Now, as many of you could guess, things were usually peaceful in Bikini Bottom, but by the next morning, things were quickly falling apart. Frightened fish swam in all directions while the police tried to keep everything under control until things could be managed.
In front of the Krusty Krab restaurant, a crowd had gathered. Mr. Krabs, was talking to the reporters, who were waving microphones under his nose, and pressing cameras on all sides of his face. “Wait! Please settle down-- one question at a time. Please! One at a time! We’ve got a situation in there that I’d rather not talk about until my manager gets here,” the owner of the Krusty Krab answered, when suddenly, a sleek black car pulled up to the curb. “Look! There he is!”
All eyes-- and eyestalks-- turned to see SpongeBob SquarePants step out from the car. His face was somber, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. In his hand, the determined sponge carried an important looking briefcase. “Talk to me, Krabs.”
“It started out as a simple order,” Mr. Krabs explained as he sobbed. “A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, there was no cheese!!!”
Mr. Krabs broke down, covering his eyestalks with his claws and sobbed, but SpongeBob slapped him on the snout. “Get a hold of yourself, Eugene,” the sponge barked. “I'm goin’ in.”
The usually happy go lucky sponge turned and faced the restaurant, reporters and bystanders backing away under SpongeBob’s stern gaze as they walked forward.
When he entered the restaurant, the dining room was deserted… all except for one very frightened fish sitting alone at a table.
On a tray before him sat a Krabby Patty with a single bite taken out of it. “Take it easy, friend,” SpongeBob spoke. “I’m the manager of this establishment.”
He set his briefcase down on the table, his steely gaze firing. “Everything’s gonna be just fine.”
“I’m really scared, man,” the fish trembled nervously, not being cool under the situation. “You got a name?” SpongeBob asked while opening the briefcase. “P-Phil,” the fish spoke with a nod. “You got a family, Phil?”
Phil looked like he was on the verge of tears, so SpongeBob snapped his fingers to drive Phil out of it. “Keep it together, Phil! Stay with me. Let’s hear about that family.”
“I… I got a lovely wife and two beautiful children,” Phil stammered, and SpongeBob nodded slowly. “That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil,” he said. “W-What?” Phil asked. “Say cheese,” SpongeBob said vaguely. Slowly, with an epic cinematic feel that immediately made the tension rise, the sponge positioned a perfectly cut slide of cheddar cheese along the center of the bun as Phil’s nervousness grew more and more in case things were to go wrong.
Slowly… slowly… slowly… BAM!!
Minutes later, SpongeBob kicked the front door to the Krusty Krab wide open, pleased with himself. There he stood, carrying Phil safely in his arms, cheese placed on the Krabby Patty like it should always have been. “Order up!”
The entire town rejoiced, and the sounds of cheering could be heard from the surface. SpongeBob was hoisted up onto the customers’ shoulders in pure joy. “Three cheers for the manager!” they cheered. “Hip hip-- HOOONK!! Hip hip-- HOOONK!! Hip hip-- HOOOOOOOONK!!”
XXXXXXXXX
The dream was over as SpongeBob SquarePants sat on his bed and the others had their ears completely covered, while SpongeBob’s pet sea snail seemed naturally unfazed. “MY EARS!! MY EARS!!” Pipp wailed. “OH, HOW I WISH I BROUGHT MY SOUNDPROOF HEADPHONES!!!”
SpongeBob quickly turned his alarm clock off before it honked again, causing the others to silently sigh. “Hooray! You guys! I had that dream again!” SpongeBob kicked off the covers and raced to the calender hanging on the wall. “And it’s finally gonna come true… today! Sorry about this, calendar.”
He tore away yesterday’s page and on the date at the bottom of the next page, the calendar read March 7th. “Today is the grand opening of the Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs is going to announce the new manager!”
“Ohhhhh so that's why you were so excited to get to sleep last night!” Sunny realized. “That's a moment I can gladly understand you not wanting to miss.”
“Meow,” Gary said, and as SpongeBob admired the date, he turned as the little snail slid over to his side. “Who’s it gonna be, Gary?” he asked with a small chuckle before gesturing to the wall behind the group. “Well, why don’t we ask my wall of three hundred-seventy four consecutive Employee of the Month Awards?”
Turns out, that very wall, like he said, there was an exact total of three hundred and seventy four posters of SpongeBob, the same signature smile, and all of them saying ‘Employee of the Month’. “SpongeBob SquarePants!” all 374 pictures of SpongeBob yelled. “Ooooooookay...” Hitch blinked. “That's not creepy at all.”
