(Celestia Attempts Diplomacy)
Tea time among the four Princesses of Canterlot Castle was usually a more lively activity. It was here in this very tearoom that goddesses dropped their facades as rulers and became living breathing ponies. It was here in this very room that they shared the most lurid gossip and chortle-worthy tales.
But today was different and the reason for such a difference... was something held firmly in the magical grip of the room's largest inhabitant. Celestial Sol Radiance gives the item in her grasp a tentative sniff as she ponders it next to another. The Unconquered Sun, Sol Invictus turns to the other item before slowly and surely exposing her small pink tongue to the slightly stilled air of the room. The small muscle pokes daintily out of her golden-coloured lips (a new lipstick from her niece) similar to a vole poking its head out of the ground... and there it stays.
Ever so slowly the second item floats closer until it almost reaches that pursed set of lips holding back a muscle far stronger than one would expect. Celestia gives the item a quick jab with her tongue before allowing the muscle to retreat into her maw. She swirls the taste around in her mouth and lets the tiny fleck of liquid she had caught roll lazily down towards the back of her throat before pausing. Her ears flick back as she catches a sound, she rolls her bright pink eyes before turning her attention back to the puzzle before her. The first item floats closer as her tongue pokes out yet again.
An aggravated snarl stops her tasteful investigation as the Sun Goddess turns her gaze to the bedraggled and bed-headed form of her sister. Lunaria (or Luna as she prefers) is a head shorter and her form is less plush than Celestia but even in her sleep-deprived state, her sister recognises the sheer concentration in her catlike eyes as she too examines the quarry before them. Several bits and pieces float in her teal aura. She shuffles a few towards her and examines them closely before speaking in an accent that never seems to go away (in Celestia's opinion, she finds it rather barbaric).
"We agreed that the taste test does not work sister." She grumbles as she grits her fangs swaps a few pieces and compares them to the rest. Celestia rolls her eyes as she grabs another puzzle piece and floats it up to examine it closely. The Sun Goddess beams as if she had just won the lottery and holds a piece that looks identical to the others in her grasp towards her tired sister. Luna grunts as she stares bleary-eyed at said piece before nodding and continuing with her work.
The piece floats forward, something unknown drips off of it with a plop and then it stops. "I will admit it's been a while since we have done this, do you remember the proper order of things Luna?" The white mare queries, her voice is smooth and cultured. If one was to compare the sound to her sister's meandering lilt one would find themselves at a crossroads as to which was better. It is a common argument amongst the houseguards of the castle. Celestia thought she sounded better but then again she was slightly biased.
Luna the bedraggled stops her examination for a moment and lets a few pieces thump to the soft if slightly stained rug beneath the two. "It was Strengthen, Clean, Enforce, Clean, Glue, Glue Place was it not?" She responds with a yawn revealing a full mouth of dangerous-looking fangs, some of which are over an inch long. Celestia's brow furrows as she holds back a gag upon spotting a particularly rotten tooth in her sister's mouth (she should make dentist visits a family thing, it would stop Luna from intimidating the poor little itty-bitty dentist). She shakes her head as something in her mind clocks that statement as wrong. Her slightly aged mind creaks and sputters before offering...something useful (It's a matter of luck on particularly bad or boring days).
She goes through the process in her mind, looks at the pieces before her and compares them to the unfinished product. She grimaces. "Surely it was; Clean, Clean, Strengthen, Enforce, Glue, Glue, Place" She turns to her sister who stares back with a near deadpan gaze.
"Nay Enforce cannot come after Glue and the protections of Glue fade if you do so" She states with a frustrated scowl growing. Her lips are pursed in concentration as she too goes over the process in her head. A single pearly white fang rests lightly on her bottom lip, making it look more like she's pouting (though it would be a foolish thing to ever mention, folks have died for less). Celestia personally thinks that's about as cute as the little harlot gets but even she wasn't dumb enough to mention that.
