The good doctor returned from his rounds to check on me about an hour after leaving. “I’m terribly sorry I can’t provide any pain relief, my boy. It would interact poorly with the poison joak cure. If you were a pony…”
I replied mirthlessly, “And if ponies were wishes…”
We both chuckled.
I groaned, “It’s okay, doc. I mean, it’s not… ugh, yowza that stung… something you can control.”
He shook his head sympathetically, “I’m afraid not.”
“When this is all over, I… ugh… want to get together with all my… ahh… friends, including you and Sapphire. I want to, “ I took a sharp breath, “...celebrate Scootaloos’ adoption.”
The doctor nodded, “That sounds delightful.”
I don’t recall much about the cure, only the unending discomfort. Not pain, as such, just the sensation of shifting body parts and the occasional stinging. The misery eventually faded to a dull roar in the background. I could even eat the vegetable puree I was served at lunch, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. Dash peeked through the window several times during the day, but I could only give her a weak wave. You wouldn’t think so, but sitting in a comfortably warm bathtub all day and having various body parts rearrange themselves was exhausting.
I had time to think about unpleasant topics. About what I did to Summer’s Mom, what the poison joak did, and what it could do to me. I reflected on the little game I play, the one where I plan to disable everyone I meet. About four hours in, I came to an unpleasant conclusion. That made my mind up. I then spent the rest of the time planning how to implement that decision. I had finally turned my little mental exercise on myself.
Eventually, when things were calm for about an hour, I no longer gripped the tub’s edge in anticipation of a nasty surprise. I passed my hand on my chest and found it was back to normal. Still scared but far less bumpy. I cautiously felt in other places and that, too, had returned to normal.
Dr Emerald carefully opened the door, sniffed, and muttered, “Yes, that will do.” After a few moments of examining a chart and giving me a courtesy examination, he started helping me out of the tub with his green telekinetic glow.
With a sympathetic look, Emerald said, “Right. Here is where you will be uncomfortable again for a moment.”
I sighed, “Oh, yes. I’d almost forgotten. Well, you may fire when ready, Gridley.” I braced myself.
He chuckled, “You and your idioms.” He proceeded to get the samples he needed with great care and efficiency. As promised, he used only the thinnest needles. When all the samples were taken, he said, in a kindly tone, “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I chuckled, “No, I have to admit, you’re getting better.”
With a jaunty tone, he levitated my clothes, “Right. Let’s get you decent.”
I was grateful he helped me get my clothes on. I was still stiff and achy from the bathtub experience, and no doubt, I looked like a sun-dried raisin.
He called out towards the door, “You can come in now, Rainbow Dash. It is quite safe.”
Dash tentatively entered the room and sniffed, “Oh my gosh, Alex! You’re you again! And the smell is gone.” She hugged me warmly, and I returned the hug. She snickered, “I guess all you needed was a bath.”
Dr Emerald stood straight and smiled, “Right. I’m discharging you once again, Mr Alex Roberts. I want you to rest tomorrow, and I will see you again in two weeks.” He gave me a stern look and shook a warning hoof at me, ”No strenuous activities. Doctor’s orders.”
Dash snickered, “I guess you are out of luck tonight, Alex.”
I smiled, “Just your sweet, sweet hugs will have to do.”
She grinned wickedly, “Still, too bad you stank. Trying out a human mare could have been fun.”
I chuckled, “Yeah, well, I suppose it could have been an interesting experience, but honestly, I’m glad I’m back to my normal self.”
Dash smiled warmly, “I am too, you big lug.”
I peered through the open door, “Are Scoots and Summer here?”
She replied, “They’re in the waiting room.”
Dr Emerald volunteered, “I shall fetch them immediately.”
I inclined my head in gratitude, “Thank you, Emerald.”
As promised, my daughter and ward were led into the room. As soon as the little filly saw me, she dashed to me and hugged me for all she was worth. “Dad! You’re back to normal!”
I picked her up and hugged her fiercely, “You bet, pumpkin!”
