At the heart of the Crystal Empire, millions gathered to hear the proclamation from their king.
Stood on the balcony of his palace, King Anon I looked down upon his people.
“Ponies of the Crystal Empire, a great injustice has been rectified. Through time and effort I have solved the single greatest issue of our time” Anon spoke.
Whispers and mourners echoed through the city. Their collective noise created a humming that could be heard from miles around.
“Now, ponies of the Empire. Rise, for your national anthem, sung by Sweetie Bell of Ponyville” Anon ordered much to the confusion of the populace.
A one mare band consisting of Pinkie began playing dozens of horns and drums, creating a rhythm. Sweetie Bell stepped forward and cleared her throat.
Long live the Empire,
Our pure and sovereign land,
All hail the Empire,
Her power will withstand,
(Triumphant horns)
Subjects of the Empire,
Proud and brave and strong,
The envy of stallions everywhere,
Our shafts are all quite long,
(More triumphant horns)
Long live the Empire,
It will be forever free,
With bountiful resources,
Like gin, crystals and tea,
We must admit we were once quite shit,
We’ve had dark days in the past,
King Sombra was once a threat,
Till King Anon kicked his ass!
(The noise of Rarity making her way through the crowd, yelling threats at Anon for teaching her sister those words)
Gods bless the Empire,
Guarded by the Crystal Heart,
Ruled by the wisest kings,
They are very smart,
All rise for the Empire,
We will fight until our last,
A millenia mist or not we’re still a threat,
And our culture’s unsurpassed,
Long live the Empire,
Raise up your arms once more,
To defend our precious motherland,
We must prepare for war,
Long live the Empire,
We may not have a shore,
But even in this bitter cold,
Our hearts beat ever more,
Completing the national anthem, Anon clapped his hooves together.
Slowly he was joined by hundreds then a few thousand.
“Did they like it?” Sweetie asked innocently.
“Absolutely, you were a great kid. Here have a cookie” Anon praised, giving the filly a cookie.
“Anon!” Rarity roared as she marched towards the king.
“Hi big Sis!” Sweetie said while happily munching on her cookie.
“Sup Rare-Rare” Anon greeted, before being unceremoniously bitch slapped.
“How could you teach that foul language to Sweetie Bell!?” She scolded.
“Rarity not now you’re embarrassing me in front of my subjects” Anon whispered while nursing the red hoof mark on his face.
“But Sis, what if this helps me get my cutie mark? And you always said I have a good singing voice” Sweetie protested.
“I’m not having any of it young filly, if it was edible I’d wash your mouth out with soap” Rarity said.
“Actually I’m working on a brand of edible soap,” Anon interjected.
“Did you at least like the song?” Sweetie asked.
“I did” Anon said.
“I most certainly didn’t, now we’re going home this instant” Rarity said storming off with Sweetie reluctantly following.
“I feel like I deserved it for some reason but I can’t think of a reason” Anon thought to himself.
“So what did you girls think?” Anon asked.
The last five members of the Mane 6 (having come up north for a visit) stood in silence at the display.
“Um… it was very… original?” Twilight said, treading carefully.
“That was the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard” Rainbow stated.
“It was a little too lewd for my taste, sorry” Fluttershy said.
“I liked the part where I blew on a horn” Pinkie said happily.
“Anon be honest you wrote that song didn’t you?” Applejack asked.
“Ok, thank you, rude, art is often graphic, I liked that as well and no I didn’t” Anon said, responding to each comment.
“The national anthem was submitted by an anonymous citizen in a competition,” Anon explained.
He was of course lying through his teeth, only using that lie to make ponies believe it wasn’t just propaganda.
“Besides a national anthem helps promote national unity and patriotism, while it was a little exaggerated in some parts” Anon explained.
“Exaggerated? It made it out as if you beat Sombra, Spike and Cadance defeated him when he activated the Crystal Heart everypony knows that '' Rainbow stated.
“I know that and you know that, whoever wrote it was probably just having trouble finding something that rhymes with Spike and Cadance. This is an isolated incident and I’m sure it won’t come up again” Anon reassured them.
But it did come up again.
“Actually there is something I wanted to talk about,” Twilight said levitating a book into Anon’s view.
The book was titled ‘Return to the Empire’ ; its first page showed a far more demonic interpretation of Sombra than his actual appearance. It’s follow up pages showing him perform all manner of dark magic such as shape shifting into monsters and raising the dead.
“Now this looks like a good read,” Anon said.
“I found it in the corner of your library, read what it says” Twilight explained.
Long ago in a distant land, Sombra, the shape shifting Master of Darkness unleashed an unspeakable evil upon the lands.
But, a foolish samurai, wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose him.
Before the final blow was struck Sombra tore open a portal in time and flung him into the future, where his evil was law.
Now the fool seeks to fix the mistakes of the past, and undo the evil that is Sombra.
The last few pages depicted an epic battle between Anon and Sombra, the former destroying the latter wielding a katana.
“Well this is completely inaccurate,” Anon said.
“Exactly, it’s giving you credit for what others di-“ Twilight began.
“My ass is way smaller” Anon interrupted, commenting on the bodacious size of his book counterpart’s flank.
“That’s not what the problem is” Twilight stated.
“You’re right, I don’t have a magic sword either. Crystal see if we can get our hands on a magic sword it might come in handy” Anon said.
“At once your majesty” Crystal Clear obeyed. Going off to find a magic sword.
“Anon” Twilight said, getting frankly annoyed with the constant interruptions.
“Ok ok no more interruptions” Anon promised.
“Anon, whoever is doing this has to be stopped. Lying is dangerous on its own. If it isn’t stopped this could completely change how future generations see the return of the Empire, changing the truth to make them think you beat Sombra. This has to be stopped NOW” Twilight explained.
It was at that moment Anon echoed all politicians who came before him. Using a phrase reserved for those who would say they're going to do something but have no intentions to.
“Don’t worry, I’ll look into it,” he said.
“Thank you” Twilight said as she and the girls turned to leave the balcony. Taking the benefit of the doubt that Anon wasn’t behind this.
But Anon was behind both the anthem and the book. Hoping that as the centuries roll by the myths will become accepted facts. Securing his descendant’s claim to the throne.
AN: National anthem based on the national anthem of Datlof.
Yes I know stealing credit is a dick move but all monarchs make shit up to sound better.