6 AM.
Twilight had yet to raise the Sun. All were asleep this Saturday morning besides the early birds, of whom included a filly: a psycho, a scoundrel responsible for the darkest days of Equestria’s history.
She had awoken an hour ago and wandered her shared den of iniquity—what was once a cave, now a lair—past the doors of her accomplices: one ajar and one closed. Her body dwarfed the height of the telephone table—stolen, one spoil of her crimes—so she ascended into a mode of hovering. One by one, she twisted the rotary dial to call the number of a slumbering Princess.
Two idle beeps played on repeat, until she picked up.
“Cozy Glow…” Princess Flurry Heart said. “Why are you calling me so early… The Sun’s not even up.”
“Jeez, aren’t I allowed to remind my fifth-least-hated Princess about our hangout in three hours?” Cozy asked. “Or did Twilight take that freedom away too?”
Flurry yawned. “Oh yeah.”
Since the trailers dropped over six months ago, to the conversation being had now, Cozy Glow and Flurry Heart had suffered the agony of anticipation. Her Majesty had failed to sway over a seat for the world premiere because, apparently, she ignored the last hundred-something invites. Meanwhile, Cozy had to add a new glittery sticker to the map of places she was banned from after she broke into the studio’s warehouse; then out of jail, because she refused to call her best friend for bail bits.
None of that matters now though. The moment was upon them. Soon they’ll walk or hover into the dirtier-than-red carpeted theatre towards the seats and express the culmination of common excitement as the adverts end and the projectors start to roll the opening sequence of:
“Oponeheimer!” “Baleie!” Cozy and Flury respectively shouted in unison.
Perhaps they should’ve called it by its proper title instead of ‘that upcoming movie’ for the better half of a year. Fragile silence followed, only to be broken by Cozy—not by a soft query, but by a shout. “What?!”
Flurry dropped her cell phone as the houseline distorted Cozy’s loudness into prickly static. Before it hit the floor, she encased it inside of a yellow sound-proof bubble. Flicking her horn took less effort for the Princess than plugging her ears, but she did that also. The force of Cozy’s voice made Flurry stagger to her flank, but at least now she could rest protected under her spell.
The bubble rippled once. Strange, Flurry thought. But it’s a bubble, and a bit of jiggle every once in a while should be—
The bubble rippled again as a muffled voice could be heard saying, “Flurry?”
There’s no way she could possibly—
“Flurry?!” Cozy yelled. The bubble popped. It released a shockwave of energy that shot Flurry to the other side of her bedroom. That took a while since her parents gave her one of the best rooms in the castle. She had a personal bathroom, a balcony, a Princess-sized bed, and whatever else Cozy refused to admit she was jealous of, but who wouldn’t be?
Flurry made a note to self: current muffling spell only works for Cozy’s snoring. Once she slid down from the crack that she (really Cozy) made against the wall, onto her desk, she levitated over the phone from the other side of the room and, in a mentally tired voice, uttered, “Yes?”
“You’re seeing Oponeheimer? Are you kidding me? Aren’t you supposed to be, I dunno, a Princess? With a crown and magic and loving parents? Why would watch something like that?”
Flurry hated those expectations. “Well, you’re a supervillain! I thought you love dark, gritter, sophisticated—”
Snoring from across the line interrupted her. “Boring,” Cozy said. “Do I have to remind everypony that I’m also, y’know, a filly! I’m not literally the primordial reincarnation of manipulative tendencies, but they all look at me as if I’ve grown a horn. I wish… Also, you’re not even old enough to see that movie. It’s for grown-ups only!”
“Oh yeah…” Flurry hadn’t thought of that. “Can I borrow your ID?”
“What? No! Aren’t Alicorns one of the highest-level beings?”
“Maybe?”
“The answer’s yes. Just go play with an age spell, after you ditch your snooze fest and join me instead in experiencing this masterpiece, monument of cinema, absolute… what are those made-up words that Luster uses?”
