Slash
The first thing I see after slashing the fabric of the universe open was a snowcapped mountain range glimmering in sunlight.
I waste no time flying through the rift, knowing how much air is already escaping from the world into the vacuum of space behind me. Once through, I turn around and grab the bottom of the tear.
Ziiiip
With the tear fixed like it never happened, I look around at the cold and expansive mountain range before saying:
“GOD, is it warm!”
Picking a spot, I drop down into the mountain range, landing in the snow. I crouch down and trace my paws through the snow, making a little circle.
“This isn’t better.”
I stand up, looking around. “So if I did this right, the train tracks should right overrr…” I walk toward a cliff and look down. “There,” I say, spotting the train tracks below.
I look up the train tracks, then look down, back up the tracks. “I think the castle was over there? Wait, yes. Over there,” I say, pointing at the tip of the blue crystal castle I had planned on heading towards.
“Now to just follow the tracks.”
I jump down the cliff, landing on my paws next to the tracks. My legs collapse under me, having been inert for twenty years, forcing me to break my fall with my front paws.
“Ow.”
I stand back up and brushed off the snow. After that, I begin following the train tracks toward the Crystal Empire.
For five minutes I walk, feeling my stiff legs loosen up and relishing the feeling of stretching the joints that had laid inert for so long.
"I wonder what this world's inhabitants are," I think to myself. "This world seems a lot less high-tech than the others I've been to. Like a children's fantasy, in a way. Luscious colors untouched by industry, war, or mayhem? Ridiculous, but also the perfect place for my vacation. And then there's the fact that few beings here that have any considerable power level, yet only one that comes anywhere close to mine.
No sooner do I think of the final sentence, I feel a sudden appearance of power behind me. Power belonging to the most powerful being in the world, judging by its level.
I whirl around to spot a heavily anthropomorphic... I actually don't know. Like- Let's see. He has a lion's paw on his right, griffon's talons on his left, a reptile's leg on his right, and a goat's leg on his left. His body is long and slender, covered with brown fur and flanked by a pegasus wing on the left and a bat wing on the right. His tail is red and lizard-like, ending with several white feathers. His head is that of horse's, sitting atop a long grey neck with a heavily trimmed black mane.
Without a doubt the two most consistent things throughout this creature's physical being are his eyes, which are both yellow with red pupils, and his ears which are both the same and symmetrical.
The two of us stare at each other, the creature in front of me crossing its arms as he takes in my form. A form that is just over six feet tall, whose body is entirely purple, and is wearing black and purple robes plus a skirt. Bony plates run down my long tail to a pair of whale-like fins on the end.
As the creature stares at my glowing white eyes in the middle of my black sockets, it notices how it has a webbed shark-like fin on top of its head, then two webbed fins on its sides.
"Well," I think, realizing this was just going to get more awkward. "No point in making an enemy."
I walk up to him, stopping and staring with a paw on a hip. “Ahem. So what can I do for you, Father O'Malley-O'Connell-O'Carroll-O'Reilly-O'Brien-O'Sullivan… who is also Italian,” I greet.
The creature smirks. “Come on, I crap better greetings than that,” it speaks, its voice clearly male.
“Then how’s this: Hi, I’m Umiya. And I think we will get along just fine,” I say, extending an arm out for a pawshake.
The creature extends his lionpaw - making sure to include a hidden joy-buzzer. “Better. I’m Discord,” he greets, him and I shaking paws as the buzzer goes off.
The feeling of electricity mildy surprises me, but my electrical powers turn what would normally be a painful feeling into something pleasurable. “Ooo, tingly," I say. "Thanks for the meal. Now let me return the favor.”
Discord yelps as I shock his paw with my electrical powers, quickly retracting his paw and staring at what is now a completely fried joybuzzer.
“...Thanks,” he indignantly replies, despawning the buzzer. He looks at me, and says, “So what are you, anyway?”
“A Vaporeon,” I state. “Now what are you?”
“Oh, I see. Ahem. I'm a draconequus. The God of Chaos, to be specific.”
I look down slightly, but keep my eyes trained on him as I cross my arms. “The God of Chaos?”
The Draconequus crosses his arms. “The one and only.”
I smirk. “Hm. Alright. Wanna come along to that crystal castle in the distance? I’m planning on stopping by a spa before heading to the Equestrian Games.”
“Hmmmm,” Discord hums, stroking his chin. “I think I will. A spa could do me well. Of course, not as much as you.”
Using his paw and talons, he dons a gas mask. “I mean, I need one of these just to not pass out from whatever stench you’re giving off.” He sniffs and dons two more gas masks. “Make that three of these.”
I bite my lip before chuckling. “Yes! It’s almost like I’ve been meditating on a moon for two thousand years!”
Discord’s eyes widen in surprise. “How the blood-soaked protestant hell did you do that?”
