//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Yes, Twilight, you are the father! // Story: Papa Twilight // by ThePinkedWonder //------------------------------// Pinkie Pie usually possessed some level of control over herself whenever she got excited. She just didn’t always feel like reining herself in. But this time, oh no. Until she got at least some of it out of her system, nothing could have suppressed her unbridled happiness back, not even Pinkie herself. “EEEEEEEEEE!! I’M A MOTHER!! EEEEEEEEE!!” Yes, that’s right. Pinkie had become a mother. Her body curled tight into a ball, she bounced across Ponyville, ricocheting off one building after another, albeit harmlessly to both herself and the buildings. A grin that even Equestria’s death would struggle to erase hogged the new mother’s face. Ponies covered their ears to block at least some of Pinkie’s relentless screaming–not that it helped much. A magenta magical bubble surrounded Pinkie in mid-air and muffed her cheering, somewhat, though she still sprang about inside the bubble. Whether Pinkie was even aware she was trapped inside a magical bubble, even as it slowly descended to the ground, is up for debate. Princess Twilight Sparkle, her horn glowing magenta, trotted up to the bubble encompassing the pinballing mare. Spike followed her from behind, and both of them held their throbbing heads from Pinkie’s previous hayraine-inducing screaming. “I’m a mother! Eeeeee!” “Wow, she must be excited for some of her voice to get through your soundproof barrier, Twi,” Spike said. “No kidding. This has never happened before, but at least it’s strong enough to keep her inside.” Twilight shook her head. She scowled at the still-squealing/bouncing Pinkie and shouted, “Pinkie, can you calm down for just five seconds?!” “Okay,” Pinkie calmly said as she halted her bouncing. The barrier surrounding her vanished to whatever magic from canceled spells is dumped. Twilight started, “Now–”  “EEEEEEE!!” In a poof of magic, Pinkie’s mouth vanished. Spike commented, “Well, at least she stopped screaming for five seconds and is still standing in one spot.” “Pinkie, that wasn’t what I meant! What’s going on with you?!” Pinkie pointed a hoof toward where her mouth once was. “Oh, right,” Twilight’s cheeks sheepishly reddened. “Even you can’t talk without a mouth.” Pinkie’s mouth poofed back onto her face.  “Now can you tell me, and without screaming this time?” “I’m going to be a mother! Isn’t it exciting?!” “Wow, really?” Twilight asked as she smiled. She hugged Pinkie and said, “Congratulations, Pinkie! I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend, but you shouldn’t literally bounce around for your growing foal’s sake.” Spike asked, “Why did you keep your boyfriend a secret from us anyway? Is it anypony we know?” “Hehe, silly Twilight and Spike.” Pinkie petted Twilight’s head in borderline pity. “I don’t have a boyfriend. You know I wouldn’t be able to hide something so big from two of my bestest friends ever.” “Oh.” Twilight let Pinkie go. She bashfully rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, I’m not one to judge ponies for having, uh, one-night stands–” “Oh, no no no!” Pinkie clarified while waving her forehooves as further nos. “I don’t need to have….you know to lay eggs.” “Uh, what?” Twilight and Spike asked in unison. “I said, ‘I don’t need to have…you know to lay eggs’.” “Uh, what?” Twilight repeated in a deeper, more deadpan voice. Spike asked, “I’m scared to ask, but who’s the father?” “I’ll give you a hint: she’s a stress-prone, book-loving, quesadilla-fearing alicorn who secretly writes romance novels.” Yes, those hints were what you thought they were, even the romance one. As would happen to anyone/anypony who is normal, Twilight and Spike gasped as their pupils shrank. “WHAT?! You mean Twilight?!” “That is utterly impossible for multiple reasons!” The first-ever alicorn father(?) stepped onto a small, conveniently nearby box filled with bars of soap. She cleared her throat and raised her head in a lecturing fashion. “One: ponies can’t lay eggs. Two: I’m a mare, so I am biologically incapable of fatherhood.” Spike stared down at box under Twilight’s hooves and asked, “Uh, Twi? Why are you standing–” “I like standing on boxes of soap when I gave impromptu lectures, but there’s rarely one around when I do.” “Huh? And you call Pinkie ‘random’?” “Spike, my own random habits aren’t important right now! Anyway, Pinkie, three: even if I had male reproductive organs, the closest we’ve ever come to…that, was when I nuzzled you to cheer you up last month.” Twilight hopped off her box and shoved a hoof into Pinkie’s chest, “And four: you agreed to never speak of how I write romance novels in secret! What if Rainbow hears about it?!” “Four: oops, I forgot. Sorry!” Twilight backed her hoof off Pinkie and Pinkie said, “Two: of course it’s possible for you to be my egg’s father! One: the Pie family can lay eggs.” Pinkie leaned her head to one of Twilight’s ears and whispered, “And in case you forgot, I’m a Pie.” “Gee, thanks for reminding me,” Twilight snarked with her eyes squinted. “I completely forgot.” “You’re welcome.” Pinkie pulled her head away from Twilight’s ear. “And three: all a Pie needs to lay eggs is to be nuzzled by a pony they are close with who isn’t related to them, and you met every requirement. Therefore, since I laid the egg, it makes me mama and you daddy.” Twilight and Spike audibly blinked twice, the news to end all news loading into their brains. Once said news had 100% loaded, the adoptive brother-sister duo erupted in hearty laughter. “Okay, I have no idea how, but Twilight’s a dad! Ha ha ha! I can’t