General’s uniform, check, Equestrian flag for dramatic background, check. She’ll be walking through that door any second now.
“Anonfilly, where did you get that uniform?” an unamused and sleepy looking Twilight Sparkle asked as she walked into the map room within the castle of friendship. Turning around and wearing the smuggest face I could muster, I answered her.
“Ah, Toilet Spork! Have you come to bask in the presence of my new uniform? I, General Anonfilly, am preparing my coup d'etat against the evil powers of a certain unchecked Alicorn menace.”
A small smile tugs on the sides of Twilight’s mouth. “Anonfilly... you do realize you’re wearing a corporal's uniform right?”
“WHAT!? But it’s got all these medals on it... where are the rank marks on this thing?” I raise my left foreleg and check the sleeves, finding indeed that Twilight is right. “Well shoot that sort of wrecks the joke… why does it have so many medals though? Shouldn’t a uniform with this many medals belong to an officer or something…”
“You still didn’t answer the question, Anonfilly,” Twilight said walking up to me. “Where’d you get the uniform?”
“I’m uh, borrowing it... from the new batpony transfer in the auxiliary barracks outside the castle,” I said, giving Twilight the best innocent smile I can.
Twilight facehoofs and then speaks, “It’s not even lunch and you’ve already gotten into trouble? How are the royal guards supposed to interpret you committing these antics? You do realize since the war was declared on saturday they’re being extra vigilant for changeling spies? And they’re called thestrals, not bat ponies.”
“Twiggle Sperg, my antics stop the moment you give me my old body back and stop this toxic attempt at reforming me, I’m sure you’ve said things you regret while you were drunk too,” I responded to Twilight a bit pointedly.
“We’re not talking about that now, Anon,” Twilight shoots back, glaring at me.
Sitting on my haunches I responded in turn, “Fine, fine! I'll go and apologize to the new thestral guardsmare then for nicking her uniform. That fair?”
“Oh no no, you think I’m going to let you sneak back in there and just drop off the uniform and offer some mild apology to the newest member of my staff? I’ll be right back with her, and you’ll apologize, and then we’ll decide on a punishment.” Twilight spoke with finality.
“Another punishment? Seriously?” I shout back. Twilight however wasn’t having my objections anymore and teleported off to the offices outside the castle, to go find the young thestral mare I had borrowed the uniform from. Left alone in Twilight’s office I waited for her return with one hopefully not too upset thestral.
I hope this thestral is chill with some antics.
Not even a minute later there was a pop of magic as Twilight and one young thestral mare with a dark gray coloured coat and equally dark brown mane suddenly appeared in the office.
Her cutie mark is a paper, a pen and an ink pot in a sort of triangle, some kind of office worker?
The young mare took in the office quickly before setting her sights on me and narrowing her teal eyes, before the pair walked over and I started to speak. “Hello, my name is Anonymous, Anonfilly or Anon, whichever you prefer. Sorry about stealing your uniform, but as I’ve been sort of transformed against my will I’ve made it my life’s mission to commit small but silly antics to peeve off Princess Twilight here,” I said, offering a smile while Twilight frowned. “If I made your first day here a bit awkward or difficult I’d like to offer my sincere apologies.” Twilight’s frown changed to a genuine smile, seeing me take the apology seriously.
“It’s... interesting to meet you, Anonymous, my name is Pewter Prancer. I’m one of the Princess’s new assistants in the Department of Logistics and Statistics. From what I understand you’re a ward of the Princess? Is that correct?”
Looking to Twilight for some assistance I answered as accurately as I could. “Legally speaking that’s correct unless I’ve misunderstood something…”
“Anonymous is technically my ward and a ward of the crown. That said, he, or rather now she, is technically much older than would appear so,” Twilight clarifies. “Why do you ask?”
“Wait, he... she? How much older?” Pewter asks, caught off guard by Twilight’s answer.
“I’m probably seven or nine years older than you,” I quickly replied. “Princess Twilight is fond of a strange form of poetic punishment and reformation via transformation.” Pewter turns to Twilight a bit taken aback by the revelation before speaking.
