//------------------------------//
// Melophobia 
// Story: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Drink Kool-Aid 
// by MacArthurite 
//------------------------------//

Sunset Shimmer is known by many names: The Jailor Queen of Canterlot High, Biggest Meanie, and "that blackmailing bitch", to name a few. At the time of our first meeting, though, she was just the girl who had interrupted my explanation of why minimum wage laws are objectively evil, and was now eyeing me like a piece of meat (and not in the sexy way).

"Well well well, looks like the reject club finally got another member. What convinced you to hang out with Loony Lyra and Starlight Sickle? Are you an anti-social loser too, or are you just that desperate for a girl's attention?"

Knowing what I know now, I should've cowered and acted as compliant as possible until she left. Unfortunately, I made the choice to meet her gaze, stay perfectly still, and not say a word. As much as I'd like to have done this out of defiance or bravery, the truth is that I was petrified. At this point in time, I was still half-convinced that Canterlotians were eldritch monsters that wouldn't be opposed to breaking my mind and devouring my flesh.

...I'm still not sure that isn't the case for a certain pinkette...

Anyway, I reacted the way I did because I didn't want to be eaten, realized I wouldn't make it far if I tried to run, and decided to stay perfectly still instead. I hoped against hope that her sight was based on movement, and that she'd forget I was there and leave if I did nothing. Alas, I was not so lucky, and Sunset ended up taking my silence as a challenge.

"What? Do you think you're too good to answer me, or are you just stupid?"

I realized silence wasn't going to work, so I tried to choose my response carefully.

"...No?" 

Sunset's smile fell into an annoyed sneer, "Oh, so you're a smart guy, then?"

"...What answer won't make you mad at me?"

She glared at me for a few tense moments before she scoffed, "Whatever. You're clearly just as awkward as those two, and if you haven't run away from them by now, you're probably just as unhinged. What's your name?"

Caught off guard by the sudden question, I blurted out, "Er, Jack Daniels."

She grinned, "I see. What should I call you, then? Should I go with 'Mad Jack', or 'Deranged Daniels'? Decisions, decisions." She swiped an apple from Lyra's plate and took a bite, "I'll get back to you once I decide which one suits you better. See you then~"

And that's how my first encounter with Sunset Shimmer went. It was stressful, but it's not like I ended up on her grudge list right off the bat. In hindsight, I got pretty lucky. I didn't stick my foot in my mouth bad enough to make her hate me, and my utter lack of popularity meant that I didn't register as a potential enemy. Because of that, she mostly left me alone until the Fall Formal came around.

She ended up choosing "Deranged Daniels", by the way. It's a real shame, because "Mad Jack" sounds kind of cool.

I watched her for a moment as she wandered over to another table and accosted its residents, and then I turned to face my friends. Both of them were warily eyeing the leather jacket-clad girl in a way that told me they knew who she was.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"That's Sunset Shimmer, the queen of this school," Lyra explained, not breaking her stare.

"She's the most influential student here. It doesn't matter what she has to do to make it happen: what she says, goes," Starlight also kept staring, intently watching the girl in question menacingly stalk through the cafeteria, students shrinking away as she approached.

It was at this moment that dark music started playing from...somewhere. I looked around in confusion for a moment, but returned my attention back to Sunset. Canterlot High's odd choice of music to play during lunch was weird, but not weird enough to divert my attention from learning more about the school's resident mean girl. 

"So, she's a bully?" I asked.

"More like a mafia boss," Lyra clarified. "She keeps her hands clean enough to not get caught..."

"...but not so clean that others don't know she's not to be messed with," Starlight finished.

The temperature suddenly dipped, and I shivered.

"Did it suddenly get cold in here, or is it just me?" I asked.

What followed was the third most terrifying experience of my life so far. Starlight looked at me, took a deep breath, and started to sing. 

"When a cold wind blows it chills you, chills you to the bone."

I looked incredulously at her. I was about to nip whatever this was in the bud when Lyra jumped in.

"But there's nothing in nature that freezes your heart like years of being alone."

