Anda 1st Fading, 1008ALB
"Thank you, Owlowlicious." I said as the he dropped the last of the morning papers on the table in front of me.
The owl hooted, circled and perched on the edge of the table, cocking his head in a certain way.
"Not right now, I'll give you something after breakfast." I said.
"Hoo!"
"Worry not. I shan't lose my appetite over some processed mouse remains." Princess Luna said, clanking over with a stacked plate. She was still wearing the majority of her soot-stained armour, though she'd taken the time to wash her face and hooves.
I pulled a treat from my saddlebags nearby, which Owlowlicious snapped out of my field as soon as it came within reach.
Luna chuckled through a mouthful of toast, covering her food as he flapped out the window of the private dining room, buzzing Blueblood on the way.
"You're in good spirits, your Majesty. Did everything work out at the docks?" I asked while Blueblood tried to wipe tea off his copy of the Daily Sneer.
Luna swallowed. "You need not use such formal language, Twilight. Captain Spout's mares managed to keep the fire contained to a couple of warehouses. They are checking the wreckage now, but everypony who was meant to be there is safe."
"That's a relief." I said.
She nodded. "It is, though the timing of the blaze concerns me. One of those warehouses was storing the latest shipment of equipment for the Royal Guard before it was to be transferred to the armoury in the morning, including over two thousand Lavender rifles."
"Oh no." I muttered, staring at the front page of the paper Owlowlicious had dropped.
"I am glad you understand the gravity of the situation. I am not inclined to believe in coincidence while the banner of Chrysalis flies over the Riksdag." Luna said.
"Not that, I mean yes, that's bad, but..." Tangled in words, I just turned the paper and showed Luna the headline.
'Her S-S-Stammering Majesty OR A Sunny New Smile?' headed in bold letters a photograph of me waving on the balcony over Highmarket. I wasn't even entitled to 'majesty'.
Luna raised an eyebrow and took the paper from my field, then laughed. "The Tall Tale Squabbler! An amusing concept, but I doubt you have much to worry about from them." She then picked another paper out of the pile and her smile turned into a frown. "Oh my."
A chill ran through me. "What is it?"
"Olenia Needs Tanks, Not Words!" Luna quoted. "In a heartwarming speech from the throne, Princess Twilight Sparkle reaffirmed Equestrian support for the struggling nation of Olenia, but do the Deer need yet more hot air after three moons of occupation?"
Hurriedly, I grabbed the Canterlot Herald, which featured a picture of me in a dazed heap on top of Sentry. "Princess Attacked By Foal While City Burns."
"This does not seem so... Cheese Stocks Plummet After Land's Giving Betrayal?" Luna sounded perplexed.
I had other things on my mind however, as I flipped through over a dozen newspapers. It was awful. Hit piece after hit piece. Even the Palace Bugle basically just said they missed Princess Celestia.
Tears welled in my eyes. I'd put in so much effort, and they'd hated it. I'd damaged the reputation of the crowns.
"The Show-"
I interrupted Luna. "Sorry, I... I need to go."
Abandoning my untouched breakfast, I rushed out of the room.
I didn't really care where I went. I just needed to go, to run. Therefore it was instinct that found me charging through the royal offices, dodging confused civil servants.
My rush was eventually stopped by an armoured hoof in a small hallway beyond the offices. "Sorry ma'am, you can't- Are you all right?"
Like the Crystal Guards, the Royal Guard wore munition plate enchanted with an illusion which made them all look much alike, so it hard to tell much about the Guardsmare in front of me, except that she was probably the shortest soldier I'd ever seen.
"I... I need to see Princess Celestia." I glanced at her helmet and tried to remember what a pair of feathers meant. "Um, sergeant."
"Section Leader Rose Meadow, ma'am." The mare corrected. "I'm afraid the Princess isn't in right now." She nodded across the hall to another set of doors, from which the two usual Nightguards were oddly missing. "Nor is Princess Luna."
"C-can I go up and wait for her?" I asked haltingly, trying not to completely break down.
Rose Meadow shook her head. "Sorry ma'am, I wish I could help, but new regulations require written permission to enter when the Diarchs are not present, no exceptions."