wait to tell Shining Armor!” “Don’t be silly, Spike; this is just a joke! Ha ha ha, a mare being a father! She almost had me!” “It’s not a joke, soon-to-be-dad! If you don’t believe me, I can show you my, I mean, our egg in my room.” The laughing from Twilight’s mouth took a sudden sick day. “Wait, you’re not joking? But I told you that–” “Heh heh, Twi? Instead of you ranting about how this can’t be possible, let’s just go with Pinkie and see this egg.” At Sugarcube Corner… With Pinkie Pie leading the way while hopping, Pinkie, Twilight, and Spike walked or hopped up the stairs in Sugarcube Corner and into Pinkie’s bedroom. In the middle of the bedroom lay a nest holding a pillow, which in turn cradled a lavender egg. A gray unicorn stallion wearing a white jacket stood beside it, levitating a sheet of paper in his magic. “See?” Pinkie motioned to her egg. “It even takes after you!” Her mouth agape, Twilight stumbled in a stance-like pace toward the nest and egg. She circled the egg, her gaze not straying from it. “Whoa, Pinkie was serious,” Spike said as he stepped forward and peeked at the new egg, even as Twilight continued her circular pace of disbelief. “There’s really an egg here.” “This…just can’t be possible, and this egg is somehow mine too?” Twilight’s pacing slowed to a full stop and she faced the watching doctor. “Doctor, did Pinkie truly lay this egg?” “I didn’t see her lay it, but paternity tests compatible with eggs confirmed that it is indeed Ms. Pie’s egg. Furthermore, its color perfectly matching your coat color is too improbable to be a coincidence, so it appears you may be its father as she claims.” The alicorn alternated between staring at her egg and the doctor. “No…no…this can’t be. How? HOW?! Even Pinkie Pie logic can’t explain how I could father an egg just by nuzzling Pinkie?! I even only did it once!” Pinkie’s fluffy mane deflated, its cheerful pink color dimming to a sorrowful gray. Her lips and ears woefully sagged. “Oh, I understand. You just don’t want our foal-to-be. Fine, I’ll be a single–” “N-n-no!” With a guilt-filled frown, Twilight hurried to Pinkie’s side and laid her hoof onto the mother’s back. “It’s not that, I promise! I even wanted to have foals someday, but I just never expected to get any…this way.” “Really?” Pinkie’s mane poofed and brightened back to its normal fluffy pink self, along with her typical cheerful grin. “Really,” Twilight answered with a supportive nod. “If this is our foal growing in our egg, they will have two loving parents: you and me.” “Just don’t give them too many chores like you do to me.” Twilight glared down at Spike. “Spike, you know the reason you have so many is that you enjoy it! You remember how you took it when I gave some of your chores to Owlowiscious?” Spike stared toward the floor and fiddled with his fingers. “You have a point.” “I know.” Twilight lilted her hoof off Pinkie’s back. “But regardless, this whole thing is too ridiculous to be true. My gut tells me that this egg isn’t what it seems and that I’m not the father.” “Whatever you say, Dad,” Spike said, complete with a teasing smirk. Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “Anyway, Doctor, can we run a paternity test with my DNA to find out for sure? Ow!” Three strands of hair yanked from Twilight’s mane and floated toward the doctor as his horn glowed white. “If you wish. I will run each strand of your mane through separate tests, and you are unequivocally the egg’s father if all three tests confirm it. You will receive the results tomorrow.” The next day, in Princess Twilight’s castle… Spike and Starlight Glimmer dashed into the castle’s library with the former carrying a letter in one of his hands.  Starlight said, “Twilight, the paternity test results are here.” “Want me to open it and read it for you?” Spike asked. “Go ahead,” Twilight answered while lying on a couch. She turned her head away from an open book in front of her and toward Spike and Starlight. “I’m sure it will say I’m not the father.” Spike ripped open the letter and took a brief read at the newly freed paper. He giggled and showed it to Starlight, who giggled in return. “Sorry, Dad-to-be,” Starlight said while wearing a smirk, “but this says that you are the father.” “WHAT?! Let me see that!” Twilight snatched the letter with her magic and floated it to her. It bore only a single sentence: "Yes, Princess Twilight Sparkle, you are the father!" While Twilight gawked at that paper in stunned silence, Spike and Starlight broke into laughter. “Ha ha ha! I still can’t believe it!” Starlight held her stomach and let out a couple of wheezes. “Just when I think I’ve seen it all with Pinkie, in comes you being her egg’s dad!” Spike grasped his stomach and emitted his own wheeze. The impact of him being an uncle refused to register; he had more laughing to do. “Rainbow has called you an ‘egghead’ ever since she met you, and now you're the dad to an egg! Ha ha ha!” The corners of Twilight’s lips drooped. Her pupils enlarged into a void, blank stare. Her body stiffened. It was official. Medical professionals had confirmed that somehow, someway, Twilight was the father of Pinkie’s egg. Her. Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. A father. A parent. “I’m…a parent….I’m really a…parent…?” Spike and Starlight finally exited “laugh at confused alicorns” mode and stopped laughing. “We’re…gonna leave you alone and hang out by ourselves for a while. I’ll check on you later, and congratulations,” Spike said. He and Starlight strode back toward the door they had entered the library from, but they both turned around with smirks.  “Papa,” both Starlight and Spike said simultaneously.