“Sunny, can you guys go wake up Tropic and help her get ready?” SpongeBob asked. “Of course!” Sunny smiled. “We'll take good care of her.”
“I'm ready, promotion!” SpongeBob chirped, running to the bathroom to get ready for work since Tropic was taken care of. “Do you really think SpongeBob will actually get that promotion after all this time as a fry cook?” Misty asked. “I mean... that's a big leap.”
“Psh, of course! He's SpongeBob!” Izzy brushed off. “He's got this! I mean... I hope he does. I think...? I'm not sure.”
“Come on, ponies,” Zipp said. “Let's go help Tropic get ready for SpongeBob’s big day.”
XXXXXXXXX
Meanwhile, in the shower, SpongeBob removed the paper off a bar of soap and proceeded to consume the entire bar, chewed it up and swallowed it. Then, he soaked the water through his body until he inflated so large-like, he could hardly fit the entire bathroom.
Bubbles and water poured through all his sponge holes as SpongeBob resumed his normal size, clean as a whistle. SpongeBob danced his way toward the closet, and searched until he found the perfect square pants for this special day.
Of course, they were the same square shorts and shirt he became known for, but he managed to find an outfit he believed was his best and quickly got dressed.
After he was fully dressed, SpongeBob rushed back toward the bathroom. He took out a toothbrush and squeezed the tube of toothpaste till he received just the right amount. Then, to brush his teeth, then his ears, and even his own eyeballs until they sparkled in the light. “Cleanliness is next to managerliness.”
XXXXXXXXX
Back in her room, Tropic was already awake and brushing her mane softly with her magic, humming a soft tune to herself until a knock at the door made her scream. “Um... come in.”
Sunny and her friends came in through the door with small smiles. “Hey, Tropic. SpongeBob wanted us to help you get ready to go to the promotion ceremony,” Pipp said, “but it looks like you have that under control. Hey, maybe I could do something with your mane to--”
“Oh! Um... t-thank you for offering, Miss Pipp, but... I don't really like anypony touching my mane except me,” Tropic said softly. “It's nothing personal, but... it's just how I am. Arctic is like that too.”
Pipp nodded in understanding as Tropic finished and put on her star pendant. “There. All ready,” Tropic smiled. “I think we better go meet SpongeBob downstairs... right?”
The others nodded and swam downstairs while Zipp could only wonder... how bad WAS the twins' grandfather treating them all this time?
XXXXXXXXX
Soon, after the happy sponge gave little Gary his breakfast, he skipped out of the house with the others swimming right behind. “I’m ready, promotion! I’m ready, promotion!” SpongeBob sang, running around in circles… before running into Squidward's house without knocking beforehand. Tropic and the Equestrian pony friends just turned to each other, silent and nervous, knowing a certain someone won’t be happy.
XXXXXXXXX
Speaking of which, Squidward was enjoying the only thing he did enjoy on a typical workday-- his morning shower. As he lathered himself up, he hummed a little diddy. “La da dee, la da doo, la da dum. Lad da dee, la da doo, la da dum…”
Suddenly, Squidward felt something scratch along his back. He opened his eyes and noticed SpongeBob, standing right next to him, in his shower, scrubbing his back and humming the same tune. “SpongeBob!” Squidward screamed, covering himself with the curtain. “What are you doing in here?!”
“I have to tell you something, Squidward,” SpongeBob spoke with simplicity. “Whatever it is, can’t it wait until work?” Squidward spat in his face, but SpongeBob merely blinked at his neighbor. “There’s no shower at work.”
“WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”
SpongeBob formed a friendly smile. “I just wanted to say I’ll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.”
“GET OUT!!!!!” Squidward screamed, tossing SpongeBob out the window, which caused the group to gasp and rush to him. Fortunately, he was okay-- not a scratch in sight. “Okay!” SpongeBob called to Squidward. “I'll see you at the ceremony!”
“Geez... at times Squidward can be tolerable, but other times... ugh!” Zipp scoffed. “I don't understand him a lot of times, but... Squidward will be Squidward, I guess.”
Just then, the big rock pops open and there was Patrick, SpongeBob’s best friend, stuck to the bottom, and Arctic timidly swam out from underneath the rock… with Patrick being completely naked. “That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2!” Patrick said, not noticing his nakedness before he saw the ponies' disgusted expressions. “Oops, hold on.”
