“Hey Twilight?” Anon asked, moving his gaze away from the hospital ceiling to Twilight sat in the bed next to him.
“Yeah?” She said in response.
“You’ve gotten more powerful since becoming an alicorn right?” Anon asked.
“Yes” she confirmed.
“Have you tried doing the kamehameha wave?” Anon asked.
Blinking a second Twilight wasn’t familiar with the term.
“I’m sorry Anon but, what?” She asked.
“The kamehameha wave, when you focus all your energy into a singular ball of fuck you energy and fire it to completely annihilated your enemy” Anon said, explaining the single greatest attack in anime history.
Completely perplexed by the concept, Twilight scratched her head in confusion.
“Anon, I don’t TRY to hurt anypony. Even if they’re bad I won’t do anything more than try and stop them. Also that just sounds like any other energy attack” Twilight stated.
“Yes but you have to say it while you’re doing it,” Anon said.
“Anon, why would you announce the name of your attack?” She asked.
“It just looks way cooler,” Anon explained.
Rolling her eyes, Twilight went back to her book.
The two would spend another month recovering before their wounds would healed to a point they could walk about again.
Free from the hospital Anon returned to his daily life.
After another day as absolute monarch he returned home. But he wasn’t his usual cheery if not insane self.
Cream had noticed this, once the kids had gone to bed she confronted him about it.
“Anon, somethings wrong, you can tell me,” Cream said.
Hesitating for a moment, Anon let out a sigh.
“Cream, I’ve been in danger due to a lot of wild stuff over the last few years. But that bomb was the first thing that genuinely came close to taking me out. I don’t know what or when the next one of those is coming. But it made me think” Anon began.
“Cream, I love you. There isn’t a thing I’d rather do than spend the rest of my life with you” he continued.
Cream had gone through this before, but her eyes still went wide as she realised what was happening.
“So… you wanna get married?” Anon asked, sheepishly stumbling over his words.
Throwing herself onto him, Cream wrapped Anon in a tight hug.
“Yes! Yes I’ll marry you!” She said, sounding as happy as he could remember her sounding.
“Wow, that was way easier than I thought” Anon thought.
But while both were more than happy to tie the knot there was one thing that would give them a headache.
Planning the damn thing.
“So what were you two thinking for your big day?” Cadence asked.
Considering her own wedding wasn’t that long ago Anon and Cream asked Cadence for help planning theirs.
After she stopped squealing like a fangirl meeting any generic boy band member.
“Well neither of us want anything particularly big or flashy” Cream explained.
“Yeah, I’m happy with just some close friends and family getting together,” Anon agreed.
“That sounds great, so who were you thinking of inviting?” Cadence asked.
“Well my parents obviously, the kids, you and Shining are our friends of course, Cup Cake and I are good friends, Anon can you think of anypony?” Cream asked.
“Just the girls, Celly, Luna, Big Mac and Spike,” Anon said.
“Ok, and you’ve already said you’re getting cake from the… Cakes” Cadence said.
“If you want I can handle everything else, which leaves the two of you with planning your bachelor and bachelorette parties” Cadence said.
…
“Vegas,” Anon said.
Looking at each other, Shining and Big Mac looked back at Anon in confusion.
“Sorry, I meant Las Pegasus” Anon corrected himself.
“Yeah I don’t think that’s a good idea, YOU in the city famous for gambling?” Shining asked.
“Oh come on it’ll be fine, we’ll see the sights, party like it’s 1999 and commit every sin imaginable. Other than lust of course because I’m getting married, you are married and Big Mac is using my old house to bone his marefriend” Anon said.
Looking at Big Mac, Shining watched the stallion shrug before letting out a sigh.
“Well it’s your bachelor party” Shining said.
“Sweet! Pack your things boys because we’re heading to Vegas!” Anon declared proudly.
“Las Pegasus” Shining corrected.
“Same difference” Anon said.
…
In a loud stripclub in Manehattan, Cream, the Mane 6 and the Princesses sat watching stallions dance on stage.
“WOOOO! Shake what your mama gave ya!” Pinkie cheered, throwing a bag of bits at one of the dancers.
Unfortunately the poor colt was knocked out as the bag hit his head.
“Pinkie you’re not supposed to do that” Rarity chided.
“Then how do you make it rain?” Pinkie asked.
Rainbow pulled out a stack of paper and passed some to Pinkie.
“You go to the bar and give them some bits and they give you these,” Rainbow explained.
“Oh, okie dokie loki pokie” Pinkie said, before yeeting the stack of paper, knocking out yet another dancer.
Giggling slightly, Cadence looked over to Cream Heart, the older mare blushing profusely.
