxygen began to fill my lungs. I looked around again. The play structure had been reduced to a pile of ashes and smoke, and the surrounding area was parched, dry, and burnt. I watched as a few ponies rolled by with a stretcher. One wore a white hat and uniform, and ushered a burn victim onto the roller, and the others pushed her away. She then turned to me, and knelt beside, stethoscope around her neck. I opened my mouth to speak, but she seemed to anticipate it, and shushed me with a hoof to my muzzle. “You’re going to be ok, but I’ll need to make sure your lungs are working fine before I let you fly free again.” With that, the nurse placed the plate of the stethoscope onto my chest, and told me to breathe in and out. Which I did. “Thanks for helping out...” she scrutinized me, while hanging her tool onto her neck. “I’ve never seen you around before. What’s your name?” “Uh, Leafwing,” I stated quietly, the smell of smoke still permeating my nose. “Well, Leaf, you sure saved quite a few lives today,” she watched as the other ponies gathered with their families. “I’m glad you stuck around to help them. I’m really sorry about not getting you your medical attention on the spot, but we just couldn’t identify you.” “It’s nothing,” I murmured. “I’m just glad that cloud came by just in time...” as I remembered the cloud, I turned to see if I could find it. “Well, I’m glad you have good friends,” the nurse commented, and before I knew what she was talking about, a voice rose from behind me. “Hey!” Startled, I spun around to face the pony. It was Derpy. “Derpy! You made it!” I hugged her. I found myself genuinely glad she had made it out of the forest, and my own reaction surprised me. “Uh, duh!” She hugged back. “And I saved your flank!” “Huh?” I was now confused. “I saw the fire, and I decided to borrow a cloud, and put out the fire!” she beamed, which only mystified me even more. “I’m going to check up on the victims in the hospital,” the nurse announced, and trotted off, leaving me with my pegasus friend. “Really?” Pegasi could move clouds? “Oh yeah, I forgot,” Derpy giggled. “You didn’t used to have wings! You wouldn’t know anything about pegasi!” My strange train of thought directed me to Highlight as I heard the mention of pegasi. She had asked me to go with her before we separated; I couldn’t. I just couldn’t fly... she had been very upset, and I tried to remind her that I wasn’t always a pegasus... I found it hard to accept that I used to be different. I had now lived in this body for... what? A week? Two weeks? My own voice barely fazed me anymore, although it still surprised me in times of stress. My mane and tail felt... strangely natural now, as did my wings, and walking on four legs. I couldn’t remember how it felt to not have constant emotional surges of ups and downs... And even less believable was the fact that I hadn’t told my friends about my past... and the shadows... and what had happened. It was easier not to tell them, but the significance of the transformation was weighing me down emotionally, and mentally. Plus, it might have helped if I had told them the truth... perhaps they wouldn’t risk their lives for something that was very possibly my fault... I shuddered at the possibility that some of them didn’t make it, that she didn’t make it... As if to resolve my fears, Highlight swooped in from the air, landing deftly right next to her. I felt immediate joy in my heart, but then stowed it away, as though it was something to be ashamed of. At first I imagined that the joy was from inferring that the others were safe, but as it persisted, I realized it was because of her. Why was I suddenly feeling so happy around her? It was almost the same feelings I experienced around the Doctor, although I imagined I felt better around him. Unless I was making it all up in my head... “Hey, dudes,” she panted. “They’re safe.” “Oh, oh!” Derpy hopped up and down quickly. “We have two great fliers here! You and me, Highlight!” “So, dude?” Highlight snorted. “What’s your point?” “We could... teach Leafie how to fly!” “Heh heh, yea,” I giggled slightly. “I guess I wouldn’t know anything about pegasi, would I?” “Nope!” Derpy laughed. “That’s why I’m going to teach you everything! After we get you guys back to Twilight’s library, that is.” “Ok,” I looked around. Lyra, Bonbon, and Fluttershy were nowhere to be seen. “Did Lyra and the others make it back yet?” Derpy nodded. “I told them to go after we made sure you were ok. I think we’re the last ones. We gotta hurry!” She grabbed one of my front legs with a hoof, and we slowly made our way through the crowds that had come to listen to the Mayor’s new anti-heat plan (which, judging from Lyra’s succinct explanation for her staying in office, was probably nothing worth listening to). “Ok,” I said, “but you really have to explain what’s going on. I am so confused...” ----- “So you guys rescued Pinkie by... laughing?” Derpy demonstrated her rescuing abilities by giving a snort-giggle. “Yep! It was that easy!” She was hovering next to me, telling her anecdote with exaggerated hoof movements. “It was hardest to get Octavia to laugh, but she figured it out in the end!” She chuckled again, and put a hoof up to her muzzle to stifle any further spasms of laughter. “That’s