My Poor Brain
Candle Light loved her life in Equestria. She honestly felt like she was twenty years old again.
She honestly couldn’t think of one thing she disliked about the world she now inhabited. She was a mare who had a gigantic house, younger body, no job, wonderful friends, a world of things to explore– it was perfect. Even only seeing her family once every month or two wasn’t terrible. It gave her time to maximize her new interests and take in all the experiences while still being in her childrens’ day-to-day life. Even Daphne had finally started visiting her. It was better than she ever expected.
Her two years in Equestria drifted into three, and then four and five, and eventually she began to lose track. Was she at ten now? Slightly more? She didn’t know, but that was okay. There were so many things to do to occupy her time. And besides, she could keep track of time in the Outer Realm just by how many times her family saw her. Eleven months in their time it had been since she moved to Equestria. She got to watch her kids slowly grow up while she became young again.
It wasn’t terribly long after she visited Rising Ranks’ home in Canterlot when she enrolled into a course on thaumatology at the university in the city. The night she spent with the stallion learning spells ended exactly as she expected it to– with a yawn when she finally closed the book they were reading and an assurance that she would see him again tomorrow. The two were just friends, and that’s how they remained.
For a while, anyway. Candle Light might have slipped up on the being ‘just friends’ part once or twice over the years. What could she say though? There was a lot of magic to learn, and Rising Ranks was there to help her learn it all. How could she truly learn all about spell casting if she didn’t study the way Rising Ranks made her horn spark like that?
Maybe it was more than once or twice.
But more than that, Rising Ranks was just a nice stallion to spend time with. He was funny, and kind, and upbeat, and confident, and knowledgeable. And maybe kind of handsome with his green and black mane and those glasses that matched hers. A little bit rugged, too, but not overly so. He was the kind of stallion Candle Light would’ve wanted if she was a teenage girl. Or if she was a mare in Equestria. What was that he said about Celestia finding the perfect ponies from the Outer Realm for Equestrians to be with? She wondered if he was built specifically for her. It was a strange thought.
Was it weird that she didn’t feel terribly guilty about all of it? She felt like she should’ve been, but no guilt or shame showed itself. In fact, it was kind of easy to compartmentalize her life with her family in the Outer Realm away from her life in Equestria. She still loved her wife very much, and definitely liked her more than she liked spending time with Rising Ranks. But she had to admit, it was a little more difficult to maintain the intimate connection with Crystal Clear from so far away. The earth pony admitted as such, too, one day while they were at Candle Light’s favorite beach spot.
“It feels like every day you’re just a little younger, Candle,” her wife told her. “You’re acting like you’re a teenager again,” she said. “All excited about everything and hanging out with younger mares and stuff. And you said you’re attending a university?”
“Yup!” she grinned. “Studying magic. And then later I’m gonna work more on science and physics. I learned this week from one of the professors that Celestia is trying to streamline the emigration process so it’s much quicker and less surgeons are needed. Maybe even none! It’d be cool to figure out what that’s about.”
“Well, I don’t know anything about that kind of stuff,” her wife said bashfully, “but maybe when I finally get there, I’ll know as much about it as you.”
“And you’ll be twenty years younger, just like Rising Ranks and I, too,” she confirmed. Candle Light thought she even sounded younger somehow. It might have been a slow change, but she noticed a little more confidence in her own voice, and a little bit of fun there, too. She spoke a bit faster, and maybe a little louder? She certainly didn’t mind it.
“And then I turn into a stallion to match you?” the mare asked lightly. “I’m gonna have to compete with that friend you keep talking about, aren’t I?”
“Haha, maybe,” Candle Light said quickly, glancing away for a moment. She debated in her head whether or not to continue, then said, “Actually, uh, I’ve been… getting kind of close with Rising Ranks recently.” Close enough for him to be on top of me, she thought. Crystal Clear only blinked at her.
The unicorn’s face was a cross between a smile and a grimace, and she rubbed one of her hooves behind another. She was unsure how her wife would take it, and figured it would be one of two ways. One reaction would be worse than the other.
It was the better of the two. After a long moment of silence, the earth pony smiled again. “That’s just like all men, I think,” she said, “to wonder about having sex with a guy as a girl.” It wasn’t quite what Candle Light meant, but she didn’t correct her.
