In Anon’s home, an average day passed by.
By average I mean Anon was doing something stupid.
“Anon what in transition are you doing?” Applejack asked, a keg of Apple family cider that Anon had pre-ordered months back by her side.
“Training,” Anon explained.
Stood covered in sweat, Anon lifted a pair of weights tied to the thumbs of his wings.
Yes, bat wings have thumbs. Look it up.
“I can see that. Why?” Applejack asked.
“Rainbow Dash said she was better at flying than Anon,” Button explained, sitting on the floor nearby playing with Albus.
“She is,” Applejack said.
“Yes but I can’t take that lying down, now someone tell me how many reps I’m on” Anon explained.
“Seventy six” Cream sighed, a dreamy smile spread across her face as she watched the sweaty thestral at work.
“Anon, I'll be honest,” Applejack said.
“Imagine my shock” Anon snarkingly responded.
“It don’t matter how much weight you lift you ain’t beating Dash, no pony I’ve met that’s faster” Applejack stated.
Getting a dismissive huff from Anon Applejack turned to Cream Heart for backup “Cream Heart please tell him this is a bad idea” she asked politely.
“Applejack, come here for a moment” Cream Heart said, becoming the younger mare over.
Leaning in once she got close enough, Cream Heart began to whisper.
“I’ve got a sweaty, muscular, testosterone fuelled stallion all to myself. Stop me when I get to the bad part”
Rolling her eyes, Applejack looked at the milf disapprovingly.
“Ma’am with all due respect I’ve met minotaur less horny than you” she whispered, careful that the tiny ears and the colts they belonged to didn’t hear her statement.
“Applejack when you’ve got a hunky stallion of your own you’ll understand. Now please step to your left, mama’s watching the show” Cream Heart said, peering over AJ’s shoulder as she continued to watch Anon work out.
“I’ve got it down to biology App, simple biology” Anon said, calling AJ by a nickname that would never catch on.
“Pegasi are like big birds, they glide through the wind. Bats on the other hand fly by flapping. This means that they have greater stamina in order to keep flapping. Therefore, all I have to do is build up as much strength and stamina in my wings and I will be able to beat Rainbow” Anon explained.
“Anon that ain’t how it works, even I can tell you that” Applejack stated.
“Not with that attitude it won’t” Anon responded.
Rolling her eyes Applejack gave up. Accepting that it was pointless trying to argue with Anon on this issue.
“Just don’t do any bellyaching if you hurt yourself” she said exiting their home.
“I’d love to stay and watch hun, but I’ve got my mothering classes to go to” Cream said getting up from her chair.
“Cream, what the heck is a mothering class?” Anon asked.
“They’re great, all the expecting mothers get together twice a week and practice birthing techniques and tips for taking are of newborns” Cream explained.
“Um, Mom? You’ve already gone through all of that” Button pointed out.
“Yes I did Button, but that was a while ago and I’m a little rusty, now be a good boy for Anon while I’m out. I’ll see you boys in a few hours” Cream explained leaving the house, completely unaware of what she had done.
“So do you really think you can beat Mrs Rainbow Dash?” Button asked.
“Oh god no that mare moves like a homeless person on bath salts” Anon admitted.
“You put salt in your bath?” Button asked.
“Not that kind of bath salts, now grab your saddle bag we need to go see Zecora” Anon instructed.
“Why?” Button asked.
“Well I can’t beat her naturally so I’ll have to win the American way” Anon explained.
“What’s that?” Button said, picking up his saddle bag.
“Steroids,” Anon explained.
“But there aren’t any here so I’ll have to settle for Zebra magic potions” he added.
Travelling to Zecora’s hut, the mare was less than pleased at Anon’s request.
“Anon I find it loathsome, that you assume I have a potion for every problem” Zecora chided him.
Pulling out a heavy looking sack with a dollar sign on it Anon placed it on Zecora’s table.
“Ok I have a potion of this I must confess, but once you have it you must do the rest” she said.
“I’m good with this,” Anon agreed.
Zecora went into the back to fetch the potion, leaving Anon and a slightly uncomfortable Button alone with Albus sleeping on his father’s back.
“Um, Anon, this seems like you’re cheating. Isn’t that, you know. Wrong?” Button asked.
“Button Button Button, look at it this way. Dash would trample me in a fair race, that’s not much incentive for me to race fair right?” Anon argued.