"Your previous instructions contradict that L-" Celestia begins as the statement rattles around in her head. She sees the contradiction and given the interruption so too does Luna. Celestia should have expected such an occurrence, she had poked enough bears on her various benders to know what happens (and a sleep-deprived Lunar Princess is about the same manner of beast).
"Aye, I ken that now!" The Lunar Alicorn interrupts with an agitated fang-filled snarl in her sister's direction. Leathery wings remain clasped at her side, a signal that she is not as agitated as she seems (though it could also be from the previously mentioned sleep deprivation). That fact does not stop the excess of spittle expelled from her sister's maw, it lands on the Solar Matriarch's neatly combed chest and stains the cute little scarf she had picked out at the start of the day. Celestia braces herself and calms the rage in that moment as with a quick burst of magic she sends the scarf to a nearby laundry basket. She was a master diplomat and with that in mind, she ponders a response that won't piss off her sister more.
And then she notices the flemmy looking stain tarnishing her white coat and that unique electrical connection between brain and mouth suddenly fails. "Bloody hell Luna, say it don't spray it." The childish mantra of their younger years leaves her lips as she gags and attempts to magic the stain away. "Did you even brush your teeth this morning this is fucking rancid?" She scrubs the stain with a nearby tea cosy, it smudges... into her coat and the tea cosy turns to ash in an instant. In a slight panic, her levitation lowers the pieces of their puzzle to the ground as she snaps up the neat kirin teapot in her levitation and promptly dumps the broiling contents down her front (trust me for a mare that can swim in lava, that is nothing), staining her pristine coat further but it does manage to dislodge the staining lump of flem and snot knotted in her coat. "We all forget things Luna, but that doesn't mean you can hock a bloody loogie on other people, this will take ages to get out prope-"
"Wheesht for a moment, I'm thinking." The triad stops with the forceful shutting of the sun goddesses' mouth. The large mare's pink eyes flash yellow for the barest of seconds as they narrow to pinpricks, while she isn't enraged... she's getting there. Luna for her part doesn't seem to even notice, she simply continues muttering to herself (she does that a lot) as she examines all the bits and pieces before them. Eventually when the struggling stops the pressure relents and Celestia deigns to speak.
"I swear I can already hear the creaking in that brain of yours." She starts her voice coated venomously in sarcasm. "My, my those gears need a little bit of oil don't they?" The goading goes unanswered until a pair of confused teal pupils focus on her, with a single brow raised. Celestia realises that her insult had gone straight over her sister's head (mention any technology and you immediately lose her) and for a moment she is relieved. There was no need to set her off further, such goading was childish and she should know better. Besides Celestia knows that Luna needs to be focussed or the two of them won't get this done before dark (something that has happened before sadly).
"I don't rightly ken what you mean by that?" The accent returns with a vengeance, the only thing it's missing is the thee's and thou's when she gets properly angry. Celestia finds those moments funny at first, a confusing mess of verbiage all enhanced by her sister's freckled face scrunching up until she blows (it's less funny after that point).
"It's nothing just a playful jibe" Celestia responds only the slightest bit miffed that the bait had not been taken even if she recognises the foolishness of such an action. It wasn't that wanted to get in a brawl or anything. It was just that at these hours of the day, her little sister could prove troublesome... more like an unruly teen than a princess. It was a grating experience to be sure.
"We don't have time for jibes, do you remember the process or not?" The dark freckled alicorn grumbles as she sips her coffee. She wasn't even going to pretend that she was trying to remember at this point. Celestia did the thinking part well enough for the two of them, Luna did the doing bit. That was how it worked in the past and with a winning formula like that why would they ever change it? Celestia feels the start of a headache building upon the realisation that the thinky bit was once again in her corner. But then again it was a working formula...
"I'm trying to do that now, just give me a second yeah." However, the formula most likely would have changed if certain events didn't happen and if one of the key components in said formula wasn't just a little bit older. On a bad day, it merely comes down to luck if she remembers what she's trying to remember and today had turned from boring to bad in a matter of minutes. Celestia's mind was drawing a blank and just when the cognitive part of her brain latched onto something possibly useful another interruption reared its head.