I glanced around quickly, hoping no one had heard them. It wasn't that they were bad singers, they had great voices, but I wasn't keen on becoming the center of attention because Starlight and Lyra had watched one too many Disney movies.

"Cut it out, you two!" I hissed. "Why the heck did you start-?!"

I couldn't finish my question, because some rando from a neighboring table started singing too.

"It paints you with indifference, and makes your world seem dimmer."

The three leaned towards each other.

"And the worst of the worst-!"

"The most hated and cursed-!"

"Is the one named Sunset Shimmer!"

It was right about the moment I realized they were singing in tune with the music I'd noticed earlier that my confusion turned to dread. That dread turned to fear when, as soon as the random girl finished her line, everyone in the cafeteria stood up, pointed at Sunset (who was continuing to walk through the cafeteria like nothing was wrong), and started singing in tandem.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Blackmail! There goes Mrs. Mean!"
"If they gave a prize for causing pain, they would crown her Queen!"

I watched all this in a sort of morbid fascination, similarly to when I first saw the pastel people that inhabit this town. Unlike then, when I was left alone to process my mounting horror, my first musical number granted me no such reprieve. Starlight and Lyra, who'd circled the table to my side when I hadn't been paying attention, laid their heads on my shoulders and wrapped their arms around mine.

"She loves info and connections, cuz she knows they give her power."

"If you are having a good day, she'll make sure it turns dour!"

"Girls," I gasped out, but they didn't hear me or notice my rising panic. 

Sunset passed by two random guys at the hippie table, and they continued where my friends had left off.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Brute Force! There goes Mrs. Greed!"

"The undisputed mistress of, the underhanded deed!"

Did I mention that the room was steadily growing darker? Yeah, that was happening. The lighting was normal around Sunset and whoever happened to be singing at any given time, creating a sort of spotlight effect, but the rest of the room had been steadily getting darker ever since that unholy musical number started, like the lighting was trying to match the music. The sun was still shining through the open windows, and the lights were still working perfectly fine (I checked multiple times as I frantically looked around the room), but it still kept darkening!

"She finds out all our secrets and bends us to her will.
She makes us do her dirty work, and makes us foot the bill!"

I started to hyperventilate. What was going on? Was this witchcraft? Was this divine punishment for my sins? Was this a ritual they would perform before sacrificing normal people like me to their technicolor pagan gods? I didn't know, and I had no desire to find out. I looked for an exit, but my panic was clouding my reasoning.

"Oh, there goes Mrs. Iron Fist. There goes Mrs. Pride!"

"The last person who got in her way, he broke down and-!"

Three things happened all at once. First, Sunset started out of the cafeteria and into the hall, and the crowd of singers surged forward to follow her. Second, Starlight and Lyra put their hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me forward along with the crowd. Third, my fear overwhelmed me, and I snapped. My memory gets pretty fuzzy here, but here's what I was told happened. 

I threw up my arms, screamed like I'd just taken a chainsaw across the chest, and sprinted out the nearest door. Then, still screaming, I bolted out the front door, down the stairs, up the road, and kept running until I passed out in a nearby park from lack of oxygen.

...

Can you blame me? Maybe random musical numbers and reality distortions are common where you're from, but where I'm from, that'll get an exorcist called to your house. 

Moving on, I woke up to the feeling of someone shaking my shoulder hard.

"Jack! Jack! Please say something!"

My eyes cracked open, and I saw Lyra and Starlight leaning over me.

"Eugh?"

"Thank goodness," Lyra sighed in relief.

"Are you okay?" Starlight asked, still not letting go of my shoulder. "Do you need anything? Water? A therapy dog? CPR? Tell me what you need so that you don't die!"

"Don't die? Wha-?"

Memories of what I'd been running from came rushing back, and I scrambled away from the two.

"Why'd you two follow me here? Are you planning to drag me back so you can deep fry me and sing about how good I taste?!"

They looked both confused and hurt by the accusation.

"What are you talking about? We followed you because we were worried," said Lyra.