good,” I murmured. “We went through quite a bit of trouble trying to save Fluttershy.” “Dude, tell me about it,” Highlight replied. We finally reached the library. Luckily, a few of my questions were answered on the way, so I had some idea of what had transpired in the forest. Derpy told me that as they headed towards the fort, a dark shadow was following them, casting scary impressions of figures on the trees, rocks, and everything around them (not unlike the ones experienced in Ponyville with the monster that had captured Rarity). Derpy had found some of the faces incredibly amusing, and had been cracking up by the time they had reached the fort itself. As she laughed, the faces seemed to recede, and Vinyl caught the drift, and began emulating her. By the time the monster had appeared, the others had easily brought it to its knees with a combination of giggles, chortles, and snorts. “We’re here,” Highlight said simply, and I found myself facing the treehouse again. I wasn’t sure what to expect, how the others were doing, but I forced myself to just go, and opened the door. A bubbly voice greeted me as it swung open.   “OHMYGOSH LEAFIE! YOU’RE OK!!!” I witnessed a bouncing pink pony spraying streamers and showers of harmless but colorful sparkles into the air. “They saved me! They saved me! Vinyl and Tavi and the Doctor and Derps over here! And I’m FREE!!! I’ve never felt so happy in my life!!” On cue, a small explosion and a burst of confetti launched from behind me, and I leapt into the air, startled again. “That’s... great!” I uttered, voice shaky, and discovered I had fallen to the ground in shock. “Oh, my, Pinkie,” a soft voice murmured, and Fluttershy appeared, caressing Angel in her arms, “you startled her.” “It’s fine!” Pinkie giggled, and somehow managed to wrap her arms around all four of us, and pulled us in. Inside, what seemed like a party was going on. The shades were drawn, and Vinyl Scratch was once again manning a DJ set. However, the music changed abruptly, taking a more jazzy feel, and before Vinyl could grab her, a sneaky Octavia had escaped, holding onto Scratch’s sabotaged discs and laughing out loud. Bonbon and Lyra were both sitting on a couch, relating stories to each other, and Spike was running around, frantically trying to scoop up any pets that had escaped the back room. Fluttershy gasped. “Oh, my,” Fluttershy whispered. “Spike, let me handle them... I mean, if you want me to.” “Please do,” Spike managed to say. With that, she disappeared to help the dragon. “Isn’t this awesome?!?” Pinkie shrieked. “I can’t believe I went three whole days without partying! You know what I also can’t believe? That like two hours ago I was a big mean meany pants! I mean, I was all like ‘no laughing,’ and then all of them laughed, and then I was like ‘stop laughing or I’ll be a meany pants’ and then they kept laughing and then then I started laughing too and then all those dark and scary things went BOOM!” “I’m going to talk to the Doctor now,” Derpy announced, and left Highlight and me to Pinkie’s wrath. “Dude, I’m going to... uh...” Highlight was almost stammering. “I’ll just leave you two.” Okay. So just me. I walked over to a punch bowl, lips parched, and all the while, Pinkie continued to relate the story to me. “I mean, really though, I have a schedule when it comes to parties, and it’s my obligation to make sure I meet these schedules! Gosh, I’m already thinking about all the parties I missed! Including yours!” Pinkie gasped, and then her word per second ratio multiplied. “Ohmygosh! I completely forgot to throw a party for you! I’ll totally make that the top of my list as soon as we rescue everypony else that’s missing! Like Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Twilight! Actually I’m already thinking of planning parties when we rescue them too! I think that I’ll schedule it right now!” With that, she trotted away, with the biggest smile on her face. With a relieving sigh, I took a deep sip from the cup I had poured a gratuitous amount of punch into. After consuming about half of the punch bowl, I found myself wandering aimlessly through the party, I was even more bewildered than before. It was as though everypony had stopped worrying to party. I reminded myself that the town had gone through various crises before, but I didn’t know they would become this used to it. Then I remembered that Pinkie was the element of Laughter. It was very possible that Pinkie was releasing the stress of the last few days through her handiwork. I had no idea if that theory was plausible or not, but it seemed more reasonable than ponies simply dropping everything they were doing to dance and blast loud music. Not that I could understand any reasoning in this crazy technicolor world. Was I too becoming accustomed to near death experiences? I found that after the fire, I had quickly returned to my old self (at least, me before jumping into the burning playground). Perhaps it was true, since I had nearly been killed several times now. I decided to stop wondering as I reached Doctor Whooves. The doctor was busy in a deep discussion with Derpy about the power of longitudinal sound waves concentrated at decibels of the thousands. I had no idea what he was talking about, but it clearly