"That's yer second." Her inpatient and often unruly sister remarks bluntly as she attempts to mash two pieces together (with minimal success). She shoots the person sitting next to her a confused look and then remembers that it is Luna, a mare infamous for being as blunt as a rounded-off sledgehammer.
Celestia's mind grinds to a halt as that little snippet of information is lost. "You know what I mean!" She whispers/yells to the grown-ass mare next to her before groaning and staring ceilingward as she taps a shorn hoof against her head. The slight percussive maintenance does nothing for the Celestia Not Filthy Thot Factory(TM), the thingme she had pulled from the depths is still gone. "Damnit I've lost my train of thought now." She groans as she examines the puzzle yet again.
"Oh poor Celestia, is yer auld mare brain catching up tae yah?" Luna remarks with an even thicker accent and an utterly deadpan disposition. Celestia wants to slap her in that moment but she resists as she catches the thought again. Sometimes it's like corralling cats up there but that just makes her glad that she groomed so many competent advisors, even if some of them barely have more free thought than a pigeon (but pigeons are funny little things so Celestia can forgive such massive deficits of character).
"Enough of your cheek Luna, let me think" She chides her little sister, ignoring the puffing up of freckled cheeks and rising withers. In times past she had openly laughed at her for doing that before battle but reality had quickly reminded her why one does not laugh at such things (even if they look adorable) "I did this a few years back... maybe a hundred or so." Muttering to herself more than anyone else but her sister hears it as her fluffy ears perk up and point dead in the eldest's direction.
"So what did you do then?" She prods and pesters as Celestia wrestles with millennia of memory and attempts to pinpoint a process they had done a hundred times before. She follows an ardent thought and finds herself lost in a miasma of violence and peace. The continuous rampant torrent of friends lost and found is nothing more than agonising. Normally she could remember better but at this moment in such a familiar and yet uniquely unfamiliar situation, how could she?
"I can't remember." She stares dead ahead, past the puzzle and into the unknown... its easy to remind oneself how fragile life is when you measure your life in ages instead of years. Celestia nearly finds herself taking an unwanted trip down memory lane until Luna decides to chip in her own two cents.
"Well, that's a whole lot of use then isn't it?" Celestia can hear the rolling of her sister's eyes in her ears, she doesn't need to even look at her. Maybe it's the remnants of the grog still stuck to her coat or perhaps it's a result of their current situation that causes the cognitive disconnect once again between mouth and brain. Celestia snorts, turns and bares her teeth, several gold teeth gleam from tasteful positions in the back. The brilliant summer-coloured mane of hers smokes at its ends as she does so.
"If you're not going to say or do anything useful I can summon your guards, maybe you'll be more use with a cock in your mouth, harlot." She snaps far quicker than she ever thought possible. Celestia had been told of the sister's use of her authority and found herself disapproving, while she could accept taking one to bed she couldn't accept the hallway antics her sister had been up to recently. It would be humiliating for the two of them if it ever got out (and it would have if she didn't have a well-groomed army of fanatics). Celestia watches her little sister's eyes widen in shock for a second (that she savours) before they narrow and she too bares her teeth in a challenging way.
"At least I'm getting some." She hisses as the pieces she had been meandering about with find their place.
Celestia recoils slightly before rounding on the smaller alicorn "And whose to say I'm not?" She strains behind gritted teeth as she holds her wings back from springing up in challenge. Pieces find their place as a process unremembered happens automatically. Luna laughs in response, it's a cruel cackle that one would expect more from Chrysalis than her sister (though given her history it shouldn't be a surprise).
"Please you're probably drier than the Sahara with how prim and proper you come across" A scathing retort that strikes harder than even Luna knows. Celestia had tried to make herself seem approachable but her subjects would rather see a goddess than a mare. A goddess that was kind, compassionate and beautiful, not Celestia the pony. Who in her own opinion was far too tall, just a touch too pudgy and more than a little erratic in reality. And yet still she cannot let such an insult go without retaliation.