"Yeah. Why did you freak out in the middle of the musical number?" asked Starlight.

The sincerity with which she asked the question made me want to scream, but it also helped me realize that they were not planning some terrible fate for me. 

"Musical number. Are those...common?"

"Yeah, why?" asked Starlight.

I took several moments to calm my breathing. I then explained, in as steady a voice as I could, how random musical numbers and accompanying reality distortion for dramatic effect were NOT normal in the slightest. 

The girls looked at me like I was telling them the sky was green, but they did their best to understand.

"So...is this like the skin color thing? Like, where it seems normal to us but is insane to you?" asked Starlight.

"I wouldn't say it like that, but yes. It'd be like if subtitles appeared under everybody who speaks in a different language."

Understanding dawned on their faces. I was relieved, both that they could see where I was coming from, and at the unspoken assurance that subtitles would not be yet another unexplainable horror I would have to confront.

Lyra wrung her hands, "...I never thought something so normal to me could be an otherworldly phenomenon." She hung her head, "Also, I'm sorry for not noticing you getting freaked out earlier. I should know better..."

"Yeah, same here," Starlight added, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Uh, it's okay. No sweat."

We stood there in awkward silence for a bit, none of us knowing what to say. Most high school friendships have at least two months of unfunny jokes and talking behind each other's backs before they can acknowledge that they have feelings. We'd only known each other for a day and a half and we were already having an emotional moment, so we were treading on uncertain ground.

Finally, Starlight broke the silence.

"Soooo, are we skipping or what?"

Lyra and I looked at her quizzically.

"I mean, we already made a scene and ran out of school in front of everyone. We're going to get in trouble anyway, so why not?"

She made a good point. Now that I'd calmed down and could look back on what had just happened with an emotion other than terror, I realized that I'd freaked out in front of the whole school. I had no desire to face everyone after that, and if skipping would give me an excuse to put off those interactions for a few hours, I was all for it.

"I'm down," said Lyra. "We can go to my house again! I'm sure my parents won't mind."

Oh yeah. Parents. I'd forgotten that the three of us have families, and that they would not be happy to learn that we'd skipped class.

"Uh, are you sure? I don't think your Mom and Dad will like to hear that I caused you to ditch."

Lyra waved off my question, "They won't, but if I tell them you had a mental breakdown, they'll understand. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened."

Starlight nodded in agreement.

I raised an eyebrow, "You gonna elaborate on that or...?"

The two smiled nervously.

"It's a bit of a long story," said Starlight. "Let's just say there's a reason no one sits with us at lunch, but it's totally not our fault."

"Well...it might be a little bit of our fault," Lyra retorted.

Starlight scoffed, "Please. Your episode was entirely that bitch Bon Bon's fault." 

Lyra flinched, but said nothing. 

Starlight continued, "As for me, I wouldn't have made such a scene if that anarkiddie Tree Hugger knew when to shut up. She kept going on about 'mutual aid' this and 'free association' that, and whenever I pointed out how unscientific her ideas were, she told me I needed to chill out! Maybe I wouldn't have had to chill out if she WASN'T SO DAMN-!"

"There you are!"

Startled, we spun around to face the unknown voice. Behind us, Coach Spitfire, the P.E. teacher, had rounded the corner of the trail and was now sprinting towards us.

"So much for skipping," I thought.

Spitfire came to a stop a few feet away. Then she took out her phone, made a call, and held it up to her ear. 

"Principal Celestia? I found them. ...They were talking in Eventide Park. I think they were planning on skipping school for the rest of the day again."

Starlight opened her mouth to protest, but a single glare made it clamp shut.

"...Yes, they're alright. No injuries, and the boy looks like he's pulled himself back together. ...Yeah, I'll take care of it. No problem. ...Alright, goodbye."

Spitfire stuffed her phone back in her pocket and frowned down at us.

"You're lucky I heard Glimmer's yelling and found you." 

Starlight turned away with an embarrassed blush.

