I am so looking forward to this. I mean, I had to force the crazy onto the other three, but Fluttershy is a different story. I mean, her going crazy is pretty much canon. She almost freaking ate a squirrel! That's hella awesome! All I need is for a character to "not love her" and BAM! Gore and memes away! I'm brilliant! I'll be famous! Muahaha! Now, for today's victim…
Author: Script mode!
Spike: You want me to get the classy spinner, sir?
Author: No need, I already have it right here. And I'm trying something new…
Spike: Minor characters?
Author: Minor characters? Who cares about minor characters? Trust me, I know my audience, and bronies would NEVER make a big deal about some random pony in the background! No, I've noticed that the past three times Rainbow Dash has been the poor sap in the victim slot. So I want to perform an experiment. I tore off the spot labeled Rainbow Dash and mounted it on the wall over there. Now let's see what happens when I… (spins spinner) Hm. Alright, nothing surpri- holy crap!
Spike: The arrow flew right off! Where is it?
Author: It's… Great Celestia, you've got to be freaking kidding me.
Spike: It hit Rainbow Dash's slot on the wall!
Author: I don't know what to say… I guess Rainbow Dash is destined to be picked on in every gore fic ever written.
Spike: You could just handpick someone else.
Author: Shut up Spike. That's illogical. Anyway, I have to use Rainbow Dash. AGAIN. You know how freaking formulaic it's getting?
Rainbow Dash: Very.
Author: How'd you get in here?
Rainbow Dash: Here's what's going to happen; I'm going to end up upsetting Fluttershy, she'll give me something poisoned to eat. I'll wake up, be fearful for my life, and then the entire thing will just have been a misunderstanding!
Author: Except for the part about the misunderstanding, because I GUARANTEE the gore in this story, you're pretty much right. I need to switch things up a bit…
Rainbow Dash: You could, I don't know, just NOT do a gore story.
Author: NEVER!
Rainbow Dash: In fact, I'll bet you 5 human dollars that Fluttershy won't hurt even a fly!
Author: Deal. Easiest 5 bucks in my life! Okay… Everyone ready on set! Prepare the prose! Put Elizabethan language on stand-bye! We may need some olden words to up the drama if we're in a bind. Characters in their places, and… Start story!
"I. Love. Everything!" the soft voice sang, much to Rainbow Dash's chagrin. This voice belonged to her good friend Fluttershy, whom was at the height of her spirits, proclaiming her joy in an unusually loud voice. Rainbow Dash must've seen Fluttershy prance by a good bazillion times, a level that came close to matching Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy shouted, "I love all the animals in the world, big or tall, tough or mean, they're all just waiting for me to give them a big fat hug! I love them all!"
"Pfft." snorted Rainbow Dash, taking a drink from the glass in front of her. Her front side seat to this performance of happiness was an outdoors table of a café. "I don't get it," muttered Rainbow Dash, voice muffled as she also chewed on some hay fries. "How can she just love everything? You can like stuff, sure, but 'love' a rabbit? Even 'loving' a friend just seems weird." Rainbow Dash did admit to herself that maybe she was just thinking bitterly because of how sickeningly sweet Fluttershy was acting. After all, she'd "love" to be part of the Wonderbolts, and she "loved" a good race. If it was fine to love things, than animals were fine, right?
"Oh, Twilight, I love you so much!" Rainbow Dash nearly choked on her fries, head darting in the direction of Fluttershy, who was now talking to Twilight Sparkle. Did Fluttershy swing that way? No. Way.
"I love you too Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash, who'd been drinking some more juice, now found that the juice that had been inside her mouth was now on the waiter's face, since she'd done a spit take at what she'd just heard. So was Twilight a player for the other team too? "Sorry…" Rainbow Dash said sheepishly to the waiter, who walked off in a huff, now on a quest to find a towel. But that was alright. All Rainbow Dash needed was a little time to think. Twilight and Fluttershy both gay? What were the chances? Maybe-
"Hi Rainbow Dash! I love you! You love me, right?" Fluttershy was now looking innocently at Rainbow Dash, an adorable little smile on her face that would cause those with weak hearts to explode from the highly concentrated adorableness. Rainbow Dash started, as Fluttershy had caught her completely unawares.
Alright, Rainbow Dash thought. I need to handle this situation carefully, and with a delicate touch. After all, I don't want to hurt her feelings. "Geez, Fluttershy, that's totally not me! Get it through your thick skull, I don't love you!" Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. She could not have just said that. As Fluttershy's cheerful mood withered, and her joyous smile slowly turned into a miserable frown, Rainbow Dash looked to the heavens and cursed them for the stupid overused plot device that was invoked. And if the gods could have responded they'd have told her to shut up, and this was the last warning about the fourth wall that anypony was going to get.