“Everything is ok Cream?” She asked.
“Oh I’m fine, I just haven’t been in one of these clubs since before I was married the first time” Cream admitted.
“Darling we can leave if you’re uncomfortable” Rarity offered.
Shaking her head, Cream Heart gave the girls a smile “it’s fine girls really, it’s just the pre-wedding jitters, and I can't complain about the view” she reassured them. Giving a pair of zebras on stage a wink as they made eye contact.
“Pinkie, stop knocking out the dancers!” Rainbow yelled.
“But how else will they pay off their college debts!?” Pinkie argued.
“Plus, I’m sure Anon’s sat in a club just like this, watching mares do things just as dirty” Cream added, having a mental image of Anon in her situation flash through her head.
“Cadence we have a code red” Luna whispered.
“What’s the matter Auntie?” She whispered back.
“Tia got drunk at the bar and was soliciting one of the dancers, then she fell over,” Luna explained.
Over at the bar Celestia was giggling on the floor.
“That lordship is still up for grabs, also you look even better from down here~” she said in a slurred but sultry tone to the frankly confused and uncomfortable looking pegasus in front of her.
…
“Huh, it’s hard to believe that an entire tribe of buffalos once lived here” Anon said reading the sign.
In the deserts below Las Pegasus, Anon, Shining and Big Mac looked over the sight that was once home to a buffalo tribe.
All around them were various recreations of traditional buffalo settlements and camps, complete with wooden figurines of the buffalo themselves.
Since arriving in the Las Pegasus area, the three had been to two museums, a buffalo reserve and an all you can eat buffet.
“You know, when you said you wanted to go Las Pegasus for your bachelor party I was expecting something… different” Shining admitted.
“Oh poor poor Shiny, this is only the clam before the first raindrops, and then…” Anon began.
Becoming a little nervous, Shining and Big Mac looked at each other.
“Before?” Shining asked.
Anon looked at the two, smiling almost sadistically.
“Noah” he said.
Neither knew what the hell that meant, but it scared them.
They were right to be afraid.
…
Twilight stood her ground against Tirek. The colossal centaur had
“KaaaaaaMeeeeee”
“What are you doing?” Tirek asked, confused by Twilight’s actions.
“HaaaaaaMeeeeee”
Tirek let out a laugh, his confidence on full display “is that really your big plan? Fire off another basic magic blast!?” He laughed.
“HAAAAAA!” Twilight roared, firing off a huge blue magical blast.
Responding, Tirek fired off another magic blast. The two beams collided with each other. Sending a shockwave across the whole of Equestria.
“You know it’s really lucky these things don’t explode on impact with each other” Pinkie said.
As the beam struggle intensified, both Twilight and Tirek were pushed back by the recoil.
“You foolish little pony! I can’t be stopped by mindless force! Soon I’ll have all the magic in Equestria and there’s nothing you can do about it!” Tirek mocked.
“There’s one thing you’ve underestimated Tirek, the one magic that you can’t steal, the magic of friendship!”
With her faith in the magic of friendship behind her, Twilight’s beam overpowered Tirek’s.
Being engulfed by the beam, Tirek was sent flying into the distance.
Exhausted, Twilight was barely able to stand up.
“Twilight! We found the magic chest thingy!” Pinkie called out.
“Yaaay” Twilight said tiredly before collapsing.
…
Several hours later the train carrying Anon, Big Mac and Shining returned.
“Now that was a party to remember” Anon chuckled as he stepped off the train.
“Mares. Mares everywhere, why didn’t they respect my personal space?” Big Mac asked as he stepped off on shaking legs. Looking like a soldier who had just come back from a war.
“Oh come on if you were single you would have loved that” Anon dismissed.
“Well at least you had fun, but next time we go on a boys trip we need to keep a closer eye on yo-“ Shining said as they saw the devastation spread over the Greater Ponyville area.
“Anon, what did you do?” Shining asked.
“Nothing” Anon stated.
“Nothing? You mean something’s broken and it isn’t your fault?” Shining asked suspiciously.
“I know, I’m scared too,” Anon said, taking a step back.
“Anon!” The girls said running up to them.
“Hi girls, how was Manehattan?” Anon asked as if he wasn’t just trapped on an island for a night.
“Rarity disappeared into a hotel with two zebra colts and-“ Pinkie began to explain before having her mouth covered by a blushing Rarity.
Chuckling, Anon looked over to the town.
“Everyone ok?” Anon asked.
“Shook up but yeah they’re ok” Twilight said.
“Twily what happened?” Shining asked.
“A giant magic eating centaur, Twilight blasted him all the way to Tartarus with a HUGE beam of magic” Rainbow explained.