“So you’re reforming him, er, her? And you want me to help decide on a punishment appropriate for a ward like her?” Pewter asks for Twilight to confirm, to which she nods. “Well, when I was a cadet in the junior guards when someone misbehaved they’d get sent on a squad bonding exercise with an officer and the other delinquents. Something like going camping somewhere around Ayacachtl for an evening with no tent and stuff...”
Twilight takes in Pewter's words, tapping her jaw in thought. “I think that’s a good idea, but I’ll lend you some tents I have somewhere in storage. It won’t be an exact replication of guard discipline,” Twilight answers.
“I think that would be fine Princess, should I gather some supplies and saddlebags? Will you be joining us?” Pewter asks.
“No, I will be in a meeting with Celestia and Luna. However I will send a pupil of mine, Starlight Glimmer, along with you and Anonfilly. I’ll send Anon out to get the supplies,” Twilight replies.
“Nice; a camping trip with a guardsmare and a commie. Honestly, I was expecting worse.” I said, smiling and letting out a sigh of relief.
To this Pewter scowled at me and turned to speak to Twilight, “Princess, as Anonfilly is your ward... would I have your permission to prank or antagonize her during the camping trip? So as to meet the ‘worse’ expectations Anon had?”
“Hey hold on a minute I don’t consent to this!” I interjected, waving my hooves.
Twilight cocked her head at Pewter’s request for a moment before speaking “Why would you ask that of Pewter?”
Pewter smiled and proceeded to explain, “Princess Twilight, speaking from my personal experience of being pranked many times by my older brothers; the best way to deter a prankster is to prank them back even worse.”
Twilight chuckled at the suggestion before responding. “We had something of a problem with one of ponyville’s local pranksters before Anon came along and we solved it in the same way as well! You have my consent to prank or antagonize Anon provided it does cause any serious harm.”
“This isn’t fair!” I shout at Twilight.
“This isn’t up for discussion Anonymous,” Twilight replied calmly. “Now take off the uniform and give it to Pewter.”
Grumbling and cursing under my breath I began to undo the uniform’s buttons on the front before slipping my forelegs out the sleeves carefully. After neatly folding the uniform I passed it back to a smiling Pewter who nodded at me. Looking back at Twilight she ignited her horn with magic and teleported the saddlebags in my room before me before levitating them and placing them on me. Jostling the bags with a foreleg, I could hear some bits jingle within. Turning back to Pewter and putting on a straight if still slightly annoyed face I queried her, “Is there anything in particular you’d like that I can grab for us to eat for dinner?”
Sitting back on her haunches with her uniform in hoof she looked at me thinking before answering, “Something nice like flower sandwiches I suppose, unless you’d like something else?”
“Flower sandwiches it is, I’ll grab some snack food and other stuff Starlight likes too.” I replied before turning back to Twilight, “One teleport to the front door please.” With a roll of her eyes, the glow of her horn and a pop I was outside the front door of the castle.
Sighing at the turn of events for the morning I started to walk into Ponyville proper. While the day was still early it was warmer than usual owing to a lack of cloud cover over Ponyville. The heat, while not unbearable, was somewhat uncomfortable. Surprising, considering it was only early summer. Glancing around the sky there didn’t appear to be any weather crews out either. Walking by the bridge near town hall there didn’t seem to be many ponies out today save some going to and fro on errands.
Making my way to the notice board outside town hall I read the weekly weather schedule. Canceled cloud cover for what looked to be the rest of the month of June, as well as a notice to the reserve weather Pegasi for the local Ponyville municipality to assist the remaining local pegasi in weather control. Lastly, there was also a large notice of the first time test of the new Ponyville air raid sirens at sometime in the afternoon and that ponies should not be alarmed.
At least there would be a nice breeze in the late afternoon.
The rest of the notice board was nearly covered in recruitment posters of some of the major arms of the Equestria military. The two local battalion posters for the ‘Pathfinders,’ and ‘Wild Rifles’ featured prominently as well a poster for joining the fight aboard the ERNS Ponyville in the navy. Aside from that there was a poster for Pegasi interested in flying for the airforce or special forces groups and a small poster for the local Ponyville Militia.
A sound to my right caught my attention as the door to town hall opened and Mayor Mare and Amethyst Star came out, engaged in conversation. Turning to them I gave a small wave and smile before approaching.
