//------------------------------//
// The Last Entry 
// Story: All Of My Unrequited Love For You 
// by ButterflyEclipse 
//------------------------------//

"I never hated anything before. But you've filled me with so many heavy emotions, it's so overwhelming. I don't hate you, but I hate what you did to me. Because of you, I avoid our band practices and our lyric writing sessions. Because of you, I'm losing interest in hanging out with our friends when you're around. Because of you, I'm losing myself. But, you seem fine. And despite everything I tell myself, I'm happy that you're okay. I'm happy that you smile with her. I'm happy that you are in nearly every school club together and you spend all your time with her. I'm happy you could move on because of her. 

She's really pretty. Applejack may not be the first person people think of when there's a beauty contest involved, but there's no denying that she's pretty. She has the most beautiful golden hair, stunning green eyes and cute freckles that anyone can notice the moment they meet her. She's also one of the best people I know. I admire her everyday for her hardwork and determination that she has for her friends and family. She has helped me countless times, and I truly hope I have done the same for her. I would never wish any harm or inconvenience to anyone especially someone as great of a bestfriend and person as Applejack. So, please believe me when I say this isn't about her. This isn't about the fact that you left me and then moved on with her. This is between you and me.

I have a question to you: why? Why did you have to be so enigmatic? I thought at the very least you could spare me from further heartbreak, instead of leading me on just to leave me. Because even if we aren't lovers, we're still friends who look out for eachother. Or are we not friends anymore either? I'm tired of keeping track of it. It's burning my brain the fact that you can't seem to decide what you want me to be. Nevermind the fact what I wanted to be to you. But no one listens to poor naive Fluttershy. Not even you anymore.   

You've broken so many promises with me. So in return, I will do us both a favour and make my move. 

So, I guess I should start at the beginning. Stretch back to the first day we met. We couldn't have been more than eight years old. My mom dropped me off at some summer camp I forgot the name of. I was terrified. Really terrified. The camp was settled deep in a forest. I remember all the massive trees reaching up all mighty to the clear sky and you could hear a river flowing down the years in the remote distance. Some boys named Hoops and Dumbbell found me and saw an abandoned toy in me to play with. At first it was just teasing, but very quickly, they became more aggressive. Once they grew bored of pushing me around, they instructed me to come with them. They had claimed that they were sorry and that they would take me to my mom. Silly eight year old me just wanted to see my mom after that experience, so I agreed and followed them. It never dawned on me that my mom had left already so I followed the boys the entire way. After a while they said they needed to check the route so they left me there. It took me an hour to realize they weren't coming back. It also took a year to understand that they were never going to take me to my mom. They just wanted to mess with me one last time. 

I remember how dark the forest was that night. And I was so incredibly scared. Keep in mind that I never discovered the marvel of animals then. So, whenever I heard some scurried noises or shuffled leaves moving, I'd be oh so terrified. I remember sitting on this uneven rock, crying my eyes out. I was alone in the dark, dangerous forest for hours. It didn't matter if my eyes were open or not because I still wouldn't be able to see anything. It was so dark that you couldn't differentiate shadows and figures.

You couldn't have found me without your flashlight. At first you scared me so much, but you quickly began to comfort me. I think you said, "Hi, my name is Rainbow Dash. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to bring you back to camp, alright?" Then, we walked through the woods together. You let me hold your hand as you guided me to the forest. Every few minutes you checked up on me and made sure I was okay every step of the way. 

There was something about you that made me feel safe. Something that made me realize that you weren't going to hurt me like Hoops and Dumbbell did. When we got back, I remember how you hugged me so that my sobs could calm down. You did that until my mom came to pick me up. 

I knew then, that I wanted to see you again. So I asked my mom to bring me to summer camp again the next day. At first, she refused, she said it was a mistake to send me to camp. She was persistent, but, so was I. According to her, that was the first time I've ever threw a tantrum. I wanted to see you so much that I cried and screamed uncontrollably until my mom gave up. She took me to a toy store so that I could give you a present. 

I ended up giving you a tortoise plushie. At first you were really confused with your present, but you eventually liked it. Little did we know that a decade later you would get Tank. And I know you still have the plush. I know because I saw it under your bed months ago. That made me feel so much better about the fact that I still have the bracelet that you gave me years ago. 

After the summer camp, our parents finally agreed to our endless pleas to go to the same elementary school. Two months later came my birthday. I wasn't expecting anything until you shoved a box in my hands. Until then I thought only family got people presents, so I was even more surprised when it came from you. You were the first person who gave me a birthday present that wasn't from my mom. It was until that day that you showed me that someone could care enough for me to give me a birthday gift when it was far from obligatory. The bracelet is too small for me now obviously, so I currently hang it on my rear view mirror in my car. It makes me feel safe driving whenever I see it. 

