//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: Many Anxieties // Story: Partial // by Halira //------------------------------// The campus grounds were less crowded in the afternoon. There were still pockets of people about, but they were mainly students and professors with clear goals on where they were going, not people standing around socializing. As such, most people didn't give Jessica and Adam much more than a passing glance. They may not have even noticed her ears or the tip of her tail sticking out from under her skirt. The administrative building was three stories tall. Half of the first floor was the bookstore. The remainder of the floor contained a post office, admissions, the maintenance office, and the infirmary. The second floor had more offices, including the register, student affairs and recreation, public relations, the accounting office, the grant office, and a few others she was unsure of. The top floor had two board rooms, the Provost's office, the President's office, and the faculty bar. The entire building was one big rectangular block with nothing but glass windows for the top two floors that gave off enough glare around noon that any night pony in the area likely couldn't look in the building's general direction. Birds tended to flock to the top of the building, and on any day of the week, you could see at least a dozen crows staring down at you if you could stand the building's glare. Pegasi never went on top of the building; the birds were too territorial, and no pony wanted to visit the infirmary because they got mauled by a flock of angry birds.  The first floor of the building was moderately busy. Students frequented the giant bookstore, which not only sold textbooks and supplies but also had a small grocery sectional similar to what you might find at a convenience store. Today, it was busy with students selling back unneeded textbooks at three-quarters of the ludicrous price they originally bought them for. The bookstore never gave full refunds on unnecessary textbooks. After ten days into the semester, they only repurchased the books at a fifth of the original price minus sales tax, so there was some urgency for students to sell back the unneeded and overpriced books to recover as much money as they could before the books lost the majority of their resale value. The post office and mailboxes also had several students milling about, some mailing packages and some receiving packages.  Luckily, Jessica didn't have to be seen by everyone on the first floor. The elevator was only a few steps away from the building entrance, and she and Adam were aboard it within a minute of entering the building, bypassing the untold mobs of the second floor and arriving quickly to the third floor.  They stepped off the elevator. The third floor seemed to be deserted. There were a few interconnected halls; each wall had wood paneling and false candle sconces. On and off along the hall walls were paintings–mountains, rivers, plains, and lots of ducks. Why did people and businesses with lots of money always put up portraits of ducks? Ducks were some of the most disgusting and dirty of birds. Nothing said rich like putting up pictures of the avian equivalent of dung beetles.  "It's this way," Adam said, gesturing to one of the side halls   She silently followed. Listening to everything on the floor. There weren't many heartbeats at all to be heard. There was a heartbeat on the far end of the floor, away from them. She knew the Provost's office and the President's office were both in that direction. It could be either one of them or a secretary. Ahead of them, there were two sources of heartbeats. It must have been people at the bar. The only other significant thing she heard on the floor was some sort of heavy fan, the type used in a walk-in cooler.  The side hall they went down had only two doors, both halfway down the hall, facing one another. As they walked towards the doors, she could better locate the two individuals and the cooler off to her left, and it was the door on the left that Adam ended up facing.  He pulled out his faculty ID and held it up. "You have your ID, right?" She pulled hers out of her lab coat pocket. "Right here." He held his up to a panel beside the door, and there was a small beep. The handle on the door clicked. "One person enters at a time. Each person has to scan their badge. No plus-ones allowed–unless the President or Provost are there. They bring donors here on and off." Adam entered and shut the door behind him. She approached the door and held her ID up to the panel. There was once again a beep, and the handle on the door clicked. She'd half-expected that it wouldn't, either because whoever assigned permissions to the IDs didn't want her in their exclusive room or some prank on Adam's part where he left her standing alone in a hallway looking like an idiot.  She entered and saw the human bartender watching her right away. Her ears flattened at being stared at.  Calm down. Adam told you the bartender checks who enters. You can't be paranoid about every little thing. she scolded herself.  