I have a bad case of chronic lateness. No matter what time an event starts, you know I’m arriving at least five minutes behind. I’ll probably end up running late to my own funeral.
But early in our friendship, Applejack taught me a saying: “Better to arrive early, lest your friends get surly.” Once I got over the shock of hearing her say ‘lest,’ I took the meaning to heart: Don’t keep AJ waiting, or she’ll chew your ass out.
That’s why, half an hour before our first summer rehearsal starts, I’m already tuning my guitar in Applejack’s shed. She’s off somewhere finishing her morning farm work, meaning I’m alone.
My eyeballs are twitching and my brain feels like it’s vibrating, but I don’t know whether that’s because of how early in the morning it is, or the two cups of coffee I’ve already chugged. Waking up before noon in July should be considered as offensive as public nudity.
Twilight walks in and hands me another steaming mug of coffee. I take the mug, grunt in thanks, and swig half of it down. I’ve already burned away most of the skin in my mouth, so now it’s just a bitter and muddy tingle.
At least Applejack isn’t the only one who believes in arriving early. Only difference is that AJ does it out of old fashioned respect, and I’m pretty sure Twilight does it out of crippling anxiety.
She sits down on the bale of hay next to me and pulls a thermos out of her bag. While she uncaps it, I nod at her. “What, too good for AJ’s coffee? I’m pretty sure Granny Smith grinds it by hand.”
“It’s orange juice.” She takes a small sip. “I don’t drink coffee. It scares me.”
I swallow way too much coffee at once so I can blurt out, “Explain that, please.”
“I’ve got an addictive personality. I just know that once I taste a sip of coffee, I’m gonna end up drinking it every day.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“For my wallet, yes.”
“Aw, that’s what you’ve got friends for!” I lift my mug. “Fun times and free caffeine!”
She smiles and points her thermos at me. “You, Miss Shimmer, are a true coffee addict. But I’m not taking any chances. I’ll leave the free caffeine to all of y’all.”
While she takes another swig, I try not to laugh. “What did you say?” I ask, staring.
“I said,” she says, then pauses. Her lips purse. “I said I’m leaving the free caffeine to you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I did!”
I shake my head and lean into her. “Nope. You said you’re leaving it to ‘y’all.’”
“Same thing,” she says, waving me off, but then she starts twiddling with her hair.
“Applejack’s rubbing off on you!” I say, grinning. “No shame in it! She’s a cool girl!”
“No one’s rubbing off on anyone,” she says. She twiddles faster. “That’s not what I meant to say.”
“You sure? I think y’all did mean to say it.”
She sneers. “That doesn’t work! ‘Y’all’ is plural!”
“Says who?” I point at her. “Y’all?”
“Yes, me!” She slams her thermos down, laughing. “Y’all are driving me crazy!”
That gets me to giggle. “Oh, so now y’all are okay with it?”
“Y’all better stop this now, or I’m gonna get real upset.”
“And what’ll y’all do about it?”
A giggle storm is raging behind her lips. Some of the storm slips out as she shakes her head and says, “Y’all don’t even want to know.”
I poke her bouncing leg. “Tell me, y’all!”
She’s shaking, but she takes a long and deep breath. Then she grabs my poking finger and looks me in the eyes. “When I’m done with y’all, y’all are gonna wish that y’all never decided y’all could stand up to me. Y’all.”
Quiet. We’re both breathing hard.
I snort. “Man, y’all are a bitch.”
Twilight throws her head back and cackles, hard enough that her feet leave the ground. Like clockwork, my breaths sputter into chuckles. I dip my head between my knees and let the laughter spill out like air from a balloon. It doesn’t take long for my face to ache from the smile.
We stay like that for a minute, but soon enough we both recover and sit down again, panting.
Applejack walks into the garage, carrying her bass. “What are y’all laughing about in here?”
Shit.
The next thing I know I’m falling off my hay bale, choking on chortles. Twilight is right behind me, on her knees and doubled over the hay bale.
Through my tears, I see Applejack cross her arms. “Are y’all okay?”
Spit flies from my mouth as I roll, heaving with laughter, onto my back. Twilight slips off her hay bale and howls into the floor.
Applejack steps forward. “Seriously y’all, what is so funny?”
“Stop!” I try to say but I’ve taken a hammer to the stomach. Everything hurts and I can’t stop laughing and it hurts so good. Twilight dives into her bag and pulls out her inhaler.
I don’t know how long we spend on the floor. Every time I think I’m about to calm down, I look at Applejack and start laughing again. Can’t tell whether she’s annoyed or frightened. Goddess help us.
All I do know is that once we eventually do pick ourselves back up — faces red, chests aching, lungs heaving — us three aren’t the only ones in the room anymore. Rainbow Dash and Rarity walked in at some point, and are watching us with the same annoyance/fright as AJ.
“What, pray tell, did we just walk into?” Rarity asks, hand on her hip.
I wipe the drool off my chin. “Sorry, guys — heh. Inside joke.”
Twilight chugs orange juice between shallow breaths.
Applejack snorts, turns to Dash and Rarity, and then jabs a thumb in our direction. “I’m pretty sure these two have finally gone insane.”
“Don’t worry!” I run a hand through my sweaty, knotty hair and lean back. “We’re fine, y’all.”
Orange juice shoots out of Twilight’s nostrils.