//------------------------------// // 4 - What Am Ah? // Story: I Am Not Big Mac. // by MrPip42 //------------------------------//    Emptiness, it was the key to a power that very few ponies possessed the ability to create. A complete and utter void of thoughts, emotions, or sense. Even unicorns gifted in magic would spend decades of their life training to keep their mind’s empty for mere minutes. Keeping one’s mind a void for an entire night was seen as impossible for the regular pony.      Dream Heart was one of the few ponies who were especially gifted in this one regard. As a filly she was fascinated with the pony mind, and sought to learn everything she could about it. One day, she thought to herself ‘Why can’t I go in a pony’s mind?’. Her search for an answer eventually brought her to a tome, The Sleeping World.     It was through that ancient tome that she first entered into the Dream World, and earned her cutie mark. Dreamwalking, one of the hardest spells for a Unicorn to achieve. It allows the user to release their consciousness from their physical form and enter into the dreams of those around them. The key to dreamwalking was being able to create an empty shell for your consciousness to leave from. An impenetrable wall of nothing. Any errant thought or feeling could destroy the dreamwalk in an instant.     The best unicorns could succeed in dreamwalking for up to twenty minutes. Dream Heart’s personal best was three hours. At least it was when she last tried to dreamwalk. Which hasn’t been for a while. Something she planned to change tonight. If this was ever going to be an option for helping Gabriel, she needed to get used to dreamwalking again. “So I just go to sleep, right?” Redheart asked while she laid in Dream’s bed. “And you poke in there?”  “I will just be a visitor, no poking will happen. I’ll be able to perceive your dream, but the only influence I will have over it is speech.” “So… we can chat in my dream? That’s it? “Basically.”  “That’s pretty boring.” “Well I’m sorry I’m not a master of the Dream World like Selena Luna.” Dream said with a huff, Redheart leaned toward the mare and nuzzled against her cheek. “I’m only teasing, Dreamy. Now, are you gonna start doing it?” “You need to be asleep, Red.” “Alright, just don’t stare at me too much while I go to bed.”    Another huff came from Dream. Redheart giggled and turned over in the bed. It would take some time for the mare to find herself sleeping, but Dream could tell when she did. It wasn’t some magical sense that told her. Redheart was a very loud snorer. It was the reason Dream kept earplugs in the nightstand now.     With Redheart asleep, now was her moment to work. She sat next to the unconscious mare and focused inward. All of the thoughts and feelings that swirled inside of her mind were encased in a sphere of her own imagining. Her breath slowed, and the thoughts slowly faded from inside their spherical cage. Emotions were always harder to empty. Many thought that making yourself calm was the way to empty yourself of emotion, but calm is just another emotion.     Everypony who has ever attempted to truly feel nothing has their own method of achieving it. For Dream Heart, it was to create a disconnect. An old muscle that she hadn’t flexed in many years began to twitch, and like a switch inside her brain, the connection her body had to her mind was severed. This lasted for only a moment, but it was enough. It took time for the body’s functions to reconnect to her mind after she did this. With enough concentration, she could prevent it from reconnecting for even longer.    The result? A pure, empty mind. At the cost of her motor functions and most of her senses. As soon as Dream Heart truly felt emptiness, her horn was lit with magic. Then she fell asleep on the spot.    Her eyes opened to an endless array of stars in all directions. Glittering lights that encompassed all of imagined reality. Each star represented the mind of a dreamer. A near infinite amount of dreamers encasing the pitch black reality with brilliant light. Dream Heart had entered the Dream World.    Only one star was close enough for her to make out its shape underneath the light. While all the others were an impossible distance away. Dream remembered how it first felt when she entered here. How amazing it was to be in a place shared by an infinite group of minds, and how lonely it felt not being able to reach them. One star in particular always caught her attention when she entered. The star emblazoned with the silhouette of the mare in the moon, impossibly large compared to the rest, but somehow farther away than the rest. She noted that it looked larger than the last time she had seen that particular star.    