had something to do with the device he was holding. “-and I think that with the right amount of magic coursing through... oh, hello there, Leafwing!” “Hey,” I stammered, once again feeling the pressures of social situations. “I’m glad that you’re ok.” “As to you!” the doctor replied. “I think that the forest was... quite a bit of a laugh, don’t you think, Derpy?” “Oh, yes!” Derpy giggled, almost flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t as though I hadn’t noticed her and the doctor hanging out more often. Not that it mattered though. The doctor liked me too. He had kissed me. And some silly derp-eyed pegasus wasn’t about to steal him from me! Once again I caught myself. Of course they would be hanging out, she was his assistant! My thoughts had turned from innocent to malicious in only a few seconds. Even regarding them being together caused me to think about our relationship. Why was I doing that? Since when had I ever concerned myself with being with a special somepony... I mean, somebody? Oh, right. Since I became a mare. “Are you ok, Leaf?” I heard the Doctor say, and I snapped back to attention. “Oh, yeah!” I said, giggling nervously. My goddess. I seemed to giggle so much more when I was nervous. It was becoming almost predictable. Wait a minute. I caught myself again. Did I seriously think goddess? Why would I... Oh... right... Celestia was a... goddess... This was worse than I had expected. “You keep snapping out into... trances or something,” Derpy said, and I shook my head, trying to toss some thoughts away, although I was not so sure if I was losing my pony or human ones anymore. “Uh, I’m just thinking about things...” I whispered. “It’s been a long day.” The unintentional pun drove Derpy and the Doctor to tears. “That’s a good one, Leafie!” Derpy cried out in laughter. I stared shyly to the floor as the doctor looked up at me, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. There was no way I could stay in his glance. I had to leave before I really starting messing up the conversation. “Which reminds me,” I said suddenly, “I have to talk to Lyra and... Bonbon.” “How does that remind you of Lyra?” Derpy asked. “Um, inside joke.” I sighed in relief once more as Derpy and the doctor nodded, and returned to their conversation, chuckling to themselves slightly. I slowly trotted away, berating myself. “What the hay were you thinking, Leafwing?” I cursed, and then covered my mouth. The hay? I mean, heck... hay... Ugh... I’d deal with the lingo later. My thoughts returned to my abrupt end of the conversation. I wasn’t getting any better at talking to the doctor. My composure melted whenever I was near him. In fact, I could go as far as to say that before my crippling mental changes, I was better at talking to him. Now, instead of seeing a colt, I saw a stallion, heroic and brave... The exact image of his ocean-like eyes caused me to stop and stare. There was no way I could breathe around him for prolonged amounts of time. His very presence reduced me to the verbal ability of a blubbering foal. Perhaps it was the eye that made me like Highlight. As much as I hated to admit it, she was kinda cute, and her flank... No, Leafwing, I thought. You’re not a fillyfooler. I paused. What kind of word had my subconscious thrown at me now? What was a fillyfooler, anyway? I shook my head. The point was, it wasn’t right to like girls. I was a mare, for crying out loud, and I was supposed... it was my dream to be with doctor Whooves. To caress his long brown hair, pull his shoulder close with my forehooves, and start kissing him, deeply... Wait, what was I thinking? I’m not a girl! At least, I wasn’t a girl before... If anything, I was supposed to like Highlight... and it was possible I did... But... Even as I asserted that to myself, I found it difficult to believe. Would it be that bad to like Doctor Whooves? As Mark... I was open minded... and yet, I had never kissed another person before. Why not... The question resonated in my head for a few seconds, and I put my hooves on my temples, and groaned. “Hey Leafie!” In my daydreams, I had unconsciously walked onto the stage. Lyra was already there, so I guessed I did end up finding her. “Yeah, Lyra?” I asked, pulling myself out of thoughts of fillyfoolers and doctors. I found a microphone being levitated to me. Lyra wanted to do a musical piece, didn’t she? “I know just the song,” she grinned. “you just have to follow.” I looked down at the stage. Bonbon, the Doctor, Derpy, Rarity, Spike and Fluttershy (who had finally chased the rest of the animals into the vacant room) sat waiting patiently for the music to start. I felt a spotlight on me, and realized it was not figurative. It was as if the room had darkened, and the only light spots were focused on the ponies on the stage. As I looked back, I noticed Vinyl Scratch had joined us onstage with a guitar, as well as Pinkie Pie, who was banging experimentally on a drum set. Octavia set up her bass cello, tuned the massive instrument, then stood ready. “Dudes,” Highlight said calmly, walking up the stage. “I want in on this too.” “Can you sing?” Lyra questioned, and Highlight gave a quick snort. “I might sound dull, but I can play the drums like a boss, dude.” “Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie bounced off of the drum set, and snatched up a trumpet instead. Lyra cleared her throat. “Guys, ready?” Vinyl and Octavia nodded. Highlight started a warm up beat with her drums, and then finished. “Wait, you!” Pinkie pointed at me. “Take these!” Before I knew what was going on, a tambourine had been shoved into my hooves. I blushed. “Now we’re ready!” She beamed.  