//------------------------------// // Tulip or Anchor // Story: All Of My Unrequited Love For You // by ButterflyEclipse //------------------------------// Rainbow dreamed of her. That moment in the van— when the sun beams kissed Fluttershy's shadows. The way she smiled at her made her body ticklish and fluttery. A kind of cloud nine where she remembers how to fly and soar through the sky. She couldn't figure out what made that moment so different for her. More times than she can remember, she has been completely breathless and heartstruck by Fluttershy. That hasn't changed. No— what changed was that Rainbow's shitty life and actions were fully known to Fluttershy, and she still smiles at her. Rainbow has poured out her darkness on a platter and got Fluttershy to consume its performance, and she still sees her with angelic beauty in her eyes. She thought selfishly, she knew it, but she wants to stay with Fluttershy through it all. She wants to sleep in her smile for all their shared nights. She wants to hold her soft fingers when she gets nervous and get kissed by her on the forehead and cheek to be calmed down. Rainbow doesn't want to hide. She's been doing that for all of her life. Rainbow Dash is in love and is loved by her soulmate, and she knew it— and she wasn't going to let herself be the reason that they deny or hide it much longer. Fluttershy didn't let Rainbow utter a word of resistance. Fluttershy drove all four hours and she was stern on doing it. It actually scared Rainbow a little on how dedicated she was. They finally arrived to North Mossbay. The atmosphere there was vastly different from Canterlot. These areas were underdeveloped, overgrown and cheap, to say the least. The buildings are very simplistic in design and functionality— everything in that town was like that. Everything was just the bare necessities. There was no money or place for a movie theatre or a jewelry shop. As the name suggests, the most influential part of the town is the bay that looks out into the ocean, bringing in a motherlode for the fishing export industry. Fluttershy remembered her trips with her mom on a sail, trying to be brave of the deep waters for both of them. Her love for ocean life started there. Though it terrified her, the scales, claws and fins of reticient sea creatures intrigued her all the same. The two browsed the town on the Saturday. They visited the small attractions that were never designed for tourists and looked out to the sea that echoed their names. Fluttershy met with her counsultant and discussed the left affairs inherited by her mother. At the late sleeping hour, they found a non-monitored, safe area and decided to sleep in the van for a few hours. The funeral home was so warm in colour. The flowers, the chairs, the lights— it made Fluttershy partly sick. Her eyes only saw grey spiralling down her cheeks at each surface of reflection. It was like someone turned the lights on of the world and it shined onto her. Stage fright was creeping up her arms like spiders. She thought she gotten over it. And she did. She can perform a concert to a crowd of thousands as long as she's with her best friends. She can give a presentation in front of her class as long as she has prepared notes to reference. Fluttershy's confidence has grown tremendously and Rainbow Dash and her friends are her witnesses. She just wished her mother could be one too. Despite the lights giving her a headache, there was no denying that the reception was beautiful. It was small and reserved to those who cared for her the most. Or the ones that are still here and cared for her the most. More people than she thought attended the funeral. The few friends her mom made at the nursing home sat on the second row, with the expiration of their own illness nearing by each candle lit. One of her caretakers showed up, apologizing on the behalf of the others for not showing up as well. Winter and spring are harsh seasons for caretakers— cutting away and springing wilted flowers by the night. Other residents of North Mossbay showed up. The librarian across the street or the bee keeper from the communal park. There were also intendants who had no relation to her mother at all, but showed up out of respect. She thanked each guest repeatedly, ensuring her immense gratitude is not to be ever confused. She decided to have her speech be last. She cried and applauded each time someone stood up at the stand to tell about the interaction they had with her or the short night of games they shared together. Rainbow Dash was next. She prepared a speech on a paper and stretched it across the stand. Nervously, she put her hands in the pockets of her unisex suit, before realizing it might come across disrespectful and placed them on the edge of the stand. She was so unbelievably nervous. Fluttershy reassured her, but she was still terrified of saying the wrong words in the wrong order. "Hi. My name is Rainbow Dash. I am Fluttershy's best friend since childhood. I have known her and Blossom Shy for the majority of my life. I can say undoubtedly, she has been like a second mother to me. She would give me rides to soccer practices when my mom couldn't and she would write a note for me like how she did for Fluttershy and her lunches." All of this made Rainbow think of her own mother and reflected her thoughts and feelings she wants to tell when she sees her again. "Just like how she raised Fluttershy to be, she was unbelievably kind— like the kindness that makes you suspicious, but makes you believe the goodness of people again— and she was compassionate towards life in all forms— she maintained this beautiful garden that I saw every season and the care she put into the life around her was definitely something to admire." She was worried now. She glanced up and saw the eyes on her, a sight she has seen countless of times, yet somehow this was unlike anything she has ever experienced. Maybe her voice sounded too rehearsed or her body language wasn't respectful enough. Fluttershy noticed Rainbow's clenched fists and the sting of her voice in the back of her throat. When Rainbow's eyes met hers, she smiled a hundred words. Her unsaid whispers calmed Rainbow down from across the stage and she was able to continue. "Admittedly, throughout the years, I grew more unable to see her. I think the last time I saw her in person was a little over a year ago. The selfish and messed-up part of me is glad. My parting image of her, though I resent that there is one, is her smiling and tending to her flower garden with Fluttershy's pet butterflies hovering over her. I wish that is everyone's image of her. Knowing that is her peace, I find a portion of mine knowing that she found hers. Goodbye, Mrs. Shy, I hope to watch your daughter grow into your kindness and fulfill both your dreams— she's already nearly there." Fluttershy applauded through her tears. She hugged Rainbow Dash, whispering 'thank you' to the underside of her