To reach those dreamers required an incredible amount of control over the Dream World. To force your will to bend the very rules of the shared consciousness, and bring the dream you wish to enter to you. The dreamwalking spell was not nearly enough for a unicorn to exert their will like that. It could, however, let them walk to dreams closeby.    “Closeby” is a very different term in the Dream World. A distance of a dozen feet could equal miles in the collective unconscious. Oftentimes, unicorns would connect horns when dreamwalking to ensure the least distance required for the walk. Dream found that star nearest to her, and guessed that she would have a twenty minute journey to it.    Walking was also a different experience. Sure, you moved forward with your hooves in a steady rhythm towards your destination. However, your hooves never connect to the ground beneath you. There is no ground, Dream Heart’s spell wills the space underneath her hooves to be solid. Her steps never leave the ground she walks on, the ground follows her steps, and so it did for twenty minutes straight. Until Dream Heart stood in front of the bright star that contained a dreamer. Despite how bright it shines from afar, the star itself is no larger than a pony’s head. All a pony had to do to enter was reach out…    Dream Heart found herself in a mythological spa from ancient Preece. Ornate marble architecture framing a large steaming pool. A single pony rested within the crystal clear water. Redheart, sans her regular nurse cap, lazily relaxed in the warmth of the bath while several mares dressed in traditional Preek chiton surrounded her. Dream Heart couldn’t help but recognize the ponies who were currently servicing Redheart. The farm pony Applejack and weather pony Rainbow Dash were on either side of her, their strong physiques being used to massage her tender muscles. While the local tailor Rarity was feeding her grapes directly into Redheart’s mouth… with her own mouth.    Normally, a dreamwalker should be careful when speaking to a dreamer. The moment a dreamwalker makes their presence known, the dreamer becomes lucid. Lucid dreamers are able to control their dreams to an extent, and can be especially harmful to a dreamwalker if they don’t take kindly to their presence. At the moment, however, this was Redheart and Dream was getting particularly annoyed watching a fake Rarity put her lips so close to her. “So this is what you fantasize about?” Dream asked with a clear hint of patronization. Redheart’s eyes focused on the world around her, and became aware of Dream Heart standing at the other edge of the pool.  “Oooh, that’s weird,” Redheart said, “You really are in my dream, Dreamy!”  “Yeah, and what are they doing here?” “Can’t a girl wish for things she can’t have?” “Not when she has something better.”    Redheart grinned mischievously. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity vanished into nothingness. Dream Heart looked down at herself and found that she was now wearing a chiton.  “Why don’t you come and serve me then~” She cooed.    Emptiness, nothingness, the key to dreamwalking. Dream Heart had to be careful to not let anything break in during her time in the Dream World. Lest she be ripped out from it by force. Unfortunately for her, the images and intrusive thoughts of what Redheart had just suggested came like an unstoppable, raging flood. Dream barely got one hoof into the water before reality shattered from her inappropriate thoughts.    In seconds she was back in the chair next to her bed. A few moments after that, she was spilling her guts onto the ground. “Dream! Are you okay!?” Redheart awoke and watched in shock. When the contents of her stomach were laid out on the ground, Dream Heart looked up at her and wiped her chin. “…No more practicing with you, Red. You’re too dirty.” “Dr. Dream ain’t here today?” I asked Nurse Redheart at the hospital front desk. The mare shook her head in response. “Not today, sick day. She’s suffering from some nausea. Dr. Dream will be back probably tomorrow or the day after.”    