Lyra snatched her harp out of nowhere, and began to sing: “We've only just begun,” Lyra sang, “to live. White lace and promises A kiss for luck and we're on our way.” As if imbued with the words of the song, I joined in, harmonizing with the cyan pony that had already begun tugging at all of the audiences’ heartstrings. “We've only begun.” Highlight looked me in the eyes, and I returned the look. It was a compassionate look, despite what her face read. As I read her feelings, I realized she imagined I was singing to her. Inside, I made a slight takeback. I shouldn’t have looked at her like that. Now I was giving everypony the wrong idea. I didn’t like her... Or did I? My own thoughts were muddled, and it was all I could do to follow the song. Lyra was on her own again. “Before the risin' sun, we fly,” on cue, Highlight and I spread our wings out, to match the tone of the song, and then began to sing along again. “So many roads to choose We'll start out walkin' and learn to trot And yes, we've just begun.” Highlight began to hold the beat as Vinyl and Octavia joined in. Somehow Pinkie was managing to play a brass instrument while simultaneously playing various percussion instruments, which was impressive, if not insane. “Sharing horizons that are new to us Watching the signs along the way Talkin' it over, just the two of us,” now I was absolutely sure that Highlight liked me. It was making me uncomfortable, and I tried not to think about it. Instead, I listened to her beat. It was perfect. The consistency kept me in focus as the next verse began. “Workin' together day to day, together,” Lyra was obviously serenading Bonbon, and Vinyl Scratch and Octavia were so entranced I could see a physical connection between the two. I had no idea who Pinkie was singing to, although I could only guess it was of the friendly relationship she had with the others. And Highlight thought I was singing to her. I could see her eye glancing up to me, then darting away, then slowly looking again. It made me feel disconcerted, partly from knowing another pony was... thinking about me... and that I had to plan accordingly to make sure I didn’t hurt her. But it still barely shifted my thoughts from the burning question in my head: who was I singing to? “And when the evening comes, we smile So much of life ahead We'll find a place where there's room to grow And yes, we've just begun,” The drumming ramped up again, as well as her brass instrument, and I finally decided. I was singing to Doctor Whooves. With a special somepony... somebody in mind, I began to sing with more emotion, more passion. “Sharing horizons that are new to us Watching the signs along the way Talkin' it over, just the two of us Workin' together day to day, together, together,” as we paused, the doctor noticed my eyes catching his, and I felt a tremor of emotion from him... I didn’t know what though...That was the biggest problem... I couldn’t read his feelings, especially when I began to feel rather woozy. I theorized that it might have something to do with the fact that my infatuation with him was disrupting my ability to penetrate the barrier surrounding his facets of emotion, and... screw it. I stopped thinking and continued singing. “And when the evening comes, we smile So much of life ahead We'll find a place where there's room to grow And yes, we've just begun.” ----- “Young love,” Fluttershy sighed. “It’s so beautiful.” Her words echoed my sentiments exactly. I watched Lyra and Bonbon as they sat on the couch, talking about relatively normal things, despite what events had occurred in the last three days. “They’re so... connected,” I murmured. I thought about the Doctor again... he was amazing... and we shared a bond, despite the fact that I couldn’t read his feelings... it was still there... We were just like them... I began to daydream about him... I found myself in a tropical paradise, lying under the shade of a bright umbrella on a warm, fuzzy towel. My mane was dripping wet, which only accentuated my deep lust for the stallion sitting beside me, with a smile that could melt ice... “Yes,” Fluttershy agreed. “I think that the Doctor really has a good influence on Derpy, don’t you think?” Her words cut my fantasy short. “WHAT?” I said, a little too loud. She shrunk back, fear in her eyes, and I immediately felt ashamed as I apologized. “Sorry,” I ducked my head. “he’s just... really... nice.” “He is... quite a charmer,” Fluttershy stated, slowly building her confidence back up. “It’s wonderful,” I murmured. “He’s so handsome...” I slowly returned to my dream, and we  were on the beach, and his... plot- “Oh, so he’s your special somepony?” Fluttershy asked quietly. “Uh, yeah?” I replied, slightly annoyed that she had to interrupt my pleasant daydreams. “So what?” “Well...” Fluttershy seemed to shy away as she approached an obviously broaching