//------------------------------// // Yee-haw! Hoedown! // Story: My Little Chrono Triggers Are Magic // by Pav Feira //------------------------------// 65,000,000 BC Apple Village Commons Applejack banged her hoof on the table. “Now listen up, y'all!” Around the roaring bonfire in the center of the square stood dozens of earth ponies. Stallions, mares, and foals of all colors were chatting and laughing, biding time for the kickoff. At Applejack’s call, they quickly quieted themselves down and turned their attention to the long wooden table at the front of the commons. Applejack motioned to the pony seated right next to her. “This here’s Rainbow Dash. She’s one heckuva tough mare, and she helped keep our village safe from those no-good beasties.” The throngs of earth ponies, backlit by the blazing fire, delivered a symphony of greetings and introductions. Rainbow Dash grinned and jutted out her chest, basking in the accolades. “And these are all of Rainbow’s friends: we got Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, ‘n’ Pinkie Pie. Make sure you give ‘em all a good heap of the old Apple Village hospitality.” The villagers redoubled their welcoming efforts. Pinkie Pie gleefully waved back to everypony, while Fluttershy tried to hide from the many new ponies beneath her mane. Applejack reared up and flailed her front hooves. “Now enough of the chattin’. Let’s get this show on the road.” As the villagers cheered, Applejack leaned over to Rainbow Dash and shouted above the din. “Help yerself to the grub.” She pointed to a nearby table. “We got apple pies, apple dumpling, apple cobbler, apple flambé, apple—whoa nelly!” She laughed as the pegasus bolted over to the food table and promptly loaded up a plate. A tan stallion approached the head table, pulling a wagon laden with several wooden casks. “Hey AJ, what should we do with the cider?” “Go ahead and set up here, Caramel,” said Applejack as she motioned across the table from herself. She turned to Fluttershy. “It’s my own special batch of concentrated cider, nice and strong. Y’know, for the grownup ponies.” She winked. “A real big hit at these types of shindigs.” Caramel filled up a mug from the spout on one of the barrels. He hoofed the frothy mug up to the table. “Alrighty! Who wants the honors?” “Ooo! Pick me, pick me!” Pinkie Pie stretched her hooves toward the offered mug. “I love cider, and trying a new kind of cider sounds like—hey!” The mug of cider floated out of Pinkie Pie’s reach. It glided over Pinkie Pie’s head and landed atop a lavender hoof. Twilight Sparkle tossed the mug back, gulping down mouthful after mouthful. She slammed the mug onto the table and winced, letting out a raspy hiss as the alcohol burned her throat. After regaining her composure, she stared vacantly at Caramel. “Another.” Caramel took a cautious step backwards. “Uh, o-of course! Another cup, comin’ right up!” Applejack sat down next to Pinkie Pie and laughed. “Don’t worry, hun. Got plenty more where that came from.” She looked at the other’s downtrodden face. “Seems like a dry throat ain't your biggest problem. Got something on your mind?” “Mmm. Well...” Pinkie Pie ran her tongue across her roof of her mouth. “I was just wondering. You said you were the head of the Apple Family?” “Yes, ma’am. Got the whole clan dependin’ on me.” Pinkie Pie looked down at her hooves. “ Isn't that tough? I mean, everypony is counting on you. It’s so much pressure, and time, and responsibility.” “Well, sure,” Applejack said with a wink. “But ain't nothing wrong with a bit of responsibility. Don’t you get that warm feeling in your heart when you put in a full day’s work and accomplish a whole lotta good?” Pinkie Pie shrugged apathetically. “I guess. But, like, don’t you miss having your own life?” She bit her lip. “You’re more than just a leader.” Applejack arched her eyebrow and smiled. “Of course, Pinkie. Life’s always a balancin’ act. Leadin’ the ponyfolk here is always the most important thing, cuz they’re depending on me. They need my help.” She lifted Pinkie Pie’s chin. “But you’re right. I’m my own pony, too. Burning myself out won’t do nopony a lick of good. When I can find time to, I like to unwind just as much as anypony. And since I’m in charge, I get to decide when we have our festivities.” She grinned. “Does that answer your question, sugarcube?” Pinkie Pie’s wide smile returned. “Yeah, I think so... Yep!” She gave Applejack a crisp salute. “For the sake of everypony, I gotta get down and shake my groove thang, stat!” Applejack burst out laughing. “Close enough, Pinkie. Close enough.” ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ Rainbow Dash carefully stepped hoof by hoof, working her way to the end of the food table. A heaping plate of vittles was balanced on her back, braced between her two upraised wings. She bit down on a candied apple and, with a practiced grace, flicked the treat behind her onto the top of her plate. Satisfied for now, she started her trek back to the table of honor. Before she made it halfway there, she was grabbed roughly around the neck. A mare glared directly eye-to-eye with her. “Listen up, you skanky horse,” she growled. “Whoa!” Rainbow Dash broke free from the other pony’s grasp. “What’s your problem?” Rainbow Dash got a better look at her aggressor: a mustard-yellow pegasus with a grey mane and piercing pink eyes. “You’re my problem,” she hissed. “Now listen up. Applejack is mine, got it? Keep your damn hooves off her, or I’ll stuff your tiny-ass wings down your throat.” She shoved Rainbow Dash in the chest, sending a few apples rolling onto the ground. Rainbow Dash’s eyes darkened. “Excuse me?” She shoved her aggressor back. “Where the hell do you get off, just attacking somepony and calling her—” “Daring?” From the table, Applejack rapidly waved her hoof. “Hey, Daring Do! Ya made it!” Both pegasi wheeled about and plastered fake grins on their faces. “H-Hey, AJ,” said Daring Do, forcing sugar into her voice. “How is it going?” “Hey, everypony.” Applejack clanked her mug on the table to get the attention of her new friends. “This here’s Daring Do. She’s mah best friend, love of my life, and as of a few months back, mah sweetheart of a wife.” She paused as her friends gave a polite stamping of hooves. Daring Do’s false smile softly turned sincere. Applejack continued, “DD, these are some new ponies I met today. Real fighter types. Held more than their fair share in a scrap. Ah, I see that ya met Rainbow Dash there.” “Yeah.” Daring Do’s smile evaporated. She snapped her tail and walked over to the cider wagon. “We met.” Applejack blinked at her departing lover. “Sheesh. What’s got her all riled up alluva sudden?” “Good question,” deadpanned Rainbow Dash. “Anyway,” Applejack said, motioning for Rainbow Dash to sit next to her. “I gotta say it again: you sure is one tough cookie. Pretty rare to find a pony who’ll stand up to those creeps.” “Nah, no biggie. I just did what any other amazingly awesome pony would've done.” Rainbow Dash tilted her wing, expertly sliding the loaded plate from her back to the table. “What were those things, anyway?” “I wanted to ask ya ‘bout that.” Applejack eyed her while sipping her cider. “You lot ain't from around here, are ya?” “Hmm?” Rainbow Dash said through a mouthful of apple pie. “Nah. We’re time travelers from the future.” “Time travelers,” snorted Applejack. “Right. And there’s a horn underneath my hat.” She shook her head. “Well, fine, I’ll humor ya for now, Lil’ Ms. Future.” She bit down into her fritter before continuing. “There’s three clans of ponies, far as I know. There’s the Apples of course. That’s us. Somewhere in the woods north of us, we got the Stars, a clan of unicorns. And up in the clouds west of here, we got the Bolts, where Daring’s originally from.” Rainbow Dash’s ears twitched. “Wait. Your pegasi live in the clouds?” “Yeah. Why?” She shook her head and took a swig from her cider. “Back where I’m from, we all live in normal houses on the ground. We only mess with the clouds when it’s time to control the weather.” “Ya don’t say.” Applejack shrugged. “Anyway, I was answering your question first. So, three tribes of ponies. We get along fair enough, but we got our share of differences, so we keep to ourselves and follow our own traditions, for the most part.” She spat on the ground beside her. “Then, we got them. Buncha freaks who live in a giant fortress east of here. They hate us, and we hate them.” “And so what? They attack you, just like that? For no reason?” “They attack us, all right, but not to kill.” Applejack swirled her drink around in her mug. “Nah. If they had their way, it’d be a fate worse ‘n death.” ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ “Twilight? Um, are you feeling alright?” The mug slammed onto the table again. “’Nother.” Fluttershy peered into the empty mug. “Does cider have a special property that affects ponies? Ever since your fourth cup, you've been acting most peculiar.” Twilight Sparkle wiped a trickle of cider from her reddened muzzle and turned to look at her friend. “Fludashy, lemme ask you sumthin’.” “Of course, Twilight. What would you like to know?” “Can you tell me was goin’ on?” She grabbed a fresh mug from Caramel and took a healthy swig. “Cuz seriously, I have no idea what’s happenen’ with Ray-bow anymore.” “How so?” “For one thing, I’m not her besht fren anymore. Pinkie ish.” She stared vacantly at the commons, where Pinkie Pie was showcasing some