Summer Blossom bowed slightly, “It’s good to see you, Father. I am glad the healer was successful.”
I motioned to Summer to come closer. She tentatively did so. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Glad to see you too, Summer.” She seemed a little confused, maybe uncomfortable, but accepted the gesture. I couldn’t help but notice her tail wagging just a tiny bit.
Dash, Scootaloo, and Summer conspired against me. ‘Those traitors’, I thought.
Dash kissed my forehead and said, “You sit there and rest. Me and the girls will take care of supper.”
The three of them headed off to the kitchen.
As she prepared to leave the room, Scootaloo directed her hoof towards me in a stern manner. “Stay.”
Finally, before leaving, Summer glared at me, “Do not leave couch, Father.”
With specific instructions and two threats, I decided I would, in fact, stay on the couch. As I overheard them laughing and working on the evening meal, I reviewed the plan I had concocted in the tub. I went over it in my head again and again, making sure I was positive I wanted to do it. I realized that I not only wanted to do it, but I had to do it. With the weight of that decision off my shoulders, I could relax.
I was considering the best time to execute my plan and concluded that the upcoming party next week would be the best time. Lots of distractions, and I could sneak off with the three I trusted for it without drawing any attention to us. They would understand the stakes involved, and I was confident they would do what was needed if the time ever came.
About a quarter of an hour later, there was a frantic knocking at the door. I called out, “I got it!” I slowly got up, my joints creaking.
I opened the door to find a grinning Twilight, “Alex, I have a solution for you! The Experimental Highly Inefficient Artificial Starswirl Mark 1 or EHIAS-1.”
Dash chose that moment to pop her head out of the kitchen to scold me, “Hey, what did I say, flank head?”
I gestured to the purple pony in the doorway. “It’s Twilight, Dash. And she may have a solution for my magic problem.” I repeated the acronym, “The Eh-e-az-one? What does it do?”
She floated a simple wooden box, a cube no more than 10cm to the side, with a hinged lid. I was surprised by the weight when she placed it in my hands. It must have weighed around nine kilos! “This is the storage case for the medallions. I covered it with a thin wooden sheath to protect you from the lead. I know it can be toxic to ponies, and I thought it might be the same for you.”
“Good call.” I opened the box and found three identical medallions about three centimetres in diameter and around a centimetre thick. They were gem-encrusted and engraved with what looked like arcane symbols. The metal seemed to be a dull aluminium. Each one had a cord laced through a little loop at the back to act as a necklace.
Dash peeked over my shoulder, “They look cool, anyway.”
I turned one of them slowly in my hand, admiring the intricate workmanship. “So, what does it do?”
Twilight beamed proudly, “I took your idea of creating a highly inefficient magical artifact. I created a basic light enchantment to make the gems glow and added blaanera loopback matrices to not only use magic as inefficiently as possible but to quintuple the general mana flow! It was actually quite the challenge. The enchantment matrix is usually—”
I interrupted her, “Twilight? I’m sure the details are fascinating, but right now, I’m running out of steam. I just got out of the hospital. If you can give me the bottom line while I sit down?” Maybe they were right to get me to stay on the couch.
That brought her back. “Yes, of course. Here, let me help.” I felt that slippery telekinetic field on my hips and lower back. As she guided me, she continued, “Simply put, you must always keep one on your person. It will absorb about two and a half ponies’ worth of magic, about twelve blaaneras, so the damage to your telomeres will be minimized. That, along with your knife, will mean you will only lose them at the normal rate.” She pondered for a moment. “Maybe even a little slower.”
She levitated the medallion around my neck. “It can store enough magic to protect you for up to six days, depending on the local field density, longer if you're around ponies. The gems will glow from the middle to the outer edge as the magic is absorbed. When all the gems are glowing, you know it’s full. Replace it as soon as possible. After that, you can bring it to me, and I’ll discharge it safely. I’ll teach Rarity, Beatrix, and Elusive how to do it, too, in case I’m not around. I gave you three, so you’ll always have one or two fresh medallions. Just make sure to keep the empty ones in the storage box.” She looked sadly at the ground, her hoof tracing a little circle on the floor. “I’m sorry, that’s the best I can do for now.” She brightened, “But don’t worry. I have some ideas to improve it.”