My entire day had been upended before I even started it. I finally decided I would start seeing Dr. Dream Heart, but now I can’t even see her! The reunion was set for twelve days from now. If I wanted any chance of getting Big Mac back by the time every member of the Apple Family arrived, I had to make every single day count.  “If I may, Big Mac,” Redheart said as I was about to leave. I turned my head to see her patented warm smile. “Dream Heart is putting a lot of effort into your case. She’ll be happy to know you stopped by.”    How Redheart knew that, I didn’t know. She clearly wasn’t aware of my real name, so patient confidentiality was still a thing for the most part. I nodded my head to the nurse. “Eeyup… Thank ya.”     I still felt her practiced smile on my back as I walked away. “She wasn’t there?” Applejack asked me when I returned to Sweet Apple Acres.  “Nnnope.” “Well, hooey. Ya finally decided to buck up and work with ‘er and now ya can’t even do that.”     I narrowed my gaze. Applejack was quick to react. “Ah didn’t mean it like that! Ah’m sorry! No arguin’!”    Sure, there were some choice words I could have said, but both Applejack and I were under a Pinkie Promise. Neither of us wanted to risk the consequences of breaking it. Even thinking about breaking it brought a chill down my spine and her laughter in my ears. Since we didn’t know quite how far the definition of ‘arguing’ stretched for a Pinkie Promise, we had a silent agreement to avoid any kind of back and forth whatsoever.     Today was the day I finally got to work on the farm. With the family coming soon, the field around the Sweet Apple Acres household had to be cleared out to make room for the space they needed. There were far too many people in the family to all fit inside the house, so the area around the house and barn would become a giant campsite for everyone to use.     That meant that everything, from farm equipment, to the grass, and even the chicken coops had to be cleaned up. That also meant that I finally got to finish the job that I wanted to do days ago. Grass cutting!    It felt euphoric to have the blade hitched to the harness around my neck. Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t some life changing experience, but it did feel like an old friend wrapped me in its warm embrace. Unfortunately, I wasn’t alone this time. Applejack had herself hitched to a mechanical tedder, and was following through the fields to ted the cut grass so it would dry better into hay.     Even worse, she was surprisingly talkative today. They weren’t instigating words or angry barks at him, so that was a positive. Instead, it was lots and lots of talking, and I wasn’t much of a chatty person when I was working.  “Still nice ta hear that Dream Heart is workin hard to help ya out after all that. Ah wonder what she’s been doin’ then.” “Ah dunno. Case studies, probably?” I said with a shrug. “Cuz there’s a lot o’ cases of ponies becomin’ somepony else and callin’ themselves Gabriel?” “Maybe.” “Ah’d be surprised if there were two.” Applejack snorted. “Call me Applesauce if she finds another one like ya.”    That got a snort out of me, a fact I would refuse to admit as she repeatedly pointed it out for the next minute.  “Ah ain’t happy about missin’ a chance ta talk with her. There ain’t nopony else in town who could help…” I sighed, turning around to do the next line of grass. Now face to face with Applejack as we passed by each other. “We could write a letter to the Princess. Ah’m sure if there’s anypony who could tell us about whatever this freaky business is, it’d be her.” “Yer probably right, but ah don’t exactly have an easy way to contact Princess Celestia. How long d’ya think it would take fer a letter to get to her?” “…Probably a few weeks.” Applejack guessed with a sigh of her own. “She’s gonna be in town here soon, could try an’ ask her then.”  “Eeyup, don’t help with the reunion though.”    Applejack was now turning around behind me, and I could hear her tongue reach the top of her mouth to make a small tsk at my words. “Ah don’t want to disagree with ya, lest Pinkie’s wrath comes down upon us, but are you really sure it’s possible ta fix this by the reunion?”    My head swiveled back to her, she continued. “You ain’t got no idea how ta start searchin’ for ‘em. Ah’m not any help with mind stuff. It’s possible this whole mess is gonna last well past the reunion, maybe even longer than that.”     