topic, “Um... well... I don’t mean to offend you... but...” I sighed. Fluttershy was more bashful than I had expected. “You can say it, Fluttershy,” I encouraged. “I don’t know...” she flapped her wings tentatively, and backed away a bit. I pushed. “Tell me, please! I promise I won’t get mad.” “...You sure?” I nodded. She swallowed a gulp, and soon I regretted my pleas of curiosity. “I’m seeing something between him and... Derpy...” “What?” I huffed in annoyance, shocked by her seemingly unacceptable observation. There was no connection between them! “She’s... She... he... they... no!” “Um, what?” Fluttershy whispered. “She’s... He’s... He’s mine!” I growled slightly. I glanced over to him, and realized he had returned to talking to Derpy. They were just good friends, that’s all, I thought. There’s no way they could possibly be together... “I... he... he can’t just do that!” I sputtered in indignation. “He... he... he wouldn’t do that.” Even as I spoke, I noticed him laughing as Derpy knocked a cup of punch over his coat. “Why not?” Fluttershy asked. “I mean, they’re lovely together. At least, in my opinion...” “THEY’RE OPPOSITE OF EACH OTHER!!” I nearly screamed.  Looking around, I saw eyes closing in on me, and I lowered my head, as to not arouse any more attention. “Well...um...” Fluttershy smiled half-heartedly, not knowing what to say to me, “you know what they say... Opposites attract...” She was right about their... clashing personalities. Derpy and Doctor Whooves were like fire and ice. She had a bubbly, disorganized demeanor, and he had a managed, mild manner. Of course. But still... “That doesn’t make sense,” I mumbled. “Shouldn’t two ponies that are similar attract each other?” “Of course... well... at first,” Fluttershy looked right into my eyes, and I could see she was being as honest as she could without hurting my feelings. “But I know animals are always looking for change... I don’t see why mares and stallions are any different... if you know what I mean.” My eyes narrowed in resentment. “Are you saying Dr. Whooves is... cheating on me?” I growled. “Not... necessarily speaking...” Fluttershy was now scared. And she was right to. I was pissed! “Look... um... Leafwing... I’m really really sorry...” “You will be...” I said through clenched teeth. “...but I don’t see you and him being together... if you don’t mind me saying.” I stopped myself short before I could tackle Fluttershy to the floor. It wasn’t her fault. I had no reason to be angry with her. I returned to my secluded thoughts. No, it was me. I had to step up my game. The only way I was going to get the stallion was to make him want me. I put a hoof to my chin, deep in thought now. And I had to do it without arousing the suspicion of my competition. I quickly glanced over to Derpy Hooves, who had begun racing around the room searching for paper to wipe off the doctor’s coat. I need to turn it up a notch. As a worried Fluttershy watched on, I stormed off to a bathroom, and shut the door. ----- What was I looking at? Rather, who was that cute, attractive mare in the reflection? I gawked at the mirror. A light green colored mare with a long, almost braided mane, and a slightly twisted, yet graceful tail. The mane gave me pause, as she had alternating light blue and cyan colors. I had glimpsed my mane before, when it had gotten in my face a few times, but never had I seen myself... like that. She had slight freckles behind her eyes, which had wide pinkish-purple radiating hues for irises, enhanced with elongated eyelashes that screamed adorableness. She turned her head from side to side, and flicked her tail experimentally. She then remembered why she was in the bathroom in the first place, and put on an almost sultry pose, lowering her eyelids and shifting her flank (displaying her cutie mark, a green leaf) in an almost revealing position, and then giggled slightly, before covering her mouth with a hoof. Did I just... do that? The pony in the mirror cringed, and looked down shamefully. What’s happening to me? Why can’t I... think... straight... this isn’t right... What’s happening? I was battling myself. That was what was happening. Another side of me that I had never known was trying to take over, and I was afraid of what she would do. Actually, she wasn’t as much another side as she was... as though she were mixing, blending, leaking into me like a poison... I was losing more of myself, and being replaced by somepony else... I mean... someone else... somepony... I giggled again, and this time I didn’t stop myself. What was worrying me so much? The fact that I had giggled? I did that all the time! No I don’t! I tried to scream, but it was too late. I was forced into a corner of my mind as the mare reared in front to take control. With my silly worries dispelled, I stared back into the mirror. It was quite possibly the first time I had ever seen myself since the first day of my transformation... It felt really odd... but almost right... I was cute. If it weren’t me, I would be very attracted to the beautiful mare in front of me... What was I thinking again? she thought. I’m not a filly fooler. I’m not a filly fooler... And yet, I had stared at Highlight’s luscious flanks before... no... that was a mistake... I was clearly still