After most of a day on the couch, Dash relented and said I could come with her to see Miss Sweetheart to get the final adoption results. As we walked, she hovered slowly to accommodate my still-healing body. Dash gave me her usual confident grin, “Don’t worry, big guy. It’s just a what-cha-call-it? Formality. Scoots is our kid, and she always will be. And once that’s done, we’ll have a party with all our friends.”
I smiled up at her, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I nodded, more sure than ever that the plan was now essential.
Dash and I were waiting nervously in Miss Sweetheart’s shabby waiting room. There were three more couples before us, so we had to wait. Some looked worried, and some looked happy. I didn’t enquire about their status. Frankly, I was too worried about Scootaloo. While Miss Sweetheart had approved the adoption, technically, the Foal Protection Board also needed to approve it. I knew it was just a formality, but I was nervous. I’m not a pony, and I didn’t know who was on that board. I just hoped—My thoughts were interrupted by a smiling Miss Sweetheart. “Alex Roberts, Rainbow Dash, please, come in.”
We quickly followed her in. Dash was grinning, and I was just worried.
She quickly reviewed some paperwork in a file folder. I couldn’t help but notice the corner of a red stamp on one of the last pages. She quickly stuffed the papers in a desk drawer. With a grin, she simply said, “Congratulations. You’re now parents.” Dash hugged me, tears of joy in her eyes.
‘Sometimes,’ I thought, holding Dash, ’it’s nice when something just goes right.’
Twilight was frustrated.
Upon delivering the medallions to Alex, she had slightly stretched the truth about having additional ideas. She understood how magic worked in Equestria on a fundamental level. The starswirl glands collected the stray magic particles in the environment, allowing a pony and almost every other creature in Equestria to utilise that energy to create substances in their body needed or to shape their environment in specific ways. It makes earth ponies physically stronger and more robust, allows pegasi to fly, allows unicorns to use their telekinesis and cast spells, and allows a popping cat to teleport.
What she couldn’t understand, at a fundamental level, was how it affected Alex. Although she understood the tangible impact of magic on human beings, she lacked an understanding of its underlying causes. She needed to know what the physics of his home reality was like. Despite her best efforts to gather information through conversations with Alex, the data was insufficient. Alex just didn’t have a deep technical grounding in the physics of his world.
She sat at her writing desk and composed a letter.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I am writing this letter to ask for assistance.
You have been my teacher for most of my life, and I’ve always known you know far more than I could ever imagine. I need your help and guidance.
As my previous letters explained, I have created a device to protect Alex Roberts from ambient magical particles. I now suspect they will not be as effective as I hoped in the long term, but I have not told this to him. If I can get more information on the physics of his universe, I can refine my designs. These efforts would also go a long way to refining medical devices for your subjects.
Please help.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
She carefully rolled up the scroll, placed her seal on it, and asked Spike to send it.
In Celestia’s throne room, a familiar wooshing sound was accompanied by a scroll that appeared in a wreath of green flame. The solar diarch caught the scroll deftly and with ease. She smiled. She always enjoyed the letters from her faithful student, even if they have recently been focused on helping that… human.
With a delicate touch, she snapped open the scroll and read. She was displeased by the words Twilight had written. Still, Luna’s pet needed to be cared for—no matter her personal misgivings. However, this was Luna’s special project. ‘She should deal with it herself,’ she thought wearily.
Within the hour, Twilight got her response.
My Dear Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
I admire your tenacity in helping your friend. As always, you are an exemplary example of friendship. However, this is a subject on which I do not have the information you seek. His world is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
However, Princess Luna may be able to help. I have spoken to her, and she is composing a plan to help you in your quest for further knowledge. Once she is ready, she will send you a letter.