“Peak, kin-something, I think,” Flurry recalled. “Aren’t the tickets sold out anyways? When we shared a seat last time on the carriage you called me names.”
“Because your—”
Flurry sniffled.
“…I got you a ticket,” Cozy said.
“R-really? I actually got you one too.”
Cozy paused. “Wait, did you think for a moment that I would’ve forgotten? It made total sense for me to buy you one, but for you to buy one for me?”
Flurry rolled her eyes. “I bought five, actually. There’s one for me, you, Mom, Dad, and Luster.”
“Huh. I bought one for me, you, Tirek, Chryssie, and a guest of your choice.”
“Guess we’ll be seeing different movies…”
“Orrrr you could help me use up my tickets? Y’know, not everypony is swimming in bits, Princess,” Cozy hissed. “Why don’t you consider my poor wallet for a change?” She started to fake sob.
“Cozy, your whole ‘household’ lives off a welfare cheque cut from my allowance, on my own unprompted goodwill to see you three reformed, because I had sympathy for when nocreature else did, and now you’re telling me that you can’t even sacrifice a few hours of your weekend to watch a movie together?” It was Flurry’s turn for crocodile tears.
Cozy hovered speechless. “You send us money?”
“Ugh!” Flurry’s golden aura jolted out of the telephone and latched around Cozy’s chest and stomach. The phone now held in midair by a tight chain of the Princess’ magic, she yelled, “How did you not know that?!”
One similarity between Cozy and Flurry: both had short fuses. Test either one of filly’s patience and they say you’ll hear a snap before they turn from cherub to Ruler of Tartarus. Cozy might’ve held longer grudges, but you had less of a chance of surviving Flurry’s tantrums. It became publicly known that all the damage she causes comes directly out of her allowance.
After the incident that revealed that tidbit, most who cross her would rather pay out of pocket the hospital or collateral damage bills, or both, than ask the Crystal Government for help.
Now Cozy found herself in one of those, again, for the umpteenth time this week. At least she doesn’t steal your cutie mark and pretends to forget where she hid it. The empathetic part of Cozy’s brain hadn’t fully atrophied yet, and she had many actions to be ashamed of. The day she pissed off Luster (as in, really pissed off) was the day she discovered what ‘losing your mind’ meant, more than what a near decade being an unageing, conscious, paralyzed park ornament could’ve ever taught her.
Flurry’s aura left no wiggle room; her tenacity could replace a wave detector’s suspension. Cozy’s hind legs failed to reach the cord, but if she managed to unplug the telephone, she thought, it wouldn’t be impossible that Flurry would act petty and teleport all the hundreds of miles from her Crystal Castle to her humble abode. As Flurry whipped her up and down, Cozy’s mind raced to concoct a solution.
“Gee—Flurry—calm down,” Cozy said in sliced sentences. “Let’s ask—Luster!”
The inferno-eyed Princess stopped. “What do you mean?”
Cozy needed a moment to swallow back her stomach. “Why don’t you ask Luster?” she suggested through clamped lung. “As in, which movie we should watch.”
The gears inside of the Princess’ head started to turn. “I guess that could work… Yeah! Let’s do that! See you in a couple of—” The line hung up.
With the very tip of her hoof, Cozy managed to step on the button to end their call. Once Flurry’s aura was severed and she fell to the floor, she took a revitalizing deep breath. Her once perfectly preened fleet of feathers was now ruffled, and mane in dire need of a comb. The curls Cozy wore took love, time, effort, artistry, electricity, and product to get right; otherwise, she’d look unpresentable.
As part of a cruel injustice, Twilight had given Luster relic pictures of her in Tartarus, and the scornful filly would pretend she couldn’t tell a difference between her mane then and now—well, ‘now’ in the general sense. Luster was also, technically, as a result of a whole slew of messes and complications, a pinch of nepotism, and because Twilight asked everyone else and got no other offers—as in, she sent a letter to every Equestrian citizen, excluding a Princess whose parents disapproved and supervillains—Cozy’s conservator.
