//------------------------------// // Road Trip I: Travelin’ Blues. // Story: Humans Assemble! // by Mistershield //------------------------------// Chapter 44- Road Trip I: Travelin’ Blues. “All aboard!” A pony conductor dried out, moving his right hoof away from his face to look around. Final call, as the train was about to depart. “Who?” Dan asked, lifting his head up. He had yet to pick up his eyes though, feeling some weight on his body. Also, the pounding in his head was not helping. “Hn?” Pinkie Pie asked, lifting her head up to yawn. Both of her front hooves moved up over her head to stretch. She sniffed the air, noting something missing. The familiar scents of fresh baked goods and sweets was missing from the air. Her body went still, opening her eyes to look around. “This isn’t my house...” Pinkie Pie said. She quickly giggled, she never thought she would say that sentence. “Pinkie Pie?” Dan asked, opening his eyes slowly. The throbbing in his head had not subsided, and he had not eliminated the idea that this was all Pinkie’s fault. “Morning honey!” The Element of Laughter said, leaning down to place a kiss on Dan’s forehead. “Are we stuck in gridlock-” Both of Dan’s eyes shot open. “Not again!” The shouting immediately made him move a hand to hold his head. “I hate getting shanghaied!” “Oh, you’ve been taken to unexpected places in a train before too?” Pinkie asked. “No, but multiple times I’ve been drugged and shipped off to exotic places... Ergh I need water. Kinda how I learned to dance fight the same way.” Dan forced his eyes to relax, opening them suddenly like that made the eyelids shut in protest at the bright light. “We are going to have long talk about your party habits...” “Where are we?” Nate asked. He was laying on his belly, drooling on the carpeted floor. Rarity picked up her head, looking down. Her human partner was laying down underneath her form. Her mane was a bit messed up, while she had a red hue of lipstick on her lips. Kiss marks made from red lipstick and hickies now decorated his neck and face. “Nathan? Pinkie? Dan?” Rarity asked, looking around with a frown. “Why are we in a train?” Pinkie Pie took a moment to raise her left eyebrow and study Nate’s face. She then looked at the white unicorn’s face. Yep, same shade of makeup. “Better question, what were you two up to last night?” Dan asked. Nate and Rarity turned to look at each other. “Who’s the hussy that has been kissing my Nathan?!” Rarity seethed, immediately getting angry to look around. “Your Nathan?” Nate asked. He didn’t recall Rarity wearing any red shade of lipstick last night. Then again, it was hard to think. It felt like a parade made nothing but cymbals were playing camptown races in his head. “Wait, kissing?” The unicorn moved herself to get off Nate, letting the human to kneel slowly. His henley shirt had been pulled up a bit, exposing his midsection. “Huh?” Nate asked, moving both hands to pull his shirt up and look down at more lipstick marks on his chest. “The hell?” The kisses led down a line to his waist. “Umm, Rarity, you need to look in a mirror,” Pinkie Pie said, lifting her hooves up to cover the huge smile on her face. Dan moved to push Pinkie off him so he could get out of the wheel barrow. He quickly moved both hands to touch his face and inspect his clothes. Good, nothing of that sort happened with him and Pinkie. “How did-” Dan stopped talking, the movement of the train knocking him back into the wheelbarrow. “Ow!” The small human winced. He’s never been drunk, drugged plenty of times. But never drunk, that killed brain cells. So why did he have a headache? “The train’s moving!” Pinkie Pie said, smiling to look around. Even though she was hungover, it seemed she was not fazed at all. “Aren’t we missing someone?” Nate asked to squint a bit and look out the window. Yep, morning sunlight and a train station. “Last Call for Baltimare!” The Conductor pony yelled out, moving to get back into the front car. “Hurry Soma!” Fluttershy cried out, riding on the young man’s arms again. Even with the Panther Soul and the sonic boots on, it was going to be a close call. “Hey, I’m trying!” The teen said, blurring past ponies in a flurry. “You deal with a hangover going at mach 2.” He only hoped that Dan or Nate had bought their tickets ahead of time. Soma had hugged Fluttershy close to his chest, trying to balance himself better to move faster. Though he had to wonder why Fluttershy was not suffering. The yellow pegasus had both eyes closed, enjoying the sensation of speed and being held. While the idea of leaving her animals in the care of Applejack and Dovahkiin for a whole week did