hyperactive dance moves. “Twilight,” rebuked Fluttershy, “how can you say that? I thought you and Rainbow Dash had made peace with one another.” “Yeah, we apologished. Dun mader. I blew it.” She licked the last few drops of cider out of her mug. “’Nother. Ish not the same anymore. She likes Pinkie more, cuz Pinkie doesn’t pick fightsh ev’ry other minute.” She scowled. “I’ma bad fren.” “That isn't true,” said Fluttershy, her voice strained with patience. “It’s natural for friends to argue every now and again. What’s important is—” “An’ if that wasn’ bad ‘nuff,” Twilight Sparkle continued as she swiped her mug back from Caramel, “she wash totally snoggin’ thish Appajak. What in da hay ish that about? Now she likesh mares? Afta she was all like, like, ‘Ooo, I’m Ray-bow, I like stallions, nyeeeh.’” She flailed her hooves above her head in order to further sell her Rainbow Dash impersonation. Fluttershy’s circuits raced to catch up with Twilight Sparkle’s subtext, to say nothing of her new accent. “Is it a problem that she likes mares? Not that I’m sure that she does... But, um, when we first met The Great and Powerful Trixie, and Rainbow had to apologize, you seemed quite—” “Na, na, na, that’sh diffren’. She teasen’ me, I teasen’ her, ish just teasen’.” She belched. “’Scuse me. See, it’s justa joke, cuz I’m sayin’ she likesh mares, but really she likes stallions.” She tipped back her mug again and drained down its contents. Fluttershy’s analysis reached a conclusion. “Twilight, do you like Rainbow Dash?” Twilight Sparkle sprayed a mouthful of cider in Fluttershy’s face. “No! Grosh! Fludashy, what’re you...” She blinked her right eye, followed by her left. “I like stallions, an’ Ray-bow likes stallions. An’ asides, we’re besht frens.” She fidgeted with her mug. “Change is jus’, jus’ weird, y’know? An’—” She gaped and knocked over her empty mug. “I don’t mean I wanna change nuttin’! She’s my besht fren even if we’re not besht frens right now an’ I don’t wanna kish her an’ shaddap, Fludashy.” ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ “Worse than death?” parroted Rainbow Dash. “What could possibly be worse than death?” “Dashie! Dashie-Dashie-Dashie!” Pinkie Pie bounced up from behind Rainbow Dash, balancing a mug of cider on top of her head. “You have got to listen to this.” She pointed a hoof toward the far side of the bonfire, where a small bluegrass band had set up. They played on fiddle and washboard with fervor, tooting on jugs and plucking on strings. An upbeat chorus floated across the air, infecting the hooves of nearly anypony who heard it. “Isn’t that just such an incredible sound? I've never heard a song like this one before!” Rainbow Dash tried to turn back and block out Pinkie Pie with a shoulder. “Yeah, that sounds great. Anyway, me and AJ were—” Pinkie Pie grabbed her hoof. “Dashie, let’s go dancing!” “What? No.” Rainbow Dash scrunched up her nose. “I am so not going to hop out there and make a foal of myself. Whoa, hey!” “You are, too!” Pinkie Pie flipped Rainbow Dash up into the air and gracefully caught her on her back. Before the latter could protest, she quickly led her prisoner out onto the makeshift dance floor. Twilight Sparkle chucked her mug into the nearby woods. “Vah! You shee that?” Deprived of her conversation partner, Applejack slid down the table to where Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy were seated. “Hey there. How we doin’ at this end of the table?” “Shwell.” Her horn came to life as she sighed. Applejack watched intently as a mug emerged from the bushes and took a wobbly and erratic path back to the table. “Uh huh.” She turned and hissed down toward Caramel. “Hey! How many barrels you plannin’ on servin’ her before you finally cut her off?” Caramel blanched. “Uh, but you s-said to treat them like honored guests, and I thought...” Applejack rolled her eyes and shook her head. She turned back to Fluttershy and smiled. “And you, hun? How you liking my special batch?” Fluttershy cautiously examined the untouched mug in front of her. “Um. Mine’s got bugs in it.” “Aw, don’t mind that.” Applejack laughed and threw a hoof around Fluttershy’s shoulder. “It just gives the drink extra character. You just needa drink around ‘em, is all.” Her smile wavered slightly. She lifted and dropped her hoof against Fluttershy’s side a few times, eliciting a metallic clank each time. “Say, what’s with this get-up you’re wearin’, anyway? This some sorta heavy-duty armor you got on?” “Actually, I—” “She’sh a robot!” Twilight Sparkle fell off-balance and caught herself on Fluttershy. “Ish like a fake pony made outta shteel an’ electrics an’ shtuff.” “Fake pony? Come off it, Twilight.” Applejack smacked her foreleg against Fluttershy’s