Night Watcher leaned heavily on Candle Light at almost every opportunity. They were still afraid after all that had happened, and didn’t want to lose their mother again. They couldn’t be sure something terrible wouldn’t pop up to take her away again. That was what had always happened. They didn’t deserve to be happy.
But nothing came to take her away, not after a day, not after a week, after a month, a year, a decade, more. Night Watcher became less afraid, inch by inch, but they were still terrified. The Outer Realm had definitely traumatized them. They never wanted to speak of or think about that place again. Why had the bat pony been so insistent on hanging around there, awful as it was? They knew why.
They stood shyly behind Candle Light as they made their way down to the beach, but their attempt to hide was futile. In a few short seconds, they were assaulted by many hugs and shouts of happiness and laughter and more tears. There were many tears—mostly from Night Watcher, but a few others cried, too. They were still certain even after all the hugs that everypony would hate them, but nopony did. It was all smiles, their family wearing bright grins while Night Watcher’s was shy and bashful. There would be a lot of catching up to do tomorrow. And for the next year.
But before that, they swam at the beach with Candle Light and Aurora, and learned to fly under the light of the moon with their brother and sister and Crystal Clear and Turning Point. It was overwhelming. It was freeing. It felt like the end of a long journey. It helped to melt away a smidge of their fear.
It was a very long process though. Night Watcher cried a lot over the next few months while they lived with Turning Point and Aurora in their mother’s house in Summer’s Edge. They didn’t deserve this, not at all. How much time had they spent abandoning their family because they were afraid of nothing? They should have hated her, Candle Light most of all. And yet their mother stuck by their side, always. Night Watcher didn’t deserve that.
But now, instead of helping them to upload, Candle Light spent her time encouraging them and assuring them that it was okay, that of course everypony knew Night Watcher loved them, that they absolutely deserved to be happy. Had they always been this bad off? How long had it been since they were happy? Since before their mother died?
But she wasn’t dead. She was right there, reminding the bat pony of her love every day through a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. Night Watcher missed it dearly.
And Turning Point, too. Night Watcher didn’t realize how much they missed him until he was there again. They didn’t appreciate him when they had him in the Outer Realm. They were basically using him, tricking him. It was another reason why he should’ve hated them, why the bat pony didn’t deserve to be happy.
What had they even done to deserve happiness? Nothing. Nothing but try to kill their mother, refuse to talk to her when they realized they were wrong, and tried to kill their family, too. There was so much cognitive dissonance, but was it even really that? They knew what the correct choice was; they knew it all along. And they still refused to make it, until there was no choice left. That behavior didn’t deserve happiness. It didn’t deserve anything but dying in the middle of the street in North Dakota.
But just like Candle Light, he was there to say that it was okay, that despite everything, Night Watcher was the one who saved him. That after everything, he absolutely still loved her, but he would understand if they just wanted to be friends. Absolutely selfless, just like Candle Light. How had Night Watcher been lucky enough to come across a stallion like him?
But no, they didn’t want to be just friends. No way would Night Watcher ever give up somepony like Turning Point. Not when they just started to appreciate him. It meant another conversation Night Watcher had to have about explaining themself—being mostly asexual—but Turning Point was okay with that. Of course it made Night Watcher cry once again as they held tightly onto him. The stallion had saved them, too.
Watching Aurora slowly, very slowly, grow up helped to settle their nerves, helped them to accept that they weren’t hated and deserved happiness. The filly was so smart, and bright, too. She excelled in school, and loved to listen to Candle Light read about magic to her. It was only right to let her change into being a unicorn. Maybe someday she’d have both wings and a unicorn horn. Wouldn’t that be a sight? She’d be just like Princess Celestia.
But it was still a process Night Watcher went through, not hating themself for all the stupid decisions they made, for waiting so long to emigrate. Why hadn’t they done this sooner? They knew why.
The bat pony talked about it with their little sister—no, their older sister. They were definitely the youngest now, that was a fact. Just another reminder of how much time they wasted, how much they screwed it all up, why everypony should hate them.
“Why would anypony hate you?” Warm Spell asked, confusion painted on her face as they sat in the two’s shard together. In Warm Spell’s shard now. Night Watcher never came here anymore, wanting to be as near to Candle Light as they could possibly be. Their older sister insisted though that it still belonged to both of them.
“If this is because of how long it took you to get here,” she continued, “everypony already forgives you. I certainly do. None of that matters anymore. We’ve missed having you around.”
“I don’t see why you would,” Night Watcher sighed. They tried to believe her though, as hard as it was. Candle Light promised they would be happy in Equestria, and their mother wasn’t one to tell a lie. If she promised, it was going to happen. They had to trust that.
“I just… don’t really know what I’m supposed to do now,” they continued. “I haven't been doing anything since I got here.” They sniffed, and said, “And it's weird having everyone—err, everypony—be older than me. Except for my daughter.”
Warm Spell laughed at that. “Maybe that's what you get for taking so long to get here.” The bat pony looked down at their hooves, and the unicorn lit up her horn to touch their shoulder. She pulled their gaze back up to her eyes.
“Hey,” she told them. “If everypony being older than you is the worst thing there is, then I'd say things are pretty good. And maybe Celestia let so much time pass in Equestria while you were in the Outer Realm because of that. You always wanted to protect us, when really, you needed the most protecting.”
Night Watcher couldn't help but smile shyly at that. That was an interesting spin their sister put on it. They really did need protecting, didn’t they? They were the one who was the most afraid, after all, who needed the most care and comfort and love. Maybe this was the way it was meant to be, strange as it was.
“What am I supposed to do though?” the bat pony asked again. “What can I do?”
“Anything you want,” Warm Spell told her, almost as brightly as Candle Light always seemed to be. She moved to sit next to Night Watcher, and wrapped a hoof around her shoulder, in a way Night Watcher never did in the Outer Realm. She really was going to act like their older sister, wasn’t she?
“There’s a whole big world out there for you to explore, Nighty,” the mare grinned, “and I’ll be your tour guide! We can bring your coltfriend and Aurora with us, too, if you want! It’ll be fun!”
“I think I’ll just stay in Summer’s Edge for a while, to be honest,” the bat pony replied, their smile growing. “But maybe seeing new places every once in a while would be okay? As long as Mom was with us.”
Warm Spell laughed again. “You’re just like Ma is, seriously. But staying in Summer’s Edge and going bowling and swimming at the beach would be fun, too.”
Yes, that would be fun. It was still hard for Night Watcher to believe they deserved to be happy after everything, but they were slowly letting it settle on them. They’d wasted so much time afraid and upset about losing everyone around them. It was going to be hard to let that feeling go entirely.
But they would work on it.