Well, that was not correct. It was quite possible to be paranoid about every little thing. Whether this was advisable depended on how paranoid the person you asked was.  One wall was nothing but a huge window. There were a dozen small tables that could sit two spread out around the room. The bar went along almost the entire length of another wall and had shelves filled with various brands of alcohol behind it, along with a refrigerator and a single door. Two sixty-inch televisions hung on another wall. The bar stools, chairs, and tables were all designed with humans in mind, although there was a rolling set of steps to assist ponies in getting into seats. There were glass dishes on each table, and it took her a few seconds to realize those were ashtrays. Adam was taking a seat by one of the window tables. Other than her, Adam, and the bartender, one other professor was sitting in a corner who was completely engrossed in whatever he was doing on his laptop with a half-eaten sandwich and a bottle of beer sitting on his table. Adam took his seat and waved her over. She walked over and joined him. "Donovan is brewing us a pot of coffee. I told you it wouldn't be too busy this time of day," Adam said.  She picked up the ashtray on the table. "A lot of smoking happens here?" "Not really," Adam answered. "A few professors have pipes because they think it makes them look more intellectual. They do tend to break out the cigars when there's a football game on. This a private establishment, not a public one, so they get away with things." She frowned and put the ashtray down. "Well, most of my friends are in Skytree, and they have an eighteenth-birthday tradition where everyone goes to a hookah bar. So, I have been to hookah bars five times, including my eighteenth birthday. I can tolerate it." Adam leaned back in his chair. "So…you are trying to calculate the current location of a celestial body more than ten lightyears away so we can send an expedition to it over the weekend. We only sent our first manned expedition to Mars last year, and it took three months to reach Mars. That's considerably faster than we hoped to do twenty years ago, but it still takes a long time to reach one of our close neighbors. This weekend trip is hard to believe." "Dreamwardens have access to knowledge from Triss's time, which was much more technologically and magically advanced than we currently are. They're stingy with sharing most of it, but they occasionally pull out something if it serves their purposes," Jessica explained. "It was Phobia who first noticed I was onto something when I came up with Middleton's Law. She already had access to knowing that due to all that Dreamwarden knowledge but had failed to consider it and its implications because our Dreamwatdens only access that knowledge when they think they need it. If they didn't realize they knew it, they didn't think about how it impacts things. It's like not knowing what books are on your bookshelves until you check. She was the one who encouraged me to publish my work and sent it to all the top universities." Adam blinked. "You're saying they know how to do intergalactic travel, but until recently, they haven't thought about it?" "Pretty much," Jessica said with a nod. "Don't try to get information out of them. They only tell you things when it helps them out somehow." "And how does going to this…whatever it is…help them?" Adam asked. Jessica raised a hand. "I don't have a fudging clue. They say it will help in the battle against the Devourers. They've had me searching for this thing since I was a kid. They gave NASA information to help make the Starpiercer telescope to help me look for it. Now we found it, and now they want to go visit." "Starpiercer's tech came from them?" Adam asked in disbelief.  She nodded. "It advanced their goals." They quieted as the bartender came over and set a coffee pot and two mugs on the table. Adam pulled out his debit card and tapped the bartender's tablet. The bartender looked at her.  "You're the big-shot new physics professor everyone's been talking about?" he asked.  Her ears flattened. "I guess so." He looked at her ears. "Relax. You're just younger than I expected. They talked about stuff you came up with a dozen years ago, so I thought you'd be in your forties or late thirties. You're like twenty-something, barely older than most of the students. You must have been one hell of a teenage whiz kid." Technically, since she was nineteen, she still was, but she'd also been one hell of a child prodigy.  "That is an accurate statement," she replied, ears relaxing. "Thank you for the coffee." The bartender nodded and headed over to the professor in the corner. She could hear him checking to see if the other professor needed anything. She guessed he doubled as a waitperson during the day. With it slow, perhaps he got bored.  She looked out the window. "Years doing this research for them has prevented me from advancing my research. I haven't done anything noteworthy since I was six." "You're about to be one of the first Earthlings to go beyond our galaxy. I think that is something noteworthy," Adam mused.  