“I mean, as long as you’re not messing around with other mares,” she said, “I… wouldn’t care if you experimented like that? You told me about that before we got married, right? This could be your chance until I get there and finally turn you back into a stallion.”
Yeah. That. That was the part of her reaction that wasn’t great
It was what Candle Light expected. Either ignorance or anger. She was glad it was the former, although her wife’s ignorance was just another sign of how she’d changed. Several years ago (or was it months ago?), she probably would’ve viewed what she said like that, too.
Was Candle Light really changing this much? It was kind of scary to think about.
“Don’t tell the kids about that though, please?” she asked, looking away sheepishly.
“Of course not, honey.”
“Also,” the unicorn continued, glancing away for a second before looking her in the eyes. “It’d be nice to be intimate with you again, too. It’s been… a long time.”
Crystal Clear teared up, but still smiled. “Yeah, it has, hasn’t it, honey?”
“I miss you a lot,” Candle Light said. “You and the kids. Every day. And I can’t wait for you guys to get here so I can be with you every day again.” It was the one hundred percent truth, even if she was anxious about what her wife would think when she didn’t change back.
She had a feeling it would work out though. Everything else in Equestria was working out up to this point. Heck, it was going so well that her wife even said she didn't care if she messed around with other stallions. It was all so perfect.
It was strange to think that this was what her life was like now. It wasn’t something she would’ve expected for herself ten years ago, but she certainly wasn’t going to complain. She had much better things to do than that, and lots of time and friends to do all those things.
Daphne slowly became more and more worried about her life on Earth. It felt like twenty years had passed since her father died. Or maybe more accurately, since her father uploaded.
Instead, it was only one year. Or maybe a little less than that. Eleven months? She wasn’t entirely sure. It was hard to keep track because of how quickly the world changed. It felt like only a blink.
In a blink, America quickly started to reduce its population. Daphne thought that it’d be in the tens of thousands that people would choose to ‘emigrate’ to Equestria. Instead, it was by the millions. How much of the country had quickly accepted the opportunity to jump into Equestria so far? Ten percent? Twenty? It was an insane amount. Way above the level she thought this would get to, at least this quickly.
It convinced her a little more about Equestria– well, she thought so anyway. No way this many people would choose death without being sure it was real. But then again, there was still something strange about how fast this was all happening. She expected that once this was available for cheap in America to do, people would jump at the opportunity at first, and then the fervor would slowly peter out. Instead though, it seemed like it was holding steady, and picking up pace even. Where would this go in another year? To half the country being digital?
Of course, the price for uploading quickly lowered as well. A thousand dollars in America turned into five hundred, then two fifty, then one hundred. Slowly, it was coming to a point where she imagined it was going to be made free. How would the company who made Equestria Online make any money in that case? It did make the whole operation seem more convincing though, even if it was just that much more nerve wracking.
She tried not to think about all of it, but it was impossible to do with how much the world seemed to revolve around the game more and more day by day. Other forms of technology seemed to become obsolete, and all that played on the news these days was how many people had uploaded and what the stock prices of whatever companies would be because of it. They even talked recently about having a tough time enforcing restrictions about parental consent for minors in some places to prevent emigration. It was all scary stuff.
Daphne did her best to ignore the noise though. She was already having a difficult enough time accepting Can– her father as he (she?) was. She focused on talking to the unicorn most days, something she appreciated as much as the mare did. It really did feel like her father, and relaxed her some. It at least helped her grieve, and get over some of the depression she was facing. And if it really was her father, then this would be a real gift to her. To all of humanity.
She did notice over the weeks and months of interacting with the mare that she started to change. Not physically though; the unicorn was already as changed as she probably was ever going to be. But her personality shifted, day by day. If it was over the years that Candle Light said she was spending in Equestria, Daphne might not have noticed it. But over the course of just a year, she could see her father every day act less and less like her father.
Instead, the mare was more excitable and talkative. She seemed more like she was becoming more her friend than her parent. Daphne tried not to be taken aback by the changes, reminding herself that, apparently, it had been ten years from Candle Light’s perspective. Was this why she asked before about them going to Equestria to live with her? Would this be what her mother changed into as well if they did?