“Fuck you, that’s how,” I reply, doing everything in my power not to laugh.
“Ohhh I see what you did there,” he replies, playfully scowling.
“AAAAnyway,” I begin, turning around while keeping my eyes on him. “I’m going to get going again.”
“And I shall follow, m’lady.” Discord replies, donning a tophat and monocle.
“If you’ve got any questions to ask, ask them along the way,” I say as I begin walking.
Discord follows, despawning his tophat and monocle. “Hmph. In that case, what exactly do you mean by spending two thousand years on a moon? How did you actually do that?” he asks.
“Ummm… Well, I used a little something called the Force.”
“...Really?”
“Yeah. The Force.”
“The Force… Hm. And uh, how did you obtain the Force?”
“Throughhh meditation, practice, and with a high enough Midi-chlorian Count, you can learn the Force.”
“Ohhhhh I see. Of course. What exactly did you do while you were meditating?”
“Trained. That’s about it.”
“Hm. What skills were you training?”
“I trained my powers to mesh with the force due to imbalance.”
Discord narrows his eyes and tilts his head. “It took you two thousand years to do that?”
“Pretty much, yeah. Would you like for me to show you why?”
“...Leaning toward yes,” Discord says, leaning toward a neon YES sign next to him.
“Seal Release Seal Twelve,” I chant.
The draconequus’ eyes widen as he sees black fire appear in and around my right eye and hand. His jaw slightly slacks as ice appears around my left eye and paw.
“THIS is why I trained for that long,” I say, staring at him with a cheerful look.
Snap
“Pinkie, be a dear and tell me, what does that scouter say about her power level?”
A suddenly-appearing pink girl with a scouter says: “It’s over nine-thousand!”
“Thank you,” Discord says, snapping his fingers and whisking 'Pinkie' back to who-knows-where. “Ahem. So. Over 9000. How did you manage that?”
“Lots and lots of training in over a hundred times gravity.”
“Oh! What fun!”
“Oh, absolutely! You should try it.”
He puts up a claw. “Pass. I don’t quite need to train.”
“Everyone needs to train. Especially you.”
“Ha! No. Pass.”
“Your loss.”
“It’s a waste of time for me in a world like this.”
“Apparently, considering you and only a few other beings have any decent power levels in this universe.”
“Mhm. Now. Another question. Exactly how old are you?”
“Three thousand.”
“Oh! Impressive!" he replies, genuinely impressed.
“What about you? How old are you?” I ask.
“I do believe I am just south of 2900 years old.”
“Not bad. Anyway, this walking has me hungry.”
After tapping a finger on my robe, I reach in and pull out a bucket of Kentucky Fried Scootaloo filled with pony nuggets.
“Want some Scootaloos? They’re a delicacy where I come from.”
“I’ll take two,” he smiles, telekinetically taking two from the bucket. “Anyway, I know you said you’re a Vaporeon, but something about you tells me you’re a bit more than that. So I really must ask, what exactly are you?”
I breath in. “Wellll, I’m a hybrid between about four different species. Vaporeon, Succubus, Saiyan, and Ninetales.”
“Aha. So that’s why you seemed off. But I must say, I don’t quite see where the Ninetales form comes… Wait.” He looks at me. “Did you say Succubus?”
“Yes.”
“As in a demon.”
“Yes.”
“The type that-”
“Yes!”
He looks ahead. “Well then. I won't ask questions for now.”
“Anyway, we are… how far- Ah. We’re almost there.”
“Indeed,” Discord says, glancing at the slowly approaching city.
It takes us ten minutes to get into the city; a further five to find the spa. Walking inside the crystalline building, me and Discord take to separate changing rooms and take off our regular clothes. After donning bathrobes, we meet back up and Discord picks a room.
As I follow Discord inside, I quickly notice one other person already relaxing inside. A pink girl with wings and a horn whose hair resembled Neapolitan Ice Cream if you replaced the brown with purple.
“Discord? Since when do you go to spas?” the girl asks, having immediately noticed the draconequus.
“Ohhh since before the Empire disappeared for a millennia,” Discord replies.
The girl looks past him and at me, narrowing her eyes in confusion. “And… who is she?”
“Just a friend,” Discord replies as he sits down near Cadance. “Umiya.”
“Hi,” I greet as I sit across from the girl.
“Hello. I'm... Princess Cadance. And you… don’t seem like a normal pony. Or a pony at all.”
I nod. “That’s because I’m not.”
“What are you?”
“A Vaporeon.”
“And a Succubus, a Saiyan, and a Ninetales,” Discord adds.
Cadance glances at Discord, scowling. “Three of those species I’ve never heard of, the one I've heard of I don’t like.”
“Oh? Which one?”
Cadance glances at me, unsure. “Succubus,” she slowly says.
“Well to be fair, we don’t really feed off of mortal beings,” I sat. “Just lust. And if they consent.”