chest for added effect, then immediately shook it to relieve the soreness. “Ow. See? Real as you or me.” “Nuh.” Twilight Sparkle emphatically shook her head. Each shake threatened to topple her off to one side or the other. “Nuh, shee. The fushure. The fushure is fulla robotsh.” Applejack arched an eyebrow. “The future.” “Um, we should—” “The fushure!” Twilight Sparkle reeled up on her back hooves and stretched out her full body. “We are travaders from the fushure! Ish like, tomorrow’s tomorrow’s tomorrow’s—” “Uh, hun? I know what the ‘future’ is.” Applejack gave her a bemused glare. “I ain't no backwater bumpkin, thank ya kindly. And Rainbow was trying to feed me that line of hooey earlier, too.” “Shee, we have these Gatesh that—” Fluttershy placed her hoof over Twilight Sparkle’s flushed face. “Uh, Twilight, maybe I should handle this.” She turned back to Applejack. “They’re telling you the truth, Applejack. We traveled through a special magic portal. We won’t actually be born for millions and millions of years from now.” Applejack stared blankly at the pair. After a pause, she snickered, then reeled her head back in laughter. “You lot are persistent, I’ll give ya that! Seriously though, how’s a pony supposed to swallow that load of hogwash? Ya gotta put more thought into a prank than that.” Fluttershy turned back to Twilight Sparkle and shrugged. “I’m not sure that she’ll believe us. It’s simply too far-fetched of a notion—” “Shh...” Twilight Sparkle placed both of her forehooves on Fluttershy’s face, one covering her eye and the other on the side of her jaw. “Shh, shh. Dun worry, Fludashy, I can haddle this. AJ, lemme ash you sumpin.” With a hiccup, she placed her hoof around Applejack’s back and drew in until their faces touched cheek-to-cheek. “Ray-bow Dash... how gooda kisher is she?” Applejack blanched. She fidgeted and tried to disentangle herself, but Twilight Sparkle’s intoxication belied the strength remaining in her hooves. “Now, uh, about that, y’see, that there was a case of mistaken identity, and I wouldn't feel proper about discussin’—” “Shh, no, AJ, stahp. This a’portant. Shake of fushure mattersh on... on...” Her face, already bright red from the increased blood-flow, suddenly turned a light shade of green. She gulped and whispered, “‘Scush me,” before clumsily gaiting into the nearby woods. “Some ponies,” Applejack muttered. “Fluttershy! Hey, Fluttershy.” Pinkie Pie bounded up from the commons. “C’mon and dance with us! Me and Dashie are having a ball. Join us!” She tugged on Fluttershy’s forelegs, trying to lead her away. “D-D-Dance? Oh. No. No, no. Um.” Fluttershy’s eye lights dashed rapidly from direction to direction. “My hydraulics... Twilight, she, um... AJ! Yes! Applejack. I can’t leave Applejack alone at her own party. She and I were in the middle of a conversation about, uh, things, and I shouldn't—” “Ain't no worry, sugarcube,” she replied with a smile and a wink. “I should get a move on, anyhow. Gotta get prepared.” “Prepared?” Pinkie Pie gaped and dropped her mostly empty mug. “Prepared for what?” Applejack walked away, turning her head to holler back at her friends. “Well, that’ll just hafta be a surprise, now won’t it?" “Yes!” Pinkie Pie pumped her hoof. “I just love surprises. I wonder what it could be.” She walked back toward the dance floor, dragging Fluttershy with her. “We've got plenty of music and food. Maybe it’s a game. Or a special announcement. Ooo, or some birthday cake! I didn't know it was somepony’s birthday! I hope they’re not mad that I didn't bring them a gift.” “Pinkie, wait, I—” Fluttershy flailed her hooves in the direction of the table. “I really shouldn't dance for twenty minutes after eating. It will void m-my warranty! Applejack, help!” “Danshin’? Heck yeah! Girlsh, wait up!” Twilight Sparkle stumbled out of the bushes, a fresh mug of cider floating beside her, requisitioned from another party goer. ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ “Hey, cool, you found her!” Rainbow Dash carefully waved her mug of cider at her incoming friends before taking a healthy swig. “How’s it hangin’, Fluttershy?” “G-Good,” she stammered. “I was going to come out here to dance, but I think I lost some of my bolts so I should really go back and—” “Woo!” Twilight Sparkle shouted directly into Fluttershy’s auditory sensors, causing them to reboot. “Danshin’! Let’s get thish party star-ted!” Rainbow Dash gaped, a silent burst of mirth escaping her lips. “Holy shit,” she half-whispered and half-laughed, “she’s plastered!” Twilight Sparkle squealed and threw her hooves in the air. “Pinkie!” She rushed forward to hug her. “Pinkieee! Omigosh! So good to see you!” “Um.” Pinkie Pie stared blankly at the unicorn who