“So Mrs Armour” Anon said, sitting opposite Cadance he held a few blank pieces of paper in front of him.
“Actually Anon it’s still Amor” Cadance corrected.
“Sorry, Mrs Amor, what makes you think you’re qualified for this position?” Anon asked, getting a confused blink from Cadance.
“What? Anon I’m confused, didn't you ask me to move in after Aunt Celestia wouldn’t let you buy Aunt Luna?” Cadance asked.
Putting the blank sheets of paper down Anon’s face dropped into a frown.
“Listen Cadance I’m just trying to do things the proper way ok? Just letting you know what you’re getting into, being a professional vibe killer is a hard commitment” he explained.
“I thought I was an ambassador” Cadance said.
“And you’re doing a great job, oh and thanks for bringing enough food to feed my population, appreciate it. Those underground farms I’ve been planning are still on the drawing board” Anon said.
“But you also need to fill the role of state vibe killer, because let’s face it I’m an American and there are communists on the border,” Anon explained.
Turning to look out the window facing towards Stalliongrad, Anon had a serious glare about him.
“Who knows what those bastard sons of a whore’s mother are planning” he said. The red scare burning within him.
While she knew about Stalliongrad, Cadance didn’t seem to understand the logic behind Anon’s paranoia towards them.
“What makes you think they’re planning anything?” Cadance asked.
She would soon regret asking that.
“You weren’t there Cadance, you didn’t see what those animals are capable of” Anon almost snapped at the mare.
“Oh at first they say they just want better pay for their work, but once you give them an inch they’ll demand a mile! Before you know it they’ll expect free healthcare, free college and laws designed to punish the rich despite the fact that’s their only idea of how to pay for all that shit!”
Leaning over the table, Anon's enraged face was mere inches from Cadance. The hate in his eyes began to scare the Princess of Love.
“But that’s not even the worst part, once they’re in power, they’ll start spreading more of their bullshit ‘equality’ by making shit up! Oh they say that ‘maple syrup is cultural appropriation’ but we all know they’re really up to. I told them, I told them! It was only a matter of time before the LIBERALS came for our pancakes!”
Listening to Anon’s rant, Cadance began to see why Celestia was worried about Anon being left alone up here with power over millions.
“The Swedish government doesn’t care about your kids Helga they just want you and your husband to both have jobs instead of raising your kids!
Anon was no longer looking at Cadance. He was just ranting to anything that fell in his line of sight. Servants, furniture, his own reflection.
“Central planning is just as harmful as letting corporations do whatever they want! Bureaucrats can’t predict the change of supply and demand, why do you think Venezla is a shithole!?” He yelled at a potted plant.
Dark thoughts began to creep into Cadance’s mind.
This stallion she called a friend wasn’t just eccentric, he was completely insane. He couldn’t be trusted taking care of all those ponies. Anon isn’t capable of running a country.
But maybe… she was?
“Tesla promised cheap electric cars by this year. I put a deposit down. Where’s my goddamn electric car Elon!?” Anon yelled at a bird on the windowsill.
She was practically raised by Celestia, the being who had successfully seen a thousand year peace over a land much larger than this. If anypony was right for the job it was Cadance. Not some being from another universe who got turned into a pony.
“I don’t care if their stock portfolio is worth more than a hospital, inheritance tax is bullshit! Ponies should be allowed to pass on the wealth they worked for to their children! Less than 20% of the 1% inherit all of their wealth anyways!” Anon lectured the palace chef while he was bringing in pancakes, noticeably without any maple syrup. Not that he cared due to cowering before his enraged monarch.
“Oh that’s by the way, you’re a valued member of society” Anon thanked the stallion.
The more she thought about it the more it made sense. Anon was a sweet stallion but he was an unignorable threat to the delicate peace Celestia had maintained for generations.
Celestia wasn’t just Cadance’s Aunt she was his friend. If Anon brought down everything she worked for by accident he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.
Giving him… encouragement, to step down was the right thing.
“Starfleet shouldn’t have to fill out a military role! Kirk just wanted to study quasars and fuck alien chicks! He shouldn’t have had to deal with Romulans and Klingons every ten god damn minutes!” Anon said to his own reflection.
“Sorry you had to hear that, I just get… touchy when these things get brought up” Anon apologised.
Seeing his face return to its normal happy expression, Cadance’s mind began to clear.
What was she thinking!? Anon truly seemed to care about this country. She couldn’t take it from him just because he MAY do something to destroy everything.
She had to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe even turn this into a positive situation.
“Anon, have you ever spoken to any socialists?” Cadance asked. Thinking his answer could be the checkmate she was looking for.
“I went to a university Cadance, there were nothing but socialists surrounding me for four years” Anon explained.
Ok never mind.
“Wait YOU went to college?” Cadance asked, surprised by his answer.
“Yeah, why?” Anon asked.
“Nothing, it's just… what did you even study?” She asked.
“I have a Bachelor degree in Business and a Doctorate in Law” Anon explained.
Gobsmacked was an understatement when it came to Cadance’s expression.
“A-Anon, that's amazing! You must have studied unfathomably hard to earn those” Cadance praised, her faith in the Empire’s future restored.
“Nah, I just hired prostitutes to sleep with my professors then blackmailed them to get good grades. Life at Alabama State University for old Nonners was nothing but parties and alligator petting zoos” Anon corrected.
As quickly as it came Cadance’s sense of security left her.
“Now enough about the past, it’s time to look to the future!” Anon said with enthusiasm.
Following the King to his throne room Cadance saw a line of Crystal Ponies waiting to meet with their monarch.
“Ok who’s first?” Anon asked casually.
A couple with a small foal were the first to step forward.