“That’s not what I’ve heard,” she replies. “Ahem. So. What brings you to the Crystal Empire?”
“Vacation.”
“Equestrian Games?”
“A bit more than that, but the games are first on my list.”
“Hm. Well, I hope you don’t run into to many issues with ponies not recognizing your kind. You’re definitely… unique.”
“That’s why I invited Discord.”
“No, I invited you along,” Discord states.
“No, I did.”
“I did.”
“No I did!”
“No me!”
“And I’m dirty dan!”
“No I’M dirty dan!”
“Who the fu- YOU’RE BOTH DIRTY DAN!” Cadance yelps. “Now could you please stop it and talk normally?!”
I cough. “Yeah, you’re right, we’re getting off track,” I say, a dumb smile appearing on my face as I struggle to hold in my laughter.
“Sooooo… where are you from?” Cadance asks.
“A completely different universe on a planet named Vegeta.”
“...” Cadance looks at Discord. “Is she being serious?”
“I’m afraid so,” replies a relaxing Discord.
She looks back at me. “Oh…kayyyy. Then-”
“Would you like some proof?” I ask.
“No. But how old are you?”
I stare, slightly surprised at the pony’s answer. “... Three thousand.”
“... Wow is that old. Ahem. I guess another question would beee…” She looks around, attempting to figure out a question. “Why did you pick our universe of all things? I guess?”
“Well, because out of all the nearby universes, yours seemed like the most relaxing. And peaceful.”
“Huh. . . . Can you teach me how to travel between universes sometime, please?”
“Uht- Uhhhhh… I’m gonna say no for your own safety. There are a lot- And I mean a LOT of universes that are dangerous.”
Cadance crosses her arms, her brows furrowing as she grows indignant. “What makes you think I can’t handle it?”
I immediately teleport next to her and hold a suddenly appearing freezing sword to her neck. “Does this get the point across?”
“AH!” she yelps, leaning away from the blade. “What is your problem?!”
“I’m getting the point across.”
“That doesn’t get any point across other than that you are a… I don’t know. You're blunt.”
“Think about it this way: The people in those universes will hunt you down without any reason and zero remorse.”
“Okay, okay. Sheesh.”
I teleport back to my spot and eviscerate the sword. “Sorry.”
Cadance rolls her eyes. “If I wasn’t so relaxed, I would have yanked that thing out of your hands or thrown you into a wall. Er, paws, sorry.”
“And you wouldn’t have liked what happened next.”
She narrows her eyes. “Is that a threat?”
“Ladies, ladies,” Discord lets out, putting up his hands. “Calm down. You can argue later.”
“You’re right,” I begin, “but I do want to show her something.”
I spawn in the sword again and hold it out to her. “Go ahead. Try grabbing it.”
Cadance stares at the sword, then looks at me. “It looks like it’s colder than the poles.”
“Close to absolute zero, actually.”
“Then why would I grab it?!”
I set the sword down in front of her. “Just reach for it.”
“Not until you tell me what’ll happen.”
“Oh for- Just do it.”
“No! I’m smart enough to know that SOMETHING is going to happen if I try!”
“Nothing dangerous will happen.”
She stares, slack-jawed, before sighing. “... Could you give me a pair of gloves?”
“Sure,” I say, spawning and tossing her a pair of spider-webbed silk gloves.
She struggles to put them on, but once she does, she reaches for the handle.
To which the sword immediately teleports into my right paw.
Cadance only stares. “Ohhh. Soulbound?”
“Yes! How did you know?” I ask, surprised and curious at how she knew.
“My aunt told me about weapons like that. I think she might have one herself, but I forget what kind.”
“Hm. Well anyway, that explains that I wasn’t threatening you, but that you wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
“Which is concerning.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“What even is that sword anyway?”
I look the sword over, angling it around to give Cadance a good view. “It’s called Frostmourne. It’s a rune blade enchanted with eternal frost.”
“Cool,” Discord interjects.
“Yes, Discord, literally,” I reply with a chuckle. “AAAAnyway, I think we got off the wrong foot. Let’s start over. I-”
“You mean the wrong paw.”
“You two have feet. At least, Cadance does.”
Discord nods. “Fair.”
“So. First of all, I didn’t mean to scare you like that, and I hope we can be friends.”
“I hope so too,” Cadance replies. “Especially since you’re a lot more than just some random creature visiting from some random country I’ve never heard of.”
“You have been getting those a lot, haven’t you, Cadance?” Discord asks.
“No, Equestria has.”
“Whatever you say.”
Just then, the door opens, and a spa pony leans in.
“Is Umiya here?”
I raise my paw.
“It’s time for your session.”
“Perfect,” I say, standing up. “See you two later.”
I stand up and follow the spa pony out of the room. As I follow the pony, the only thing I hear coming from the room is Cadance yelling: “I am a MARRIED MARE, DISCORD!”