was holding onto her and barely maintaining her own balance. “Yeah.” Fluttershy started to walk back toward the table. “Well, there’s three of you out here now, so there’s probably no room left for me, so I’ll just—eep!” She ground to a halt as Rainbow Dash flapped down from the air in front of her. “C’mon, Fluttershy, loosen up!” Rainbow Dash said between sips of cider. “Live a little! You don’t need to be so uptight.” “Yeah, Dashie’s right! Parties are about having fun, not about worrying about everypony watching you. Whoa!” Pinkie Pie landed face first in the dirt, pulled off-balance by Twilight Sparkle hanging onto her neck, much to the latter’s amusement. Fluttershy waved her hoof dismissively. “Oh, no, I’m not worried about everypony watch—” Her hoof froze. “W-Well, now I am. But no, I was mostly worried about... well...” She dropped her hoof and pawed at the ground in lieu of finishing her thought. “Worry, worry, worry.” Rainbow Dash took a gulp of her cider as if to wash away the bad taste of that word. “You can’t spend your whole life worrying, Fluttershy. Life is about living.” Fluttershy bowed her head. “I don’t...” The rest was lost to the sounds of the fiddles engaging in a playful contest. “Huh? Gotta speak up, Fluttershy.” “I don’t know...” Rainbow Dash groaned and rolled her eyes. She planted her ear firmly over Fluttershy’s voice speaker, much to the latter’s embarrassment. Even after a few repeated sentences, she only barely made it out. “You don’t know how to dance?” “Is that weird? That’s probably weird. I’m sorry for bringing it up. I should just go.” Each sentence caused her to slump lower and lower to the ground until her belly laid against the dirt floor. Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Aw c’mon, Fluttershy. There’s nothing to it. See?” She resumed her dance: a series of gentle bobs left to right, hoof to hoof, colloquially known as the “white mare shuffle”. “You just sorta wiggle around like this, see? That’s good enough for most ponies.” “No-no-no. Fluttershy, dancing isn't about looking good or bad.” Pinkie Pie stepped over to Fluttershy and offered a leg, helping the latter to her hooves. “It’s about expressing yourself.” “Expressing myself?” “Right!” Pinkie Pie’s eyes glistened as firelight and starlight mingled within them. “Every pony has a soul: a pure representation of themselves, their thoughts and hopes and dreams and fears. It isn't bound by rules or physics or reality or anything! It’s who you are—who you really are. And dancing is the clearest view into your soul.” Fluttershy slowly stopped rattling. She quietly leaned in toward Pinkie Pie. “Really? A view to... my soul?” Rainbow Dash arched her eyebrow. “Seriously? I just sorta bounce up and down to the beat.” “Yeah, seriously!” Pinkie Pie rested her hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder and smiled. “So c’mon, Fluttershy, let’s dance. Show us who you really are on the inside.” Fluttershy looked away in contemplation. “Who I really am...” “Cripes!” Pinkie Pie gasped and pointed in front of her. “Help! Somepony, help! Twilight’s having a stroke!” On the center of the clearing, Twilight Sparkle twitched and convulsed. Her right foreleg raised and fell at odd intervals while her flank whirred about wildly. Her tongue hung out of side of her mouth, flopping about with each thrust of her head. Her body rocked with rhythmic spasms while her face was frozen in an intense, concentrated squint. “Fluttershy! Quick!” Pinkie Pie pushed her to the forefront. “You gotta help her! Use your eye beam thingies! What? Who is—Dashie! Dashie, stop laughing, this is serious!” Rainbow Dash laid on her back, howling up at the sky. She slammed one forehoof against the loose dirt while holding her other against her rocking side. “S-S-She’s showing you her soul!” she managed to say between fits of laughter. Pinkie Pie blinked at the exotic body contortions in front of her, unable to process Rainbow Dash’s explanation. “She’s... dancing?” The ponies beheld their friend’s controlled rhythmic epilepsy display for another moment or two. Eventually, Twilight Sparkle gave way to exhaustion and the giggles, and she collapsed onto the ground a few centimeters from upside-down Rainbow Dash. The two stared at each other for a few seconds before Twilight Sparkle finally gasped. “Ray-bow! There you are.” “Uh, yeah. Hi. Been here for a while now.” “Ish good I found you. Gotta she-cret for you.” “That’s cool, I guess?” Twilight Sparkle cast a leery glance to either side of her, then scooted herself closer with her rear hooves. “Listen, Ray-bow, okay? Here goesh.” She inhaled deeply and noisily. “I dun wanna kishu.” Rainbow Dash blinked. “Uh, congratulations?” “Ray-bow, no.” Twilight