That familiar dread, a feeling of purest anxiety that always threatened to overwhelm her every time she had to walk into a social situation. This time magnified a hundred times by the weight of expectation, which she knew her sister hadn't meant to heap onto her but nevertheless made it feel as though she was wading through thick black tar when all she had to do was trot along the road.
Her sister had bounced away to talk to her friends, leaving Maud alone with nopony for company. Well, that was not strictly true; she had Boulder and Gummy, but neither of them were really helping at the moment. She slowly crested the hill, and her eyes followed the path down to an idyllic looking copse by a small lake.
Maud Pie approached the group gathered around a picnic, her steps tortured. An unmistakable rising panic lingered beneath her composed facade as she made her way towards Pinkie Pie's friends. Social anxiety tightened its grip around her, casting a shadow over what should have been a delightful moment.
"We're over here, Maud!" Her sister was calling, waving and being her usual bubbly self.
I'm going to do this for my sister, thought Maud, no matter what happens.
Maud's blue eyes gazed into the distance to avoid the expectant faces, unable to meet the eyes that were all looking in her direction for more than a few moments. The weight of expectation bore down, making her every movement feel restrained and unnatural. The world around her seemed to swirl with a maelstrom of unfamiliarity, intensifying her inner struggle.
As she drew closer, her shoulders tensed, and a fleeting worry flickered in her eyes. Social interactions had always been a challenge for Maud, and this occasion was no exception. The fear of judgement and the uncertainty of being accepted gnawed at her, threatening to undermine her desire for connection.
Maud's lips pressed into a thin line, an unconscious defence against the mounting anxiety. Her mind raced, filled with self-doubt and a longing to retreat to the familiar solitude she often sought refuge in. But within the depths of her vulnerability, she knew she had a well worn protection. Her face smoothed into her familiar mask of impassive indifference. The shield that kept the world at bay.
With each step, Maud still wrestled with her anxiety. She reminded herself that shared joy and camaraderie awaited her, if only she could push past the barriers that held her back. She was determined to embrace the opportunity for connection and growth. Or at least her inner self was. As usual her body seemed to have other ideas.
As Maud finally neared the group, she could feel the rising panic to overwhelm her. Like she was swimming underwater too long and couldn't breathe. She knew that Pinkie would have described her as she saw her sister, and that her imagined Maud was what everypony was expecting. It wasn't the Maud they were going to get. They were going to get the Maud with selective mutism, who couldn't talk to individual ponies in social settings.
She just needed everypony to be distracted by something, anything that just wasn't her. Please, universe… a sudden rainstorm, a stampede of buffaloes, a rampaging dragon. Anything but please, please stop looking at me.
She stopped, a little distance from the group and looked down. Sweet Celestia, there was something. The smallest pebble, unremarkable except it was to be her saviour today. She focused her eyes down on it and felt every other pony's gaze tracking hers.
"Hm. Sedimentary," she said, after sniffing the pebble.
"Huh?" Said the cyan pegasus with the rainbow coloured main.
"This is a sedimentary rock." Ach, why couldn't I just make small talk? She'd never seen such an athletic looking pony as this Pegasus, surely she could say something about that… but no, the words wouldn't come.
"That's... really fascinating, isn't it, girls? We're just so thrilled you could come for a visit before your big trip. Pinkie Pie has told us so much about you. I'm Twilight, and this is Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity."
Maud just looked at her. And looked. Argh, five of them! My prospoagnosia will now proceed to make this impossibly awkward because I won't ever know who's who. I hope they never notice that I don't use their names.
Well, except this one. Wings and a horn; an alicorn princess, but short enough to look in the eye. This was… was…
Why can't I remember names?
Though social anxiety threatened to hinder her, Maud summoned all her courage. With a deep breath, she tried to steady herself, ready to face her fears and embrace the possibility of finding acceptance and understanding within this group.
They were all saying nice things to her, but all at once. All she could hear was overlapping noise that just made her want to throw her fore legs over her head. In a brief lull in the cacophony the white colour unicorn stepped forwards.
"Pinkie Pie tells me you share my love for fashion," she said in a beautifully cultured tone.
Compliment her, Maud though desperately, tell her how lovely her voice is or what a glamorous hairstyle.
"I'm really into expressing myself through my wardrobe," was all she could manage in a monotone. It was true enough; although she could never tell anypony how she was feeling, she could choose her outside appearance. This is why she went the whole way, styling her mane and tail, wearing a dress and putting on makeup.
"A-and what is the delightful frock you're wearing now saying?" Asked the white unicorn, obviously put off by this newcomer's deadpan delivery.
"It doesn't talk. It's a dress," said Maud. Why, why, why did you do that?
"Oh, yes, of course, I, I just meant, the frock is, just…" the unicorn sputtered to a halt.
I'm blowing this already, thought Maud, mere seconds and this is already ruined. Why can't the ground just swallow me up?
"Uh, so this here's Winona. That's Owlowiscious, Tank, Opal, and Angel. Pinkie Pie told us you have a pet, too," the orange pony was speaking.
No, no, no, screamed Maud silently, not more names!
"He's in my pocket," she said, flatly.
Now another pony was speaking, had she spoken before? It was so hard to keep up.