We had a falling in middle school. We were just growing differently. I was the shy quiet kid that the cool kids always picked on. You became one of those cool kids. It did hurt when you were sat at the same table as my bullies. The ones that called me names and cut my hair before photo day. For some time, I did resent you for that, but just even a year later, I understood it. Looking back, it was just so appealing for you to be in the  powerful clique that respects and admires you as equal. And we were so incredibly young that I don't blame you for any of it anymore. I do wish you gave some sort of direct apology, but I'm not holding that grudge against you. Besides, one day, you all of a sudden sat at my lonely lunchtable instead of theirs. We reconnected and it was like we never fell out. 

Now fast forward a couple years. Somehow by some miracle we're still friends. Best friends in fact. We'd spend hours together. We were there for each other in our darkest moments. With every passing year, we only grew closer. Too close, to be honest. It didn't take a lot for me to realize what I felt for you. I can't pinpoint the day when I found out, but I know that between the day we met and now, I had developed a helpless crush on you. It's hard to describe, but everything in the world felt quieter and brighter when I was with you. Every time we were together, I liked myself better. I was used to feeling more adventurous and foolish with you, something I never dared doing with anyone else. 

Do you remember that night in spring break? Because I do. I remember it too well. Before high school started we wanted to spend another day together. I took you to a trail park where I showed you some types of birds I know you don't care about. Regardless, you still listened to my ramblings despite my eager fascination of animals. By the time the sun started to set, we had already set up a picnic blanket beside the river bank. We were planning to watch the constellations while some fireflies could fill in for light. 

That night, you looked at me differently. I can't explain it, but there was this constant knot in my stomach from the way your eyes found mine. I watched as you stumbled over your words and scratched the back of your neck. I took a risk and leaned in. To this day, that was the most reckless thing I have ever done. I risked the precious friendship we had and craved for you. I was terrified in that moment. I became so careless that I was risking all of our previous years of friendship in that one single movement. It surprised me how brave you could make me. 

It surprised me even more when you leaned in. You closed the gap between us and kissed me exactly how I imagined you would. You were quite bold, yet kept the contact delicate for me. That first kiss didn't last long as you leaned away for air. Quite selfishly, however, I wanted more. When I kissed you again, it was stronger than the first time. It felt so breathtaking for me. Maybe I'm overthinking or imagining this, but you thought so too. You held me ridiculously close, near enough that you could hear my rapid heart beat pulsing. 

When we pulled apart you still had me in your arms. It took mere moments for us to both fall asleep under the stars and fireflies that lighted that beautiful night. Before I fell asleep I told myself that we could talk about the kiss in the morning. When morning came and we hadn't spoken a word to each other, I thought we could always talk about it later. I wish I knew then that we wouldn't talk about it. Not even now. After nearly four years we still never said anything about it. That doesn't mean I don't think about it from time to time. 

The biggest strain there was in our friendship was when Sunset Shimmer came to ruin all of us. I was so insecure of our friendship— there was a large part of me who knew you could abandon me whenever you please, as you once did before— so much so that I believed it the moment when I got a text from supposedly you saying you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I mean, with high school and all, it was natural for us to grow apart. Besides, high school was the only time I managed to make friends other than you so I wasn't as distraught as I would have been before. Then, Princess Twilight Sparkle came and made us give everyone another chance. And then you gave us another chance. 

One night after your soccer game, you had pulled me from the crowd. You were restless and not thinking clearly. Which can be the only reason you brought me close and kissed me. It's quite pathetic, honestly, how quickly I accepted it and kissed you back. When we pulled apart, you whispered in my ear, "I'm sorry. It's just that seeing you in the crowd, cheering me like that reminded me how much I missed you. There's something about you that makes me feel instantly better whenever I see you smile." 

We never officially said anything about it, but we went out together. Secretly. Never told anyone about us. And, I was fine with that. If I hadn't before, I had definitely fallen for you now. We were together for no longer than a month but it felt like I spent a decade loving you— which, I have. So it completely broke me when you texted for us to meet after school. Despite your words, you still held me comfortingly whilst I sobbed in the crook of your neck. Before I could fathom the idea of us being together after prolonged years, you broke it off. What I didn't understand, and still don't is the fact that your first claim that you loved me was when you were breaking up with me. You said you loved taking nature walks with me, practicing instruments together and napping on the couch on a gloomy afternoon. You said you loved loving me. But that clearly wasn't enough because half a moment later you said you needed time apart. I said I understood and let you have your space. 

I let a year and a half go by. We're eighteen now and we're getting ready for college or university. Of course now, you moved on. You're now starting something with Applejack. Everyone knows it. Even some of our teachers have made comments of the fondness you two have of each other. 

So why am I telling you all of this? Why am I just recapping our history together when you know all of these things already? 

I want you to understand why a part of me is starting to hate you. I hate how easily you made me fall in love with you. You made me feel safe, strong and brave since the very first day I met you. You made my life so much more meaningful and exciting. You showed me that I could be cared for and loved. When I think about it, you were most of my firsts. You were my first hero, first friend, first best friend, first kiss, first girlfriend, and first heartbreak. I know you can't say the same. But, that isn't why I slightly hate you.