She poured herself some coffee. "That is true, and it is a dream come true. I should be thrilled. Yet lately, I keep getting reminded that all my accomplishments people remember me for happened when I was six. I won't get any credit for this trip. It won't be made public. The Dreamwardens will never allow the world to know that they can travel to the stars." She paused and took a sip of her coffee.  Adam poured himself a cup. "Should you be telling me this then or talking about it here?" She shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Without evidence, it didn't happen. You're a scientist; you know people overhearing there's an expedition isn't proof that such an expedition happened. Proof is everything. They will cover the trail. There will be no evidence. I don't even know what they hope to gain, only that it may help us against the Devourers." "I don't understand the urgency. The Devourers won't be here for ages," Adam said.  She looked into the blackness of her coffee. "They fear the Devourers like nothing else. In my dreams, they've shown me what the Devourers do, so I find their fear valid. I also know there is never enough time to prepare for the coming of the Devourers. Every world they have ever destroyed was caught unaware and unprepared. That's something they made very clear to me. If they could take down civilizations that colonized multiple worlds and destroyed the civilization that made them mere moments after being activated, what can we do to be fully prepared for what's coming, and what time can we afford to waste? The Devourers know we are here, and they're coming. Doomsday will be here sooner than you think. It always comes sooner than expected." "That sounds…ominous," Adam said. "I take it there are other things you aren't telling me." "I can't say," she answered.  He took a deep breath. "Okay. The clock is ticking. How do I help?" "The data is kept on a secure private network. You can come by my apartment, and I'll provide you with the same information I have," she answered.  She then turned as she heard the beep that indicated someone had scanned their ID. There was one set of bodily functions outside the door. The door opened and revealed a tall woman with vividly violet hair. After a second, she realized part of the height came from her heels, which added about ten centimeters to her size. Without them, the woman would have been tall enough to stand eye-to-eye with her. With them, she was taller. The woman wore straight white pants and had a furry midriff garment in a darker shade of violet–no, it wasn't a garment. Her lower abdomen was uncovered, and that was fur. The woman also had a white shirt with an extremely deep show of her impressive cleavage–covered in the same violet fur up to the shoulders. Actually, it wasn't a shirt; it was a white vest that was laced together to cover her breasts and mid-abdomen just enough. The purse at her side was small and looked expensive. Her ears were perfectly plain human ears; there was no way she was hiding a tail in those tight pants, and there was no sign of wings or a horn. The woman immediately spotted her and smiled before approaching them.  It seemed she would meet the queen bee sooner than she thought, and the queen bee had some pony traits. "Doctor Middleton," Violet said, reaching out a hand to shake. "I'm Mrs. Primbrook, Dean of Liberal Arts, but you may call me Violet; everyone does. How fortuitous that you are here. I've been looking forward to meeting you." Jessica was glad she was wearing a skirt. It hid her tail rising. At least, she hoped it did.  She reached out and shook the woman's hand, noticing now that the woman was wearing a wedding ring. "Pleasure to meet you, Violet." Violet looked her over, examining every inch of her with her eyes, and that killed the initial tail rise as her usual reaction to being examined kicked in. The fact Violet's smile slipped into a frown didn't help.  "You cover up much too much," Violet said at last. "I know how hot covering fur gets under clothes. I fought hard to ensure those of us who have a little extra hair in places didn't have to sweat ourselves to death. I also may not have had a tail since I was eleven, right before my parents pressured me to rehumanize, but I'm sure it isn't comfortable trying to hide it in clothes. I remember going through that during ETS–it sucked. I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kids, who seem to have inherited more from me than their father, at least in terms of hair growth. If people stare, let them. It isn't worth making yourself sick." Jessica blinked. "I'll remember that. Thank you for the advice, Violet." Violet's smile returned. "Good. I see you and Doctor Jefferson are currently having a discussion, but I hope we can have a longer conversation later. Maybe you can come by my office tomorrow, say around four?" "I can do that," Jessica agreed.  "Excellent!" Violet said happily. "I'll see you then." She then headed towards the bar. "Donovan, my usual, please and thank you." "Already on it, Violet," the bartender said as he set out a salad and a beer. Violet grabbed them and headed to a table on the room's far side, facing away from them.  