“Morning Mayor Mare. Morning Amethyst. Looks like it’s going to be hot for the next little while according to the weather schedule, huh?” To this Mayor Mare’s ears went down and Amethyst let out a groan.
“Good morning, Anon. Is Twilight available to meet sometime today or tomorrow?” Mayor Mare asked.
“I’m not sure, she’s been pretty busy the last week with everything. Do you want me to deliver a message for you? I’ll be back at the castle after lunch.”
“It’s about the weather. Nearly three quarters of Ponyville’s Pegasi have signed up or are in the process of signing up to join the war now! It’ll be tough to have enough to meet the local agricultural needs around town, let alone more clouds for cool days,” said Mayor Mare, answering my original question. “Amethyst, can you go down to the recruitment office on market street so we have a headcount on how many more we’ll be losing today?”
Amethyst nodded to Mayor Mare then spoke, “I’ll see you around sundown Mayor,” before turning to me and booping my snoot causing me to scrunch it, “And you stay out of trouble Anonfilly.”
“We’re still on for poker night on thursday right?” I asked Amethyst.
“Of course! And bring more bits this time!” Amethyst said while trotting off.
Turning back to a deflated Mayor Mare, I gave her a smile. “What do you need me to tell Twilight, Mayor Mare?”
Furrowing her brow she spoke, “I need Twilight to allocate some ponypower for the Ponyville weather team, and probably other towns' weather teams as well. Fighting spirit is good and all but it won’t matter if we can’t end up feeding everypony.”
I nodded along with Mayor Mare’s reasoning, “I can do that Mayor. It’ll be after lunchtime when I see Twilight again, where will you be then? Incase Twilight wants to pop in to visit you.”
“I’ll be up at the public works building helping out with deferral forms for our more essential workers.” Mayor responded, recollecting herself.
“Alright, I’ll be sure to let Twilight know after lunch. I’ll see you around, Mayor Mare.” and with that I turned and trotted off.
“Thanks, Anonymous!” Mayor Mare called out behind me.
Trotting to market street I soon saw the beginnings of a rather large line up. Winding across the street and rather disorganized, mares and stallions chit chatted and conversed about the war and the places they might be deployed to.
“The Changelings encircled Acornage! We better get trained quickly if we want to help save them from the bugs!”
“I hear they're just outside Vanhoover!”
“I hope we don’t get sent to the Crystal Empire, it'd be so cold!”
Weaving and squeezing through the mares and stallions with a few apologies and awkward bumps I began to pass by the actual recruiting station, if it could be called that. The local royal guard police station hastily turned into a recruiting center did not serve Ponyville in a very speedy manner.
Those thoughts were quickly shaken from my mind, as I saw three particular ponies standing in line just a few bodies from the entrance of the building; Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie. My jaw hung loose for a few seconds and staring in equal parts surprise and horror before closing and approaching the trio in line.
“Hey what are you three doing?” I asked in disbelief.
“Hey, Nonny! We’re signing up to fight the Changelings!” Pinkie shouted.
“But why? You’re the bearers of the element of harmony! You can’t go off fighting!”
“Ahnon Twilight said that the elements can’t be used to stop the war, it’s too big now.” Applejack answered.
“But what about the farm? What about Sugarcube Corner? And what about the Wonderbolts?” I asked them.
“Don’t worry, dude! I got permission from Spitfire to enlist with my friends!” Rainbow dash retorted.
“I talked it over with Big Mac, he’ll look after the farm with Applebloom.” Applejack answered.
Lastly Pinkie gave her answer, “Mr. and Mrs. Cake were totally okay with me going on a little adventure with my friends for a few months and-”
“Little adventure? Little adventure!” I shouted back incredulously. “You girls do realize you could get hurt or worse on this little adventure of yours right?”
Rainbow Dash chuckled then responded “Lighten up, Anon! It’s not even been a week since the war started and you’re being all melodramatic!”
“I am not being melodramatic! I just don’t want anything bad to happen to my friends.” I said, calming down partially.
“Ain’t nothin bad gonna happen sugarcube, we’ve just gotta train up some then buck them bugs back across the border is all!” Applejack declared confidently.