I wiped my eyes with a pastern to clear them, muttered something vaguely grateful and sat in a corner to wait and cry as quietly as I could, as ridiculous as that sounds. Why was I even looking to bother Celestia, especially here. She had work to do and probably wouldn't be back until evening.
Rose Meadow meanwhile had a hushed conversation with the second Guard in the room, who had a white crest. After a moment, Rose left, only to return with a pen and some paper, which she placed next to me. "Are you sure you're all right, ma'am?"
I gave the automatic response to the question, even if my tear-stained cheeks made the lie obvious.
"Of course. Technically speaking, the rules say you need written permission from a princess, and well..." She nodded toward the pen. "You look like you could do with a cuppa, ma'am."
I stared at the stationary. It was nice of Rose to try to help, but at the same time what she was suggesting went against the spirit of the rules, which were clearly in place for a reason. I didn't want to get her in trouble.
Thankfully, I was spared figuring out how to politely turn her down by the tall, graceful mare who swept into the room. The Guardsmare stood to attention.
"Oh Twilight..." Princess Celestia sat down and gathered me into a hug in a way she hadn't in over a decade. "What happened?"
I buried my face against the base of her warm neck and cried into her peytral.
By the time I had finished my halting, half mumbled explanation to her, the tears had mostly dried up and the Guards had long since been dismissed.
"Come with me, we'll work this out." Celestia said, slowly pulling away. It was the first thing she'd said since I started talking.
I nodded and snifflingly followed her through the doorway, up the winding staircase and out into her solar.
We weren't alone at the top. Butter was in the middle of cleaning and made a hasty departure for the stairs which led up to the Princess' bedchamber. I knew there was a hidden door leading off those stairs into a small kitchen-come-apartment for the chambermaid.
Dodging a patch of carpet soap, Princess Celestia led me over to the empty fireplace and we sat side by side on one of the oversized mats. I knew better than to worry that she'd be angry with me, but I still fidgeted. "I'm sorry, Princess."
"For what, Twilight?" She asked.
Where to start? "I messed up. The speech-"
"Was serviceable, both of them were." Celestia cut in calmly. "I was very impressed in the throne room when you adapted on the fly."
"I thought-" I paused. "You phrased that like you were there."
Celestia smiled. "Do you think I would miss my former faithful student's first solo engagement?"
Wasn't that the point? But then again... "I didn't see you."
She tittered impishly. "You may be the best wizard of your generation Twilight, but I still have a few tricks."
I hate how emotions can be so irrational. Something like that had no right to open the floodgates and start me crying again. "But I'm a useless princess. I made the cheese stocks plummet!"
"They'll get over it in a day or two." Celestia reasoned gently, summoning a hoofkerchief from somewhere and dabbing at my eyes with it. "I'm so, so proud of you to have come this far. That doesn't change just because you made a few little mistakes. If you want my main suggestion for how to improve for next time, try not to list every single contributor to an event like a bibliography. You started to lose the audience during that part. Instead, name a couple you think deserve support in particular."
The normalcy of her feedback helped. It was like the old days. "W-wouldn't that just disappoint them all?"
"If you only mention a few, it becomes a boost to them rather than a snub to whoever you leave out." She explained.
"I see..." I muttered, sniffing.
She passed me the hoofkie and a cup of tea, which Butter had brought in without my noticing.
"Princess?" I said after a moment.
Celestia's spoon paused in stirring some sugar into her own tea. "Yes, Twilight?"
"If you were watching, why... Why didn't you do anything when that foal jumped out?" I asked thickly, then hurriedly rephrased, rubbing at my eyes. "I-I mean, you probably didn't have time to react to that, but those cameras and the crowd... There were photos in the papers."
"I could hardly have done anything more hurtful, even if you felt like you were being saved at the time." She pointed the dry end of her spoon at me. "And besides, I think you dealt with the problem rather well."
"But I didn't take charge for ages." I admitted, looking down at the steaming drink between my forelegs. "I just shouted at the crowd, and I lost the family. They were giving that colt a hard time."
"That wasn't ideal, but hopefully he will learn the right lesson from it." Celestia said. "What's more important is that you managed to reassure everypony else by getting the event back on track. You did well with the crowds, and that really was what had me most worried for you going into this."
