//------------------------------// // Bonus chapter: Project: Parody. Sunflower on a budget. // Story: Project: Sunflower // by Hoopy McGee //------------------------------// "So, that's it," Doctor Velchiek said, leaning back and smiling at her. "That's it?" Erin asked, amazed. "Seriously?" "Yup! That's all there is to it." "You want me to disguise myself as a horse-" "Pony." "Pony, right. Disguise myself as a pony and infiltrate this new world to gather information?" "Yes, that's right!" "Sounds freaky weird. I'm in." "All right, come with me, and I'll take you to the costume department." "Costume?" Erin asked, confused. "How could there possibly be a costume that would make me fit in over in Ponyworld?" "We spared no expenses," Dr. Velchiek said. "Well, that's not true. We're on a pretty severe budget, after all. We had to cut some corners. Still, I have no doubt you'll be surprised by what we have for you!" Erin was surprised, all right, when she finally saw her 'disguise'. "This is it?" she said, with some annoyance. The costume looked about right for a kid's birthday party, but she couldn't see fooling anyone with it, let alone a real pony. Her legs would fit into the costume's front legs, and the immobile back legs would just be dragged along stiffly as she walked. She'd have to use her hands inside the enormously oversized head to operate the eyes and mouth, like a giant puppet. "No, we're also sending surveillance equipment with you," Doctor Velchiek replied. "Here's a digital voice recorder and a video camera. Try and record as much as possible! Also, here's a high-tech inter-dimensional communication device!" He handed her a cheap, plastic walkie-talkie. "Um..." "Try it on, my dear! Try it on!" Feeling like an idiot, Erin tried on the costume. The enormous head actually had room for her to move around a bit, and she could see out of the mouth, which gaped open like an idiot's. There was even room on the inside for a small water bottle, attached to the top of the headpiece like in a gerbil's cage. "Cozy," Erin said, but unfortunately Dr. Velchiek didn't pick up on the sarcasm. "Glad you like it! Now get through that gate!" "What, now?" "Yup!" he said, and shoved her. Erin stumbled into Ponyworld and almost smacked into a tree. "What in the hay are you?" a local pony asked. Erin, only able to see the pony's orange hooves through the mouth-slot of her costume, replied, "Oh, I'm just an average pony. Honest." "Ya don't say," the pony said doubtfully. "Well, Ah'm Applejack. What's your name?" "I'm Erin," Erin said. "Wait, no, don't call me that. Um. I'm... Sunflower. Yes, that's it. Sunflower. Pleased to meet you!" "Pleased to meet you too, 'Sunflower'," Applejack said flatly, and held out a hoof. Erin stuck her foot out, and AJ shook it. "Y'all want an apple?" the pony asked. "That's okay," Erin said. "I'm not hungry. Hey, is there a town near here?" "Sure, Ponyville," Applejack said, and Erin stifled a snort of laughter at the name. "Just head thataway." "Thanks!" Erin said, wandering off and occasionally tripping due to her poor field of vision. Rainbow Dash landed next to Applejack as she watched the poorly-disguised human wander off. "What the heck was that?" "Ah don't know. Ah reckon' it's some sort of spy in a pony costume. We should tell Twilight." Meanwhile, back on the road... "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" a voice suddenly said, and Erin screamed a little in shock. "Hi, I'm Erin. I mean, I'm Sunflower. Nice to meet you," Erin said, then took a couple of pictures of the pink hooves she could see outside of her mouth-hole. "You're one weird pony, Sunflower. But I've seen weirder! I'll throw you a party when you least expect it. Bye for now!" Erin kept walking until she reached Ponyville, and then decided to ask if there was a library. Several of the ponies she asked either fainted or ran away screaming, but one, a grey pegasus with strange eyes, pointed her towards a large tree. "Thanks, pony!" Erin said as she walked away. "You're welcome, alien!" Derpy said, waving at Erin's retreating figure. Erin finally reached the weird-looking library. She contemplated how she was going to knock for a minute, and then just decided to bump her head on it repeatedly. Or, rather, the costume's head. She didn't notice that, in doing so, one of the badly-attached eyes fell off. The door opened, and a little purple dragon looked up at her. "Whoah, what the heck are you?" Spike asked her. "I'm a pony," Erin lied. "What are you?" "A dragon." "I don't believe you," Erin said. "Neither do I." They were at a standstill for a bit, and then Spike said, "Twilight? There's some weird creature in a bad pony costume here to see you!" "What?" came the distant voice, and then a purple unicorn trotted into view, freezing when she saw Erin. "Okay, right," Twilight said evenly. "Apparently this is how my night is going to go. What are you supposed to be?" "A perfectly normal talking pony person," Erin said, feeling a little frantic. "Hahahah!" "No, you're not," Twilight said. "Yes," Erin insisted, "I am." "No. You. Are. Not." Erin scrambled around inside the costume's massive head until she found the walkie-talkie. "Doctor Velchiek!" she hissed into the cheap plastic toy. "I think my cover's been blown!" There was a long pause, and then Doctor Velchiek said, "Don't forget to say 'over' when you're done talking, Erin." "Oh, for goodness... Look, I think they're on to me. I should tell them I'm not a pony!" She waited a few seconds, then rolled her eyes and said, "Over!" "Absolutely not! We have to go ahead with the mission!" "I really think-" "I didn't say 'over', yet!" While this was going on, Twilight was watching this strange, poorly-disguised creature apparently having a heated argument with itself inside of its obviously false head. "Say, Erin, are you really dead set on telling them you're a human? Over." "I think I should. They aren't buying this crappy disguise. Oh, um. Over." "Do you see a small metal box in the head piece with you, over." "Yes, I got it, over," Erin said, grabbing the box. "Please open it up and take one of the pills inside, over." "Why?" Erin asked, suspiciously. "What does it do? Over." "Oh, nothing. It will just help you obey my orders without question, over." "No deal! Over!" "Then you force me to activate the override!" The back half of the costume whirred to life as a small taser set on a telescoping mechanical arm snaked out and zapped Erin lightly in the back. "Argh! What the hell?!" "Now, do what I say or I zap you again!" Doctor Velchiek said. "Over!" "Oh, forget this!" Erin snapped, pulling herself out of the costume as quickly as she could and kicking the blasted thing out the door. She turned to face the unicorn, smiled weakly and said, "Surprise! I'm not actually a pony." "I never would have guessed," Twilight said dryly. "Would you like some tea?" "That would be lovely, thanks," Erin said. They became friends, defeated the Smooze Black Tide, and everything was all happiness and rainbows forever! ~*~ Deep in a cave on the far side of the Everfree forest, an ancient and trapped creature sighed. One of these days, it would break out of its prison. But, until then, it just had to continue on like it always had. "One million, three hundred and fifty thousand, four hundred twelve bottles of cider on the wall," it sang, "One million, three hundred and fifty thousand, four hundred twelve bottles of cider! You take one down and pass it around, and there's one million, three hundred and fifty thousand, four hundred eleven bottles of cider on the wall!"