"Oh, you have a pocket pet? Like a tiny mouse? Or a baby bird? Or a trained butterfly?"
"It's a rock. His name is Boulder," Maud replied.
Nopony could possibly understand the importance of this small piece of stone. The one unchanging thing that went everywhere with her. The simple piece of common schist, for almost anypony else the single most worthless of stones, was her actual rock. Something that grounded her to reality whenever she touched it.
Pinkie unwittingly burst into Maud's train of thought, "This is going to be the best, most awesome, funnest week ever! I can't wait for us all to become bestest friends!"
Oh Pinkie, thought Maud, I want that to be true.
The ponies all gathered around the picnic blanket that had been spread out in the shade of a lone tree. Again Maud felt the weight of expectation bearing down on her. The food looked delicious, tempting even, but most of it was different. Different to what she was used to, and as a result almost appeared to radiate unspoken dread. She knew that this was just her feelings, and no matter how much her rational brain tried to override that other part it wasn't going to win. The effort of calming her internal turmoil was already exhausting her.
She'd managed a few bites from a daisy sandwich. The bread was unmistakably her Sister's, as in the years since Pinkie had apprenticed with the Cakes she had become a master baker. Unconsciously she pretended that Boulder was going to take a bite, she knew this was going to look silly for a fully grown mare but it was the smallest of tics that she could manage to get some tension out.
Then the pretty orange pony turned towards her. Maud knew there was no malice intended, but she ramped up the pressure nevertheless by offering something new.
"Maud?" She enquired innocently , "Would you like to try one of Granny Smith's famous apple spiced muffins?"
They looked lovely. So beautifully formed and evenly baked. However they sat there like mini blackholes, dragging Maud in with their silent mockery of her awkwardness. Then something caught her eye, sparkling in the basket. Could it be? Yes, a chunk of quartz. Something familiar. Of course it wasn't there to be eaten, this earth pony was an apple farmer. Maud was a rock-farmer's filly though. It'd give her teeth a hard time, but that pain would be easier than facing unfamiliar food.
As she picked it out of the basket the earth pony started to protest, "Oh, uh, heh, that's not– Um…"
"It's crunchy," deadpanned Maud, her expression emotionless as splinters of quartz filled her mouth.
Beside her Pinkie wolfed down another of the delicious looking muffins with obvious joy.
"Maud's right! They are crunchy! Yum!" She exclaimed in delight.
Please, please, pleaded Maud to the uncaring universe, some pony take the attention away from me.
The bright cyan pegasus turned her brilliant magenta eyes towards Maud and smiled.
"So, uh, Pinkie Pie tells us you like games," she said.
Maud took a deep, calming breath. She tried to centre herself and think of a way to get through this. An idea came to her, she knew they'd probably end up just thinking she was being unreasonable and odd but at least it would split them up for a little while.
"Boulder and I sometimes play a game called 'Camouflage'," she delivered in a monotone, "It's kind of like hide and seek but way more intense."
They all looked at her.
"Awesome?" Said the cyan pegasus, sounding unconvinced.
She could hear the tone of their voices. The growing disapproval of her actions. Not Pinkie, of course, her sister was still inexhaustibly rushing from rock to rock. Her younger sibling's bipolar was certainly, and happily, expressing itself as mania today. Although Pinkie still refused to take her medication, at least her condition was more or less under control.
Maud knew that Pinkie's friends had seen at least one episode of depression, and had helped her get through it. More than that, her periods of mania could be exhausting for everypony around her. They genuinely seemed willing to accommodate her unsustainable bursts of energy and excitement as she pinballed from idea to idea. That spoke very highly of them, and gave Maud hope that maybe they'd be accepting of her difficulties.
If only her sister hadn't spoken so highly of her. She loved Pinkie, but why couldn't her sister see Maud the way the rest of Equestria did? Maybe if these ponies had been given a realistic impression of what to expect, she wouldn't have needed to act so desperately to avert their attention from her.
Just as the awkwardness was coming to a crescendo and it looked like the cyan pegasus was going to storm off in disgust Maud spoke.
"Found him," her expressionless voice intoned.
All the other ponies turned to gape at her. It was Pinkie Pie who spoke first.
"Oh!" She gasped, eyes wide, "Where was he?"
"He was hiding in my pocket."
Maud cringed inwardly, as the cyan pegasus exploded in frustration. She could understand that what should've been a lovely picnic in the sunshine had become a fruitless afternoon of digging in the dirt for a random pebble. No, not a random pebble but her calming boulder. Couldn't they understand that there was no way that she might have risked losing him?
"I don't mean to interrupt, but we really should get these little critters home," said the yellow pegasus, "It's getting awfully late, and they've had a very busy day."
"Maud and I had better get going too," replied Pinkie, "I want her to taste the rock candy we're gonna use for our best friend's necklaces! Aw, yeah!"
Maud turned silently to follow her sister as she left. Although reading the expressions of other ponies was difficult, Maud could tell that this was another group that had decided she was a freak.
She'd made it through this day, though. It seemed highly doubtful that any of these ponies would want to spend any time with her. She hoped she could spend the next few days just relaxing with Pinkie.