"The newspapers didn't seem to like it." I pointed out. "Doesn't that matter? Way more Ponies will read them than saw me at the event."
She took a moment to respond, appreciating the tea. "Twilight, I distinctly remember you, nine years old, stomping into my office with a copy of the Canterlot Herald, filled with righteous fury that they misquoted me at the opening of Parliament. Do you remember what I said?"
I wracked my brain, but in the end I had to shake my head.
"Shock sells more than facts, Twilight." She said.
"I said that was stupid." I recalled, because of course the memory came back just a few seconds after I needed it.
Celestia nodded with a small smile. "You did, and you were right. No matter what you did yesterday, they were not going to be kind. If it wasn't the foal or the nerves, they would have said you got drunk, or anything else they could spin without falling under libel to make sure that your first engagement was a shocking headline."
That didn't really make me feel better, though it at least let some of the frustration vent outward. "One of them said such horrid things about you. She said you... Had Cadance."
Celestia looked at the fireplace in a way which even I thought was odd. "How close to the truth malice can fly."
I stared at her. "You're not saying she's right!"
Celestia shook her head. "No. Cadance is not my daughter, biological or otherwise. I... Never had the chance for a family in that way. But Cadance should probably have a talk with you at some point."
I knew better than to question that sort of cryptic instruction, and as the shock ebbed, frustration welled up again. "I shouldn't have said anything to that Gossip mare! She was obviously weird and rude."
"You walked away. Eight years ago, you would have let it spiral into an argument, which was precisely what she was after by the sound of it." Celestia said and with a flash of gold, a newspaper dropped in front of me. "Luna thought you should see this."
The picture was unremarkable, just me with Pear Pounder, but the headline of the Ghastly Gazette read 'The Show Must Go On: Harassed Princess Puts On Brave Performance'.
"Not all of them are like Miss Gossip." She said as I scanned through the article.
"Just most of them." I grumbled in spite of the glowing review.
"Unfortunately, to a greater or lesser extent." Celestia agreed. "Something I find helps is to set aside a specific time to talk to the press, no matter what sort of event it is. You can keep the initiative better that way."
Tears spent and anger burnt, I sighed and picked up my drink at last. "Strict Cadence suggested that in the initial planning session. I wanted to be as accessible as possible, but I should have listened."
"We are all fallible." She said.
"I know. I just don't..." I drew up short of saying it.
Celestia looked at me seriously, and for a moment it almost felt like I couldn't pull my eyes from hers before her expression softened. "Don't think you're ready. Is that what you want to say?"
I nodded, shook my head, then nodded again. "I... Don't know. I'm being so silly. You were new at this, once upon a time."
"You have the potential, and you're definitely more ready than Luna and I were coming into all this." Celestia sighed and placed a hoof on mine. "But Twilight, you shouldn't try to be me, even me from the dark age. At best, you would be a counterfeit, just as much as I would be a counterfeit if I tried to be you." She paused and chuckled to herself. "Actually, that's not fair. I'm a terrible actress."
"I don't think I've ever seen you mess up at court." I said.
Celestia put her drained cup back on the tray. "Ancestors preserve me, Twilight. I've done everything from picking up the wrong fork to flubbing lines in speeches and tearing my dress on the stage backing for the Cloudsdale Summer Sun Celebration, and that's just in your lifetime."
I frowned. "I'm sure I'd remember an accident like that."
"I daresay you were chewing more books than you were reading, back in nine-eighty-four." She teased. "It sparked off a brief fashion trend, as I recall. But there's more to acting than tying your mane up and playing off the odd mistake, you need more than one persona."
"Luna told me you did a great Princess Platinum last Nightmare Night." I said.
Celestia groaned theatrically and put on an almost painfully shrill voice. "Oh no, that mare has no sense of taste whatsoevah! I mean, just look at her. Always the same disguise - if one can even call some fake fangs a disguise. And her great lumbering brute of a sister is no better. Couldn't tell the difference between a soirée and soufflé, what!"
As the stress and worry fell away, it was like being a filly again, when on the bank holidays she would insist I 'learn how to play' with games of words or boards. Every time I was reluctant, sceptical even, but those first steps toward future friendship lessons always ended in the same laughter as that which carried us to noon.