after the doctor... I forced myself to think straight. Leafwing, you’re a mare, and you’re gonna get that stallion of your dreams. With my sexuality oriented, I faced the mirror again with more determination. Everything had to be right. It had to be... perfect... I found my mare side taking over the rest of my body. She found herself to be inadequate for the task ahead. Her hooves entered her mane, and pushed her mane this way and that, trying to make it as presentable as possible. Her ears flopped a little as she looked upon her final adjustments with chagrin. “Leafwing, dear, this simply won’t do,” I muttered to myself. And with that, my hooves got to work, and soon I lost myself in my pruning. ----- “Wow, Leafie!” Lyra gasped in awe as I trotted towards her and her marefriend. “You look... a lot different when you fix your mane!” “Hehe, thanks,” I giggled back. “I can’t believe I went a whole week without any cleaning!” “You seem... different,” Bonbon observed. “Well, I have been fixing my hair,” I laughed. “No, it’s not that...” Bonbon turned her head, and eyed me from the side. “You’re a lot more... giggly?” “Yeah,” Lyra contributed, “and you’re much less on edge!” “That’s a good thing, right?” I chuckled to myself as the words slipped out. Of course it was a good thing! My... other side had really made things difficult, hadn’t he? No, I’m the one that kept you alive for as long as you did! I laughed again, and forced him back into his corner. He was right about him saving my flank for the past week, but now it was Leafwing’s time to shine, and I wasn’t about to let a silly immature colt spoil my dreams. Leafwing, stop! You’re going to get yourself hurt! I mentally (as if there was any other way I could) cringed as I remembered that only ten minutes ago I had referred to myself with that name. “Well...” Bonbon still seemed worried. Why was she so worried? “I... just... it’s... different...” “Well, I definitely feel different!” I felt another giggle escape my lips. “...ok then...” Bonbon smiled finally. I smiled back. “I’m deciding to make my move today,” I winked, and Bonbon gaped. Lyra’s eyes lit up. “Go for it!” she cheered, and I beamed. I trotted confidently towards Dr. Whooves. I finally had a game plan, and it was foalproof. ----- I could only watch as Leafwing flirtatiously entered a conversation that was again, between the doctor and Derpy. As I watched on, I found myself in a precarious position. I felt parts of me drift back into my body, but Leafwing was... interestingly enough, just a tad less awkward than I was at talking to him... so I let her stay in place... Even worse was the feeling that... I truly did like him. He was rather handsome... Minutes ago I had tried to resist her, but in reality, I think it wasn’t me that was resisting any more. I was honestly enjoying being a mare... Then what was I resisting? As my human mind tossed and turned in his own flailing thoughts, I was busy conversing with Doctor Whooves. Now, if I could only lead him out of the house... I really was Leafwing, wasn’t I. I had tried to resist my own urges, in fear of embarrassment, and instead created a temporary alter ego... a sort of autopilot, mixed in with the strange subconscious voice in my head... So really, it was another half of me that had already been there... one that I had separated from myself... “Hey, doctor,” I grabbed his hoof, and made the best puppy face as I could. “I really need to talk to you about... something...” Oh goddess. I can make a puppy face? As we trotted outside, I felt a slight breeze tickle my fur coat. Whatever my other side was thinking, he seemed ready to join with me again. But that would have to wait. I was almost there with him. I would reclaim my body, but it would have to wait, I could feel she was ready to make a move on him... “So,” I lowered my head, and stared at the dirt in front of his hooves. “I was just wondering... after all this is over...” “Yes?” he asked. Wow, he really was a cutie... Yes he is, now shut up! I have to talk to him. “I was just wondering...” I slowly looked up into his bright blue eyes. “Can you... me... we...” “Yes?” I felt extremely nervous. I was suddenly glad I had temporarily split myself. My mare side was much more confident, and yet, an amazing actress. Don’t doubt my abilities, silly voice. I knew it was the time to act. I lurched forward, and kissed him passionately. He looked surprised for a second, and then relaxed into the kiss. I felt undeniable pleasure as Leafwing’s... my lips... locked with his... I knew that Leafwing was me, and I was her... and I loved him. I drifted into control of my body, and together, we kissed him. “I want you,” I moaned. “Will you be my stallion?” I began to hug him, leaning on him. I felt vibrations through his coat as he cleared his throat. “Um, Leafie?” he said. The sound of soft thunder slowly rolled overhead. “Yes?” I looked up at him again. “I think...” he cleared his throat again, “I need time...” “Oh!” I immediately realized the circumstances of the situation, and got off of him. “I’m... different, Doctor. I’m not under anything anymore! No poison joke, nothing! It’s just you and me...” “I know...” he muttered, taking a step back. “I just... I don’t want to hurt you...” “What do you mean?” I was starting to be confused. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you either!” “I just... I need some alone time, ok?” the doctor responded gruffly, and galloped away, leaving a sullen Leafwing alone. A dark cloud slowly cast droplets of rain overhead as I stared at where his hooves once were. ------ I sat outside, placid. The downpour was chilling me to the bone, and yet, I couldn’t feel anything. I could hear the downpour of the rain, and my coat rippled as the rain and wind picked up, but my heart was frozen solid. I felt emotions surging through me. I could no longer control myself. And slowly, slowly, I choked in lament. I was crying, sobbing in agony. I couldn’t hold any feelings back, and tears flowed freely from my eyes as I dropped, belly first, onto the ground. The rain had made the floor muddy, and the mush splattered into my mane and coat. Not that I cared. My tears connected with the slowly forming puddle from the rain clouds that had gathered overhead. My stomach spasmed in coughs, choked cries, and gasps as I tried to breathe. What had I done wrong? Why had I done this? Why had I even... tried? “NNNnnnnn!!!” I screamed in fury, or tried to, but all that came out was a squeak, and more tears as I shook uncontrollably under the cold of the storm. Lightning struck. My eyes cleared slightly, and I opened my eyes to see a reflection of me. A downcast, messy maned mare stared back with bitter and morbid eyes. The more I thought about it, the more I realized, it was my fault. Who would pick this miserable, embarrassing, annoying mare over anypony else? Why would anypony want me as a friend, let alone a love interest? Did I ever stand a chance? “Hhmhmmnnnnnn!” I moaned, and my tears returned. Why do I even bother? I’m not worth anything. I’m a useless piece of hay. I have nothing. I am nothing. More thunder crackled overhead, but I did nothing to leave the rain. Let it rain. I hated myself. “Leafwing?” No. No one cares about you, Leaf. Don’t listen. “LEAFWING!” A pair of hooves grabbed me, and flung me off of my mud-strewn belly, flipping me over. More mud splashed out from under me. I refused to identify the pony responsible, keeping my head low and hunched over. “Are you ok? What’s going on?” “Leave me alone.” My own spiteful voice surprised me, but only for a second. “Dude, this is important.” Another voice said. “Go away.” “Rarity’s sister’s been hospitalized.” That temporarily shook me from my glum stupor. “What?” I asked suddenly, looking up. ----- “I...I...I... sh-sh-should have n-never l-left her!” Rarity sobbed, as Spike patted her on the back. “It’s ok,” Spike comforted. “She’ll be ok! Sweetie Belle never gives up. What would the Cutie Mark Crusaders do without her?” We were looking through a glass window. The filly I had rescued from the burning building, the one with the white coat and pink-purple mane, was hooked up to a set of machines. One displayed her heart rate, and the others ran various tubes back and forth, and into her. Another one had a pump that was steadily rising and dropping, pumping air into her lungs. I looked around. Octavia’s hoof was still clinging to her mouth, and Vinyl was holding her shoulder. Lyra and Bonbon were situated at a nearby bench, both holding back tears. Pinkie Pie was comforting Fluttershy, who had started weeping in the corner of the hospital. The Doctor and Derpy (my heart fluttered, and then seared in pain as I saw them together) simply watched through the window. His eyes caught mine for a second, and then glanced away hurriedly. I turned my head away from them. He didn’t need to feel guilty about me. I was fine alone. I went to the corner of the room, and sat down with a sigh. The pain hadn’t gone away, and my eyes were still caked in dried tears. “Dude,” I tried to move away, but Highlight sat down right beside me, so that the other side was facing a wall, and the only way I could get away was to stand up. Which I didn’t, because I was too somber to care. “Go away, Highlight. I don’t need you.” “Dude, I know you’re hurt.” Even though I could hear no emotion in her voice I could feel it coming off of her in caring and worried waves. “I don’t care. I deserve it.” She took that like an insult. “No you don’t.” “Yes I do!” “No, you don’t, dude.” “What do you know?” My blazing gaze entered her right eye. “I’m nothing.” “You saved her life, dude.” I could feel the hurt and sorrow coming from her, not on her behalf but because she cared for me... or did she? “So what?” I shrugged off the caring remarks, and tried to focus on sulking. “No one cares about me. Why should I care about myself?” “Because I d-” Highlight stopped herself, but I had already heard the words, and I knew for a fact from my stupid sixth sense that she meant it. She brushed her mane back, and continued to speak. “Look, dude, if you hadn’t been there Sweetie Belle would be dead. At least give yourself that.” “Maybe I’ve helped a few people, but I’ve hurt a lot more!” I snapped, glaring through wet eyes up at the mare. “Leaf...” But she couldn’t seem to think of anything to say. She laid a hoof on my shoulder instead, trying to calm me. I shook it off angrily. “Just go away.” “No.” She said blankly, waves of determination coming from her, and, perhaps