"You take that back, you no good strumpet" Her wings flare slightly as she stands and leers over her little sister. A sister who seems unworried by such a turn of events as she stands with a whoosh of displaced air and glowers.
"Oh I'm sorry, it's just ghosties and dust isn't it?" She tilts her head and tutters mockingly at her elder. The insult does nothing for Celestia has already forgotten it, she tuts in disappointment whilst still refusing to look at the mare she had grown up with. Her mind calms somewhat in that second as basic cognition returns and reminds her of the situation before them.
"You're bringing us off topic, not that my sex life is any of your concern." She turns up her nose, her eyes still shut and her wings properly placed at her side. A dismissive comment, a basic statement that screams 'this conversation is over'. And it would do exactly that... if she was talking to a little pony but this is Luna and Celestia often forgets one small thing about her sister. She likes to have the last laugh.
"Don't think it's been your concern either for the past millennia ." A failure to read the room, something Luna is well known for. Another masterful cognition failure of the royal sisters that the younger of the two catches almost immediately as it leaves her lips. Her eyes widen and her mouth flaps open like a fish for the barest of seconds before she finds herself stumbling over her hooves and falling. A common thing to do when your normally calm sister flares the full length of her rainbow-tipped wings and rounds on you with a single solitary snort of fire out of both nostrils.
"Ohh I wonder why that would be?" Celestia seethes as she stands above her sister's now prone form, the heat of her breath is similar to being close to a fire (uncomfortably so), Luna refuses to meet her gaze, her panic has clouded her thoughts if only momentarily. "Maybe ruling alone wasn't all it was chalked up to be" She continues with a sneer as her eyes once again flicker yellow "Maybe I could take a consort in between bouts of crushing paranoia and depression" It's a snarl this time, one that leaves a small amount of napalm-like spittle on her sisters cheek, Luna hisses in pain as the spittle frosts over by sheer force of will and magic. "Maybe if Little Luna spent time back then sucking off her guards like a common whorse she wouldn't have felt so fucking lonely?" That one strikes at Luna's heart it's easy enough to tell from her position, the crushing miasma of self-doubt and flagrant hatred that her sister fights so hard to keep back comes to the forefront as her face twists into something ugly. The Queen of the Sun finds that in the moment she doesn't care all that much about that little insight.
If Luna wanted to sit on the floor and get her face painted that was up to her but she needed to understand when to shut that mouth of her's. Celestia spent enough of her day with a polite smile navigating through honeyed words and insults of the court. She didn't come here to be berated by a mare who spent most of her night doing paperwork and fucking about. She draws her head closer to the gasping and sobbing mare before her and finds that she feels little pity. Something like disgust is a more accurate feeling and she embraces it with a sneer as she rests her muzzle directly next to her sister's left ear.
"Does having sperm in your gullet make you happy Luna?" This barb is quiet to the point that even Luna takes a second longer to absorb it and when she does she sniffles. Celestia feels disappointed at that reaction so she primes another one "When it trickles down your face do you feel prettier?" Her tongue feels odd saying something like that to someone given her own struggles but Luna doesn't know that and Celestia finds her sneer morphing into a smile as she watches the first tears fall but that doesn't stop her. "How about when you swallow does that thick salty sploodge fill the hole in your heart that you so desperately want filled?" She nearly doesn't say it, something niggles in her brain. A warning that she does not heed she simply continues to look down at the openly sobbing mare.
"I...I...I...I..." The Guardian of the Night struggles as Celestia watches on in keen interest. A reflection of cold flaring yellow looks back at her in Luna's eyes. She watches the mare crumple from a few choice words and sees nothing new. Nothing, an apt description for the worm below her but Celestia has never known a worm to cry so this creature must be something else. Some tears reach the floor and some freeze on the mare's cheeks (frost was something she did have a particular talent in). Celestia looks on with a neutral face as the mare stares back at her.