The rock slammed down before it came back up a minute later, Patrick wearing his signature wear before he popped off the rock and went over to SpongeBob. “Congratulations, buddy!”
“Oh thanks, Patrick! And tonight, after my big promotion, we’re gonna party till we’re purple,” SpongeBob said. “I love being purple,” Patrick clapped. “And, we're happy to have you all joining in on the party,” SpongeBob told the ponies. “Cause we're going to the place where all the action is!”
The moment SpongeBob spoke, Patrick’s eyes bugged out. “You don’t mean--” he stammered, and SpongeBob merely grinned. “Yes, Patrick, I mean--”
“GOOFY GOOBER’S ICE CREAM PARTY BOAT!!!”
The rock slamming on top of SpongeBob and Patrick caused the girls to scream in terror and run behind Sunny, trembling. But before the mare could say anything else, the rock popped up again, SpongeBob and Patrick were both wearing their favorite headgear: peanut-shaped Goofy Goober Hats.
Before the group could get over the surprise, the gang suddenly witnessed the two singing the jingle set to a record player. “Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!”
“Whoo! Wonderful choreography!” Pipp clapped happily as the sea-unicorn fillies finally came out from hiding. “Yeah... great song, but... I hate when the rock comes down on Patrick like that,” Arctic then shuddered. “If I didn't remember that there was our house down there, I would think he would be done for.”
SpongeBob glanced at his watch and his eyes widened. “I think we’d better get going! Come on, guys!” he gasped, pulling off his hat. “I’m ready, promotion! I’m ready, promotion!”
“Wait for us, SpongeBob!” Tropic pleaded as the ponies swam after him. “Good luck, SpongeBob! Hey, look for me and Arctic at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you!” Patrick chirped before he bounced home, with Arctic swimming after him to get her own star pendant.
She couldn't go anywhere with her sister without that pendant... neither of the sisters could.
XXXXXXXXX
Meanwhile, excitement was building before the Krusty Krab. The entire place was decorated with various, colorful balloons complete with a big banner which read, ‘GRAND OPENING’. All the residents of Bikini Bottom crowded around the big stage, many of whom are proud supporters of the Krusty Krab.
Standing onstage was everybody’s favorite newsman, Perch Perkins, talking in front of a television camera. “Hello, Bikini Bottom,” he spoke. “Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from inside the Krusty Krab restaurant. That’s right, folks. Longtime owner, Mr. Krabs, is opening a new restaurant called the Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs!”
“Hello! I like money!” Mr. Krabs spoke, staring into the camera. “So, tell us, Mr. Krabs, what inspired you to build a second Krab restaurant right next door to the original?” Perch Perkins asked. “Money,” Mr. Krabs responded again, causing many to laugh. But not everybody in Bikini Bottom was happy.
Plankton stood at the window's edge and watched the opening ceremony at the Krusty Krab 2 through a very long telescope. “Curses!” Plankton cried. “It’s not fair. Not fair at all! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I’ve never had even ONE customer!”
He began to get so angry, the giant vein along the back of his head nearly exploded. “Don’t get all worked up again, Plankton,” Karen, the computer beside him said droningly. “I just mopped the floors.”
“Oh Karen, my computer wife,” Plankton sighed, shaking his head sadly as he paced the floors of the empty restaurant. “If only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krab’s success-- the formula for the delicious Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet… from A to Y.”
But to Karen, something about that sentence didn’t add up. “A to Y?”
“Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet?” Plankton shrugged his shoulders. “What about Z?” Karen asked, and Plankton’s one eye went wide. “Z?”
“Z,” Karen added. “The letter that comes after Y.”
Plankton scratched his head, before flipping through his files. “W… X… Y…” he muttered, and the moment he found the Z file, he froze and grabbed it, waving it around. “And Z! Plan Z, here it is! Just like you said!”
“Oh boy…” Karen rolled her eyes and Plankton looked through the file, a giddy expression making his way onto the evil genius’ face. “Ohhh… ohhh…. OHHH!!! It’s evil… it’s diabolical… it’s lemon-scented!” he exclaimed. “This Plan Z can’t possibly fail!”
With that, he pushed open the doors and glared at the crowd gathered across the street. “So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton! ALL HAIL PLANK--!”
Suddenly, a giant foot came down on Plankton’s head, squashing him flat, like he was nothing more than… well, plankton.