“Ok but what if you get caught?” Button asked.
“How, once the potion’s in my bloodstream they can’t find it and I’m giving Zecora extra cash to buy her silence” Anon explained.
“So… cheating is fine as long as you don’t get caught?” Button asked.
Releasing the lesson he was teaching his step-son Anon quickly changed tactics.
“Here have 20 bits, we’ll go to the arcade after this if you promise not to start cheating” Anon bribed, placing a smaller bag of bits at Button’s feet.
“But you just said-“ Button started.
“If you no want it, give it back” Anon said, pointing at the bits while doing his best Calypso impression.
Scooping them up quickly Button held the bits in his arms defensively “ok cheating is wrong but we’ll let it slide this one time” Button said.
“Good boy”
Coming back with an oversized bottle filled with green liquid.
“This will help you build your strength, if you’re willing to go that length,” Zecora explained.
“That’s a big bottle, you don’t expect me to drink it all,” Anon said.
Shaking her head Zecora put the bottle on the ground.
“It must get quickly to your gut, it must be inserted through your bu-“ Zecora began.
Putting his hooves over Button’s ears Anon interrupted.
“Wow wow wow wow wow wow, wow”
“Are you done?”
“Wow”
“Zec you can’t expect me to put that up my hootenanny” Anon said, speaking quietly so Button wouldn't hear.
“So you want to win? This must be put within” Zecora said.
Anon weighed his options, his pride or his dignity.
“Button take Albus and wait outside for a minute” he said, passing Albus to his step-brother.
“Why?” Button asked.
“Just trust me, I’ll only be a second,” Anon said.
Putting Albus on his back Button went outside, leaving Zecora and Anon alone.
“Ok I know I’ve got a marefriend, but could we, you know, cuddle a little first? Just to relax my- mooooooon river!” Anon said nervously, being distracted long enough for Zecora to undo the bottle, then proceeded to boldly go where no pony had gone before.
At least not while Anon was sober.
Sat outside with Albus in his lap, Button was contently playing in his gamecolt. His step-brother giggling at the flashing colours.
Wobbling out of the hut, Anon leaned against the wall of the structure.
“We can go now” Anon squeaked, his voice an unusually high pitch.
Leaving the Everfree, Anon was unaware that Zecora was watching. A slight giggle in her throat.
“It may just be because I’m in a rut, but Anon does have quite the cute butt” Zecora thought to herself. Making sure to rhyme even in her own head.
After spending the afternoon in the arcade the boys went home.
Button went back to his games and Anon made dinner just in time for Cream Heart to get home.
Sure it was just a salad with everything in the fridge thrown in, but Cream enjoyed it none the less.
While everyone else slept, Anon was downstairs. The effects of the potion were starting to take hold.
Filled with energy, Anon had used metal wires and the wooden support beam overhead to construct a rudimentary lat-pulldown machine.
With each of the two weights weighing the same as his body weight, Anon repeated rep after rep.
It wouldn’t be until morning before anyone else in the house realised Anon had been down there all night.
“Anon? Did you stay up all night?” Cream Heart asked.
“Yep!” Anon said, full of energy.
Looking over her coltfriend, Cream Heart noticed that Anon had gotten an overall buffer but most of it had gone to his wings. The leathery limbs seem to be almost larger than before.
“I need to thank Rainbow later,” Cream muttered.
Being snapped out of her trance by a knock on the door, Cream went to open it.
Seeing Rainbow Dash floating outside Cream Heart stepped aside.
“Anon, you have a visitor,” Cream said.
“Ready to get your flank whooped Anon?” Dash asked confidently, before being momentarily taken aback by the thestral’s larger wings.
“Oh not today Dash” Anon said, momentarily checking that Button wasn’t there.
Seeing that he wasn’t Anon continued “you’ve fucked with America rainbow hair, we always win! Nothings going to stop this rac-“ he continued before being distracted.
“Cream, are you aroused or did your water break?” Anon asked, looking at the puddle pooling around Cream’s rear legs.
“The second one” Cream said, swallowing her breath as she did.
“Dash?” Anon asked.
“Yeah?” She responded.
“Can we rearrange our race?” Anon asked.
“Sure” Dash agreed.
Rushing Cream Heart to the hospital Anon waited outside the labour ward, pacing back and forth.
“It’s going to be fine, it’s going to be fine” he chanted to himself.