"You're pathetic." She intones to the crying Princess. The small form before her gets smaller still as the normally proud Luna curls up and rolls to face away from her, her wings curled around her front in a flimsy form of protection. And with that Celestia turns away, briefly scans the room and approaches the serving cart that had been brought in earlier. A pre-poured cup of tea finds itself floating towards the Solar Monarch who takes the smallest of sips before examining the rest of the cart. Only to find herself confused as she spots several white and grey pieces lodged in the various confections.
It's familiar, a reminder of something and she wracks her brain to remember that detail but today had been a bad day. Herding cats would be easier at this moment but that doesn't stop the stubborn old mare. Celestia picks up a grey piece from atop the Black Forest Gateau, it jiggles in her magic as she brings it closer. She doesn't know how long she stares at it but it was long enough for Luna to run out of tears as the only sound in the room is faint gasps and nearly inaudible squeaks. She pokes her pink tongue out between her flat teeth and gives it a tentative lick... and gags with tears in her eyes as she remembers something important.
Celestia slumps onto the slightly bloodstained carpet with a thump as reality yet again takes hold. She sniffles as the past fifteen/twenty minutes replay on repeat in her head in perfect detail. She feels sick, even more than she did when she put the grey thingme in her mouth. Celestia hacks and coughs onto the varnished wood floor but nothing comes, so she changes tactics. Shuts her eyes and takes several stuttering deep breaths, one of the many coping mechanisms she had taught her various students through her long life. It is better for anxiety but it does the trick for nausea in a pinch if you have the right magic in you (Earth Pony if you're wondering), "Oh gods that was too far I...I... I-" She sputters out uselessly.
"It was well deserved." The morose voice of Luna whimpers from across the way and for a moment Celestia swears her heart stops. Her sister always had disparaging thoughts in her head now since she came back and who could blame her in that instance, a thousand years on the moon is no joke but she could manage them. Was managing them just fine with a whole heap of support and as always that fat lanky goon Celestia had to make her feel worthless. So what if she liked getting her face done every now and then, Celestia would be a hypocrite- was a hypocrite for pretending she hadn't done the same in that long stint of them being apart. If that was how she wanted to relieve a little stress then who was she to berate her for doing so, her verifiable army of fanatical teachers pets was more than up to the task of stopping all the bad press. It was what she had selectively bred and purged them for anyway.
Her sister gasps behind her and Celestia turns in time to watch her push herself up into the sitting position. "It wasn't deserved by the gods, I'm sorry." Celestia scootches closer and slowly offers a wing over her sister's back. She nearly recoils when she feels her flinch beneath it but finds herself too distracted by the slightly weeping gouge in Luna's shoulder to properly react. "You're bleeding Lu" an obvious statement but it is all her dumbstruck mouth can fumble out and all her sister offers in response is a snort as she pulls her wings closer. Luna lights her horn and returns to picking up pieces and comparing them.
"We too art sorry sister, It seems we still have much to get used to." Celestia doesn't like that response and ever so gently tightens her wing around the mare as her horn lights anew and gets back to work. Eventually, the silence becomes damn near suffocating between the two of them and Celestia finds that she can't let that last statement stand, Luna always wanted to blame herself and that wasn't happening today.
"You have nothing to apologise for, I was unfair and cruel for no reason" She starts drawing her sister's gaze. Luna's tear-streaked face is caked in a mix of damp blue fur and silver makeup. She doesn't look her in the eye but Celestia can tell she's trying her damnedest (stubborn and too brave to quit). The slightly warped reflection in the serving cart she catches out of the corner of her eye is damn near identical if you replace the silver with gold. Celestia's tangled locks are equally unkempt and only a smidge burnt and her pink eyes are bloodshot. Looking at her sister is like looking in a mirror and that only makes the growing guilt worse. "I... I love you, sister." She gets no response as the two return to their time-sensitive task.