“The papers are all saying the war will be over quicker if we all do our part, Nonny! It’ll just be a few months and then we’ll be back in time for the running of the leaves,” Pinkie happily suggested.
“What if it lasts longer? Instead of a few months it could be a few years...” I quietly answered, looking down.
“Oh quit being such a worrier Anon! We’ll be smart about it!” an exasperated Rainbow Dash said before ruffling my mane. “We’ll be fine, Anon. Promise.”
Don’t you dare make that a Pinkie promise, Rainbow.
Turning my head back up to the rest of the trio it seemed there was no changing their minds. Pinkie bounced happily, and Rainbow and Applejack smiled at me. Looking at the rest of the mares and stallions in line, the energy of the crowd was upbeat and cheery.
“Well let's do something fun together before you all ship out okay?” I asked, conceding.
“Of course silly! It’ll be a going to war party!” Pinkie shouted. The mares and stallions in line cheered.
I forced a smile as best as I could at Pinkie, Applejack and Rainbow before turning and walking away slowly.
So eager and optimistic.
I couldn’t stop my brow and cheeks drooping as a very sudden and heavy feeling of worry entered my barrel. Maybe if I can talk to Twilight and she’ll be able to convince them to change their minds. Yes, I can convince Twilight. Taking a few deep breaths I pushed my anxiety back down as I entered the market.
The market square wasn’t very busy. The morning hustle was mostly gone as many of the early bird ponies had grabbed their own pick of the stalls and carts. I made my way past several of the empty stalls to the bread stall which thankfully appeared to still hold a personal favorite: sourdough.
“Hey, Trophy Loaf, can I get two of those sourdough loaves?” I gestured to two of the better looking loaves out on display. Trophy Loaf nodded, smiled and put both loaves in a paper bag whilst I grabbed nine bits and placed them on the stall counter. Nodding again at her I grabbed the paper bag and carefully put it within my saddlebags.
Smiling back at me, the older blue coated mare asked, “So what happened in the auxiliary barracks this morning, Anon?”
Sighing, I answered her, “I borrowed a uniform without asking from one of the sleeping newbie guardsmares. Gotta go on a bonding sort of camping trip with her and Starlight now.”
Trophy giggled a bit before speaking again. “Alright, I heard one of the quartermasters grumbling about it earlier, that's all.”
“Not a problem Trophy. I’ll see you later.”
Turning back down the market row I walked down several stalls until I reached the flower sisters stall. “Good morning, Roseluck.”
“Good morning, Anonfilly, did Twilight send you out for some flowers?”
“I’m grabbing flowers for some sandwiches, for a camping trip. Can I get a half dozen marigolds, petunias, lilies and those lilacs there?” I pointed a hoof at the flowers on display.
Roseluck nodded, carefully grabbing the flowers from the display and carefully wrapping them in paper. I pulled twenty two bits out of my saddlebags and placed them on the counter. Grabbing the wrapped flowers I placed them sticking half out of my saddlebag. “Thanks, Rose.”
“No problem, Anonfilly. Enjoy your camping trip!”
“I will, thanks again for the flowers, Rose!” I said, walking over to Bon Bon’s stand.
“And stay out of trouble, Anonfilly!” Roseluck called out.
Approaching Bon Bon’s sweets stand I waited as a green colt and brown filly finished up buying some candies. Lyra spotted me and gave a smile which I returned. After a few minutes the two little ponies cantered off with a large bag of goodies.
Stepping up to the front of the stall I smiled at the two ponies. Bon Bon frowned at me and Lyra smiled even more. “Morning, Bon Bon, Lyra. Can I get some s’more kits?” Bon Bon eyed me suspiciously while Lyra turned and rummaged around in the back of the stall.
“You’re not going to use these to pull some sort of pranks are you, Anon?” Bon Bon asked.
“Nope! I’m getting them for a camping trip.”
Bon Bon narrowed her eyes looking hard at me until Lyra interrupted. “How many do you want Anon?” Lyra asked.
“Uh, three? How many does each one make?”
“You can make four with each kit.” Bon Bon answered.
“Three it is then. How much?”
“Fifteen bits.”