sensing that comforting wouldn’t work, she pushed me against the wall with her hooves. “Hey- what are you doing-” “You think you have it tough, dude?” I felt a sudden change in tone, which sounded almost angry. “You think you’ve been through a lot? You think you’ve ruined your whole life? Don’t even start talking like that, dude.” Her eye returned my previous glare, and I shied back. I tried to struggle out, but she held me to the wall with a strength that surprised me. “Dude! Hear me out for just one minute!” she almost yelled, and I stopped squirming. “I’ve seen terrible, terrible things. I’ve done horrible things, and have had horrible things done to me. You think this... drama is bad, dude? I have things that scar me to this day. Memories that I hate, and ones that my body’s suppressed because they’re too painful for me to remember. Sometimes, I still wake up alive and well, wondering why I do, because I certainly don’t deserve it.” As she spoke, her gaze wandered, and I knew she was thinking of those things. Shaking her head, she continued. “And then... you came around...” Highlight’s voice softened. “Meeting you made me different. My whole life, I’ve been searching for meaning. And now I know, dude. You’re special.” I stared into her eye. “I’m nothing special, Highlight. You’re just saying that.” She laughed. Of course, it did not sound jubilant, and the feelings I was picking up from her matched pretty closely. “Dude, you are though. Ever since you showed up, things have started acting up in Ponyville. The mysterious letter from Canterlot, the town under attack by a shadow, and even the attack in Fluttershy’s cabin. It was as though you triggered something, dude.” Before I could protest, she hushed me with a hoof. “Just let me finish.” I stopped trying to lower my jaw, and instead lowered my head, to stare at the ground. “I know it’s probably not your fault, dude. But you’re here for a reason. I don’t think the monster in Ponyville could’ve been stopped without you. And you needed to be there for the fire of friendship in the cottage. And, dude, I have a feeling we need to be there for each other in order to help the rest of the elements find their way home. “If you won’t be here for yourself, be here for me.” I looked up at her, my eyes matching her eye. I knew she was right. I had to be there, for her, for my friends, for Ponyville. If I didn’t care for myself, at least I would care for others. I opened my jaw to speak- “Sweetie Belle!” The door next to me smashed open, and two fillies scrambled through, racing to the window in panic. I recognized them as the two cowering foals that I had passed that had pointed out their trapped friend. “We got here as soon as we could, and-” The fillies pushed their way through the ponies gathered in front of the viewing area. One of them, a filly with a sunny yellow coat and rose red mane, was wearing a large pink bow, which bounced on her head as she tried to get a better view. “Oh no!” she gasped as she spotted her friend through the window. “Is she going to be ok?!” asked the orange filly rushing to the nurse. The staff on duty, a pale white mare with pink hair, shushed them before continuing. “She’s... gone through quite a bit of trauma... and her lungs have taken a hit...” “What does that mean?” the filly with the bow said. I could hear a definite southern accent in her voice, and it reminded me of somepony else... but who...? “It means... she can’t breathe!” the orange filly whimpered. “That’s why all of those gizmos are hooked up to her!” “Oh no!” the bow filly put both her hoofs up to her mouth. “That’s terrible!” “And if she can’t breathe...” the orange filly stood with fear in her face, “she can’t SING!” “Does that mean she ain’t never gunna sing uh’gain?” The bow-filly asked, tears in her dark orange eyes. “She’ll recover... hopefully to the point where, yes, she can sing again,” the nurse replied, becoming irritated at the quick fire questions of the fillies. “Well how do you know?” the orange filly began leaning on the wall, in a sort of detective style interrogation pose. “You could be trying to sabotage her voice!” “What... what are you talking about?” The nurse was now confused. As was I. “Well, Scootaloo does have uh point, ah guess,” the bow filly said. “It does seem like uhn awful lot of machinery fer just one filly, right?” It was now nearly impossible to follow the discussion. “She’ll be fine...” the nurse growled. “Now you fillies have to leave.” “Ok...gosh...ma’am... Apple Bloom, let’s go.” “But, Scoot! What ah’bout Sweetie Belle?” “Leave.” The nurse’s voice was now stern. “Ok... let’s go...” They were halfway to the door when my mind clicked. “Apple Bloom!” I cried out. She turned. “Ya- wait, how’d you know mah name?” “Is your sister Applejack?” I asked, impatient. “Duh... why’d you ask, ma’am?” I cringed slightly. I had never been referred to as ma’am before... it felt strange, but natural too... I shook my head. Back to Applejack. She was Applejack’s sister... “Um, have you seen her at all?” I asked. “Wait... you don’t know?” she cocked her head to the side. “Don’t know what?” I asked, feeling more unsettled than usual. “Scoot, we should show her...” her eyes looked up into mine, and I glimpsed into the face of despair.