The process that had started this argument is seemingly unneeded as they continue onwards in a heavy silence. Celestia mentally berates herself as they work, examining, matching and fixing all the pieces in place. The memories of those lonely millennia seem so much clearer in her mind now, the lovers, the fighters and everything in between. She remembers the last time she did this and remembers that it was done poorly. Luna meanwhile is focusing on the work as a distraction from what her sister can tell. She doesn't like thinking of the few years before her banishment, a period in time her brain likes to go back to time and time again. Celestia knows that she preferred the world before the unification when compared to this one, as savage and messy as the world before was. She knows this is all confusing and hard but Celestia can't let her fall too far behind.
If that happened she would lose her sister again and most likely never get her back. There were times when she missed that world as well. The strange and often wonderful people they ran across (and sometimes away from) were new and wonderful to them as they travelled far and wide. Celestia gains a somewhat melancholy look mixed with a slight sneer as she remembers people like Grogar. Sure Luna liked him (and bedded him) but that snivelling little weasel tried to kill the pair and then created an apocalypse to get out of marrying her sister. Celestia regrets not taking him seriously (or at least not bedding him when her sister offered it up), but surely they can't be blamed for only catching up with him after he had already reached the Wendigo Graveyard? A shiver runs down her spine as she remembers that particular kerfuffle.
There was a song that damnedable goat used to sing as well wasn't there? He had serenaded her sister with it from outside an inn in Rom (The Ancient Ram Capital) and the two had laughed when Celestia threw the contents of the chamber pot at him (she missed of course, she was drunk). For a dread necromancer, he was an awful songful goat, he would sing that song under his breath while working, he would serenade her sister with different songs as they went about their business even though he knew it annoyed her (and when times would allow Discord). She can't remember what the words are or even its name but as her mind wanders she remembers the melody clear as day (her day, of course, not that prick Ra).
Without a thought, Celestia begins to hum that old song forgotten by her and by most in the world as she does her work. If only just to fill the crushing silence that had taken hold of the room. It's a slow process that the two of them do but with her humming it doesn't seem so grim. She nearly chokes on her saliva when Luna joins in. She is quiet. Damn near inaudible when she first starts and Celestia barely hears her but after some time she seems to gain some confidence. Celestia can't remember the words but from her low rumbling lilt of an island long sunken beneath the waves, she knows that Luna indeed does. They repeat the song once, twice and on the third way round Celestia finds herself belting out the tune along with her sister. She doesn't sound royal at that moment, Baahtin isn't a language spoken with an Equestrian accent and her accent is bloody rusty, along with her singing voice. Eventually, the two of them put the last piece in place.
"I could recommend a few whom dream of thee if you would like?" Luna is the first to break the silence. It's the only olive branch that Celestia didn't expect and the implication causes her to blush as she responds with a thoughtful hum. Luna takes a long sip of her most likely cold coffee as Celestia snatches a biscuit from a nearby tray and gobbles it down as she thinks of a proper response. She barely even notices the tiniest piece of grey mixed in and doesn't react to it anyway.
"Thanks, I suppose. I'll think on it if nothing else pans out." Celestia responds with a slight jitter in her voice. It's barely noticeable, something not even Luna recognises. A nervous tic... perhaps or maybe it's just a feeling of excitement from the very idea that someone could find this pudgy, gangly form of hers realistically pretty. She crushes those thoughts as soon as they come, contenting herself with just enjoying the quiet moment with her sister. Even if the guilt of being the cause of said silence will keep her up tonight. But that's nothing a few glasses of wine won't sort.
Nothing is said between the sisters as the slightly blood-splattered clock ticks to a quarter past the hour. And then there is a loud thump that causes the two to jump and swear obscenities. The project it seems had fallen over. Celestia grimaces at that and winces at the uncanny sight before them as she looks closer still. It's a good reminder that she needs to talk to Luna later about her rather eccentric behaviour in that moment but as she looks at her sister's soft smile she believes that can come later. Perhaps a fair bit later. She adjusts the project and turns to her sister. "We can finish up properl-".
The two squeal as the corpse tumbles yet again with a loud thump. Celestia holds a hoof over her heart, as Luna simply tilts her head.