"Fluttershy…" But it was too late. Fluttershy turned tail and fled, clumsily bumping into a big crate of hay as she rounded the corner, as though blinded by the tears that now ran freely from her eyes. She also managed to bump into Twilight, who seemed awfully confused. For a moment anyway. She quickly turned, an angry face now greeting Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash knew she was going to get a thorough chewing out before all this was over. "Alright, what did you do?"
Rainbow Dash gave a nervous laugh, a feeble attempt at easing the tension. "Well, I, hah, funny story about that…"
"Rainbow…"
Twilight's glare was piercing, and it took but a second for Rainbow to cave in. She let out a quick torrent of words; "I was listening to you and Fluttershy say that you loved each other and thought you two were gay and then she said she loved me and I said I didn't love her and she started crying and ran off and you walked over and-"
"Enough." Rainbow Dash shut up. Twilight let out an exasperated sigh. "You idiot, we aren't gay! That was platonic love, not… How could you even think that? Ugh!"
"You mean…?"
"We love each other as FRIENDS. And when you said you didn't love Fluttershy, she probably took it as though you didn't like her at all! Now get over to her house, and apologize!"
"But…"
"NOW!"
This is so stupid… thought Rainbow Dash. After all, it wasn't her fault that Fluttershy was such a baby! She needed to grow up! And even so, Rainbow Dash was on her way to Fluttershy's house to offer an apology. Even if Rainbow Dash was opposed to Fluttershy's deficiency of… coolness, for lack of a better word, she was still Fluttershy's friend, and she'd never want to make her cry.
"Hello?" Rainbow Dash called out. She'd reached Fluttershy's home, which was oddly silent. Not the slightest tweet from a bird or scurrying of a squirrel could be heard. Rainbow Dash warily opened the front door and peered inside, where it was dark and cold. "Fluttershy, you in here? For Celestia's sake, why does it always have to be some dark house that I'm wandering into?" Gingerly she stepped into the house, making sure to close the door behind her. "Fluttershy?"
"Oh please. Come in." came an eerily sweet voice, muted in tone and overly polite. Unnatural almost.
Rainbow Dash could make out Fluttershy's figure curled up by the window, a tiny pitiable shape. And that figure slowly stood. "Hey Fluttershy, what's up? I just thought I'd fly over and say hey. So… uh… why's it so dark in here?" Rainbow Dash gave an award winning smile, though underneath the smile was a strange feeling of dread.
"Rainbow Dash, I'm so happy to see you. After all, you're supposed to be one of my best friend. Right? Right?" The sudden shout made Rainbow Dash jerk back, as if a snake had lashed out at her.
"Of course, Fluttershy. BFF's, heh…" Fluttershy turned towards Rainbow Dash, who could only make out an angry face in the dark.
"I don't think we're close enough Rainbow. After all, you said you didn't like me back in town. You tore out my heart. Don't you think it's only fair I tear out yours?" Fluttershy walked over to a desk, using her teeth to open one of the drawers.
"That's not fair, Fluttershy! I just made a little mistake, that's all. I didn't mean what I said…"
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't." Came a dry, cruel response. "I couldn't truly understand what you meant with this 'thick skull' of mine. Well let me tell you something…" Fluttershy abandoned, her search, turning around and shouted; "You're… Going… TO GIVE ME SOME RESPECT!" Pausing for a second Fluttershy seemed to think over her words. Then she added, "And love me." before turning back to the drawer where she continued to rummage through the assorted junk.
Rainbow Dash sighed. "C'mon, Fluttershy… You know you and me are cool, I've got a ton of respect for you!"
"Don't talk to me." A shrill voice filled with venom rang out. Fluttershy had finally found what she was looking for, and angrily whipped out a large pair of scissors, and slammed them onto the desk in such a way that one of the blades stuck in the wood, keeping the scissors standing up. Fluttershy began laughing, a laugh seeming border insanity. "Oh, just you wait, Rainbow Dash. I've always been of the belief the heart is where all of our love comes from. So if I cut yours out and keep it for myself, I'll have your love forever and ever and ever!"
Rainbow Dash took a step back in shock. Fluttershy was going to cut out her heart? How could…?