“Nonny!” Pinkie yelled, tackling the thestral.
“What are you doing here?” Anon asked, hissing slightly as he skid across the floor.
“Dashie said Cream Heart is going into labour. So we came to support you” Pinkie explained.
“We?”
Getting back to his feet Anon saw the Mane Six and Spike walking toward him. The baby dragon holding two balloons, one saying “it’s a boy” and another saying “it’s a girl”
“We didn’t know what it’s gonna be so we got both,” Spike explained.
“So where’s the mama?” Pinkie asked.
“She’s still in labour,” Anon explained.
“Aren’t you going to go comfort her through it?” Fluttershy asked.
Raising an eyebrow, Anon walked over to the door of the labour ward.
“Anon!” Cream roared.
Almost as if by a reaction Anon slammed the door shut. A second later an axe was lodged into the door, shocking the girls.
“I don’t even know where she keeps getting them,” Anon admitted.
An hour passed before nurse Readheart left the ward.
“Mr Anon, I’m sorry King Anon” she said, correcting herself.
“Red you’ve mended enough post-pinkie party broken bones you can just call me Anon” Anon responded.
“Regardless, we’re done” she said, leading Anon into the ward.
He stopped for a second and looked back at the girls.
“Aren’t you coming?” He asked, internally hoping they’d protect him if Cream had more axes.
“You’ll be fine Anon, go meet your baby” Twilight encouraged.
“Fuck if I die you’re raising the kid Twiggles” Anon thought to himself as he went into the ward.
Following Redheart Anon saw Cream Heart resting in a hospital bed. A white sheet draped over her.
“Hey honey, how was the birth?” Anon asked cautiously as he approached.
“Anon?” Cream Heart asked weakly.
“It’s me Cream, I’m here. You’re out of axes right?” Anon asked.
“Anon!” Cream Heart suddenly became hyper aggressive. Her hooves pressed against Anon’s neck as she somehow began choking him.
“One more push!” Redheart said.
“You said she was done you lying bitch!” Anon choked, wasting what little oxygen he had left.
“Get. It. Out. Of. Me!” Cream demanded, her grip tightening on Anon’s throat.
A loud and painful scream erupted from Cream Heart before she suddenly released Anon from her grasp. Catching his breath Anon picked up a smaller, lighter noise. The sound of a newborn crying.
Getting back to his feet Anon watched with Cream in anticipation as Redheart cleaned up the birthing juices and passed their child to Cream.
Looking down at his child Anon had only one thought.
“Why are there two of them?” Anon deadpanned.
Looking at the two earth pony foals wiggling about in Creams forelegs Anon pressed his issue again.
“Need I repeat myself, why are there two of them?” Anon asked again.
“Their twins ‘dad’, healthy twin foals” Redheart explained.
Now in an infinitely better mood Cream beamed at Anon. Her murderous look was replaced with a blissful smile.
“Oh Anon, they’re perfect” Cream said, nuzzling her children lightly.
Seeing his marefriend happy Anon cracked a smile.
“They’re boys, and what a pair of boys!” Anon said proudly.
“Anon those are the umbilical cords, they're girls” Redheart corrected.
“They’re girls, the most beautiful girls in the world” Anon corrected himself.
Having to add an s to girl made Cream Heart realise something.
“Anon, we’ve got three foals in our house” she said in a concerned voice.
With the realisation dawning on him, Anon swallowed his breath.
“Don’t worry hun it’ll be fine, Albus is a fairly quiet foal. Sure he shits himself every three-four hours but other than that, maybe the twins will be the same?” Anon said, comforting his mildly concerned mare.
But they weren’t fine.
Anon and Cream returned home that very night, and found themselves overwhelmed by the new additions to their family.
“Sweetie, give Papa's shades back, he’ll explode if the sun hits him without them” Anon said calmly, approaching his daughter, who was currently sitting on the back of the sofa holding his magic glasses.
Blowing a raspberry she fell off the back.
Rushing to catch her Anon found that she wasn’t behind the sofa.
Hearing a giggle Anon popped his head back up, seeing her sat on the other sofa.
“How do you do that?” Anon asked, having dealt with his foal’s disappearing act more than once today.
Scooping her up in his fore-leg Anon reclaimed his shades, although he did have to wipe quite a bit of drool off them.