Spitfire continued, "You two would be in a lot of trouble if you wound up in detention for skipping this early in the school year. We all know what you two are like, so none of us would be willing to cut you any slack. You're lucky all the witnesses say you were chasing after your friend." She turned to me then, "And what's your deal, new kid? You've only been here for two days, and you've already fallen in with the Difficult Duo and thrown a fit in the cafeteria? Am I going to have to listen to the Vice-Principal gripe about you in the break room too from now on?"

I tried to look as contrite as possible, "I'm sorry. I just, uh..."

"He was stressed about schoolwork," Lyra jumped in, only to shrink back when Spitfire's gaze fell on her.

"Yeah," Starlight continued. "He was super worked up about science class. You know how Mr. Cranky can be, right? Anyway, he reached his breaking point when we didn't know how to help him with his homework, and he ran out, but we were totally about to come back! We've learned our lesson about skipping, so Lyra and I would never try and convince our friend to do something like that!"

"You two are still terrible liars," Spitfire deadpanned. 

With that attempt having failed, I decided to be as honest as I could, while still sprinkling in some white lies so that I didn't look crazy. I gave her a rundown of what happened, but made vague references to "anxiety" and "personal issues" while deflecting blame from my friends. Once the girls caught on to my angle, they contributed to my story with their own observations. By the time we'd finished, we'd made a pretty good excuse for everything, if I do say so myself. For all Spitfire knew, I was just a poor student having trouble adjusting to a new school, and who'd been pursued and comforted by his new friends when he cracked under the pressure.

Our testimony, combined with the facts of the incident that the coach was already aware of, would show any reasonable person that I was a delicate case that would require a careful balance of compassion and sternness to address my mental state. So naturally, Coach Spitfire sentenced me to detention on the spot, and escorted all three of us back to Canterlot High with threat of further punishment if this happened again. After telling the girls to get to class, she hauled me across campus to the gym. 

Yeah, my fourth period is P.E. Lucky me, right?

With only a few precious seconds to prepare myself, Coach threw open the doors and marched me over to the bleachers. After that, she strode onto the court and addressed the class.

"Alright everyone, listen up! Today, we'll be running relays..."

I tuned out the rest of what she said. It was hard to pay attention to her when the other students' eyes were practically drilling holes in my back. I snuck a glance when Coach turned to scold a couple talkers, and sure enough, a handful of snickering students immediately looked away when we made eye contact, not even bothering to hide their smirks.

Just as I thought, the news of my freakout had already made the rounds. By the end of the day, everybody would know.

"No questions? Alright then, everybody line up!" Spitfire's voice cut through the haze of my embarrassment. 

Not wanting to give her any more reasons to yell at me or provide my classmates with more ammunition, I ran over and lined up with everyone else. 

The rest of the period was not fun. Spitfire made us run till my legs almost gave out. On top of that, I had to deal with stares, laughter, and vicious mockery the entire time. Some of the more kind-heartened students gave me looks of pity and concern instead, but that didn't make it any better. This all lasted for the entire period, and I had the sneaking suspicion that I would be seeing a lot more of it in the future.

So much for a fresh start," I thought bitterly.





When I trudged into detention, I was ready for an hour of boredom, homework, and more silent mockery from whoever else was in there. It was a pleasant surprise to see that the only other people in the room were a pair of familiar girls.

Lyra waved, "Heya, Jack."

"We were starting to wonder if you'd skipped out on us," said Starlight.

I gaped, "Why are you two here?"

Starlight grinned, "We skipped class."

"Not for any particular reason, of course," said Lyra. She winked.

I swallowed a lump in my throat that hadn't been there a few seconds ago, "You two are awesome, you know that?"

"The HEH takes care of its own," said Starlight. "Not being there for my new comrade in his time of need would be a violation of Rule #3 of the official Party platform."

"The star spirits have always promoted the virtues of friendship. I know I wanted a friend when I hit rock bottom, so what kind of friend would I be if I didn't do that for you or Star?" Lyra added.

I smiled. Anyone else would probably roll his eyes or be weirded out by their provided reasoning, but I found it reassuring.

