BOOM
“I’ve done it! I fucking did it!” I took off my goggles and shook the soot off of my face. After many trials an errors I’ve created the human’s most deadly weapon.
A shotgun.
My earlier attempts were…shotty to say the least. Heh, pun.
Ba dum tsss
Hehe. I knew remembering the instrument spell would be useful. Anyway!
So I’ve created a shotgun, to be more precise it’s a double barrel shotgun that uses crystals instead of buckshot. I’ll still call it buckshot because I haven’t figured out how to tighten the spread. Still deletes anything in a 15 foot radius don’t get me wrong. Just the walks of shame back from the Everfree forest with a broken gun is too much for me.
The barrel is long, big and made of steel Twilight said she was going to use but never had any actual plans. The wood stock is obvious, can’t skip out on that. The front opens up, trigger is weird, had to make the trigger activate from the back instead of the front due to fucking hooves. I manage. Crystals are lodged in the back as usual, but the best part about it—I don’t have to swap crystals! I just open the hatch and let the crystals cool for a second then I shoot two more shots! I feel like a badass letting smoke emit from my shotgun as I wait patiently to delete another person from life. Heh violence.
I’m really giddy for reason. Big cannon go brrrrrr!
Bitches love cannons, or so the voices in my head tell me.
I forgot the mention I didn’t sleep tonight! That’s probably important! Maybe.
All nighter and didn’t even leave the house! Don’t worry Twilight I still did my chores when you come back eventually!
When did she say she was coming back? The Basement doesn’t have a clock or source of light. I should probably go check about that! I can’t shoot my working fire arm while people are sleeping, that would be very rude.
Also this is probably a Chekhov’s gun moment here, it’s probably gonna be important eventually. Like right now!
As I bring myself upstairs I noticed it was midnight. Damn, I must’ve forgotten to eat, or sleep, or do my chores. Eh, can’t be bothered! Science takes priority when I’m alone. God I’m such a well adjusted pony, why haven’t I made friends outside of Twilight and Spike? Do the girls count?
Eh.
Anyway. I also had an idea! I needed a little sister, so I should adopt someone! I’m a trustworthy individual who can be trusted with children. Wait I have no papers, no matter cloning shouldn’t be too difficult, it’s like making a body double only I just need a little bit of DNA. I can get some off of myself!
Or I can build a robot, Twilight has some mechanical parts I can ask her if she built these devices herself or bought them.
Sitting on the stairs I just sit there, my head mildly spinning from no sleep. It kinda hurts, a lot. Too much! I know a good solution, coffee!
Sliding over to the kitchen I quickly place the beans in my mouth then drink some boiling water. They’re crunchy, the water could be hotter actually. It’s a good shortcut for when you don’t want to wait for coffee to boil. I love how crunchy the beans are, tasty stuff!
With caffeine in my system I take a trip outside. I should meet Twilight at the station, if anything I know she’d be on time. Earlier she told me she would be here at 12 PM, so I have sometime for…wait, what time is it?
I’m outside, there’s no clocks, giving the sun a look burnt my eyes slightly, so I don’t know what time it is. Who do I know has a clock? I don’t remember if Twilight has a clock, last I checked she just knew what time it was on instinct, or has a pocket watch. Either way it’s a weird system, since Celestia literally moves the sun and moon, does she dictate what time it is?
Fuck if I know.
Pacing around Ponyville, this really is a tranquil town. Now that I’m not looked at as the homeless person wandering around, it’s honestly peaceful. The feeling of being at ease and not having to run is nice. So nice I could just unwind.
Sitting my ass down on a bench, I look up at the sky, seeing the clear blue sky. My eyes feel heavy, but I can’t sleep, the caffeine won’t let me feel tired. Magical caffeinating hits different y’all, it’s one hell of a drug. It does the job off preventing your brain from feeling tired but better. No idea how much better, it it’s better.
A deep exhale escapes my nose, I need a friend. Someone to hangout with, and I’m out and about. Yet, why am I avoiding social interaction by sitting on a bench?
Then shut up and get socializing! You only live in this world one time, make the most of it!
With a newfound passion, I stand up from the bench, and went down to the only place I know a friend is guaranteed: Sugarcube Corner!
Just walking in I see a couple of ponies just enjoying their sugary foods on the table. There’s a mare in-front of me who reminds me of someone…
“First, I find Stawberry to be dreadful so please skim out on strawberry this time, second I require a happy birthday Filthy Rich in cursive. I have to hawk my husband some respect, and finally, add his Cutiemark to the cake.” A very dignified mare was speaking, she sounds a lot like Rarity of she was from the Real Hosewives. It’s an odd experience.
“Oki Doki Miss Rich!” Pink horse is writing down something at a dexterity even I couldn’t match. How is she doing that with her mouth?
“Thank you Pinkie. Do not disappoint me.” With that, what I can only assume is Spoiled Rich walked past me. Even as she muttered something under her breath, I can still hear her. “At least the homeless pony found a home, good, one less stain on our town.” I could feel the malice in her voice. It’s quite hurtful.
Anyway, turning to the pink horse I smile and walk over to her. Break the ice, that’s a good start.
“Hey.” Amazing start!
“Hi Nonny!” I wonder when she started to call me that, I don’t remember consenting to a nickname, but if I am trying to be her friend then I must be courteous.
“Pink horse.”
“Homeless horse.”
“The cookie part in your store, the chocolate, is that chocolate chips, or raisins?”
“Well if we’re talking percentage, then at least-“
“I do not care for raisins.”
“Neither do I! So we have 100% chocolate chip cookies.”
“Fantastic. I’ll take a baker’s dozen.”
“16 chocolate chips coming up! What’s the occasion nonny?”