The fervent student of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns held the legal right to veto any decision Cozy makes under the same protections and limits as any other guardian, despite being roughly the same age, and Cozy’s history of deceiving creatures far more powerful. It baffled the young supervillain how Luster’s parents could have ever approved, especially since her mom hides herself wherever she visits her house.
But now wasn’t the time to mope over life’s misfortunes. There were only a hundred and seventy minutes until the advertisements would roll, and they were a vital part of the movie-going experience. She dragged herself across the floor towards the breakfast table—hosting Lord Tirek.
He sat in front of a quarter-eaten slice of buttered toast. A gift from Cozy stood next to the plate: a mug with his grumpy face on two ends perpendicular to the handle and on the base. He held a travel book of crossword puzzles in one hand, whilst the other clicked a pen against his chin. Through a pair of reading glasses, he murmured, “What word, and word?”
The thumps of the filly’s hooves inching closer prompted Tirek’s eyes upwards whilst his head remained in place. As she ascended up to her seat, he marveled for the hundredth time at how Cozy’s nubs for wings managed to get her body off the ground. Were they supposed to be watching her diet? Isn’t that the other brat’s job?
Chrysalis entered the room. The Bug(-once) Queen wore a light robe and held in her hue a mug that was similar to Tirek’s but personalized with her vicious face. At least she didn’t buy the ones at the Bit Store with her petrified expression, though there at least her pose didn’t look as pathetic as the other two’s. She yawned.
Not before she could stop Cozy from saying, “Good morning,” Chrysalis laid out the heartbreaking news.
“We ran out of milk.” She swiped her milkstache off her muzzle and placed her mug of black coffee onto a coaster that Tirek slid over.
“Cozy, do you know a five-letter word that can mean, ‘pardon’ or ‘apologies’?” Tirek asked.
“Sorry, what?!” Cozy slammed the table; Tirek and Chrysalis preemptively lifted their mugs. She dropped her head on the table, her cheeks smushed into large wheels. “What am I supposed to eat?”
Chrysalis took a sip of her coffee. “How about anything else other than that luridly packaged, vile sugary poison?” Another sip. Her eyes dilated in the delight of morning coffee. She swallowed and noticed Cozy's eyes. “I am not turning into a cow! Again… Who am I, your… well…” She stood on the table, pressed her hoof against Cozy’s muzzle, and declared, “I refuse!”
As Chrysalis got back down, Cozy sighed. “Guess we’ll have to get breakfast on the way to the cinema.” She started to smile.
Tirek stopped clicking his pen and looked up at the filly.
Chrysalis chuckled. “Cozy, rest assured that as we speak the brat who pays for our lights is indulging herself on the most exotic and delectable dishes in all of Eque—no, the world, whilst you pretend to fast over milk for you and wittle pwincess’ playdate.”
“Now, Chrysalis,” Tirek said, “Cozy’s obviously referring to that daughter of—”
“Starlight Glimmer,” Chrysalis said between her teeth. She squeezed her mug until it shattered out of anger. Before Cozy could whine, she mended it under a swirl of green flames. After a sip she added, “Even I wouldn’t name my most cowardice embarrassment of an offspring ‘Luster’. I’d rather go back and pay Pharynx to bully that drone. Maybe he would’ve cried his way into a hostile civilization, then I’d love to see where Friendship gets him when he’s starving and strapped under a scalpel!”
“Starlight can get really involved when other creatures upset her daughter,” Cozy said, head now upright.
“That’s why of the third musketeer’s only two friends, one is legally bound to her. The other’s more interested in you.” Chrysalis sipped.
“She has at least four other friends.”