Poking around my saddlebags, I hoofed the fifteen bits on the stall counter. Bon Bon swept the cash into her own bag behind the counter. Bon Bon turned to Lyra who laid the square s’more kits on the stall counter for me to take. “Say, Anon, what branch of the military do you think I should sign up for?” Lyra asked as I put away the kits in my saddlebags.
“Huh? Don’t tell me you’re thinking of signing up as well?” I groaned slightly.
“Of course I want to sign up! I’ve got a cousin over in Whitebell, I don’t want to leave them hanging!” Lyra exclaimed.
“Lyra, why don’t you help me out at S.M.I.L.E.? It’d be much safer and you’d be doing a lot more than some gruntsmare on the frontline.” Bon Bon countered.
“Argh! I don’t want to work some silly monster hunter desk job, I want some action!” Lyra answered.
“If I may offer my thoughts, Lyra?” I asked, drawing a slightly upset Lyra’s and worried Bon Bon’s attentions. “You do realize if you sign up as a guardsmare you can’t exactly transfer out to join Bon Bon if you don’t end up liking it right?” Lyra raised a hoof to her mouth in consideration. “But if you sign up for S.M.I.L.E. you could probably transfer to becoming a guardsmare if it didn’t fit you.” Lyra looked uncertain now as she pondered.
“Anon’s right, Lyra. You can try working at S.M.I.L.E. first and then make a change if you don’t like it.”
“I just want to make sure I’m making a difference, not being some desk mare.” Lyra replied a bit upset.
“Hey Lyra.” I took a look around the market to make sure no one would hear me whispering to her and Bon Bon, “I’ve read S.M.l.L.E. isn’t just a monster hunting agency, but does some other important things too.”
“What do you mean?” Lyra asked, looking perplexed.
“Anon! Not another word.” Bon Bon said, rising over the stall counter to cover my mouth.
I let Bon Bon silence me as Lyra looked confused. “You know what they say, Anon. Loose lips sink ships.” Bon Bon spoke coolly.
I nodded to Bon Bon, then gently moved her hoof off of my mouth. “Yes and I’m just trying to help a friend out and pick something that makes the difference.” Turning to Lyra, “I promise ear scritchies when I become human again if you give Bon Bon’s offer a try first.” Lyra’s face lit up and Bon Bon glowered at me.
“That’s a deal!” Lyra bounced and grinned happily. I smiled at her and an unhappy Bon Bon.
“Lyra can you go grab the rest of the s’more kits from the cart? I want to do an inventory of how many we have left. And I’d like to talk to Anon alone.”
Lyra, still beaming, nodded and trotted behind the stall. When she was out of line of sight of the both of us, Bon Bon let her face soften and spoke quietly, “Thank you, Anon.” Bon Bon paused before asking her next question. “How do you know about S.M.I.L.E.?”
“Twilight and I aren’t on such bad terms that I won’t help her out with the important stuff. I know I get up to some... antics to peeve her off but that doesn’t mean I’m going to leave her up the creek without some support.”
Bon Bon blinked twice in surprise before speaking, “Wow, maybe Twilight’s reformation plan is actually working out.”
“Hey! Not funny.” I attempted to scowl at her.
Bon Bon snickered at my expression then spoke, “Right, sorry.” There was an awkward pause before she spoke again, “Did you need anything else?”
Letting my scowl fall off, I shook my head in the negative, “Nope I think that’s everything. I hope you get Lyra into S.M.I.L.E.”
Bon Bon gave a tight smile as Lyra came back around to the front of the stall with about a dozen more s’more kits held in her magic field. I turned and trotted off leaving the two mares at the candy stall.
“So does Anon know about S.M.I.L.E. because he’s technically a-” the conversation faded as I left the candy stall behind.
Sandwich materials check. Snackfood check. Twilight said she’d take care of the tents and stuff so I don’t need to worry about that. Walking along to the park at the end of the market square I considered all the ponies signing up to go fight. Anxiety about friends going off to war and dying check. I could help frowning as the last thought entered my head. Don’t stress over what you can’t control, it’s not a healthy way to live. It's okay to be upset about your friends going to war. If you don’t stop your friends, they’ll die. No, that's not certain. Stay positive, stay cool.