“Anon, can you help me in the kitchen please?” Cream Heart called out.
“Coming,” Anon responded.
Entering the kitchen with the girl in hand Anon saw Cream Heart prepping dinner, their other daughter on her back nawing on her hair.
“Can you please distract her while I deal with dinner?” Cream asked.
“Sure thing” Anon said, trying to hide his tired nature as he picked the second of his twins off her mother’s back.
Now with both of them on his back Anon lumbered back into the living room Anon contemplated his life.
“Buck, what am I going to do now? I can’t leave Cream to take care of you two alone. But I can’t leave Cadance and Shining in charge of the Empire for more than a month tops, they might get funny ideas” Anon said looking down at his daughters.
Despite the headache they caused him he couldn’t help but smile as they played with each other.
“I just wish I had a normal job again, one where I could walk home from work every day. Why couldn’t Ponyville have been built closer to the empire?” Anon asked his daughters, who just responded by blowing bubbles and booping his snoot.
Dwelling on his words for a moment, the most dangerous natural disaster in Equestria happened.
Anon got an idea.
The next day Twilight awoke, had breakfast and began her daily routine.
“Ok Spike, today we’ve got to give a lecture on Equestrian history at the school house then- WHAT THE BUCK!?” The lavender unicorn said then yelled.
Ponyville, the entire town had been transported down to the smallest detail, along with a chunk of the Everfree into the Crystal Empire.
Sat in a now open field within the barrier Ponyvillie’s residences looked around in confusion at what had happened to their home.
“Twilight!” The rest of the mane 6 said as they rushed towards her.
“Twi, what's happening?” Rainbow asked.
“I don’t know, Discord, a new villain, Trixie’s illusion, or worse it could be-“ Twilight started listing off potential causes for this
“Twilight” Applejack interrupted.
“Yes?” Twilight asked.
“And here ah thought you were the smart one and ah was the one who provides southern charm, it’s Anon sugarcube, this is obviously Anon” Applejack explained.
Before she could argue, Twilight quickly realised that she was probably right.
Marching to Cream Heart’s house the girls barged in.
Storming the kitchen they saw Anon standing happily preparing breakfast with a “kiss the cook” apron on.
“Morning girls, you hungry? I made way too much food for the three of us so help yourselves” Anon invited.
“Anon, what have you done!?” Twilight demanded, wondering if it was legal to kill a foreign ruler.
“A bit of everything really, it’s like my grandma always said, if you ain’t vomiting by lunch, you didn’t have enough breakfast” Anon explained.
“I’m serious Anon” she responded coldly.
“So am I, my grandma’s from the south Twiggles, if she found out I hadn’t eaten that hour she'd sit me down by gunpoint, literally, and cook me a full meal. No can, ifs or ‘grandma I’m 16 and I’ve had two heart attacks’ about it” Anon said.
“The town Anon, what did you do to the town?” Twilight specified.
“Oh that? Well, with the kids having just been born, Cream and I have been too tired to do much, heck we were too tired to think of names yet. So I, knowing I’d have to go back to ruling the empire eventually, so I did the only logical thing” Anon said, putting a massive plate of muffins on the table, which Pinkie quickly consumed.
“I snuck out, flew to Canterlot on 17 cups of coffee and released Discord and asked him to-“ Anon began before being interrupted.
“YOU DID WHAT!?” The Mane Six yelled.
“I. Released. Discord. Then. Asked. Him. To. Move. The. Town” Anon said very slowly.
The girls were frozen for what must have been minutes, leaving Anon to return to cooking.
“Anyone want some dandelions? Anon asked, offering the girls food.
“Celestia is going to murder you” Applejack said with very little doubt.
“Oh come on, Celly understands the burdens of leadership better than anyone. Throwing a family into that makes it even more complicated, I’m sure once she finds out, she’ll see it with love and understanding and-“
“ANOOOOOOOOON!” Celestia’s roar shook the city.
“Ok, maybe she isn’t going to understand” Anon said, correcting himself.
AN: I’ll let you guys name the kids.
Don’t worry the race is still gonna happen, but spoilers, Nonners loses. Obviously.
Also Nonner’s meeting with Grover is coming up so between Albus and the girls Anon’s dynasty might just pull a Habsburg XD
Although considering how it’s going so far, I feel the last thing Griffonia needs right now is to have someone who’s genetically related to Anon as its next Empress.