frighten her, not being with Soma was more dreadful. __________________________________ “Here are the tickets for the train. Drinking however, we must refrain,” Zecora said, shaking her head at them all. Thankfully, a herbal tea helped her and Blue Spy wake up. Although not drunk, the masked man needed something to help absorb the alcohol in his body. Phoenix nodded along with the zebra’s advice. First mission with the new guys and he had set just a fine example. “That cider was awesome though,” Rainbow Dash said, her eyes closing a little to remember the taste. For once, she didn’t have to worry about Pinkie Pie drinking it all. But thanks to her athletic lifestyle, she had little body fat to help handle the hard apple cider. She went from 0 to drunk in 60 seconds flat. “I had no idea that the merchant dude carried so much liquor...” Ralf said. Sitting down on a bench, his left hand moving to grab his and Cherilee’s tickets. At the moment, he was carrying the sleeping school teacher in his lap and arms. Amazing that she could still sleep with all the noise. “It appears that the others are-” Sephiroth stopped talking, lifting his eyebrows as the train carrying Dan’s team. Soma and Fluttershy were chasing after it. Lyra raised her head a bit groggily, her eyelids halfway to try and filter out the sun. Where was she? She was resting over on Sephiroth's non-winged shoulder. “Was that Soma?” Phoenix asked as he squinted. He just saw the teen throw Fluttery on the caboose before jumping up to grab hold of the rail and lifting himself into the train. “What happened last night?” Lyra asked. Sephiroth turned his head, getting a puffle of mane in his mouth. He coughed once, moving to lean down and set Lyra on the floor. “There was a penis measuring contest, and various sexual acts taken between-” Phoenix moved his left hand out to cover the Cetra’s mouth. “Oh hey now, no need to sully your lady’s honor, right?” Phoenix said, eyes closed to smile a bit. Sephiroth shrugged, since it was not his lady’s honor at stake. It was all Travis’ idea, so he would play along. “What?” Lyra asked, waking up now. “Did I...” Lyra stood on her hooves slowly, looking at the others. “I can’t say. Can’t remember,” said Ralf. “I mean, I know when I drink I can get pretty smashed and various things have been known to happen....” The soldier said with a grin. Oh, the next morning afters he had some strange adventures. Though he had been to a donkey show before. “Is that why I can’t get my wings to move...” Rainbow Dash said, turning to look at her wings. The cyan wings had been very sore at the base, as if she had them at standing attention for a long time. She blushed, realizing she had said that out loud. The pegasus lowered her head to point her nose to the ground, realizing ‘sexual acts’ had been said out loud. “This never leaves the group.” “Oh my,” Zecora said, her eyes opened in shock. Had she done anything embarrassing either? “Enough talking, lets board the-” Phoenix turned his head, trying to change the current topic of conversation. His face did a double take though, seeing their train coming in. While the train to Baltimare looked old fashioned, it still moved on steam power. Their train though, was being pulled by ponies. “Am I still drunk?” Phoenix asked, moving the left hand up to rub his eyes. “I hope so, I’m seeing the same thing you are,” Ralf said with a frown. Seriously? A train being pulled by ponies? He’d only seen a car that was pulled by horses in Back to the Future III. Even Sephiroth frowned. Lyra turned her head to look at them, wondering why the humans looked so weirded out. Must be the hangovers. “All aboard!” A conductor wearing a chimney stove hat yelled out, smiling at them all. “I think I know why this was an overnight trip...” Phoenix said to open his eyes and sigh. “This makes no zense,” Spy said, looking down at the others. “As ze Dan would say, “Inconceivable” even!” The masked man said. “Least we don’t have to worry about the luggage and supplies. Luna had her guards load them up for us,” Sephiroth said to stand up. _____________________________________ “Ah still can’t believe we did all that stuff,” Applejack said, frowning. “That sounds nothing like we would do... Right?” She turned to look at Twilight. “Ah mean, Sokka sounds like he’s hidin somethin.” “Oh trust me, I was not staying around for that show. I’m only going by what I heard,” The young man said. Luna warned him she could see through lies. “But I did see Twilight go after Otacon’s pants.” “Oh. Well, it was in the name of science?” Twilight said, her head turned away to blush. The other started to wake up, getting themselves