“Your highness, our foal’s caught the flu. We don’t have the money to pay for medicine and were hoping you were in a generous mood” the mare explained.
“Hmm, sure, Crystal makes sure these two get medicine for their ill foal, and make sure that families who can’t afford medicine get some from the foreign aid from Equestria” Anon said looking at his secretary.
“At once your majesty” Crystal needed.
Bowing, the couple stepped away.
After them came an earth pony. Clearly from the south due to his lack of crystal like fur.
“Your highness,” he said before bowing.
“Actually it’s your majesty,” Anon corrected.
“Uh, excuse me?” The earth pony asked. Confused about what he did wrong.
“You call a prince or princess your highness. You call a king your majesty” Anon explained.
“Ah, apologies your majesty, my name is Extremely Rich. I’ve came here to request permission to open several factories in your realm” he explained.
“Really?” Anon asked curiously.
“Yes, I believe with your natural resources and my company’s expertise we can harness the natural crystal deposits under your city to produce luxury goods for export back to Equestria, knitting a tidy profit for all involved” Extremely explained.
Pondering for a second Anon nodded his head “alright, you can set up shop in what’s left of the industrial district” Anon said.
Smiling, Extremely started to turn away before being halted.
“But” Anon said, making Extremely stop in his tracks.
“If I find out you’re just using my subjects as cheap labour or you’ve been dodging taxes I’ll come after you and crush your skull like an egg” Anon threatened.
Swallowing his breath, Extremely nodded before leaving at an almost running pace.
“Since when did you start caring about taxes?” Cadance whispered.
“Since I had twelve million ponies to look after” Anon whispered back.
Next was a thestral, a recently gained minority group to the Empire.
“Anon this is your first time talking to another thestral, be as dignified as you can but don’t sound like a snob” Anon thought to himself.
The thestral bowed, closing his eyes momentarily as he did.
“Your majesty,” he said.
Watching Anon inhale a deep breath Cadance could tell what Anon was planning. Before she could jump him to stop his action he exhaled.
“Wasssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!” Anon yelled, stretching out the U as long as he could.
The room went silent for a moment. The only sound being that of Crystal and Cadance face-hoofing themselves.
“Um… yes. My name is Night Howl, the thestral population of your city have asked me to come here as their representative. I know we’ve just arrived and it seems rude to ask this, but we’re requesting the right to settle in the caverns under the city. They’re… closer to our natural habitat than the city itself” Night Howl explained.
“Oh sure, there should be some mined out areas you can move into. Just don’t set up a nursery in an active mining area. I don't have the PR team to spin that story any way other than terribly” Anon agreed.
“Thank you, your majesty,” Night Howl said as he bowed.
The day dragged on like that for a few hours before the line finally ended.
“Phew, I’m starting to see why bureaucrats exist” Anon groaned, physically drained from the day’s activities.
“So how was your first day Cadance?” He asked.
“It was enlightening,” she said.
Raising an eyebrow, Anon became curious.
“Really? How so?” He asked.
“Well, Anon you’re my friend and I’d never say anything to hurt you unless it was true. I thought you’d do something that would bring the entire Empire crashing down” Cadance admitted.
“But?” Anon asked, waiting patiently for the but. Much like he did on date nights.
“But you’ve proven me wrong, for now. You really do seem to care about your subjects” Cadance said.
“Yeah, it’s a weird feeling. Having another sentient lifeform depending on you for guidance and security. It’s a little like they’re my kids. Metaphorically not literally like with Sombra” Anon explained.
“I’m sorry, what was that last bit?” Cadance asked, being put off by that last comment.
“Didn’t you notice? Like a quarter of the unicorn foals have grey fur. It’s pretty sus if you ask me” Anon pointed out.
Now that he mentioned it Cadance had seen a foal or two who resembled the previous king. A disturbing thought, even with him gone Sombra’s legacy is secure.
“Oh that reminds me we should probably build an orphanage,” Anon said.
“Wait, why?” Cadance asked, confused how that fit into the situation.
“Well without the fear of Sombra hanging over their heads combined with most stallions probably not wanting the memory of them getting cucked sitting next to them on the dinner table” Anon explained.
The concept of ponies abandoning their foals was unfathomably rare in Equestria. Just the idea was upsetting for Cadance.
“You don’t really think mares would be willing to abandon their foals just like that do you?” Cadance asked, hoping an answer of no would put her thoughts at ease.
“I hope not, I’m still trying to figure out how to balance my own work/parenthood life with just one foal I don’t need to raise everybody else’s kids as well” Anon said.
That didn’t help Cadance’s mind settle.
“But it’s just a precaution, for now we’ll be busy normalising a budget, setting up a police and military force along with getting the schools up and running so said foals don’t end up being dumb” Anon went on.
“Well Twilight said she was sending up some academics from Canterlot, and Shiny can manage the guard” Cadance said, putting her opinions on the table.
“Yeah he can-“ Anon began before stopping. Stood perfectly still Anon let Cadance overtake him by a few hoof steps before she stopped to look back at him.
“Anon? Are you ok?” Cadance asked.
“Shining, running my military” Anon deadpanned.
“Yes, he ran the Royal Guard for years before we move up here, you couldn’t be safer with them aro-“ Cadance began to explain.
“BFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HO!HO!HO! HAHAHAHAHAHHA! THE ROYAL GUARD? ME SAFE? THAT’S A GOOD ONE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Anon howled with laughter. Falling on to his side as he clasped his stomach “HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ha ha ha… I'm sorry , I think I may have peed a little” Anon said as he gasped for breath.
Looking up at Cadance, Anon was met by a blushing and frowning mare.
“Oh, you were serious. Here let me laugh louder. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Anon began laughing even harder.
AN: nothing against Shiny but the guard suck at their job