//------------------------------//
// Whiskey Rose Pt. 1 
// Story: Fallout: Equestria - Lovely New Pegasus 
// by No one is home 
//------------------------------//

“Welcome to Fort Friendship Logitics Center, state your business!”  The yellow belly guard pony snaps to attention.  

I’m not even gonna be judgmental.  That is an odd coloration.  The rest of him is bright orange, except his mane and tail, those are neon pink.  I’m gonna call him Private Fire Newt.  The unicorn guard glares at me with honestly unnecessary antagonism.  “How did you know my name?!?!”

“That unicorn read my mind!”  I scream my completely justified accusation.

“I wish I had mind reading magic!  How did you know my name, SPY?!?!”  Luna’s skinny plot, that is actually his name.

“Ya see, we’re with the Marejave Express, and we have message to deliver to your base commander.”  And this is why Jackie deserves a number.  I woulda just dropped the message off with Yellow Belly.

“Does he even know that he’s talking out loud?”  Yellow Belly just squints like he’s constipated.

“Saddly, the answer is ‘yes’, sugarcube.”  And this is why you’re not the element of loyalty Jackie.  “Yes, he does.”

“Yeah we picked up a message from Legate What’s His Face… In Neighton.  For your base commander.”  I do know how my job works!  I’m number Six.  I wasn’t in on the accord with the first courier, Ditzy Doo.  Back when New Canterlot was a twinkle in Gawdina’s eye.  I know I’m not one of the first five, but I know my damn job!

“Wait?  The Legion has taken Neighton?!?!”  Fire Newt is not taking this well.  “The brass swore they didn’t have hoofhold south of the river!  We’re all doomed!”

“Huh, he really was a Yellow Belly Fire Newt.”  I share a triumphant bump of hoof the grasper with Jackie.  Sweets starts snickering, and it’s contagious, Jackie done made a funny.  “Okay, y’all, it weren’t that funny.”

Sweets is rolling on her back laughing… on my back… which just makes it funnier.  The fort itself isn’t really so much a fort as it is a heavily fenced in caravan stop.We make our way to the NCR administrative building, which is totally not a repurposed pre-war hay-burger.

“Seriously, y’all.”  Jackie flashes one of her flattest of faces across her screen, which just makes me laugh harder.  “The soldiers are staring and we’re delivering terrible news… about the massacre we just witnessed?”

Jackie brought the laughter, it is only just that she’s the one to kill it.  Thanks to Sweets, my mirth cuts off exactly like she threw a switch in my brain.  I feel like I should be more concerned about that than I am.

I’m noticing a lot of whispering.  Not friendly gossip type whispering.  And a soldier with slightly more stuff on his shirt and the most most mustache I’ve event seen on a pony bursts out of Not-a-Hayburger.  “Where’s this Legion Courier?!?!”

“Marejave Express Courier.  New Roam couriers have a totally different Union.”  I helpfully point out.

“If you carrier packages for the legion, then you’re with the legion.”  This brown son of a mule has maybe the most ridiculous mustache I have ever seen.  It is both kinds of handlebar mustache at the same time.  I am honestly entranced.  

Luckily Jackie is running cover for me.  “Sir, the Marejave express delivers packages for all residents of the Marejave.  We have deviated from our normal route to deliver relevant intelligence to your doorstep.  Ah would think you could be a bit more appreciative.”

“I guess your robot has a point.”  Handlebars admits in a huff.  “Actually which one of you is in charge?”

“I’m the sixth courier to sign the Equestrian Courier’s Union contract.”  Maybe I puff out my chest a bit.  It’s something worth taking pride in.

“I operate 21.6% of his brain!”  Sweets gleefully proclaims.

“So… the big robot?”  Major Mustache quirks an eyebrow.  “My name is Captain Barding, by the way.  And we need to step inside before we discuss any more sensitive information.”

“Yellow Belly was not my fault.”  I feel old when I say that.  “I am not the one who ran around screaming hysterically this time.”

“Success is measured in the lack casualties!”  Okay, I can’t tell if Sweets is supporting me, or talking smack.

“Yeah… We should prolly settle up inside…” Jackie’s face screen looks more nervous than I expected.

“Yes!” Sweets proclaims.  I don’t know where she got the glitter that almost just got us all shot…