looking presentable. Otacon moved a hand away from his eyeglasses to pet Twilight’s mane. “Look, we were drunk. I never drank a lot, so I honestly have no idea what I could have done. Let’s worry about the details later,” Otacon said to look around. He moved his right hand up to the temple of his head to initiate the Codec. “Snake, how are the others holding out?” “Is he still drunk?” Mayor Mare asked, looking up at Otacon. Ash managed to get his hand back on and help Dovahkiin get out of the tub. “How is he talking to Mr. Snake?” “Otacon? Good, it looks like the codec still works without the Doctor around. We are heading past City Hall- Least what’s left of it. Samus and a few others helped me get the teams on the trains,” Snake spoke. “Am I to understand that Otacon is somehow speaking to Snake through mental powers?” Twilight asked. So her champion did have powers... “You know what? Yes. Yes we can. We can talk to each other with mental powers,” Otacon said. “What did you say?” Snake asked, still being able to hear Otacon. “Not you Snake. Trying to explain Codec while in a hungover state is not worthwhile,” Otacon said. If his head hurt this much, he could only imagine what Dovahkiin must be going through. “Incidentally, Snake and Samus are on their way...” He said, turning to look at the others. “My entire inventory is... oh wait, there it is,” Dovahkiin said as he walked over to a corner where other clothes lay. Otacon and the ponies turned their back away from the dragonborn, letting the large hairy naked man get some privacy. Applejack turned her head a second, getting a peek. “Applejack!” Twilight said in a low voice, turning to look at the cowpony. “What?” Applejack said, lifting her left forehoof up to bend up at her chest a bit. “I’m making sure he’s not sick.” “I’m kinda annoyed that he’s not showing any hungover effects,” Ash said, frowning to walk over to the others. “Look at him, not even so much as a groan. Lucky bastard.” “Really now...” Otacon said, surprised by that fact. In order for Dovahkiin to get drunk it must have taken enough alcohol to send a pony into a coma. And there he was, getting dressed and humming a tune. “That is amazing...” “If you ladies are done talking,” Merchant spoke, walking through the front entrance. Junebug was at his side, smiling a bit. Since Paste had not gotten drunk, they left the party early to settle into her nice home and sleep. She had to rise early to work on flowers and he had to do inventory and upgrades. “I believe I have come to say no to your offer...” “What now?” Dovahkiin asked, lifting his head up. Dressed in the Guild set, he walked over to look at the others. He did take a moment to look down at Applejack’s new mane look and nodded with approval. “What do you mean no, Mr. Pasta?” Twilight said, stepping out to look up at the misshapen human. “I mean, I will not join you humans or your crusade. I am a businessman Ms. Sparkle. My motto is “What are you buying?” You are asking me to put myself in harm’s way for a cause I have no business being in,” Creeper Pasta said. He hunched down, turning to look down at Junebug. “And I am not saying sorry either.” “Believe me, I understand your situation sir...” Junebug said, shaking her head to the sides. “I mean, I know for its for Equestria. But I have my concerns also. Will the other humans be as honest about their opinions as Mr. Pasta here?” “What’cha mean?” Applejack asked. She frowned a bit, looking up at the merchant. “Ain’t he here to help?” “Help with what exactly? No one asked me to join. Ash only briefed me on things, and I decided to sleep on it...” Merchant said to face the sales clerk. “He’s right you know. No one asked me either. I’m only helping out cause that dragon pissed me off,” Ash said. “But I am only going along with things because I do want to go home.” “So Mr. Pasta, are you saying that you don't care if you go home?” Otacon asked, eyebrows raised. “I don't really have a place to call home. I go where business takes me. Also, who are you to say that the Changelings couldn’t send me home?” The red eyed human shrugged. “Are you saying you would rather help the enemy?” Mayor Mare asked, shocked by this man’s unheroic side. “Hey, your enemies, not mine. Tell me, why shouldn’t I join their cause? Because they conquer and raise war? News Flash, I make money on war. Also, I stay neutral. I sell to whoever needs my skills. Who’s to say you ponies are not the bad guys? Your words? Your history books? History is only written by winners, and they tend to lie...” Merchant said to turn his back to them. “Umm, Diamond Dogs are miners, and have lots of jewels,” Otacon