The giant black shoe Plankton was stuck to the bottom of belonged to SpongeBob SquarePants himself. He was leading the group on his way to work, and he’d been singing the ‘promotion song’ the entire time.
But the moment he heard the ‘SQUISH!’ sound-- and Plankton’s cries of agony-- SpongeBob and his friends stopped. “Ew,” Misty groaned, “I think you stepped in something.”
“Better scrape it off, otherwise we're gonna be late,” Hitch said. SpongeBob slammed his foot down, wiping it on the ground, which were followed by more screams of agony until an angry voice spoke up underneath. “Not in something, ON someone, you twit!”
“Wait… I recognize that voice…” Zipp said with a narrowed gaze. SpongeBob lifted his shoe to find a smeared Plankton right smack-dab on the bottom of it. “Ohh… sorry, Plankton,” he said, pulling Plankton off his shoe. “Plankton, hi! Good to see you!” Sunny waved cheerfully. “Oh, uh… hey, ponies,” Plankton said awkwardly. “Quest time already?”
“Sure is! But, we’re gonna wait till later to start it,” Misty said. “Hey, are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?”
“No, I am not on my way to the grand opening ceremony,” Plankton mocked with a sneer. “I’m busy planning to RULE THE WORLD!!!”
Then, Plankton laughed maniacally while Tropic trembled with flattened ears, the pony team looked on in concern… and SpongeBob just blinked twice before smiling. “Well, good luck with that,” he said before he skipped off, and the others soon followed, giving Plankton a worried glance. “Stupid kids…” Plankton muttered, shaking his head. “...did we have to stop and talk to him, Mr. SpongeBob?” Tropic asked once they were out of earshot. “I mean… he’s mean and he’s scary…”
“Oh-ho, Tropic… one, just call me SpongeBob. And two, just cause Plankton is a small, ecomaniac bent on underwater domination doesn’t mean he’s all bad,” SpongeBob said, stopping and kneeling beside her. “He just… you know… sees things from a different perspective.”
“Still… he reminds me of… you-know-who,” Tropic shivered. “We’ll keep you safe, Tropic,” Sunny assured. “Plankton isn’t bad enough to hurt a little filly. Well… I hope he isn’t anyway…”
“Okay…” Tropic said with a small sigh. “If you’re sure.”
XXXXXXXX
Eventually, SpongeBob and his pony friends, old and new, reached the newly introduced Krusty Krab 2, though the ponies weren't sure why a new Krusty Krab was being built right next to the other one.
But to SpongeBob, it seemed important, so there was no point in complaining.
They took their seats just as Mr. Krabs came up and spoke into the microphone. “Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2,” he spoke, and the crowd began to applaud. Mrs. Puff, SpongeBob’s driving school teacher inflated her puffy belly with a scowl, as she turned to Sandy Cheeks. “I can’t believe we paid nine dollars for this!”
“I paid ten!” Sandy replied. “Before we begin with the ribbon cutting,” Mr. Krabs continued. “I’d like to introduce our new manager.”
It was then that SpongeBob began to clap wildly, and the ponies stomped their front hooves in their own form of applause. “Yes!” SpongeBob shouted happily. “Yeah! Ow! Ow, ow! Yeah! Now we’re talkin’!”
“Yeah! Ow!” Izzy cheered before randomly shushing a fish that was beside them. “Ahem… well, anyway,” Mr. Krabs began. “The new manager is a loyal, hardworking employee…”
“Yes…” SpongeBob thought to himself. “The obvious choice for the job,” Mr. Krabs went on. “He's right…”
“A name you all know. It starts with an S.”
“That’s me!”
“Please welcome our new area manager… Squidward Tentacles!”
Behind Mr. Krabs, a huge banner with Squidward’s face was lowered from the ceiling. To say the gang shocked was a MAJOR understatement. “YES! YES!” SpongeBob screamed, thinking he had gotten the promotion, shaking Squidward's hand. “Better luck next time, buddy. Whoooo-hoo!”
“Ooooooh boy… this isn’t looking too good,” Pipp said in embarrassment. “Uh… SpongeBob?”
But SpongeBob didn’t hear her. He just leapt onto the stage, nearly knocking Mr. Krabs over, and before the stunned crowd, nervous pones and downtrodden Tropic in the audience, SpongeBob spoke into the microphone. “People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager--”
“Ah… SpongeBob,” Mr. Krabs said, tapping his shoulder. “Hold the phone, folks. I’m getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs-- manager stuff. Go ahead, Mr. K!”