“Only so she’ll look good in front of her idol. I pray that she fails to indoctrinate another creature into her cult. Equestria doesn’t need another sextet. Plus, she only has that Earth pony around because she can’t cook.”
Tirek said, “That foal’s more hopeless than her mother when it comes to living life without a spell. I’d eat whatever deep-fried sludge they serve up at those establishments if it otherwise meant I had to endure their homemade slop.”
Tirek and Chrysalis laughed.
“I actually meant you two!” Cozy revealed in her ‘innocent’ look: forehooves pressed together, head nudged forwards, eyes bulging upwards, topped by a grin; and if she could cast spells, she’d have a halo over her head.
Her eyes went completely ignored, even after she shouted, “Hey!” She flew in front of Chrysalis’ face directly, and commanded, “We will watch Baleie, and we will all be at the door in thirty minutes or less! I had to hunt a scalper to get these tickets!”
Chrysalis grabbed Cozy’s face in a green gleam and pushed her to the side. “Baleie? Oh, I thought you wanted us to go to that other film.”
“So you’ll go?” Cozy asked, flying back into her face.
Chrysalis shoved the bumblebee away again, onto the table. “Of course not! I only said that to highlight how even after these painful, longest months of my life, you still continue to disappoint me with your act. I wouldn’t be caught petrified watching that filth. Wouldn’t you agree, Lord Tirek?”
“Definitely—I mean, why would anycreature pay money to watch an advertisement for toys?” Tirek attempted to look away, but he became Cozy’s new target as she made a beeline towards the centaur. As he turned his head, Cozy would fly around to face him, until she smacked into Chrysalis; she hissed in defense of her coffee.
Cozy sulked and looked down at her crossing her forehooves. “Well alrighty then. I guess I’ll just have to go all by myself. I went through all the trouble of getting five tickets, but nocreature wants to hang out with me…”
As she sniffled her way to the door, Tirek and Chrysalis exchanged looks.
“I mean,” Tirek said, “this ‘Baleie’ movie is far too pink for a centaur of my tastes, but if I had to go for your sake, I assume I could treat it as a sort of… endurance test?”
Chrysalis drank until her mug flipped upside down, tapped the base, and licked her lips. “I don’t know what sort of pitiful creature would entertain a franchise designed for little fillies—it’s absurd—but if I had to go, perhaps I could find a morsel of enjoyment feasting on the love of others.”
“So you’ll both go?”
Tirek’s faint nob was punished by a Cozy hug; both her back and front legs wrapped around his chest. He pulled away by a roll of skin behind her neck as if she were a kitten. “Oh golly, yes!” she said. “Thank you two so much! No taksies backsies!” She pecked the centaur on the forehead and went over to deal Chrysalis the same fate but received an empty mug before she could respond.
“We should hurry up and get ready,” Chrysalis said. “I already despise this movie, but I won’t humiliate myself more by being late.”
Cozy placed the mug on the kitchen counter and thought she’d try once again to hug Chrysalis, but with her back turned, she teleported right before Cozy’s coat could brush her exoskeleton. She never even unlocked her door, and Tirek went into his room, so that meant Cozy could only get ready.
The filly’s bedroom had pink walls of wallpaper below a white painted ceiling, a made double bed covered in a duvet outlined by a golden lace, four pillows, a separate pink blanket nest, and a bunch of other stuff also stolen from Flurry’s wardrobe.
She also had an extra cushion made in the shape and design of her rook. They used to be very popular, alongside masks for Nightmare Night, though at least the latter wasn’t out of admiration, as made obvious by the egging, TP-ing, and graffiti her (their) statue endured; they nearly managed to topple her over a few times. After her release and word got around that she remembered those events, stores and factories pushed the button to destroy all the products.