Rainbow Dash stopped mid-thought. This is so stupid. Am I really going to think that Fluttershy's a murderer? That she's going to cut out my heart? A voice popped into her head, saying, "Yes. Be scared and stuff! Don't you dare ruin this for me!" But Rainbow Dash blocked out the voice. She walked over to Fluttershy, who was by the desk. Now that she was close, Rainbow Dash could finally make out the tears that were making their way down the sides of Fluttershy's face, and that the angry expression Rainbow Dash had seen was more one of emotional pain. And on the desk? Sure, there was the scissors. But there was also a childish drawing, one of a heart, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash inside, smiling and holding hands.
"I just want you to like me…" cried Fluttershy. "I was going to cut out your heart, which I made myself…"
Rainbow Dash hugged her heartbroken friend, providing a loving squeeze. "Oh, Fluttershy, I love you like I would my own sister, and don't you EVER forget that!"
Fluttershy blinked, clearing the tears from her eyes. "Do you really mean that Rainbow Dash?"
"Of course, silly pony! I totally messed up earlier… We cool now?"
Fluttershy let out a little squeal of joy. "Of course we are! Best friend!"
Author: …
Rainbow Dash: Well?
Author: I don't know what the hell you're going to do with 5 dollars anyway. Name one place in Equestria that takes human currency.
Rainbow Dash: It's more the fact I won that's important.
Author: Yeah, well, good for you. Damn pony…
Fluttershy: You seem to be really upset about this… Do you need a moment? Can I do anything to help? I have some soup over in my trailer…
Author: NO. I don't need soup! What I need is for some stupid ponies to actually do what I say, and make a DAMN GOOD GORE FIC! I mean, it's like trying to work with gen 3 ponies! You won't freaking kill each other! Gah! This was supposed to be one of my three goriest fics, but you two had to ruin it!
Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sorry… What should I have done?
Author: What should you have done? Take the scissors, hack at Rainbow Dash's ribcage, and rip her heart out with your teeth! Maybe force the ribcage open with your bare hooves. Then, as Rainbow Dash stares down in her last few waking moments, you tear her heart out, exclaiming with the blood dripping down your chin that you finally have her love! Or to eat her heart out. Oh, that would be so bad ass… (Looks at Fluttershy) What's wrong with you? You've turned all white. What, not gory enough?
Fluttershy: Why… why would I ever do those horrible things? I want Rainbow Dash to be my friend, not to… to… kill her!
Author: Well, duh. You obviously have pent up anger issues. And Rainbow Dash has finally made you snap, causing you to go all violent. It's a brilliant character interpretation, if I do say so myself.
Fluttershy: You're just a… a big meanie!
Author: Wow. I'm hurt. Your torrent of clever insults has completely destroyed me.
Fluttershy: Really?
Author: No. Now, why don't we try this again from the top? Positions everyone…
Fluttershy: Even if we do it again, I'm still not going to hurt Rainbow in any way!
Author: Why the hell not? The motivation is there, the characterization is… arguably consistent.
Fluttershy: I won't do it because…
Author: Wait! Don't say it!
Fluttershy: Me killing Rainbow Dash is…
Author: Don't you DARE say it!
Fluttershy: Not true to my character.
Author: …
Rainbow Dash: Yo author? You okay?
Fluttershy: Your eye is twitching.
Rainbow Dash: And you have a creepy smile spreading across your face.
Author: Won't kill, eh? Not in CHARACTER, eh? Well, my little ponies, let me tell you, I'll have one of you die whether you like it or not! There will be blood raining from the skies, and organs exploding at will!
Rainbow Dash: You're crazy!
Author: I'm crazy? I'M CRAZY! I'm a college male that enjoys watching a cartoon for little girls! I'm not crazy! It's you ponies that are crazy, and that's why you're going to be the death of each other! In the name of all that is pony, I WILL MAKE AN ACTUAL GORE FIC BEFORE THIS IS OVER. MARK MY WORDS. (Maniacal laughter, along with thunder and lightning in the background.)
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, he's gone crazy.
Author: SHUT UP! You stupid ponies have pushed me to far… I'm going to have to do something drastic. Something so low and vile, that I can feel my very FINGERS attempting to avoid me typing this proclamation! I'm going to have to do a rehash… of cupcakes!
Fluttershy: That sounds lazy.
Rainbow Dash: Not to mention stupid.
Author: Oh you'll see… You'll all see! (Death stare at Rainbow Dash) So, Douchey McNitpick. Any problems with my story?
Rainbow Dash: Oh, well, I guess the gay part was out of place. And tasteless. Couldn't you have done something else?
Author: Ironic, this complaint coming from you. You know what? I don't give a damn. End. Freaking. STORY.