"Donna?" I called. "Donna? Where are you?"
The sound of swords clanging caught my attention as I ran out of the forest and straight onto a flat battlefield surrounded by Rainbow Dashes. Donna turned around mid-conflict, shocked to see me. "Ben? I told you to stay back!"
Behind her, a regular-sized Rainbow Dash was plotting a sneak attack, but Donna held out her fist, knocking the pegasus to the ground. "Whoa, guys, time out," she told the ponies, making the "T" signal with her hands. She moved her hands to her hips. "Well? Aren't you gonna tell me why you're here, Ben?"
I grinned confidently. "A girl can't leave without a little muscle! Check out this gun show!" I stupidly held up my scrawny, bony arm.
Donna began to laugh. "'Gun show'? Looks more like a 'water gun show', if you ask me. Ha!"
"It's not my fault I'm so dang scrawny. Blame genetics and...uh, metabolism."
Donna pushed back her auburn bangs and smiled. She put my hands in hers and I was embarrassed to notice how tiny my hands were in comparison. "See? You admit it. You're not strong enough to do this, so you should go back home." She pointed her finger into the forest, as if I were a bad dog. "Go. This's for your own good."
"My own good?" I repeated.
Donna nodded. "Now go on. Shoo."
I hung my head down. "Okay. See you later?"
Donna grinned. "Just so long as they don't take me hostage."
I trudged through the forest, leading my army of stomachache-stricken Applejacks out to the battlefield, with young, happy Froot Loop skipping in front, wearing her shining armor and some saddlebags. "Come on, ya slowpokes!" she exclaimed cheerily. "I'm so psyched to defeat these Lyras!"
I did a double take. "Lyras? What are Lyras?"
"Well, Lyras are green unicorns. They're into humans. And I know they're hard to beat, but I think you should know that I'm always here to help when you or anypony else gets hurt!" She dug in her bag and whipped out a first-aid kit. "There's another one in here if we run out. I even have medicinal leaves from the Everfree Forest, in case of injury, sickness, fatigue, or injury!"
"Ya said 'injury' twice," Applejack mumbled, kicking a pebble with her hoof. Froot Loop didn't hear her, or at least acted like it.
"Everfree Forest?" I asked. "Sounds dangerous."
"Oh, it’s not that bad," Froot Loop replied. "It just seems creepy if you've never been through it yourself."
We stopped walking when we had made it all the way to the battlefield, where the large army of mint-green, human-obsessed, lyre-strumming unicorns were waiting atop a hill to charge.
"Oh....my...Celestia," the Applejacks said in unison.
"That's a lot of Lyras," interjected Healerjack.
"Just enough to kill," replied Battlejack with an evil grin. She pulled out her sword and trotted out to a section of the battlefield where everypony could see her. Come at me, bro!“ she screamed at the top of her lungs. The Lyras charged in a hypnotic blur of green, all except for one, who trotted up to me with a shocked, fascinated, and confused expression.
"HUMAN!" she shouted.
The other Lyras turned and came after me, shouting "HUMAN!". They knocked me to the ground without a care. Soon, I was covered in muddy, dusty hoof prints and small scratches that began to bleed.
Froot Loop returned the favor. "Coming, Ben!" She kept me on the ground, adjusting herself to place glittery Band-Aids all over my various cuts and scrapes. The mint unicorns scattered like ants once my wounds were covered and cleaned.
"Thanks, Froot Loop," I said weakly. Froot Loop held out her hoof. I wasn't sure exactly what to do, but I gave her a bump, my fist against the smooth, slightly furred edges of her hoof.
I heard an odd sound. It was my level-up!
Ben, for being so epic, you have been upgraded from LEVEL 2 to LEVEL 3!
We award you with one (1) SILVER SEXY SWORD, one (1) SILVER SEXY SHIELD, and one (1) NOT-SO-SEXY SILVER BICYCLE HELMET!
My head, which had apparently been held up by Froot Loop's hoof, suddenly fell from her grasp. Everything turned blurry, then completely black.