Petrification makes you miss the simple pleasures of life: forest walks, sky strolls, and watching a fun movie not with the only okayish Princess. This would be Cozy’s first cinema experience in ten years, and she had to be presentable. For this special occasion, she flew above her dresser and pulled out from the back of the top: a box. Inside lay a spectrum of bows, each tied around a foam cushion like watches. Each color evoked a different emotion, and for today’s outing, she went with a classic: a bright red, not dissimilar to what Apple Bloom wears.
Golly, it’s been a long time since I talked to those three, Cozy thought. They probably still hate me… oh well!
She shrugged and replaced her cream-colored bunny ears with a set more vivid, perfumed her shoulders, powered her cheeks, and preened her feathers. Around her neck, she wore a light broad necklace similar to what Alicorn magic would conjure around her neck but made of beads to look more opulent and less militant. For a dress, she went puffy and sky-blue with a white underneath and edges, and of course slots on the back for her wings. Now all she had left was her curls.
What was meant by ‘electricity’ earlier was that she would clamp ginormous alligator clips onto her hair and let the high voltages zap her ringlets into place. It was a very big and loud showcase, but her curls didn’t get where they were today by being brushed around.
Again, Luster couldn’t tell the difference between Cozy's mane in Tartarus versus after several doses of shock that made the lights in the laid flicker, but Cozy could, and she actually believed in her own opinions.
She looked at herself in the mirror. Perfect.
Tirek knocked on her door with a knuckle. “Ready, Cozy Glow?”
Cozy flew out of her room and—“Oh golly! You both dressed up too?” She had to rub her eyes to make sure she saw correctly.
Tirek had a tuxedo, gelled-up hair, and a red tie like Cozy’s except darker and around his neck. His piquant cologne drowned out Cozy’s fragrances. He used his hand wearing a golden wristwatch to pull out a golden pocket watch from under his suit.
Chrysalis had a dark emerald dress with matching horseshoes and hair tied up in a bun. Her crown had been twisted into a flowery shape, one that had orbs for pedals. A navy-colored flower rested over her right ear, and Cozy could’ve sworn she noticed a smile.
“Enough admiration,” Chrysalis said. “Seems we’re all set to supervise Cozy’s date.” Tirek nodded and the two went towards the door.
“Hey!” Cozy said, hooves on her hips.
Chrysalis opened the front door and specified, “Playdate, you twerp.”
Cozy rolled her eyes but her smile quickly returned.
As they caught the sunrise on the way out, Tirek shoved a long list into the chests of two invisible royal guards. Any other creature wouldn’t have been able to spot them, but the Legion of Doom’s could; even Cozy noticed. Seems Twilight’s spy watches aren’t as effective as she thought.
Both deluded themselves in the idea that perhaps Tirek did that motion randomly and those eyes weren’t concrete confirmation of their discovery, and that they should keep quiet. That was until they read the list they were given, which to an outsider looked as if it was hovering.
“A carton of milk, or two but only if there’s an offer.’ ‘Polish the brat’s relic collection—hey! We’re not your—”
Cozy looked back at the two as the Tirek and Chrysalis walked along. Even she sends chills down the spines of guards—and also couples contemplating parenthood. Once she realized her success, she went to join Tirek and Chrysalis at the end of a cliff.
The centaur had his left hand behind his back and his right in the shape of an ‘L’ that he slid downward diagonally across the air. The motion ripped a portal wide enough for all three to walk in all at once; but Cozy flew in first.
“Don’t you dare get yourself lost!” shouted Chrysalis.
On the other side in Ponyville, creatures had already started to flee, screaming. Vendors abandoned their stalls or hid under the counter. Cozy used to try and lecture the creatures, then she thought she’d play along by peeking through their windows or hiding places. But that didn’t make her feel better, unless she recognized one of their faces from her school or statues days. Often, she picked up on at least a few facial characteristics which indicated they had a bad apple in their family. She eventually stopped trying to explain how her conquests for power were justified beyond the need of an apology.
But that all failed to get her down today.
“Off we go!” Cozy declared. “This way to the nearest Hayburger!”