The Princess and the Bean
Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a magical kingdom of Equis. It was ruled by the handsome King Midnight, a stallion with coat of deepest black and a silvery mane that seemed to be filled with stars. At his side was the beloved Queen Dawn, a regal mare with a shining white coat that gleamed bright as the sun, and a flowing mane that seemed to contain every color that had ever grown in the brightest garden.
One happy day, the two noble rulers were blessed by a little princess foal. As Princess Celste grew up, her little hooves wore golden shoes that she was constantly losing around the castle, her soft pink coat was constantly being smudged by her careless activities, and her silvery mane was a mess of snarls and knots, because she never listened to her parents when they told her to brush it.
Still, King Midnight and Queen Dawn loved their little Princess very much. They were very kind with her when the Princess would refuse to eat her alfalfa salad, or when she threw her toys all over the courtyard and demanded the guards pick them up. They brushed her mane for her when she refused, and helped clean her soft pink coat when she soiled it with her foalish activities.
One stormy night, the guards discovered a sad and soggy filly outside the castle door. When they brought her before the Royal couple, they were both amazed at her beauty. Where their own Princess Celeste had a light pink coat and flowing silvery mane, this young filly had a coat of deepest indigo, and a beautiful mane filled with sparkling stars.
“What is your name, little one?” the King and Queen asked.
“I am called Lune, and I have traveled far from my birthplace across the sea of stars to find a new home.”
“Are you a Princess?” asked King Midnight. “For you have both the magical horn and strong wings of our kind.”
“I do not know,” she replied, “for there are so many things here which are called by different names. I can fly, and use magic as you say, but I am quite young.”
“Very well then. Since you are a wise and thoughtful child, we hereby declare you may stay in our castle as long as you like.”
“No,” gasped Celeste. “It is the law that only those of Royal blood may reside in the castle, unless she is truly a Princess, she must live elsewhere.”
King Midnight was upset at his disobedient child, but she was correct, for she had been tutored in the laws of the kingdom since she was a little foal.
“Very well then. I shall establish three tests for the Princess Lune. If she passes all three, only then may she remain in the castle.”
The next day at noon, the King and Queen brought the two little princesses into the dining room where a wondrous feast had been laid out.
“A proper Princess conducts herself with style and grace at all times. We have prepared lunch for the four of us, it shall be your task to sit and eat with us.”
The Royal family sat down at the table with Lune, and began to eat. The little princess was the model of decorum, asking permission to pass dishes and eating with the proper spoons and forks, but Princess Celeste was deeply disappointed, and expressed her displeasure loudly.
“Why do we have to have alfalfa salad, you know I hate it. My apple juice has little flecks in it, somepony needs to pick them out. She has a larger portion of Cloud Cake than mine.”
After lunch was completed, the little princess asked to be excused from the table. “Thank you very much, King Midnight and Queen Dawn. It was a most delightful lunch, and I hope to be invited back again sometime. May I be excused?”
Princess Celeste was quite upset, and bolted from the table without even touching her delicious alfalfa salad. She did not like the little princess, and it was quite obvious that Lune had passed the first test.
On the second day, the King and Queen brought the two Princesses to the Royal Menagerie, and showed them the fierce dragon Hufflelump, who was chained to a stake in the middle of his exercise yard.
“A proper Royal Princess is able to overcome amazing obstacles in their path. Lying beside my pet is his favorite toy, a golden ball. Your task is simple, retrieve the ball and give it to me. Princess Celeste, will you demonstrate for us?”
“I suppose, if I have to.” The older princess lit her horn with magic, and levitated the golden ball away from the dragon, who pawed the ground and howled at seeing his favorite toy go away.
“Very good, my daughter,” said the King, throwing the golden ball back to the dragon, who promptly began to happily chew on it.
Lune looked at the dragon with compassion. He was a most fearsome beast, with strong jaws and sharp claws. But he was just a baby, and taking the ball away from him would be cruel. So she walked down into the field and played with him. They had a fine time, playing catch, and fetch, and tickle, until the little dragon was all worn out and curled up, fast asleep.
The King and Queen were delighted when Lune brought the golden ball to them. “A proper Princess must be sensitive to the needs of those she deals with, even to the youngest and least.”
That night, Princess Celeste decided she would perform her own test on the annoying little princess. It must be a test so difficult, that nopony could possibly pass, but what could she possibly do? Celeste thought and thought, until she had an idea which made her break out in song:
Sensitivity, sensitivity,
I'm just loaded with that!
In this one word is the epitome of the aristocrat!
Sensitive soul and sensitive stomach, sensitive sides and feet;
this is the blessing, also the curse, of being the true elite.
Common ponies don't know what exquisite agony is suffered by gentle ponies like me (*)
She sent her servants to the kitchen, to retrieve the smallest of all possible beans, and before bed that night, she slipped into the little princess’s room and tucked it under her mattress. But was that enough for the envious princess? No it was not. She had the castle servants place a full score and four of soft mattresses upon the little princess’s bed, each filled with only the softest down from young maiden pegasi who had never felt the touch of a stallion, and covered them all with silken sheets from Neighpon with the highest of thread count.
---
The next morning, the older princess arose and flew to the breakfast table with glee.
“Good morning Mother, good morning Father. I see our little pest is not up yet, she must be sleeping in. And that means she is not a proper Princess! For I put a tiny little bean under her mattress last night, and since she slept right through it...”
Celeste cleared her throat and began to sing:
For a Princess is, a delicate thing
Delicate and dainty as a dragonfly’s wing
You can recognize a lady by her elegant air
But a genuine Princess, is exceedingly rare. (*)
“I wasn’t aware this was a musical,” said Lune with a yawn as she stumbled out of the kitchen, carrying a coffee pot. “I’ve been up for absolutely hours. I don’t know what they stuffed those mattresses with, but your guards could probably use it as a replacement for armor. Coffee anyone?”
“We tried to tell you,” said King Midnight. “But you didn’t get up this morning when we knocked on your door. Or used the cymbals. Or the trumpet. Your mother and I knew all about your little bean plan, and we put a few dozen turnips under your mattress last night.”
“Do you mean...”
“Yes, I’m afraid so, my daughter. You have failed each of the tests that Lune passed so easily. By the law, you are no longer allowed to stay in the castle.”
“But Daddy!” wailed the spoiled princess.
King Midnight and Queen Dawn then declared Princess Lune to be a true Princess, and placed her into the room of their own daughter. As for Princess Celeste, she was permitted to remain in the castle, as long as she obeyed her parents and ate her alfalfa.
And the Royal Family, and the two Princesses lived happily ever after.
(*) Copyright “Once Upon a Mattress” 1964, 1974(my favorite), 2005