Sparkle reached out and held a hoof to her friend’s face. “Ray-bow. Look a’ me.” “Still looking at you.” “Ray-bow. I dun wanna kishu.” “Still straight. So are you, last time I checked.” “But, Ray-bow, listen, ‘kay? Dis the imporant part. D’you know you are mah very besht fren?” “Still waiting for this big secret you were gonna tell me,” she said while rolling her eyes. “Ray-bow, I really mean it.” Twilight Sparkle stared straight downward at the dirt under her chin, going slightly cross-eyed. “I’ma be your besht fren foreva’, even if you dun wanna be my besht fren.” Rainbow Dash’s smile faded. She tilted her head, grinding dirt into her mane. “Even if I... what the hay are you talking about?” “Alright, ladies!” Applejack’s booming cry broke the moment. Everypony looked up to the front table, where frothing cider mugs had been arranged in one long row from one end of the table to the other. “Now who here is ready to throw down with the big dogs?” The crowd broke into a boisterous cheer. Several ponies began talking at once, creating an unintelligible fracas. “Throw down? What’s all this?” Rainbow Dash rolled over and stood back up. She initially eyed the cider mugs, but quickly shifted her attention to her wobbly friend’s failed attempts to stand under her own power. “Ah, sorry ‘bout that. Forgot we had some newcomers.” Applejack motioned her new friends closer so that she could explain over the din. “This here’s a little competition that I like to throw. Rules is simple: drink yer cider before I drink mine. The prize—not that anypony’s managed to beat me, mind—is this here thing.” She flipped her hat off and dove in face-first. Pulling back, she held in her mouth a ruby crystal that sparkled wildly against the bonfire. “Oh my goodness,” said Fluttershy. “Is that Dreamstone?” “Convenient!” chirped Pinkie Pie. “Dreamstone?” echoed Applejack. “Can’t say that I've heard it called that before. All I know for certain is that it’s rarer than a bunny raised by rattlesnakes. So, it belongs to the strongest pony in the village.” She flipped the gemstone in the air, catching it in the crease of her hat. “That’d be yours truly.” The corners of Rainbow Dash’s mouth slowly drew upward. “So, we just gotta beat you at your own game, and the Dreamstone is as good as ours?” She made a dramatic show of cracking her neck. “Easy as—” “Shtand back!” Twilight Sparkle staggered to the front of the pack and held one foreleg on high. “Shtand back, evapony. I gotsh thish one.” “Yeah.” Rainbow Dash pulled her down and nudged her back to the rest of their friends. “No way in hell. It’s a miracle you can still stand.” “Hey!” she screamed, stomping her hoof for emphasis. “Langadidge. Langooge.” She frowned, crossing her eyes to look at her muzzle. “Langangang. Guage. Goo-azz.” Her attempts at articulation fell increasingly irrelevant, and she found each to be funnier than the last. Eventually, she fell to the ground, snickering and repeating the syllable “goo”. “Ready then?” Applejack eyed her opponent from one edge of the table. Rainbow Dash stepped up to the opposite edge, flashing a smirk. “Born ready.” A quiet lull overtook the campsite, punctuated only by the chirp of a cricket or somepony saying “Goo.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack locked eyes, filtering out everything except their competition and the mugs of cider next to them. They twitched in unison. Rainbow Dash snatched up her mug, chugging down cider by the mouthful. Her rival followed suit. Applejack polished off the mug a full second before Rainbow Dash, triumphantly slamming the mug onto the tabletop. The villagers cheered and whistled at their proud leader. “C’mon, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie yelled while bouncing into the air. “Keep at it! Don’t let AJ psyche you out!” Rainbow Dash tossed away her empty mug with a scowl. She grabbed the next and poured it into her open mouth. Streaks of cider dribbled off the side of her mouth as she struggled to keep pace. “Ray-bow, wut you doin’?” scowled Twilight Sparkle. She worked her way up onto the front stage. “Gotta open ya throat. Jus’ let it flow. Dun fight it.” Applejack threw a cautious eye as she reached for her next cup. With a wipe of her brow, she tipped back and gulped away. Rainbow Dash slurped noisily at her own glass, when her eyes suddenly bulged and her neck cranked back at an awkward angle. “There w’go,” mumbled Twilight Sparkle, her magic gripping Rainbow Dash’s mane tautly. She frowned at the series of gurgles and sputters. “No-no, c’mon, gotta relax. Just...” She gently rubbed her hoof along her friend’s throat, eliciting a gag and a fountain burst of cider. “Ya, jus’ like that.” She swapped the current mug with