Sincerely,
Celestia
Satisfied with her mentor’s reply, she returned to her various other projects.
A few days later, Twilight heard the distinct snap-pop of a teleported scroll as it dropped on her table. It had Luna’s dark blue and moon crescent seal. She opened it with a snap and started reading the old-style script.
We Greet Thee Twilight Sparkle,
Our Beloved Sister Has Spoken To Us About Your Plight. We Appreciate The Effort You Are Putting Forward On Behalf Of Our Paladin.
During A Recent Dream, A Good Dream To Reward His Efforts, We Interacted With One Of His Dream Constructs. His Old Friend, Tycho Hernandez, Is A Natural Philosopher At An Institution Known As CERN. A Society Devoted To The Natural Science Of Physics. Alex Values And Respects His Friend’s Intelligence And Fierce Curiosity.
We Believe Your Best Course Of Action Would Be To Contact Tycho. We Will Request That Alex Furnish You With The Most Efficient Method Of Approaching His Friend.
We Hope Your Endeavour Will Yield A Rich Harvest.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess Luna
I was busy planning the adoption celebration when I heard the distinct snap-pop of a teleporting scroll. Unsurprisingly, it had Luna’s seal. I quickly opened it and started reading.
My Paladin Alex Roberts,
We Greet Thee And Are Happy To Hear You Are Hale And Hearty Once Again.
I Have Two Tasks For You.
First, You Will Take Steps To Find The Culprit Responsible For This Assault On Your Person With The Poison Joak. An Attack On One Of My Paladins Is An Attack On Myself. You Will Find Them And Redeem Them. I Will Scour The Dreamscapes Of My Little Ponies To Find The Possible Evidence You Need. I Will Send You What Information I Discover.
Second, You Will Assist Element Bearer Twilight Sparkle In Contacting Your Old Friend Tycho Hernandez. She Requires His Expertise And Insightful Perspective. She Wishes To Learn More About Your World From A Technical Point Of View. Although You Have Performed Admirably In Describing Your World, You Do Not Have The Technical Training The Element Bearer Requires.
We Would Like To Express Our Utmost Appreciation For The Diligent And Thorough Measures Taken To Ensure The Safety And Well-Being Of Summer Blossom. It Is Truly Commendable To Witness Such Dedicated And Caring Efforts In Our Community. Even Now, Her Dreams Include Warm Scenes Of Your Family. I Foresee Her Becoming A Fine Leader Of The Diamond Dogs. Her Mother, Grass Runner, Is Currently Being Detained In Canterlot. She Is Being Treated With Dignity And Respect. She Is Gaining Redemption And Will Become A Strong Ally Of Equestria.
The Crown Is Assisting Her People, This Time With Proper Foodstuffs Appropriate For Their Needs. We Have Personally Seen To It.
Finally, And Most Importantly, I Must Congratulate You On Successfully Adopting The Foal Known As Scootaloo. It Is A Momentous Day For You And Element Bearer Rainbow Dash. It Gladdens Our Heart You Are Building A Loving Family.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess LunaP.S. Rest Assured, We Did Not Read Your Mind To Discover Tycho. We Spoke To His Dream Construct When You Received Your “Paycheque”.
I was at the Ponyville Library, speaking with my purple pony friend. “Alright, Princess Luna let me know you needed some science help from Tycho.” I decided to keep things simple and lay down some ground rules. “So I’ve been keeping up with him, but he doesn’t know I’m a jumper. Also, if you told him you’re from Equestria and not Earth, he might shut the conversation down right then and there.”
Twilight gave me a worried look, but I continued. “He’s not one to take nonsense, especially when it comes to science.” I thought for a moment. “How about this? You’re a fellow researcher.” I considered that for a moment. “No. A grad student? Yeah, a student. Perfect. He won’t ask what papers you’ve written; you can ask questions. He also won’t expect you to have in-depth knowledge.” I thought for a moment while rubbing my chin. “Okay. So he might not answer all your questions. He’s no Carl Sagen.”