Adam grinned. "That's Violet. She doesn't conform to others. Others conform to her. Quick warning: don't try to hit on her. The last faculty member who tried that ended up packing up their office two days later." Jessica blushed. "I would never-" "Your skirt doesn't hide what your tail is doing so well, and my little sister is an earth pony. Hers does the same thing when she's aroused. I pick on her about it," Adam said with a small smile.  Jessica covered her face. "Seems to be a thing big brothers do; mine sure does. Do you think she noticed?" Adam took a sip of his coffee and set it down. "Yeah, but she won't get upset about that. She likes people finding her attractive. It's like a victory to her. It's making a pass at her that makes her mad. She makes sure people know she's married when introducing herself. And before you ask, she's not a partial, even if some people accuse her of being one. Her husband is the most forgettable, quiet, boring-looking guy you'll likely ever encounter, and she had two kids with him." "Well, she did say she was pressured to rehumanize. If people were split on their feelings about it when they did it, then the process is known to leave some traits behind in those cases," Jessica said, keeping her voice down. "The less you want it, the less effective it is." He looked at her, and she saw the unasked question.  "I was dying. I wanted to live. Prosthetics were an option, one that wasn't guaranteed to save me and one that I might end up living in pain if I did survive. I made the logical choice," she answered. She then lifted her head. "But that's thirteen years in the past. We can't live in the past." Adam gave her a considering look, then nodded. "Agreed. Getting back to our earlier discussion, I believe you were inviting me to your apartment." She didn't know why, but she blushed again.  She barely paid students attention when she was heading out to her car. She pulled out her phone and dialed up the first person she thought to talk to. It rang twice before being answered.  "Hey, Jessie! What's up?" Jordan greeted.  "Jor, I just asked a man to visit me at my apartment," she said hurriedly.  "Ohhhh, look at you! Finally getting on the dating scene," Jordan cooed. "I admit, I'm jealous. Amicus says I can't invite any stallions over till I'm twenty-one. I have to go to their place or rent a hotel room. Most hotels won't even rent to an eighteen-year-old!" She reached her car and opened the car door. "No, Jor, it isn't a date, but I'm worried he might think it is. We just went for coffee, and I invited him to my apartment." "Jessie, if I went out for coffee with someone, I'd call that a date," Jordan replied.  "We've gone out for coffee together!" Jessica protested.  "Well, that's a get-together with a best friend, not a romantic date. Totally different thing," Jordan replied. "If I went out for coffee with a guy and invited him back home, I know what kind of message I'd be trying to send. I mean, why invite a guy to your place alone if you aren't planning to do the rabbit tango?" "Rabbit tango?" Jessica asked in confusion.  "The bunny bump, the green gown, a roll in the grass, the amorous congress, dirtying the sheets, reading Indian literature, expanding the economy, taste testing, making Yinyu blush–" "How many terms for sex do you know?" Jessica asked.  "I'm very well-read," Jordan said with a hint of embarrassment. "I know if I asked a guy over, it would be because Mama wants a new ocelot." Jessica rubbed her nose. "I don't even want to know where that euphemism came from. Anyway, I asked him over because I need his help with a project for the Dreamwardens, and all the data for it is on my computer, data I can't transfer to him over the internet. This is strictly work-related and has nothing to do with sex or romance. What do I do to make that clear?" "Well, just make it clear. Maybe he knows you aren't into him. Have you raised your tail around him?" Jordan asked.  Jessica blushed. "I did, but it was because of someone else, and he knows it. He pointed out my reaction." "Raising the flagpole for someone else does put a damper on things," Jordan sagely said. "As I told you, just be honest with him. Rush him while he's there to get him moving. Don't invite him into your bedroom." "But my computer with my data is in my bedroom," Jessica replied.  "You have your own place, and you made your bedroom your workroom too?" Jordan asked. "Why would you do that?" "I need to keep my extra room clear. I'm trying to adopt Mark," Jessica explained.  Jordan gasped. "Ooooooo, that's so awesome! You'll be a great mom. I know it. He adores you." "Don't congratulate me yet. I still need to convince them to let me. They normally don't let people adopt till they are twenty-one," Jessica said. "That's not fair! They should make an exception for you. You're a famous scientist, you're a famous hero, and you've been an adult longer than people who are twenty-one right now." "The rules don't account for that, and these people play by the rules," Jessica said. "There's some sort of process I can go through to request an exception, but I'm trying to get through this week before I worry about that. I need to get this project for the Dreamwardens done, which I need Adam's help with-" "His name's Adam, got it," Jordan interrupted.  