a fresh one from the table and continued to ciderboard her friend. Applejack swallowed at a slower and slower rate. She tossed the empty mug to the ground and hissed at the back-taste. As she eyed the current state of the table, she yelped and did a double-take. “Whoa, nelly! That’s enough. I yield!” she said with a light chuckle. “I yield.” “Woo! Ya did it! So prouda you.” Twilight Sparkle gripped her friend in a bear-hug, laughing and crying in equal measure. Whether the alcohol was making her irreverent or merely oblivious, she ignored Rainbow Dash coughing up lungfuls of cider onto her back and giving her a glare with murderous intent. “Well, color me impressed,” said Applejack as she walked over to the pair and doffed her hat. She hoofed it over to them, showcasing the shimmering Dreamstone that rested atop it. “I ain't never seen a come-from-behind victory like that one. That ain't just Rainbow being tough as nails; that’s some right impressive teamwork, sure as shootin’.” Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof into her chest once more for good measure, dribbling a trickle of cider onto her friend. “Hey, I like cider. A lot.” She coughed deep from her diaphragm. “But let’s never do that again.” Despite her pain, she grinned as she lifted the Dreamstone and nested it into her saddlebags next to the fragmented Lyrabon. “Heh. Yeah, you’re right. That’s enough competin’ for a night. This here’s a celebration of friendship.” She reared up on her back hooves. “So let’s celebrate!” New friends and old alike burst into cheers. The bluegrass band kicked back into high gear, starting a dance marathon that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ 2012 AD Vancouver, Canada—Studio B Darkness. From above, a bright spotlight flicked on, illuminating a small stool on a polished wooden stage. A series of soft clicks approached from out of sight, echoing against the hollow, spacious interior. As she stepped out onto the stage, a young, blonde human came into view, her yellow sundress glowing warmly under the spotlight. Her heels clicked on the wood flooring as she made her way to the stool and took a seat. She smiled brightly at camera two. “Good evening,” she said. “I’m Andrea Libman. Thank you for joining us for yet another chapter of My Little Chrono Triggers Are Magic. On behalf of the author, Pav Feira, it’s an honor to have your continued loyalty.” “Now, tonight’s chapter certainly featured a lot of alcohol consumption.” She calmly smoothed out her dress over her lap. “Rainbow Dash and Applejack were drinking as part of a competition. Pinkie Pie was drinking to be social. And Twilight Sparkle...” She sighed and shook her head. “Poor Twilight Sparkle was drowning her sorrows. These cider antics tonight were largely played for comedic effect.” Her expression hardened as she turned to camera three. “But consuming alcohol in excess can have very real and serious consequences. In Canada alone, over twenty five thousand individuals are hospitalized each year due to alcohol-related conditions. And using alcohol as an emotional crutch can lead to very serious emotional and dependency issues.” Andrea smiled at camera one as it slowly zoomed in. “Please, always drink responsibly. Know your limits. Understand the signs of addiction. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, visit www.aacanada.com to find a local group that can give you the help you need.” She winked. “That’s the magic of friendship.” Behind her, a computer-generated, rainbow-hued star shot across the night sky, as a soft piano melody drifted through the darkness. ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ 65,000,000 BC Apple Village Commons Sunlight baked in through Rainbow Dash’s closed eyelids. She fluttered them open, and her eyes slowly swerved about the clearing. The remnants of the party were still strewn about the commons: discarded cider mugs, unfinished apple treats, and a few unconscious party guests nestled under thick quilts. The fire pit held the blackened remains of several thick logs, completely burnt through during the night. In daylight, Rainbow Dash could now make out a number of small wooden cottages in the distance, where most of the villagers had likely spent the night. She smacked her mouth noisily, trying to clear out the tastes of morning and last night’s party. “Hey,” she grunted with some effort. “You girls up?” Fluttershy’s circuits powered up and her eye sockets glowed once more. “Oh, g-good morning, everypony.” She looked around and assessed the damage. “How is everypony feeling this morning? Last night certainly seemed like quite the party.” Pinkie Pie sat upright and stretched her forelegs up high, feeling a series of pops in each of