Twilight interrupted, “Oooh, I loved Cosmos.”
I chuckled and continued, “He’s not the teacher type, but he’s also not a jerk. He’ll direct you to someone who can answer your questions. His mom is a medical doctor. I think she specialises in nuclear medicine. That might apply here.”
I nodded in satisfaction, then tapped my forehead in annoyance. “Oh, I almost forgot, you need a name. I went to college with a lady called Nevena Derrick. She was a chef. Made a mean… well, never mind what she made. The point is, I don’t think there’s a physicist or doctor out there with the same name.” I quickly did an internet search for that name. The only significant result was for my old acquaintance, the chef. “Huh, She has three stars now. Sorry, back on topic. The name is good. That lessens the chance of uncomfortable questions. My kids are too young to have college-aged friends, so you’re the daughter of an acquaintance of mine.” I rolled my hand in the air in thought, “I don’t know, Bob and Fretta Derrick. That sounds good.”
I sat back in satisfaction, “There. A simple plan, a simple cover story, and since you’re doing everything over text, there’s no chance for video. No one will see you. Anyway, Tycho hates video.” I chuckled at the shitstorm anyone seeing Twilight over his shoulder would cause, “Man, that would need some explanations.”
I made the connection and started to type.
>>> Hey Tyk! Are you still sweating over hot particle accelerators?
There was no immediate answer. But, after a few minutes, there was a reply.
<<< Hey, Al. How are things?
>>> Fine. Kids are healthy. Ann and I are still working things out. But I have a favour to ask.
There was a delay in the reply.
<<< Sure.
I explained, “Tycho likes to choose his words carefully.”
>>> I have a friend of a friend whose kid is taking a physics course at UofT. They’re doing something in medicine and nuclear something or other. You know me, I don’t know an up quark from a down quark.
<<< Yeah, yeah. Sure. What’s their name?
>>> Nevena Derrick. She’s right here.
I passed the laptop to Twilight, and our plan went into action. I felt terrible about deceiving Tycho. Maybe I’ll tell him the truth one day, but today is not that day.
I watched them go back and forth, Twilight asking questions I frankly didn’t understand and Tycho getting more frustrated. Eventually, he typed:
<<< Look, Nevena, The questions you’re asking are out of my expertise. But I know someone who knows this stuff and can teach you way better than I can. What’s your email address?
Oops. Something I hadn’t thought of. I killed the connection, quickly created an email address, and then reconnected.
>>> Alex here. Sorry, the router decided to reboot.
I gave him the email address.
<<< Alex? Never do that again. Please.
>>> I appreciate your help more than you can know. Thank you.
We closed the connection.
Twilight started speaking excitedly, “That was amazing! You and Princess Luna were right. He is brilliant. I could barely follow his explanations. It was exhilarating!”
The party was a hit. All our friends and Scootaloo’s friends were there. I even got DJPon3 to DJ. Dash was chatting with her friends, enjoying a lightly salted drink.
I went around the party, meeting and greeting. I noticed Summer Blossom standing in a corner, looking uncomfortable. “Hey, Summer. You okay with this crowd?”
She looked at me with irritation, “Me happy sister now in family. Me not like…” her voice dripped with disdain, “parties.”
I smiled kindly at her, “Ponies love this stuff. But I can understand why you may not be comfortable. If you want, you can go to your room. I’ll see about the noise.”
“No! Me mean, party make little sister happy. Make you and Mother happy. That make me happy.” She started to tap her paw to the tunes, “Music also not bad. Me be alright.”
“Alright, Summer. If you need anything, just let me or Dash know.”
I was all smiles and sunshine. I knew what I needed to do and surreptitiously gathered Twilight, Rarity, and Beatrix. It was under the pretext that I wanted to get away from the noise and talk about the theatre. This was partially true. I gestured for them to go to the backyard and closed the house door. In the quiet of the cool evening air, I took one more look around. I didn’t want anyone but these three here. They all looked at me curiously, with Rarity finally asking, “Alex, what is this all about? What theatre business is so important it could not wait until tomorrow? This is not like you. Is there something wrong? Should we find Rainbow?”