jaw before mounting the stage herself. She cleared her throat, straigtened the creases formed on the black dress Rarity made, and watched the light shine through prismatic windows. "H-hello. I am Fluttershy, and I am the daughter of the deceased of whom we are mourning for here today. Before I start, I would like to say that I am so grateful to be able to share the life of Blossom Shy to you all. It means so much that you took the time to remember and celebrate her life together with me today." None of those words were on her paper. She simply spoke from her heart. Her eyes shifted over to her handwriting shortly after. "My father died when I was at a very young age, so for all of my life, my mom was all the family that I knew. My mom told stories about him. She told me he liked cloud watching and carpentry. He built a crib and rocking horse a week or so after my mom told him that she was pregnant. She said that he was so excited to raise me and see me grow up. Though I don't remember him much, I remember how much she loved him, and I hope they are happy reunited once again. Shortly after my birth, my dad got into a car crash with an angry and drunk driver. He made it to the hospital, but he died after reuniting with my mom. I remember how much she cried and how much his death affected her, years after the incident. It was like she lost the colour of her eyes and never saw the world fully recovered again. But despite this, she portrayed herself strong and healed so that she could raise me. Even if my nose or my eye colour reminded her of him everyday, she never let that get in the way of loving me and taking care of me." Fluttershy had to pause to cough out the itch tangling in her throat. She wasn't crying too hard yet, but she fears that it will change very quickly. "Her trauma of watching him die in front of her was what I think drew her to distance herself when she became sick. She didn't want me to go through the pain she felt when she lost her lover so hopefully. Last year, it took her a month after the diagnosis to tell me her condition and at each step, she withdrew her health status to me. She did not want me to get hopeful if her surgery went good or if she felt better on a certain day, because she knew from the beginning that her illness was going to win. She told me she wanted to move here, a twelve hour drive away— she told me the waters and the small town was where she wanted to be, but refused me the right to go with her. I saw her seven times in person since she moved here. She got me a guardian to look after me who didn't see the point in coming three weeks in. I felt so ostracized from my mother as she was actively trying to replace herself with a stranger who did not care for me. Finally, about a week ago, I packed my belongings, ready to move here and take care of her. Right before I could leave, I received the phone call that changed my life. Until the very end, she remained frustratingly stubborn and took away my chance of saying goodbye to her, in a way to protect me from the pain she felt, nearly two decades ago." Rainbow tensed. These were things Fluttershy never told anyone, not even her, that she was pouring out endlessly to the crowd. The crowd went tense too. Ordinarily in these funerals, presenters never dare to say anything but the best towards the deceased. They come up with some spiritual and sacred reason for their deaths, but never say their killer out loud. They only say praises and compliments— afraid to upset the dead and their resting soul. The town itself was a lot more in favour for tradition and pure beliefs on humanity. The last part surprised Rainbow as well. She did not know about the guardian or that her mom would withdraw and delay the mention of her condition status to Fluttershy. As much as Rainbow's life this past year was unknown to Fluttershy, so was hers. She was absent in so many moments of her crying with no one to hold her and so many times her sobbing heart became too heavy. Rainbow's heart ached when she realized she could've been there— she should've been there— but wasn't. Even in friend groups, she never heard Fluttershy utter a word about this; they simply knew that her mother grew sick and wanted to move away. Fluttershy unravelled herself in her eye-swelling words, in front of a crowd of people judging her grieving words. It wasn't because they were debating the truth or not, it was a question of morality and whether it was ethical to speak of the dead, no less, her mother, in such a way where her image is tampered in the minds of the audience. Rainbow knew this, and she trusted that Fluttershy also knew this. "N-Now, please do not get the wrong idea from my words. I am not trying to speak ill of her. I do not resent her for passing down a very understandable trauma response. All of you today, shared phenomenal stories of her with the beautiful image you have of her." Fluttershy spoke meticulously, yet fluently letting the words flow out the tip of her tongue unrehearsed and in the moment. "But I only know and loved the person who raised me with so much resilience and determination. All of these things that she has done in the past year were acts of the expansive and unconditional love she has. She was unbelievably selfless and down-to-earth. I wanted to share this very vulnerable and messy part of Blossom Shy's life, because as important as her peaceful and kind stature, I wanted to highlight the qualities and events that motivated her life the most. She has endured so much and had no one to tell it to. S-She would have loved having someone to hear her and have it change nothing how you feel about her. More than anything, continue to picture her and be memorialized in your thoughts, a woman smiling divinely in a garden or on a sailboat. But, I also implore you to personify her determination for love as a tulip or an anchor in the same scene. Thank you." She exhaled out. Rainbow was the first to applaud with tears and a smile, the rest following her movements and creating a sort of symphony. There were one or two individuals who were still adament, but Fluttershy shifted the minds of the funeral. Stepping down from the stage, her knees gave out, and she almost immediately broke into sobs— it was like she had compartmentalized her emotions throughout her entire speech and it all exploded into a supernova for Rainbow to catch. "T-That's the s-scariest thing I-I think I've e-ever done." Fluttershy spoke between heartwrenching sobs into Rainbow's shoulder. She felt the eyes of the crowd on her, and she tried to stop her sobs, but the attempts only made her break down even more. Rainbow felt like her own soul was tearing itself apart feeling Fluttershy's crying spasms rattle her and carve out her chest. Having her deep in her embrace, Rainbow whispered into a space only Fluttershy can soak into, "I am so proud of you." she kissed her temple and steadily took in Fluttershy's most thunderous storm.