said. “Merchant Away!” The hunched human spoke, lifting his right hand up to point with his index finger and start walking. “That was quick...” Twilight said, turning to look at her partner. How did he know? “He’s not wrong,” Snake said, walking with Trixie in tow. The unicorn had a smile, glad over the prank played. No one was going to find the truth from her. The stealth agent was once more wearing his octocamo suit. Watching Twilight and her friends squirm over the next few days would be a true treat. “Otacon had to give the man an incentive to fight...” “Why?” Twilight asked. “Isn’t he a champion like you all?” “Actually Twilight, no. We all have our reasons to fight the good fight, but Merchant there didn’t say anything like that to me last night. He also never introduced himself...” Ash said, crossing both arms on his chest. “Are you saying that one of the other humans could be talking about not going through with this?” “I had to be contracted to help,” Samus said, walking up next to Snake and Trixie. She looked around a bit, spotting Big Macintosh napping next to a haystack. “And even then, I am only contracted to Otacon, not to Big Mac there. I’m only helping because I work for him.” “And a man who fights without an incentive will only be a liability in the battlefield,” Snake said to nod at Sokka. “Ask him. He would have never gotten involved in a global war unless he had a stake in it...” “He’s right. I only joined the fight to help my friends and find my father at first...” Sokka said, shaking his head to the sides. “Even when trying to find people to help fight against the tyrant, very few joined for personal reasons. Without money and resources, we lacked so many things.” “Sokka?” Derpy asked, looking up at her partner. “Don’t worry, we won. Also, I did fight for the right reasons at the end. But with merchant here, I am wondering how the other humans feel about this...” Sokka said to look at the others. __________________________________ “Oh man... I think I’m going to...” Spike leaned over the end of the chariot, throwing up last night’s festivities. Samurai Jack and Travis frowned, disgusted by the dragon’s vomit flambe. How did a dragon both vomit and spew fire at the same time? “Forgive me Spike the Dragon. We are already going slow, but you should have not consumed alcohol at such a young age...” Princess Luna said, looking back from the head of the chariot. The small group was riding on an extended dark chariot, with the design of dark blue wings being drawn by six of the Night Troops. “Oh man, I am never drinking again,” Spike said, moving a claw to hold his head. “A wise decision young dragon,” Jack said, smiling down at his friend. He got down to his left knee, moving a hand out to rub the dragon’s back. “Hello?” A voice asked, coming out from Travis’ left coat pocket. The assassin blinked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black bluetooth looking device. This was one of those things Otacon passed out during the party. “Is that a radio?” Jack asked, lifting his head to look at the device Travis was holding. While from the past, Jack had his experiences through futuristic communication devices. But the device Travis had looked a bit primitive to him. “Travis here...” Mr. Touchdown said, moving to slip the bluetooth over his right ear. “Hello? Was that Otacon? This is Phoenix.” Spoke another voice. Spy and Zecora turned to look at the talking Phoenix. “Who is this? I swear if this is a telemarketer...” The voice of Dan was heard. Nate and Rarity picked up their heads, seeing Soma and Fluttershy walk in from a rear car. “Good, it looks like the communicators I set are working. I’m broadcasting this so we can all hear. I have no idea what the range these have, I had to work without testing them.” Otacon said. He turned to look at Sokka, motioning for him to put his bluetooth over his left ear. A bit confused, Sokka nevertheless put the device on to listen in to the conversations. “Alright, I guess Otacon has the floor... Oh my head,” Dan said. “There a way to adjust the volume? You are all coming in too loud,” Phoenix said. Travis turned to look at his team and nod. “Its the others. Looks like they got on the trains ok,” Travis said to nod at Spike and Jack. “Quickly, there are two buttons. One controls volume, other turns it on and off. Sorry, no ringtones. Unfortunately, there is no way to recharge them without being near Samus’ ship...” Otacon said. The ponies and human at the barn turned to look at the Element of Science. “Alright. So you suggest we only use these at certain times?” Phoenix asked from his end. Ralf moved to set Cherilee down on a train