her joints in turn. “Morning! Mmm, I slept great. I had the most wonderful dream. At least I...” She blinked for a moment, and then sulked. “Shoot. Already forgot what it was about.” An unearthly groan came underneath a nearby quilt. “For feather’s sake, shut up...” grunted the creature. “Ooo! I found Twilight! I found her!” Pinkie Pie bounded over to the quilt and whipped it away. She beamed down at the unicorn below her, silhouetted by the brilliant morning sun. “Gooood morning, Twilight Sparkle! Today is the start of another beautiful day.” Twilight Sparkle whimpered and shielded herself, one foreleg covering both her eyes and the other trying in vain to pin down both her ears. “Pinkie,” she moaned, “please, stop.” Rainbow Dash stood and looked around at the remaining sleeping ponies. “Looks like AJ already split. Kinda wish we could've said goodbye. She’s pretty cool.” Twilight Sparkle grunted unintelligibly. “No,” said Rainbow Dash with a shake of her head. “I said that Frog was awesome, and that Applejack was cool. Totally different things.” Grunt. “But you still have the Dreamstone that you won last night during the competition, don’t you?” asked Fluttershy. “Yep!” said Rainbow Dash, extracting the prize from her saddlebags and holding it aloft. “We got this, and we got the sword parts. One step closer to a repaired legendary sword.” “Sweet!” Pinkie Pie trotted in place. “Now we just gotta go back to the End of Time, and find somepony to repair the sword, then bring the sword to Frog, then go to Nightmare Moon’s castle, then—whoa!” She ducked and weaved, avoiding the wrenches and other tools that were thrown at her. “Right!” Rainbow Dash waved to the cottages in the distance. “Thanks for the party, AJ! And thanks for the Dreamstone! We’ll see ya again soon!” ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ 65,000,000 BC Magic Mountains “...and then we’ll climb to the sixth floor, and we’ll fight some illusions, and we’ll climb to the seventh floor...” Pinkie Pie lead the group up through the canyon floor, skipping ahead without a care in the world. “Hmm.” Fluttershy craned her neck and tried to locate the dormant Gate above her. “How exactly are we supposed to reach the Gate? It’s in a very dangerous spot.” “Yeah, I dunno either.” Rainbow Dash carried up the rear of the group. Twilight Sparkle was propped up against her, her face buried into the back of her rainbow-streaked mane. The pair took one step at a time, slowly yet steadily working toward their destination. “I mean, you and me can fly. Think you could carry Pinkie Pie up there?” “Goodness, I don’t know. It’s certainly quite high.” Fluttershy glanced at Pinkie Pie, who grinned and nodded rapidly. “I, uh, guess we could try?” “Yes!” She immediately hopped onto Fluttershy’s back. “I know it’s not nice to be jealous, but when Dashie did it on that bridge, it just looked so fun. I’m so happy I get a ride too!” Rainbow Dash wiggled her head, nudging Twilight Sparkle on the snout. “Rise and shine, Twi. Time to go for a flight.” With an acknowledging groan, Twilight Sparkle leaned away and stood under her own power, her eyes still tightly sealed. Her horn came alight and promptly flipped open her saddlebags. Her face was calm and focused as she channeled her magic. Then, her eyes opened. Blood drained from her face as her pupils dilated, nearly overtaking her irises. She uttered a single word. “Shit.” Rainbow Dash sprung to the air, covering a mile-wide grin with her hooves. She squealed like a filly on Hearth’s Warming Day. “You cussed?! Twilight ‘Totally Strict’ Sparkle shot her mouth off?” She snickered. “Oh, this is too rich.” She cleared her throat dramatically and adopted an aristocratic accent. “Young miss, we do not use such vulgarities. I've half a mind to clean your mouth with soap!” Twilight Sparkle heard none of this. She tore her saddlebags off her back, ripping one of the straps off the satchel in the process. She upended the bags and scattered their contents across the muddy ground. Each item levitated in turn, only to be promptly neglected. “Shit. Shit! Shit!” Rainbow Dash’s grin vanished in a flash. “Twi? Twi, what’s wrong?” She dropped to the ground and shook her friend by the shoulders. “Twilight, breathe. Talk to me. What’s happening?” She ignored her friend’s pleas and continued to rifle through her belongings. “Twilight!” Rainbow Dash shouted before adopting a softer tone. “Please. Tell me what’s wrong.” Twilight Sparkle looked at her with wavering, bloodshot eyes. “Dash, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” “Twi. What is wrong?” Tears started falling down her cheeks as she looked Rainbow Dash dead in the eyes. “I lost the Gate Key. We’re trapped here. Forever.”