I hate that you never talked about our first kiss that night. I hate that after I got over the fact that the kiss meant nothing, you kissed me again after the soccer match. I hate that you said you missed me and needed me after not being there for me when I missed or needed you. Then you had the audacity to ask me out only to break up with me too soon. Not to mention the fact that you confessed to loving me at that moment as well. 

Part of me wishes you never said you loved me. That would certainly make things a lot simpler. None of our friends even know we kissed, nevertheless, dated, and I would never expose anything you weren't comfortable with. But now I can't even tell anyone how much I am hurting because of you. The only person I can go to talk about this is you. But, even if I had the courage to tell you all of this, you're too busy with Applejack. I'm writing everything down because I can't handle the burden of all of this nonsense anymore. I even bought a new journal to dump all of my unrequited love for you. 

Maybe we could have continued to be friends. But not in this story. I've decided to make a brave decision like you taught me to, and say goodbye. 

— Fluttershy"





She tied the last knot. The book was binded together with her meticulous stitches, skills that she learned from Rarity. She could have easily made these pages into proper letters, however, after years of writing, she decided that she would make it into a journal. 

Originally, she planned for her writing to be a birthday present, but quickly changed her mind and throughout the years, Fluttershy has written letters to Rainbow Dash, with the mindset that she will never actually read them. That night, however, she had a change of heart. She picked up the pen one more time and wrote to Rainbow for perhaps the last time. 

She couldn't remember when she started. Maybe start of middle school was the time she decided to write consistently. Two hundred twenty-three pages. She counted. In the journal in her hands, decade worth of feelings were spread across through ink. She even made a cover for it and everything. She had embroidered her initials at the bottom in small print. For the longest time, she couldn't think of a title for it. Fluttershy didn't know if it needed one. It wasn't supposed to be a professional book or anything, but she still felt like it was needed to at least have a name. She sighed as she thought of one of the most pathetic titles. "All Of My Unrequited Love For You." 

Once she settled one a navy blue plain cover it was official. All of her years spent on Rainbow were painfully written in these pages. Now she needed the courage to give it to her. She already imagined the day ahead of her. But, it was going to be easy to give it to her. Because by the time Rainbow Dash reads the pages, Fluttershy would be long gone. 





"Hey Shy!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed from the field. Fluttershy had a wrapped box in her hands. She held a sweet smile for her, as it may be one of their last few moments together. Rainbow signaled to her team, letting them know that there is a break. Fluttershy held a breath as she recognized the setting. Both of them were at this exact spot one and a half years ago— where she kissed Rainbow for the third time. "So, what's up? We haven't talked in a while."

And who's fault is that? Fluttershy dared to whisper. She pushed her thoughts aside and gave her the gift instead. "I got you something."

"It's not my birthday, is it?"

"No. I just wanted to give you something I thought you might... like."

"Can I open it now?" Fluttershy nodded and watched Rainbow as she tore apart the wrapping paper. She held her breath as Rainbow opened the box. "A book? 'All Of My Unrequited Love For You' by F.S."

"Do you like it?"

"I think so? I'm sorry I'm just a little confused. Normally Twilight is the one always giving me books. Is this a romance novel?"

"Uh... sort of?" 

"Oh, I don't think I'm really the romance reader type. I guess I could try reading it. Just a warning now though, I am a slow reader for anything besides Daring Do. It might take years before I finish this, but I'll eventually read it." 

"Thank you."

Rainbow waited for Fluttershy's smile to appear, but got disappointed when she never got it. She searched for her words before filling the silence. "So, how are you?" 

"I am f-fine." Fluttershy stuttered. Her vision for the day was already getting off track. She had planned to just give Rainbow the present and leave before she could get hurt further. Her original plan had worked though. She had convinced Rainbow that the journal was some random sappy romance book written by some stranger who goes by F.S. Fluttershy started to wonder how long it'd take for her to realize that the story was about her. It wasn't like it was subtle in her entries. There are some very specific moments that only they could share. It would take a maximum of three entries before she recognizes the story. But as she said, it could take years for her to finally get around to read the first few words.

"I'm glad. I guess what I really mean, is what are you up to now?" 

"Not a lot. I'm quite stressed about finding a job right now."

"A job? What happened to the animal shelter?"

"It shut down."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah. The owners went bankrupt so they had to sell the store and all the animals were taken to an unethical pet store."

"Oh my. I'm so sorry Flutters. When did this happen?"

"Like... eight months ago."

"Eight months ago? That was a long time ago." It was. Fluttershy was miserable for months when she heard the news. Only Pinkie Pie and Rarity recognized that something was off when Fluttershy came to school with a pale face and eyes stained with tears. Luckily, she was able to set up a pet drive in her neighbourhood and some of the animals were taken into loving homes instead of suffering through the inhumane treatment the pet store was inflicting. 

"I know. I guess you became busy and we fell apart."

"Do you want to hang out, then? So that we can actually catch up? Are you free on Tuesday?" 

"No, sorry." 

"Oh, that's fine. Maybe next time." Next time. If there even will be a next time.