She chose to ignore that. "Then, if I get that done, I'm going out of town for the weekend. After that, I can start the application process next week." "You're going out of town?" Jordan asked in surprise. "Where are you going?" "I can't say on the phone. All your calls are monitored, you know that?" Jessica asked.  "All my calls are monitored? What do you mean?" Jordan asked in confusion.  Jessica frowned. "All calls in and out of Wabash Manor are monitored.  It's been that way since Auntie first moved in." "So…when I said Mama wants a new ocelot, some agent somewhere was listening to me say that?" Jordan asked, horror building in her voice.  "Yep, they're listening to us right now. Say hi to the agent," Jessica answered.  "I need to go, bye!" Jordan said in a hurry and hung up. She was probably running to Sunset Blessing's sisters to demand to know why they didn't tell her calls were monitored. Amicus likely did tell her but did so during some long contract reading that Jordan zoned out on because it was mostly lawyer speak.  Jessica sat her phone on the passenger seat and tossed her purse beside it. Did talking to Jordan help? Maybe it did.  Adam would be showing up at her apartment in…she picked up her phone and checked…two hours and forty-five minutes. She needed to get home, shower to wash off the sweat, and get into something more comfortable. Violet was right about the skirt and the rest of these clothes. They were much too hot. Wearing them was going to make her sick. If Violet could walk around with most of her furry bosom on display, Jessica's legs and tail were hardly worth looking at. How did that woman manage to put her ponish traits on full display like that and rise to the top of the pecking order at the university? It seemed unfathomable. Jessica faced plenty of prejudice for being a partial. Violet might not be a partial, but she was different enough from other humans to be viewed as a partial. The meeting tomorrow should be interesting.  She picked up her phone again. One last call to make before she hit the road to go home.  "Hi, this is Jessica Middleton. I wanted to check to see how Mark was doing." "Oh, Jessica, good to hear from you," Jill replied. "Mark is with Wishing right now. They seem to be getting along. He at least says two or three words to Wishing at a time now, which is more than I can say he gives the rest of us." Jessica frowned. "He hasn't been hiding again, has he?" "He primarily sticks to his room when Wishing's at school, but he comes out to eat when called to lunch. He's been eating meals with the rest of the household but keeps very quiet, answering our questions with yes, no, okay, or dunno. Wishing will get a little more, but not much," Jill explained. She sighed. "We also haven't been able to convince him to go into the backyard yet, even when Wishing goes into the backyard to play. He'll stand at the door and stare out, but he won't go out, no matter how much we encourage him. We haven't even attempted to ask him to go out the front door." Electronics carried her powers, and she could hear a kid giggling; it sounded like Wishing, telling someone else to look at something. There wasn't any response to what the kid said.  "He'll get better," Jessica assured her. "He's already showing you guys a lot more trust than he ever showed the nurses at the hospital. He just needed somewhere that feels safe." "Do you want to talk to him?" Jill asked.  "If it is okay," Jessica answered.  "One second," Jill responded. "Mark? Jessie's on the phone. She wants to talk to you. Do you want to talk to her?" "Yes," she heard Mark answer.  "I will put the phone on speaker and set it on the floor. Then you can say hi, okay?" Jill asked him.  "Okay." There was some sound that Jessica assumed was the phone going on speaker and being set down.  "Hi," Mark said, sounding uncertain.  She smiled. "Hi, Mark. Good to hear you. Have you ever talked on a phone before?" "No," Mark answered.  "So this is a new experience for you," she said. "I can't come see you every day, but I will try to call when I can't see you. Is that okay?" "Come when?" Mark asked instead of answering.  "I'm not sure," she confessed. "It might be next week. I have a lot to take care of. This weekend I have to go somewhere very far away, and won't be able to call, but I'll be there to visit you on Monday for sure. Do you understand the days of the week?" "School days and weekends," Mark answered.  "Well, I suppose that's part of it," she said. "Today is Tuesday. Yesterday was Monday. Tomorrow is Wednesday. After that is Thursday, then Friday. Those are the school days. Understand?" "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday are school days," Mark answered. That was the longest sentence she'd ever gotten from him. He was getting better.  "Good! You learn fast," she complimented. "After that are Saturday and Sunday. Those are the weekend days. Understand?" "Saturday and Sunday are weekends. Wishing has no school on weekends," Mark answered.  "Good job," she complimented again. It seemed like a good idea to praise him whenever possible to build up his confidence. "So, after Sunday is over, it is Monday again. I will be there to visit you on Monday for sure. Okay?" "Long time," Mark said accusingly.  She nodded. "Yeah, I know it will be the longest time I've left you alone since we met. This week is one of my busier weeks. I know you don't like going outside, but you do look out windows. Do you ever look up at the stars at night?" "Yes. Pretty." Her smile widened. "I agree. This weekend, I'm going to go up there." "Too high!" Mark whined.  "It is very high, but I'll be alright. I'm going to go up there and come back. Then you can know it is safe to go outside," Jessica said.  "Maybe," Mark said. He didn't sound confident.   "You'll see," Jessica assured him. "I heard you've been making friends with Wishing Well. Can you tell me about Wishing Well?" "Wishing loud." "Very!" Wishing cheerfully yelled out in the background   "Very loud," Mark corrected. "Wishing likes playing with blocks. Wishing likes playing with cars. Wishing goes to school to be smart. Wishing tries to catch butterflies but always misses. Wishing snores." "Do not!" Wishing shouted.  "Yes, you do, twerp!" she heard Caleb yell.  "That was a very good answer," Jessica complimented.  "Practiced," Mark replied.  She blinked. "You knew I would ask you about Wishing, so you practiced what to answer?" "Yes." Well, that was forethought and planning. That was another sign that Mark was at least reasonably intelligent for a kid his age.  "Good job," she complimented again. "I'll want to hear more when I call again. How about you play with Wishing and let me talk to Jill." "Okay," Mark reluctantly said.  The phone was picked up, and the sound focused more, indicating it was off speaker.  "My, he was very talkative with you, even more than he is with Wishing. I didn't know he could say so much," Jill said. "He seems to memorize things fairly well, too, judging by how quickly you taught him the days of the week. Maybe Jack and I can start working with him on his numbers and letters. I used to be a pre-k teacher before we started fostering. We worked with Wishing, and he knew his alphabet, knew how to read and write some simple words, and knew how to count before he started school this year. Maybe we can do the same with Mark." Jessica knew how to read before she was speaking in complete sentences, so she preferred it was she who taught Mark to read. Then again, she knew that most kids weren't her, and intelligent as Mark might be, he came from a very different upbringing and environment. She might overwhelm him if she tried to teach him the way she learned. That could make him feel stupid, and she did not want him thinking of himself that way.  "That sounds great," she answered. "I'll ask him how it is going. He seems to want to impress me, so if I ask about it, maybe that will make him more motivated to pay attention." "Jack and I sat down and read through your Wikipedia page. You're probably the second most famous person we ever met after we met Beyonce that one time," Jill said. "I heard you tell Mark you were going into space, and we had read you were involved with NASA. Are you visiting a space station or something? Do you do that much?" "I can't talk about the details," Jessica said vaguely. "All I can say is it is a trip into space, my first ever trip into space." "Well, it sounds exciting. I know more people are going into space than ever, but most people still can only dream of doing it," Jill said.  Jessica smiled. "It is exciting. I'll still call each day until I head out. I want to know how Mark is doing. But for now, I have to go." "Thanks for calling. I know it makes Mark happy," Jill said. "Have a good rest of your day." She put her phone in her purse and buckled her seat belt. Going to another galaxy should be exciting to her after how much she had dreamed of something like that as a kid. She was going further than any human or pony had ever gone before. Humanity was just now reaching Mars. It hadn't even gotten a probe out of the solar system. The first probe sent out was estimated to take literally tens of thousands of years to finally accomplish that. Most people didn't realize how big a solar system was or how much bigger a galaxy was, yet she'd be leaving their galaxy and going deep into another. The Devourers, doomsday horrors that they were, couldn't accomplish a weekend trip like this. This was probably the furthest any mortal from any world in history had ever traveled. Forget the first step for mankind; this was the first step for all intelligent life.  Yet, she was distracted, and the joy of it muted. No one would know, and with the Devourers still coming, what did it matter? Hopefully, this was worth it, and they'd find some answer to that problem. Still, lately, the things that were most on her mind had been more mundane. She worried about how people looked at her. She was especially worried about Mark.  Mark would die young if the Devourers reached them. This trip needed to matter for Earth and for Mark. It was time to get those calculations done. That was the best gift she could give Mark–a future.