Mr. Krabs leaned in, whispering something in SpongeBob’s ear, and SpongeBob repeated everything into the microphone in front of him. “I’m making a complete what out of myself?”
Mr. Krabs cringed, whispering further. “The most embarrassing thing you’ve ever seen?”
Mr. Krabs whispered one more time. “And now it’s worse because I’m repeating everything you say into the microphone?”
“Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob!” Mr. Krabs yelled. “You didn’t get the job!”
SpongeBob's jaw dropped in that moment in disbelief. Still, he couldn’t believe his own ears-- the worst five words an employee can ever hear. “What…?”
“You… did not… get… the job…”
“But… But why?”
Mr. Krabs sighed as he placed an arm around SpongeBob’s shoulder in a reassuring manner. “SpongeBob, you’re a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility, and… well… let’s face it-- he’s more mature than you.”
“I’m not… mature?”
Misty felt her blood boil in that sentence and was about to leap up and say something, but… Izzy and Zipp held her back from doing it. There would be a better time and place, but... not now. “Oh, lad,” Mr. Krabs said. “I mean this in the nicest of ways. But, well, there’s a word for what you are… er… ah…”
“Dork?” a fish suggested. “No wait… that’s not right,” Mr. Krabs shook his head. “Not ‘dork’…”
“A goofball?” Pearl suggested. “Closer, but no…” Mr. Krabs kept thinking, and more and more fish kept throwing out names like ding-a-ling, wing-nut, even a Knucklehead McSpazatron.
And SpongeBob felt more and more discouraged with every insult thrown at him, making Tropic’s heart hurt for her friend. “Okay, that’s enough!” Mr. Krabs said, patting SpongeBob’s back. “Look, what I am trying to say is… you’re just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise, they’d call it a kid-a-ger. You understand-ager? I mean, do you understand?”
“I guess so, Mr. Krabs,” SpongeBob mumbled, and broken beyond repair, climbed off off the stage as the whole town looked on. “S-SpongeBob…?” Tropic called out. “I’m ready… depression…” SpongeBob sang with a sigh as he trudged from sight, leaving the little sea-unicorn behind. “I’m ready… depression…”
“Poor lad…” Mr. Krabs sighed. “...poor lad? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” Pipp blew up at Mr. Krabs, swimming in front of his face. “SpongeBob was the IDEAL choice for the job, having all those qualities you spoke of! But you chose Squidward cause he was more MATURE?!”
“Yeah! SpongeBob risked his life to save the entire town the last time we were here!” Hitch agreed with a huff. “And you left him so down that he left that sweet little filly behind!”
“What kind of employee would do that to the best sponge this town has ever known?” Zipp growled. “Look, gals and lads, I’m sorry,” Mr. Krabs apologized. “It’s not that I don’t love the boy, I do! But sometimes bein’ a businessman has consequences. And SpongeBob, bless his soul, not getting the job is one of them.”
“But… Squidward is nice and all,” Izzy shrugged, “but I just don’t think he’s manager material.”
“Hey! I heard that!” Squidward grumbled from his seat. Sunny sighed and approached her angry friends. “I know how you feel, guys. But yelling at Mr. Krabs isn’t going to help SpongeBob or Tropic out of this. We just have to take a breath that this isn’t turning out worse than it is.”
“HOORAY FOR SPONGEBOB!!!” came the voice of Patrick Star, and everyone turned to see him flying in butt naked with a flag stuck in his rear end that read “Go SpongeBob” on it, guffawing happily. “HOORAY FOR SPONGEBOB!!!”
Before anyone could warn Patrick, he had crashed into the Squidward banner, sending the whole stage crashing to the ground. The crowd scattered in panic, running as far away as possible. In the midst of the wreckage, Patrick burst through the banner, his dopey sweet voice calling out: “Let's hear it for SpongeBob!”
But when he looked, everyone except the Equestrian visitors had already left. “Hello? Where'd everybody go?” Patrick questioned as Arctic arrived. “Did I miss something? …did you see my butt?”
That seemed to break Tropic to smithereens, and bolted off sobbing as the others looked on. “Tropic, wait!” Sunny tried to call. “You guys? Go after SpongeBob. I’ll try to head after Tropic and calm her down.”
With that, the groups split up white Patrick blinked in confusion. “What did I miss?”
“Patrick? Um…” Arctic tried to find the words. “We need to talk.”