//------------------------------// // League of Nations… and Anon // Story: Adventures of thestral Anon // by ImNew2023 //------------------------------// In Canterlot, the entire city was filled with life. Leaders from across the continent and abroad had gathered at Canterlot Castle as a request from Celestia herself. “Welcome my fellow rulers, thank all of you for coming, I  have requested your presence for an experiment. A League of Nations designed to allow all nations to settle their grievances through peaceful debate among an unbiased crowd” she explained. Some of the heads of state around the table were more optimistic than others, but there was an all you can eat Las Pegasus style buffet so they weren’t going to leave yet. “Now, allow me to introduce our founding members,” Celestia said before she started listing off the heads of state. “Emperor Grover of the Griffonian Empire” “Chief Thunderhooves of the Buffalo Chiefdom” “King Lolo of the Kingdom of Pingland” “Dragon Lord Torch of the United Dragon Lands” “Prince Rutherford of the Kingdom of Yakyakistan” “Paw Wellington of the Polar Bear Community” “General Secretary Altidiya of Stalliongrad” “Governor Teafeather of Nova Griffonia” “King Aldar II of the Kingdom of Olenia” “Queen Chrysalis of the Changeling Lands” “King Faisal Ibn Saddle of Saddle Arabia” “And… (sigh) the Chad-King Anon of the Crystal Empire” “Hey what’s up everybody!” Anon said introducing himself like a colt on the first day of school. The room went silent for a few moments, Anon’s casual nature putting some of them on edge. Steering things back on track, Celestia cleared her throat. “Well, shall we start?” She asked. Altidiya was the first to raise her hoof. “Yes Altidiya?” Celestia asked. “I would like to file a formal grievance against King Anon” she said. “Here we go,” Anon said, seeing how this meeting was going to go. Faisal raised his hoof as well. “Yes, your highness?” Celestia asked. “I would also like to declare war on the thestral,” Faisal said. The room went silent for a moment. Celestia blinked a few times, taking a second to make sure she heard that correctly. “No-nocreature said anything about war” she stated. “I feel like I may have stepped on some toes here,” Anon admitted. “Yes! You shouldn’t even be here, this is a meeting of world leaders, not some random pony who bribed his way into running a city” Altidiya stated. “Ok first off you came here and I’m WAY more of a leader than any of you, check it!” Anon said, flexing his front leg like he was showing off his bicep. “Grievance! I have been insulted!” Altidiya stated. Celestia stood up from her chair, wings spread wide to increase her physical appearance. “Stallions, mares! We are here to discuss our issues peacefully! There will be no war whatsoever” Celestia stated. “Why not?” Faisal asked. “Because that is an act of aggression which I think we can all agree is evil” Celesita explained. That was when Chrysalis raised her hoof. “And tell me princess, who decides who’s evil?” Chrysalis asked slyly. You could tell she only came here to mess with Celestia and to put a wedge between Equestria and her allies. “The Committee of Ethics” Celestia said, hiding her sarcastic tone rather well. “You made that up” Chrysalis accused. “If you ask stupid questions you get stupid answers your majesty” Celestia shot back. “Would it still be an act of evil if we were smiting an evil being?” Altidiya asked, looking intensely at Anon. “Anon not evil, he friend of Yaks” Rutherford piped up. “Prince Rutherford had a point, Anon isn’t really evil” Celestia said, supporting the prince’s statment. “He’s unleashed Discord, summoned an army of the dead and didn’t he foalnap an entire town?” Altidiya asked. “And he called my wife a milf” Faisal added. “Ok yes all that stuff happened but I have reasons. A. It’s a more permenant solution to just give him a designated area to do chaos. B. Those are just my daughter’s friends, trust me they’re more in danger than they are danger. C. I wanted shorter commutes from home to work and I put it back. And D. I was right and I’m not apologising” Anon explained. “Nice” Grover chuckled under his breath. “Why are you two making it out like I’m the problem? Sounds like I’m doing great, and you guys just suck” Anon said, resorting to petty insults. “Anon!” Celestia chided. “I’m not going to sit here and take crap from the hot tub bomber and the liberal arts student who could! I’m just a normal ruler trying to do good for my people, like any of you… well most of you” Anon stated. This didn’t earn him many friends as many of the fellow leaders glared him down. “Don’t get me wrong most of you are rather great or I don’t know you but Altidiya you’re a communist, Faisal I’m convinced you tried killing me with an exploding hot tub and Chrysalis you’re a love sucking parisite and you abandoned our son!” Anon said pointing out the flaws of his opponents. “Wait Chrysalis has a son?” Torch asked, the giant dragon raising an eyebrow. “Noot Noot” Lolo said. “I didn’t want to be the one to say it but you’re right she does look heavier” Paw said nodding his head. Everyone but Chrysalis herself snickered like school students at that. “Alright every creature, there’s no need to body shame Chrysalis” the princess tried to say though her own giggling. “Oh you’re one to talk Celestia, I gave birth to a foal and five hundred eggs, what’s your excuse?” The Changeling queen spat. The room went silent. Despite her fluffy and adorable apperance, every land in the world had heard the legends of what happened to those who insulted Celestia’s waistline. They weren’t pretty. Watching the two mares stare each other down, Grover felt something poke his shoulder. Standing with a weaved basket Anon shook it, making the seven bits in it jingle. “Place your bets, Celly wins 2:1, Chrysalis wins 3:1, they start making out 50:1” Anon said. “Why does the third one exist?” Grover asked. “Can’t have a dream come true if you never dreamed,” Anon explained. Looking back at the glaring duo Grover put some bits in the basket. “Celestia wins easy” Grover stated. “Are we just going to bicker or are we going to actually try and make progress?” Torch asked, letting out a huff of black smoke from his nostrils. Every leader in the room looked at each other with a mixture of neutral to begrudging looks. “Alright let’s make some realistic agreements, we’ve wasted enough time as it it. Wars of aggression are wrong, so is slavery and genocide. Is that acceptable progress for today?” Celestia suggested. “Aye!” Most of the room said unanimously. “Well when you really think about it” Chrysalis began. Anon rolled his eyes at the big queen’s protest. “If you didn’t want to become a living food source you should have fought harder” she argued. “And if you didn’t want to be such a colossal bitch you focused on having a personality. But we ain’t blaming you for that'' Anon shot back. “Anon!” Celestia chided. Letting out a huff, Chrysalis flipped her hair back. “Don’t blame the colt Celestia, it must be so hard raising a foal alone without their mother there” Chrysalis said. Her tone of voice showing she didn’t give a flying shit about Albus, but just wanted to have her ego fanned. “Actually you’ve been replaced as Albus’s mother in basically every way by Cream Heart” Anon corrected. “What!?” Chrysalis yelled, hooves one the table. Once the other world leaders had left, Celestia and Anon were left alone together. “Well that could have gone better” Celesita sighed. “Still, it was a good idea,” Anon said. “It was YOUR idea Anon” Celestia reminded him. “Hey we’ve got everyone other than the Changelings that’s a start” Anon said optimistically. AN: Apologies for how the chapter turned out. You expected world leaders coming together to solve society’s problems but all you got were people arguing and wasting time. ;)