booth before moving to join Sephiroth and the others. “Yes. I suggest once at morning, afternoon, and in the evening. I will try to keep my Octophone on in case of emergencies. I can keep mine’s charged with Samus nearby.” Otacon said. “Yeah, makes sense,” Sokka said. “After meals I guess?” The teen added. “Since when do you guys make suggestions? But yeah, after meals. We’ll need progress updates. Keep the.. Octophones off till then. Lets see, at 9, at 2, and at 6. Are all of your teams together?” Dan asked. He had to raise his left arm up, blocking Pinkie Pie from listening to his ear. Her mane was ticklish. “Team Appleloosa accounted for.” Phoenix said. The black haired human smiled and nodded at Soma and Fluttershy. They were both panting for air, though this much excitement for the yellow pegasus made her glad to be alive. “Team Canterlot here, still missing The Doctor...” Travis said. Princess Luna turned to nod at her companions, as the capital of Equestria was coming into view. “Team Ponyville is in town and all together.” Sokka said. “Good. You know your assignments. Anything else to add before we sign off?” Dan asked. “Actually, yes. While we were all drunk, Princess Luna had her personal troops load the trains with a few things. Everyone’s weapons are in a briefcase bought from Merchant Pasta. Cloaks made by Rarity were provided for everyone. Foods, Bits, and some supplies are also provided in the cases,” Travis said. “Oh good. I was afraid there we were going in blind.” Phoenix said. “Should we worry if no one checks in at those times? I have no way of knowing if we can bounce a signal from those traveling the furthest away.” Otacon asked. “I say we go by the 24 hour rule. If we don’t hear after a day from their last check in, we assume the worse,” Dan said to look back at his team. “These are recon missions. If we don’t hear after a day, lets hope the Princesses can send a rescue team. The rest of us are unable to reach them in time.” “Alright then. Team Canterlot, signing off,” Travis said to lift a hand and turn off his Octophone. He slipped the device to set it away. “Wow, you can have a conversation with that many people from so far away?” Spike asked, lifting his head up. He could hear some whispers from different voices. “And where can I get one? If Twilight has one of those, I don't have to keep belching up letters.” “Indeed, that device sounds most useful,” Princess Luna said. “I have no idea. Would have to talk to Otacon. Don't you want the phone Jack? After all, you are the leader...” Travis said. “Not at the moment. With you working at night, I have a feeling you will not be able to use the device for long. I will let you use it until we must turn in for the day,” Samurai Jack said with his right hand up. “But may I ask, what was the point of the prank?” “Oh...” Princess Luna giggled, only imagining what the ponies were thinking off at the moment. “That was Sir Travis. He made a compelling argument...” “Really? I still have no idea what coitus or orgy means though,” Spike said to lift his head up and look at Travis. “Its simple. Both ponies and humans like each other, right?” Travis asked. Spike nodded. “But they are also scared of each other. If they think they passed through barriers, they can loosen up around each other.” “So, you mean like skipping steps in friendship right?” Spike asked, lifting an eyebrow. No one had the heart to tell the little guy that Rarity liked Nate. “Think of it this way young dragon. In battle, you can learn a lot from someone. How they fight, think, feel, prioritize. You learn through their acts, not their words. It is the same with other actions,” Jack said, trying to think of a nice way to put things. “I’m not sure I get it, then again I think I’m going to hurl again...” Spike said to turn green. “We are almost at Canterlot...” Princess Luna said as the chariot flew over the city gates. _______________________________ “Well, I guess that’s it for now,” Phoenix said to lower his Octophone. “Alright guys, we got a long trip ahead of us. Any ideas how to spend the time?” “I don't know about you guys, but I’m still out of it. I think a nap is in order...” Rainbow Dash said. She yawned a bit, least the headache was gone. As much as Phoenix didn't want to admit it, a nap did sound good to his tired eyes. “I think we could all use some time to rest. Cherilee’s still asleep,” Ralf said, turning his head to look at the booth. Sephiroth lowered his form to pick up Lyra into his chest to carry her to a booth and lay her down. Let it not be said he was not a proper knight. Lyra shut both her eyes to smile, glad for the chance for more rest. “Zecora, ma