“Seeing if you know a thing or two about giving gifts.” Make a friend and figure out how to present Twilight her new shotgun, a win win. I just through to this.
“Oooooo. You got a gift, for Twilight?” She leans over the countertop, leaning closer too me.
“Yes, how did you know?”
“Easy! Twilight keeps mentioning her favorite book a lot, something about you and the wizard character being super similar, wondering if you came from a book but decided that was impossible, but considering in the future we get pulled into a comic book, anything is possible!”
“What.”
“Oh nothing, just Power Ponies being a really fun time.”
“I-I guess?” What the hell is she talking about?
DING!
A loud ding came from the kitchen. With Pinkie rushing in then out in a pink blur.
“When did you?”
“Oh, Nonny I always have my friend’s favorite ready at any moment.”
“So we’re friends then?”
“Of course! I’m friends with every pony!”
“Well that’s fantastic.”
“Of course there’s one ponies I’m super best friends with, Lyra, Doctor Hooves, and Muffins! Then there are my super duper best friends with Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow, you know the rest! Then there’s my friends which are ponies I kinda get along with, even if we disagree on stuff every pony is my friend!”
“So where do I fit in on that?”
“Hmmmmm. Super Best Friends! Normally my friends just ignore me, but my Super Duper Best Friends can’t be replaced! Also I went to your graduation so I we are super best friends!”
“Fair enough!”
“Oh this is exiting. Are you excited! I’m sure this line doesn’t get old from the millionth person who reads or hears this line!”
“What?”
“Never mind that! What did you get Twilight?”
“Well it’ll be a surprise. So I’m not going to tell you.”
“Oooooo. I gotcha I get ya. How long is it?”
“I dunno.” I put my hooves on the counter and spread them apart. “Bout this long.”
“Nice. Glad you’re not giving her anything dirty.”
“Pardon?”
“Nope. Just not yet anyway!”
“So are you just placed here as a fun way to tell the future or are you going to be shipping me and Twilight?”
“Yep!”
“Right…you know how to present it to Twilight or?…”
“Don’t think too hard about it! If you keep thinking about it she likes the gift or not, soon you’ll be stuck trying to present the gift in a good way, but that’ll just keep you on an endless cycle to trying to give the gift! Just give it, don’t be afraid.” Oddly good advice from the Pink.
“Huh…thanks Pinkie.”
“No problem. Also! Twelve bits please!”
“Oh right, the cookies.” I turn behind me and see a small line has formed. “And I’ve been holding up the line, oh lord.”
“Okay. Okay. You can do this. Twilight comes home in…” I look around, still no clocks. “Any time! Any time is bad time I need more coffee.”
I scratch my head, which is weird to do with horse hooves, and shake it real quick. “No! You have to wait! It should be around 12 am sharp and if I know Twilight. She’ll be home about a minute early.”
Taking a deep breath, I sit down. I did my chores, I did something to pass time, turns out hanging out with Pink is actually pretty fun. We got to play cards. She won every time. I can’t help but wonder if she was cheating because of that poofy hair of her’s. Also spine breaking goodbye hugs.
At least I got a friend. Just need to fill out a friend group, unfortunately cannot include pink in the friend group due to her already being in a friend group, which is also the same group my landlady is in. So, yeah. Mission accomplished.
With the door swinging open, I could hear spike yawning. “Did we really have to wake up at 6 AM to catch the train?”
Twilight was looking like her usual self, while Spike somehow had bags under his eyes. I didn’t know dragons can get those.
“You slept through the train ride, how tired can you be?”
“Very. I didn’t sleep well during the ride. We could’ve went to Celestia to ask for the carriage.”
“I know, but we should still do things without relying on her.”
“Yeah. Yeah.” With Spike jumping down from Twilight’s back he walks past me.
“Hi Spike.”
“Hey Anonymous.” He was tired, just slowly climbing the stairs up to the other room.
“Hello, Anonymous. I see you kept up with your chores.” Now it’s just me and Twilight. Gotta show her my cool thing.
“Yep! And I finally made a breakthrough!”
With a gasp she leaned in. “Did you finally figure out the accelerator?”
“Well. No, but I did make something else that accelerates something.”
“Like what?”
“This!” With a use of my magic I pull out the shotgun. It’s still good, crystals primed.
“What is that?” She seemed curious, looking down the barrel, by instinct I point the gun up.
“I don’t recommend you do that.”
“But what is it?”
“A shotgun!”
“A shot…gun?” She tilted her head.
“Well, yeah. I thought it was cool.”
“What does it do?”
“Well right now. Anything you put in the barrel here shoots out really fast in a spread. So far I only used these crystals to accelerate any object inside with a minor magnet field, it follows the object down the barrel then shoots through the other side. Making a makeshift rail cannon.”
“Wait. That sounds like Pinkie’s party cannon but pure magic instead of powder, it just a crystal. Anon you know what this means?”
“I created a weapon?”
“Well, that and you figured out how to make a rail system condensed enough to be put down into a small size!”
No one has figured out a gun yet? But they have cannons, so they might have flint locks.
“I mean, right now it shoots lasers because the ammo is other crystals…soo.”
“That’s even better! We can save on so much with this! Think of it Anon! With your shotgun design we can make an engine that runs on pure crystal energy!” She pulls me into a hug she gets even more giddy. “I gotta get down into the basement, with the Timberwolf heart we can get started on a design for the engine, then we can probably work on condensing that engine smaller and smaller…”
She trails off as she runs down to the basement.
What can I say? Bitches love cannons.
I shouldn’t call Twilight a bitch, that’s rude! Also untrue! So…
Mares love a good shotgun!
That’s better!