Looking over to the blushing princess, Anon couldn’t help but smirk.
“Twilight~” Anon sang in a teasing way.
“Please no” she begged, covering her face with her wings.
“You used the kamehameha wave~” he teased.
“Well that was then and now is now! Can we please just move on?” Twilight said.
Everyone shared a chuckle at Twilight’s embarrassed look.
“Hey I’m not too late for the wedding am I?” Anon asked, giving Twilight a way out.
Frantically, Twilight spun around and headed towards Crystal City.
“Right! Yes! Come on Anon, let's get married!” She said quickly.
“What?” Anon asked.
“I said let’s get you married!” Twilight lied.
Following the girls back to the castle, Anon was lured into the Crystal Heart’s chamber.
Waiting there were the girls, the kids, the Cakes and the Princesses.
“This was set up quickly,” Anon commented.
“Pinkie magic Nonny, now get in position!” Pinkie said, pushing him to the altar.
Waiting a few minutes before Cream arrived. Wearing a white dress as she walked up to the altar.
Performing the ceremony, Celestia had chosen to not wear her crown on the occasion.
“Mares and gentlecolts, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Anonymous and Cream Heart in holy matrimony. If anyone knows why these two should not be joined please speak now or forever hold your peace” Celestia began.
No one raised their hoof other than Luna.
“Yes Luna?” Celestia asked, almost sounding tired as she did.
“Every time he’s left alone chaos falls from the skies” Luna pointed out.
“Dude if I get married I’ll have proportionally less time alone” Anon pointed out.
“In that case I retract my comment” Luna said, lowering her hoof.
“For now” she whispered.
“Anypony else?” Celestia asked.
After a brief moment of silence she continued.
“Anon, do you take this mare to be your wife, to live together in matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?” She asked.
“I do” Anon said, smiling as he did.
“And do you Cream Heart do you take this stallion to be your husband, to live together in matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?” She asked turning to Cream Heart.
“I do” she said.
“With all parties having given their consent the couple will now exchange vows” Celesita said.
“Oh shit I forgot to write anything, I was soo busy running from the mob then running the mob I forgot!” Anon’s head panicked to itself.
The entire room turned to Anon, who tried to beat to hide his panic under a smile.
“Ok it’s ok, say the first thing that comes to mind” his head thought.
“Wait a minute this is the first thing to come to mind!” It began to panic.
Taking in a deep breath, Anon gave an all or nothing monologue.
“Cream Heart, when I first arrived here all I could think about was getting home. Then I got turned into a thestral by an unnamed unicorn after she got into my home made hooch” Anon began.
Sat in her seat, sweating profusely, Twilight muttered to herself.
“I said I was sorry”
“After that all I could think of was getting back my old body then getting home. But now I’m here all I can think of is, thank you, thank you for bringing me home” Anon finished, with a surprising amount of rizz.
Resisting the urge to kiss him right there and then after that speech, Cream took her turn.
“Anon, I can’t lie I didn’t expect you to come into my life the way you did” she began, not mentioning they met on a drunken bender.
“But I’m glad that you did, my life, both our lives (she looks at Button) feel more full with you in them. I won’t forget the past, but I love you for being in my future” she finished.
Discord, disguised in the background, almost vomit at this show of affection. But Fluttershy shot him one of her glares™️ so he held it in.
(Cream didn’t want him at the wedding, so Anon put a lampshade over his head so he could come. Don’t ask how it worked only that it did)
“With the power invested in me by…” Celestia began before suddenly stopping.
The room looked at her with minor concern, Anon raising an eyebrow.
“Well um, me I guess” she chuckled sheepishly.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the-“ she continued, being interrupted by Cream almost slamming her face against Anon’s engaging in borderline lewd levels of making out.
“The bride” Celestia finished.
The guests applauded, happy for the new couple.
Except for Rosa, who was busy covering Button’s eyes.
“Hey Big Mac, isn’t it slightly weird to be at your ex-husband’s wedding?” Applejack whispered.
“Eeyep” Big Mac whispered back.
“Alright ladies, catch!” Cream said, finally allowing Anon to breath as she threw the bouquet.
Despite Rarity’s best efforts the flowers landed in Pinkie’s lap.
Holding up the bunch of roses, Pinkie looked over at Big Mac. Giving the stallion a wink before giggling to herself.
They both knew she was joking, but that didn’t make him any less squeamish.
Like that, Anon and Cream Heart became husband and wife, King and Queen.
And then they fucked.
HARD.
AN: Ok I’ve gotten more than one comment about it, do you guys think Cream and Anon should let Twiggles in on their relationship or not?
Also the adventures of Las Pegasus deserve their own chapter