I spoke calmly but with some force. “No. This is about... insurance.”
They looked at each other in confusion.
I sighed, “It’s like this. With the recent events, especially the diamond dog and the poison joak, I figured you needed insurance, just in case.”
Beatrix cocked an eyebrow, “In case of what? Fire? Theft? Bugbear attack?”
I smirked sadly, “No. In case I became… dangerous. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I had a long time to think while I was getting cured of the poison joak. What if, I thought, the next time something affects my mind instead of just my body? I wanted to ensure that if I ever break down or if I ever go rogue and threaten ponies, you have a fast and hard way to stop me.”
Rarity grew worried, “Alex, this isn’t what I think it is, is it?”
Beatrix protested, “I refuse to hear any more of this, boss. I don’t like where this is going.”
Twilight just looked at me angrily and didn’t say a word.
I became upset, “Well, too bad. You’ll all listen and memorise it because one day, it may be the only thing that keeps everyone safe from…” I faltered for a moment, “me.”
Rarity cleared her throat and nodded, obviously emotional.
Bea turned away, a tear forming, then quietly spoke, “Okay. What’s this insurance you were talking about?”
Twilight just glared at me.
I put two fingers on either side of my neck, “Right about here are my common carotid arteries and the internal jugular veins. They move blood in and out of my brain. It takes about five kilos of pressure to close them both off. Once that’s done, I have about ten seconds of useful consciousness, maybe ten more of flailing around, and then I’m out. Hold it for about another four or five minutes, and I’m brain-dead. Make it ten to be sure. I’ll tell Elusive later. Twilight, tell your brother and Princess Celestia. Rarity and Bea, I entrust you to share this with a unicorn you trust that’s not already here?”
Rarity shook her head. “I refuse to share this with anypony. I’m... appalled you shared it with us.”
I nodded, “Alright. I can respect that.”
Beatrix thought momentarily, then answered, “Yes, a friend from the days I entertained the troops. But I want an explanation as to why from you before I do it.”
Twilight muttered, “But you aren’t crazy. You aren’t dangerous. I know you.”
I reminded her gently, “But I could be Twilight.” I sighed, “The diamond dogs are supposed to be apex predators, right?” The three nodded. “Top-tier threats and I blew through them like they were children.” They looked at me, comprehension dawning. I chuckled dryly. “Did you know I used to play a little mental game whenever I entered a room? I tried to figure out what I would have to do to incapacitate everyone in it. It used to be to ‘end’ everyone in the room, but that got too easy. It takes a lot more effort to take the non-lethal path and a lot more thinking. I just turned that little exercise on myself.” I smiled sadly, “So, while I’m still in my right mind, I wanted to give you the tools and weapons to stop me.”
Bea argued, “Affecting such a small area precisely during a confrontation would be tricky for me. I imagine Twilight or Rarity would find it just as difficult. I doubt even Dr Emerald could do it.”
I shook my head, “No. Emerald is a doctor, a healer. I don’t think he could do it. He’s the last person I want to be involved in this.”
Twilight blurted out, “Why can’t we just grab and pin you? Lift you off your hooves. And… and…”
I conceded the point. “Maybe so. And I certainly hope you can try that before killing me.” The ponies shuddered at the word. “But all I’m saying is if, and it’s a huge ‘if’, you can’t stop me any other way, you have an option. An ugly option, it’s true, but it’s there.”
I rubbed my hand on my face. “It’s like this,” my eyes scanned my dear friends, making momentary eye contact with each one. Twilight looked away, stifling a tear. “I trust you all. And when I lost my self-control on that Diamond Dog Alpha, I realized how dangerous I could be. After the poison joak incident, I realized my mind could be tampered with. I know it was me doing the tampering in this case, but what if next time it’s my mind that is affected?”
My dear friends could only look at me in stunned silence.