I knew where she was going, I didn’t like it. Applejack asked this question before, and I didn’t want to answer it then either. “Do you get what ah’m saying, Gabe?” “Ah know what yer askin’, Applejack, and frankly, ah don’t want to answer it. Sure, ah don’t know jack shit about all this mind and soul stuff, but thinkin’ about how ah’m gonna live here and not Mac feels like givin’ up. Ah’m not givin’ up until he’s here.” “Just thinkin’ about it ain’t-“ Applejack caught herself, and took a slow breath to stop herself from arguing. “Alright, fine. So how do ya wanna work on that today then?”  “…”  “Nothin, then.” “Well ah’m all for ideas.”  “Hmmm.” Applejack hummed. “Why don’t ya tell me about yerself?”  “…Why?”  “Cuz maybe talkin about it will jog somethin’ in that head of yours? Ah dunno, ah’d just like to know about the pony inside my brother’s body.”    My ears fell back on my head… Big Mac’s ears were not very easy to control. Was there a trick to it that even he couldn’t figure out?  “Ah don’t know about that.” “Why not?” Applejack asked, confused. “Are ya sure you wanna know about the guy sittin’ inside yer brother’s body? Ah don’t want ya to see Big Mac differently cuz o’ me.” “If anythin’ that makes me want to know more. Don’t ya think ah have a right to that much?”    She was right, I couldn’t deny that. There really wasn’t a sound reason for me not to tell her anything. I just didn’t want to tell her, but given that I was somebody else currently holding her brother’s body captive, I really didn’t have a leg to stand on. “Alright, shoot.” “Ya got any family, Gabe?”      There was a noticeable hitch in my gait, the slight movement made the grass underneath my blade cut at a different angle. That line would be visible for weeks now, and the little bump I just made in that line would terrorize me forever.  “Mind if we start somewhere else? Ah’d rather not talk about that.” “Oh… well alright then,” Applejack said, put off by my immediate refusal to answer her first question. “How ‘bout yer name then. What’s it supposed ta mean?” “It’s a religious name. Mah parents were mighty religious like that. Ah think the name directly means somethin’ like ‘god is my strength’. Don’t ask me though, ah never really paid attention at church.” “Huh, don’t think ah’ve ever heard of any religion usin names like that.” “Ya wouldn’t, it ain’t any religion people from Equestria would hear about.”    Applejack hummed from behind me. I didn’t have to look back at her to know she just passed by my screwed up line. Big Mac’s disobedient ear flicked. “Ah actually was just about ta ask. Ya say things like everybody, people, somebody. It almost sounds like you aren’t a pony at all.” “Ah’m not a pony, or at least, ah wasn’t one until now.”    Applejack stopped, and soon after I did as well. When I looked back to see what the holdup was, I saw her giant wide eyes and tiny pupils staring back at me in shock. “You ain’t a pony?” “…No?” “So you ARE a griffin?” “No, ah already told you that.” “So what are you?” “Didn’t ah tell you?…” I thought back through my memories, even checking Big Mac’s. The only thing I could remember… was telling Dream Heart. Woops. “Ah guess ah didn’t, ah’m a- well ah was a human.” “A… hyoo-mane?” “Human, hew-man.” “What in the hay is a hewman?”    I already had experience trying to explain what a human was, so I repeated what I had said before. About humans being tall hairless monkeys. Applejack’s nose scrunched up. “Whatever yer thinkin, we ain’t that ugly.” “How do ya even stay warm without any hair on yer body?” “We get a bit o’ hair, just no pelt like a pony. We use clothes ta cover up and keep warm.” “So ya just wear clothes… all the time? Like Rarity does? Ah don’t think ah could bear dealin with clothes that often.” “It ain’t like fashion all the time, we dress comfortable or for utility most o’ the time. Or just what we feel like wearin’, like how ya wear dad’s old hat.”    I blinked… Dad’s old hat? Big Mac was playing tricks on me again.  “Ah’m guessin ya didn’t mean to say it like that, did ya?” She asked, seeing right through me. Her hoof had unconsciously held the top of her stetson. As if holding on to dad through it… her dad.  “…Nnnope.” “Is it confusin? Ah mean, ya said you had all o’ Mac’s memories. Do ya just… act and talk like him on accident sometimes?”     This was a topic that I hoped grass cutting would put off from my mind until I could meet with Dream Heart. It was an unconscious thing that I could only notice after it affected something I did or said. I wanted to talk to the doctor about it first… but there really was no way of avoiding it if Applejack was asking me directly.  “…It ain’t like it’s replacin’ my mind or anythin’ like that. Ah’m not turnin’ into Big Mac or somethin’. But it’s like… I wracked my brain for an easy way to describe the way I felt. “Ah chewed tobacco when ah was still… me. Do ya know what tobacco is?” “Can’t say ah do.” “That’s probably fer the best. Nasty stuff, but ah had a habit of chewin’ it. When ah get the urge to chew it now, ah don’t even think twice about puttin’ a piece of straw in mah mouth.” “…Like Big Mac?” “Eeyup. Just like that too, actually. Ah don’t even know how to say yes or no clearly anymore without thinkin’ real hard about it.” “Soo, Big Mac’s tendencies are becoming your tendencies?” “In a way. It’s not like it’s rewriting mah brain… if ah had to guess, ah think it’s like when you move to a new place and get used to the climate.” “Oooh, ah know what ya mean now. When ah went to stay in Manehattan, ah just couldn’t fer the life of me get used to the cold! But by the time ah was headin back home ah felt like ah needed to shave my fur down to stay cool.” “Eeyup.” Big Mac’s body shivered when Applejack mentioned leaving for Manehattan. Like a dreadful chill had crept up from those simple words. Mac’s body was telling me how much he did not like Applejack leaving home.  “And Big Mac would shiver every time ah mentioned it, just like you did, sugarcube.”  “Not everythin’ ah do is me doin’. This body has a mind of it’s own.” “Ay-kay-ay, Big Mac?” “Eeyup.”    The rest of the haymaking process was done while I continued to answer any questions she had for me. Trying to explain a car to a magical pony was a process, as well as how we used fingers instead of sticking things to the palms of our hands. The fact humans had no magic at all was astounding to Applejack, she thought I was lying. She was respectful of the one topic I didn’t want to talk about, and never brought up my family again.     The hay that was ready to bale was raked after we finished cutting and tedding the rest of it. When we were finished, half of the field was ready for when the family would arrive. The other half needed to be raked and baled, but the two of us could bale the first half at least.  Applejack, after we finished gathering the ready to go hay, looked at me and sighed. “Ah’ll be honest, Gabe. Ah was hopin’ that you would be… more different.”    I was preparing the first bale when she said that. A sentence I certainly didn’t expect to hear from her. “Ah’m sorry?” I asked her. “Look, ah didn’t actually go to Rainbow’s yesterday,” Applejack began, “Ah mean, ah was going to, but then ya said you weren’t visiting Dream Heart. So ah got the idea to…” “Ya visited Dream Heart.”    She nodded. “This… ain’t exactly easy on me, Gabe. So ah went to her ta see if she could make it any easier. She gave me the suggestion of gettin’ to know ya more. Learn about you so ah don’t see you so much as Big Mac.”     Applejack approached me, and looked me directly in the eyes. It made me uncomfortable how deeply she was staring into them. Searching for something behind my irises that even I didn’t know about. “What’s yer favorite color?” “Red.” “Favorite type o’ apple to eat raw?” “Gala.” “How do you feel about ponies’ rushing to their destination?” “…Ah guess ah’d feel like they’re rushin’ too fast unless it’s urgent. It ain’t like it goin’ nowhere, take yer time.” “What’s the best way to relax at the end o’ night?” “Well…. Probably doin’ somethin’ repetitive to wind down with, or maybe some cards or stargazin’.” “See! That’s what ah mean! That’s Big Macintosh!” She exclaimed while two inches away from my face. Pony ears were particularly sensitive to noise, and her sudden outburst caused me to wince. Thankfully, Applejack backed away before she continued. “You two got the same tendencies, the same things ya like and dislike, hay, ya practically behave just like him! Minus the more talkin’ about yer feelings, Mac don’t do that as much. Ah’m tryin’ to see you as Gabe, and not Mac, but ya might as well be the alien monkey version of my brother!”      I stared back at Applejack with the look of a man who was just told they were somebody else. Which is a feeling I was quite used to at this point, but this particular instance was different. I was being told I was Big Macintosh from a pony who knew for a fact I wasn’t. It had far more meaning behind it than any of the other ponies who just didn’t know better.      