"Still, thanks."

They smiled back.

It was a nice moment. What was less nice was the fact that, like earlier in the park, it dragged on. The thing about emotional moments is that they always end, and figuring out where to go after that point is about as difficult for awkward teens as resisting the urge to shoot dogs is for ATF agents. Do you make a joke and cut the tension, but risk looking like an insensitive prick? Do you double down and try to out-emotion everyone else? Do you completely change the subject? Whatever the right answer is, I didn't know it, and I could tell by their increasingly strained smiles that the girls felt the same way. Thankfully for all three of us, a third party took the burden of responding out of our hands.

"Excuse me, young man," came a voice from behind me.

I jumped. Turning around, I saw two women standing in the doorway. The first had porcelain white skin, rainbow-colored hair, and a gentle smile. The second had light blue-gray skin, dark blue hair with light blue highlights, and a stern frown on her face.

"I'm afraid you're blocking the door," continued the first woman.

"S-Sorry," I stuttered.

I stepped aside and let the two in. They walked in and shut the door behind them.

"Ms. Glimmer, Ms. Heartstrings, I hope you two are doing well," the second woman said.

"Hello, Vice-Principal Luna. And hello to you too, Principal Celestia," said Lyra.

The first woman, Celestia, returned the greeting with a wave, "Hello to you too, Ms. Heartstrings."

The two women circled around behind the front desk and surveyed us for a moment.

"Please, have a seat," the second woman, Luna, said to me. 

Once I'd planted myself in a desk beside Lyra, Celestia spoke up again.

"It's always good to see familiar faces, even if I'd prefer it was under more positive circumstances." She looked at me, "But seeing as how not everyone here knows me, allow me to introduce myself. I am Principal Celestia, and this is my sister, Vice-Principal Luna."

Vice-Principal Luna gave me a polite nod, but said nothing.

"I won't be staying for long since I have many administrative duties to attend to," continued Celestia. "However, given the circumstances, I thought I would take the opportunity to talk to you three." 

She turned her full attention to me, "Jack Daniels, correct?"

"Yes," I answered.

"I have been told that you caused a bit of a disturbance in the cafeteria, and then ran all the way to Eventide Community Park. Starlight and Lyra followed you there, and you were soon found by Ms. Spitfire. Are these details correct?"

I reluctantly nodded.

"Good. Now, Ms. Spitfire told us what you told her, but she believes you were lying. We'd like to hear your side of the story before drawing any conclusions. So, would you please tell us what you told Ms. Spitfire?"

She could tell I was hesitant and added, "I promise that we won't judge you. We simply want to know what happened."

I repeated everything I'd said to Coach Spitfire, and the girls gave the same supporting testimonies they'd given earlier. When I was pressed about the cause of my episode, I gave them the same unspecific references to stress and "personal issues" as before, but tried to make my sincerity as clear as possible. After all, I wasn't lying. I was just neglecting to go into detail.

When I finished, Celestia met her sister's eyes for a long moment before returning her attention back to me.

"We were also told that you planned on skipping fourth period. Is this true?" 

I prepared to give her the same lie Starlight had given to Spitfire, but stopped. Though Celestia was smiling, her gaze was more piercing than even my father's. I instinctually knew that if I lied, she would know. 

"...We considered it."

Luna arched an eyebrow, "Explain."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. The Vice-Principal had the same look in her eyes as her sister.

"After...what happened, I was afraid to go back. A lot of people saw me, and I knew that most of the student body would know about it by the end of the day. I didn't want to have to deal with everybody making fun of me, and we knew I was going to be in trouble anyway, so we thought we might as well skip class and put off the mockery for a day."

Their gazes softened.

"I understand," said Celestia. "Judgement from one's peers is always daunting, and the fact that they can be cruel even in the face of legitimate mental distress only makes it worse. Here at Canterlot High, we try to foster a welcoming and safe environment for all of our students, so if the other students give you any grief over what happened, please let one of us know. I promise that we'll take care of it."