“So then what do you do all day, Dad?” Daphne asked. “Is it still just university stuff and learning magic? No job? Are you ever gonna get one?”
“Nah, not for a while,” she waved a hoof with a grin. “I haven’t had one since I got here. I was thinking maybe waiting for you and your mother and everyone else to get here before I looked. I’ve just been spending time with other ponies and doing things on my own instead for now. I have as much time as I want either way. Why waste it?”
Daphne’s pony nodded along with her, but she didn’t say anything yet. Her father was so much more energetic and excited than he was as a human. It was jarring.
“But I can get one if you think I should,” the pony added, seeing her downcast expression. “Maybe, like, opening a coffee shop? I bet Celestia would give me the bits to own one if I asked. Or maybe I’d be a novelist! I have a whole bunch of good ideas, and a lot of time to write!”
“No, you don’t need to do that,” she told her. “I don’t really care what you do, Dad. It’s just weird seeing you acting so different now.”
“That’s what I was thinking!” she exclaimed. “I was talking with your mother about that a few months ago, actually! I can see it in myself! It was part of the reason why I was hoping you guys would show up soon!”
“I mean, it’s not bad,” Daphne said uncomfortably, glancing away. “I don’t know what Mom and them think, but it’s not terrible. It’s just weird.” Her bat pony rubbed a hoof against the ground, and she continued, “And I thought you said you wouldn’t talk about that.”
“It’s important, Nighty!” Candle Light told her. “I’m fine with waiting for you guys, but I don’t wanna wait forever. I wanna spend time with you in real life soon. Your mother said before that she would think about it. Can’t you?”
Daphne let out a long sigh. “I’ll try, I guess… I just hate the idea of it. Seriously, Dad.” She let out another breath, and then smiled, chuckling, “It’s kind of funny that you’re calling Equestria real life, though.”
“It’s real life to me,” the unicorn shrugged. “I live here. Like, it’s kind of hard to believe that I used to live out there. But I know I did because you’re all still out there even though this is, like, the perfect version of real life.” She paused, and added, “And I worry about you. I want you and everypony else to be safe.”
She sighed for a third time. “I know, Dad,” she told the mare, “but I don’t wanna talk about this right now…”
“I’m sorry,” Candle Light said sadly. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable… How's school and everything going? For your siblings, too? But also, are you gonna start college soon?” The mare smiled, and said, “It would be fun if you and I went to college together here in Canterlot. I’m learning a lot more than I thought I ever would in my life. Mostly about biology these last few months, but hopefully I can take more physics courses soon.”
“Yeah, that sounds like that’d be interesting,” Daphne said, mostly dodging the question. “And they’re good, as far as I know. Livvy’s spending the night at a friend’s house, I think, and Liana likes one of the guys in her class, she told me. Stevie had to go to summer school this summer, remember? But it’s basically fine for everyone.”
“That’s good,” Candle Light smiled. “And what about things in general? Is everyone okay? You, too, I mean.”
“Other than how weird things are getting with Equestria Online?” she said. “It’s all fine.”
That was a lie. It wasn’t fine. What would happen when it got to a point where society couldn’t keep up with how many people were heading to the Experience Centers? Daphne had no idea, but it’d be bad. It wouldn’t be just the stocks of rich people affected if too many people left.
“It’s more interesting hearing about you though, Dad… should I even still be calling you ‘Dad’ at this point?”
“It’s fine, honey,” Candle Light assured her. “You can call me whatever you want. I don’t mind.” Then she said, “But tell me about how things are getting weird in the Outer Realm. I was just talking about the Outer Realm with my friend Soft Step the other day, and wanna–”
“Hold on, Dad,” she interrupted. “Someone’s at the door… actually, I’ll talk to you again tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay! Sounds great! I’ll try to plan something for when you come back! I love you!”
“Love you,” she said before quickly clicking off the device. It still gave her goosebumps to talk to the mare, but Daphne was much more used to it now. She did have to wonder though, at least for a second, what it would be like if she uploaded like a lot of people these days were doing, too. Knowing that many other people were emigrating gave her more confidence in the process.
All of that confidence was stolen away a few seconds later when she opened the door to see a police officer.
“Is this the home and family of Olivia Slater?” he asked professionally. Daphne only blinked back silently, no words able to be spoken.