She has been hitting on spots that I have been trying to avoid for a week now. As much as I have said I can’t keep acting like Big Macintosh… it hasn’t exactly been hard. Apple Bloom and Granny Smith haven’t made any suspicions known, and the only other pony to have noticed a difference in him was Pinkie Pie.     Maybe Dr. Dream Heart would have eased into these hard hitting questions, but Applejack was straight to the punch. I knew I was me, and Big Mac was himself. I knew it in my heart… but “my” heart was Big Mac’s heart. Could it really be…? “Ah’m not Big Mac… but ah can’t deny that we’re pretty similar.” “Maybe that’s part o’ the reason ya’ll ended up like this?” She pondered. “Ya think so, Applejack?” “Well ah can’t be sure, but it sure as hay can’t be no coincidence, can it?”    The scariest part was that she was probably right.    After hearing that Gabriel had stopped by the hospital today from Redheart, Dream Heart had decided to make her way out to Sweet Apple Acres. Her head was still a bit light, but she could walk around and use magic without feeling the need to release what she had for dinner. If Gabriel was willing to work with her now, she wasn’t going to wait for him to come back.     The late afternoon at Sweet Apple Acres was a breathtaking sight. The orange sunset slipped in between the clean lines of apple trees, blanketing the entire farm in a warm light. The farmhouse itself was a picturesque depiction one would find in a colorful storybook picture of a country farm. Complete with the burly farm stallion at the front of the barn, a hay bale on his back. “Good evening, Gabriel.” Dream Heart said as she approached the stallion. Gabriel dropped the hay bale in front of the barn on top of a stack of rectangular bales. He turned to look at Dream Heart with a confused expression. “Dr. Dream? What can ah do ya for?” He asked her.  “I’m sorry to disturb you while you are at home. I was made aware you came to visit me at the hospital?”    Gabriel’s hoof came up and rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes shifted away and towards the ground to the side of Dream Heart. Timidness from him? Maybe embarrassment would be a better explanations.  “…Uh, eeyup, ah did ma’am. Ah hope yer feelin’ better than this mornin’.”    Formality, embarassment, politeness. Gabriel hasn’t ever been a mean pony to Dream, but his manners were certainly limited in the past. There was always a sense of defiance in Gabriel’s demeanor the two times she spoke with him. He didn’t want to admit to needing her help before, and fought against any ground that she tried to cover with him, even if she eventually did gain headway.     Today? He wasn’t ready to fight in their interactions. What was it about his behavior that was catching her at this moment?… It was humility, she realized. “I am, thank you,” Dream said with a warm smile. This change was a positive one, and she could definitely work with it. “Was there anything urgent that you needed to see me for?” “Ah… Nnnope- well actually, eeyup, but not so much that ya needed to stop resting.” Gabriel sighed and looked at her directly. “Ah’d like to start workin’ with you properly… if ya think you can help find Big Macintosh.”    That’s where the humility was coming from. Gabriel had to ask for something he initially refused to budge on. Dream Heart would never admit to the smug smile she held inside of her own head. “Does this mean that you will remove the ultimatum you gave me, Gabriel?” “Eeyup, no ultimatums, just yer help…”    Dream Heart’s hidden smug smile had turned into a real, genuine smile on her face. “I would be happy to help. In fact, I have an idea I would like to try with you. If you are willing.” “Anythin’, doc. If you think it’ll help, ah accept it.” “Perfect! I will see you tomorrow then?” “Eeyup.” “Very well, I’ll keep my schedule open.” Dream turned away, but remembered something before she began to walk back to Ponyville. “Oh, and one thing. Come tomorrow tired.” “…Tired.”  “Yes. It will make more sense tomorrow, I promise.” “Alright.” Gabriel’s confirmation was when Dream decided to depart, but this time it was Gabriel that stopped her hooves from moving forward. “Doc, can ah ask you something?” “Of course.” Dream said, turning back around. “Do ya think ah’m real? Like…. real real?”    …That humility now had a different tone underneath it. Not shame or guilt. There was doubt, there was confusion, and there was nervousness. “What do you mean, Gabriel?” “Do ya think ah’m actually a person, or do ya think that ah’m… ah’m just some made up character Big Mac created?”    Now this was new. Gabriel was doubting himself? For a pony- or rather, a human who was completely sure of who he was, this was a surprising moment of uncertainty coming from Gabriel. What brought this change, she didn’t know, which meant that Dream Heart had to be extra careful when answering that question… “Gabriel, what do you think you are?” “…My name is Gabriel, Gabriel Ruiz. Ah know that cuz it’s in here.” He pointed at his head. “But all ah gotta do is turn my head in a different direction, and then this mind ah’m usin’ says my name is Big Macintosh. Ah know they aren’t my memories, they’re Big Mac’s, and that’s why they say that… But everythin’ in Mac’s memories exists here.” “Ah can talk to his sisters, his grandma, Winona recognizes him and wags her tail. Ponies in town wave at Big Macintosh, and everythin’ he knows and understands is here, all around him.” “But mine? Everythin’ ah know isn’t here. My home town looks nothin’ like this place, and certainly doesn’t exist in a place called Equestria. Everythin’ ah know can't be seen or heard or felt or smelt anywhere around here. Nobody knows who ah am, or what a human is. Everythin’ that makes me… me…. is inside Big Mac’s head.” “What if ah am just some fake identity he made up and hid behind? What if nothin’ ah actually know and remember ain’t real?”    Gabriel’s argument about himself was as much a philosophical discussion on reality as it was a personal crisis he was now suffering. Answering this with a philosophical answer wouldn’t give him the answer he needed right now. So Dream Heart made her choice and stuck with it. “What was your sister’s name, Gabriel?” She asked a question that caught him off guard, but in his current state of mind, he wouldn’t put up much resistance to her questioning. “…Daniella, Daniella Ruiz.”    This was a gamble, but if he was left like this tomorrow, Dream feared it would only be harder to try out her new idea. “Daniella is a pretty name. Did you love Daniella?”    The reaction was instant. “Of course ah loved her! Ah still love her with all mah heart!” “Was Daniella real?”    The sudden burst of anger Gabriel was exerting became a fuming trickle after Dream’s question. He had no answer to say to her, but they both knew what his answer would be. Dream Heart stepped forward towards Gabriel, and held one hoof towards his cheek. “When you doubt who you are, you aren’t just doubting yourself. You are doubting everything that you love and care for. Everything that makes you.” She made sure to look him straight in the eyes as she spoke her next words. “You are real, Gabriel Ruiz, just as real as me, the grass, the sky, or Big Macintosh. How you came to be does not matter, what matters is that you remember what makes you. You are real.”     Generally, it wasn’t a good thing for a psychiatrist to tell their patients what they are or what they aren’t. Patients had to come to their own conclusions, and her role was to guide them to healthier ones. In this one case, however, Dream Heart decided that a direct conclusion was better for him. Not that there have been many documented cases of human personalities occupying a pony’s body to base her choice off of.     She released Gabriel’s cheek after saying her piece. Gabriel didn’t respond to her immediately. It was hard for even Dream to get a read on how he felt now. This wasn’t uncommon for patients going through moments of distrust with their own mind, and was probably more common for a patient that possibly had two.     In the end, he didn’t say anything at all. Gabriel closed his eyes, and nodded towards Dream Heart.  “I will see you tomorrow, Gabriel. We can talk more about it then, if you need it.” A reassuring smile didn’t fit the moment, so she didn’t give one. An understanding nod in return was better.  “Ah understand. Have a good night, Miss Dream.”  “And you as well, Gabriel.”     Dream Heart departed from Sweet Apple Acres. There was lots to prepare for now, and first on her list was one more practice run of dreamwalking with Redheart. This time with less inappropriateness. If things went well tonight, then she would be completely ready for tomorrow.    If Big Macintosh was anywhere within Gabriel, then Dream Heart would find it inside his mind from the Dream World.