I was admittedly confused by their compassion. Weren't teachers only supposed to pretend to care, or have their hands tied by the administration if they actually were genuine? 

"I would like you to have a one-on-one meeting with Vice-Principal Luna sometime this week and discuss today's outburst. My hope is that you two can make a plan for making you feel welcome at this school, and to ensure something like this doesn't happen again. I'll let you two work out timing after detention."

Her warm smile quirked into a playful one, "In addition, I encourage you to talk to my sister if you ever need a listening ear. In spite of her perpetual scowl, she's performed exceptionally well as this school's guidance counselor."

Luna huffed, but didn't rise to the provocation. 

Celestia continued without missing a beat, "And know that no matter how busy I may be, my door will always be open as well. I care about you, and want you to thrive at this school. Both of us do. Every teacher here wants to see that happen, even Ms. Spitfire."

Luna cleared her throat, "On that note, we would like to apologize on her behalf. She should have sent you to my office rather than giving you detention. She assumed you were a trouble maker because of who you made friends with, and despite said friends' own issues..." she gave the girls a pointed look, "...she should not have jumped to conclusions. Rest assured, I will make sure such a mistake is not repeated."

I rubbed the back of my head, "Uh, thanks."

Celestia cleared her throat and turned from me to the girls, "Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you two about your behavior while you're here."

The two snapped to attention.

"In spite of your many disciplinary issues last year, I know that you two aren't bad girls. I've dealt with many students in my time in the education system, and I've become quite adept at getting a read on people. I can safely say that you two are smart, creative, and kindhearted young ladies. You are both perfectly capable of excelling, but only if you stop getting into trouble so often. Too many disciplinary actions will negatively impact your future in the long term." She smiled, "However, given the reason you chose to act out and get sent here today, I've made sure that today's detention will not reflect poorly on your record."

Starlight and Lyra perked up.

Luna spoke up, "This is a one-time occurrence, so don't think you can act out with no consequences in the future."

Starlight and Lyra shrunk back down in their seats.

"Sure. -I mean, yes, Vice-Principal Luna," said Lyra.

Celestia checked her watch and grimaced, "Good heavens, I'll be late for my meeting with the Social Studies department if I don't take off." 

She hastily gathered her papers and stood up, "I'm afraid I need to get going, so I'll leave you three in my sister's capable hands." She gave us a warm, motherly smile that made me feel like everything was going to be okay, "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Jack, and it's good to see you again, you two."

With that, she strode out of the room, leaving us alone with the Vice-Principal.

Luna silently sat down at the front desk, opened the binder she'd been carrying, and donned a pair of reading glasses.

"Hm...according to my roster, there were five people scheduled for after-school detention today. Jack Daniels, Lyra Heartstrings, and Starlight Glimmer are all present. Gilda and Garble are also supposed to be here, but-" she lazily scanned the room "-it seems as if they've skipped again. Staying true to form, I see."

She scribbled a few notes down before snapping it shut, "Get out your homework and use this time to work on it. The three of you may consult each other about your assignments, but you are not allowed to talk about unrelated topics. If you need help that your peers cannot provide, you are free to ask for my help. Should you act out and ignore my instructions in spite of the clemency you three have been granted, you will receive further disciplinary action. Do you all understand?"

"Yes ma'am," we replied in unison.

She smiled in satisfaction, "Good. Now get to work."

The rest of detention was uneventful. The three of us worked on homework and helped each other out when we could. Vice-Principal Luna would reprimand us when we tried to chat about something that was not schoolwork related, but she also gave us pointers on our work whenever we did not know how to help each other. Once time was up, she escorted us out of the building, and made arrangements with me for our meeting later that week while I waited for my ride.

So yeah, that's how that day went. It wasn't all bad. Mostly bad, but at least the Principal and Vice-Principal were nice.

...

I know, I know. Don't worry, I only have one more thing to go over before I get to the main event. As much as I would like to avoid it, it provides some context for everything that happened these last three days. With that said, it's time to talk about how I met the embodiment of evil itself.

Pinkie Pie.