fleur... Would you mind if I spoke with Ralf a moment?” Spy asked the zebra. She shook her head to the sides to yawn as well. The movement of the train was a little soothing to her, like being rocked to sleep. “With me?” Ralf asked, lifting his eyebrows. The masked man nodded, moving to rest a hand on Ralf’s back to lead him away from the others. “I guess a nap is good. We can eat later at lunchtime. Wonder if this train even has a dining car,” Phoenix said to go join Rainbow Dash. “What’s this about Spy?” Ralf asked. Although he was awake, getting a chance to sleep sounded good. He hated road trips that didn’t have some good music. “Forgive me comrade. But this is a coup-d'etat,” Spy said, his eyes narrowing. Ralf immediately raised both arms to frown. “No no no my fellow human. Not a violent one.” “What are you talking about?” Ralf said, raising his head over his shoulders to get Spy’s hand off his back. “Ralf, you are a soldier, correct?” Spy asked. Ralf nodded, raising an eyebrow. “What is a soldier’s duty when behind enemy lines?” “Stay alive. Gather info. Stay quiet. Get out of enemy lines...” Ralf said, textbook answer. A drill he had to make sure rookies learned. “And are we doing now?” Spy asked, moving his hands behind his back. “If we don't help, we don't get to go home...” Ralf said, narrowing his eyes. “Iz that so? Ralf, you are a good man. But, are what ze ponies doing good though?” Spy said, moving to walk to a window and look outside. They were moving at a more rapid pace than he thought. “What are you getting at?” Ralf asked, lowering his arms at his sides. “Have they apologized for kidnapping us? Did they ask us to fight? Are ze changelings truly evil? Otacon met with them and iz still alive...” The well dressed man turned to look back at Ralf. “Well, they did help us for saving them... But no, they never apologized,” Ralf said, lowering his head a bit. “Least to me.” “I do not blame our partners. They were confused as we were. But do you think it’s fair? What will they do if we say no to help? Will they keep us prisoner?” Spy asked, lifting his frame to stand up straight. “Why are you bringing this up now?” Ralf asked. “Az it stands, ponies are ze enemy. They kidnapped soldiers from a foreign land, not even given our rights to say no. If Mexico stole a soldier from USA, would ze USA soldier help his kidnappers?” “No. Their first duty would be to escape...” Ralf said, closing his eyes a bit. “I do not believe ze ponies evil, but let me say things. How do you say... Do we know they will zend us back? What shall stop them from doing it again? Zis is Phoenix’s zecond time...” Spy said to look at the resting Phoenix. “Yes, he can fight, but he’s a lawyer. Ze ponies are not even offering compenzation for placing our lives in ze line.” “Spoken like a true mercenary..” Ralf said with a frown. “Not that kind of compenzation. What will ze ponies do if one of us dies? There is no rezpawn...” Spy said to meet Ralf’s gaze. “Will they send word to our loved ones? A letter to our friends? Can they even send our dead bodies back?” “I-” Ralf turned his head away, turning to look at Cherilee. Everything the Spy said was true. Why hadn’t the ponies given them any reassurances? “Its not fair iz it?” Spy said, his tone low to look at Zecora as she yawned. “Why fight and die, when others can? At least mercenaries get paid. What then, we will get other than a ride home?” Spy begun to walk towards Zecora’s booth. “What are you proposing then?” Ralf asked, following. “Nothing yet, least till the mission is over. We must talk to other humans that want to go home or feel this is wrong.” ________________________________________ “Hey now. Watch the hair,” Johnny Bravo said, finding a few Canterlot guards pushing the large human behind Prince Blueblood. “Come now Mr. Bravo. We must meet the humans coming to Canterlot,” Prince Blueblood said before sighing out loud. He prayed to his auntie that the other humans were not like this one. “Other humans?! I hope they are smokin hot mamacitas!” Johnny moved to the doors, pushing them open to walk down the long white hallway. As he walked, Shining Armor in his captain uniform with the half-devil Vergil Sparda joined the prince from another side door. Princess Cadance walked out behind them, with the half-esper Terra Brandford. “If you even think of hitting on me again, so help me Johnny I will cast Firaga on you!” Terra said at the sight of the blonde male. “Sassy!” Author’s notes: They’re coming.... Chapter proofreaded by LyonAzakura. Johnny is from Johnny Bravo show. Terra is from Final Fantasy 6, and this version of Vergil is from Devil May Cry 3.