My dearest Cream Heart
I know you always said that I should never stray too far from ponies with more common sense than me.
Today I have proven you right.
On a routine mission to exploit uninhabited lands I’ve become King of the Glass Horses.
For now I am trapped here in the north but I will weasel my way back home as soon as possible.
The thought of just selling this dump to Sun Butt and Luner Booty have crossed my mind but I have elected that it would be funnier if I ruled.
Sincerely, your Big Dick Baby Daddy, Anon.
…
Dear Princess Celestia
It wasn’t my fault.
Lulu sent me to invest in the Equestrian north. I was under the impression the Empire would want in on this friendship and harmony shit so I wanted to get in on it beforehand.
First come first serve and whatnot.
While you may suggest I abdicate in favour of somepony with buzzwords like ‘experience’ or ‘mental stability’ I believe that me ruling a city state in the north is just way funnier.
Also you’ll have to come up here so we can talk because I’ve gotten requests from the locals to invade north Equestria.
Something about ponies squatting on the Empire’s land. I think some of your border regions used to be a part of its lands or something but I’m not sure.
I’m not going to ask for it back. I know from my subject’s point of view it was a part of the Empire last week but I’m trying to settle them into this new millennium.
Don’t punish Lulu too hard. Her only mistake was trusting me.
Sincerely, King Anon ‘the Chad’
PS: you’re not getting that money back, soz.
…
Dear Princess Luna /i]
Sorry.
Heard you got grounded by Sun-Butt.
If it makes you feel better once Albus is an adult you can be his wife. Therefore becoming a Queen, therefore ungroundable.
Hope you come to visit soon, I like your company. Even if it’s mostly you punishing me for traumatising generations of foals or you getting conned.
Lovingly, your friend, King Anon.
Dear Twilight Sparkle
Lol.
Sincerely, King Anon ‘the Chad’
…
Dear Griffonia
I am writing multiple copies of this letter to the various states of your land because I don’t understand who the fuck is in charge over there.
I was just writing to tell you the Crystal Empire is back baby.
So whoever is Emperor these days, or Chancellor or Supreme Mugwump or whatever the guy with the biggest stick is calling themselves.
Feel free to drop by so we can talk politics and shit.
Sincerely, King Anon ‘the Chad’
…
To Rutherford
How is my favourite Yak doing?
Sorry for the scare man, dropping a kingdom on your southern border was a major dick move on my part. Sorry.
So if you wanna drop by for a visit I’ll try and get Pinkie up here for a party.
Sincerely, King Anon ‘the Chad’
PS: Your brother isn’t still mad
about the Borat thing is he?
…
My dearest Anon
I told you so.
Forever yours, Cream Heart.
PS: If you don’t get back here before this foal is born I swear to Celestia I will (various unreadable words that have been scribbled out)
Sorry about that. I’m just going through mood swings while writing this.
…
Dear Anon
Please tell me this is all a joke.
I have asked very little of you in our time knowing each other but please tell me this is a joke.
Oh my me you are not joking are you?
(Something scribbled out)
We will be coming to visit soon, hopefully we can get all this sorted out before too much damage is done.
Your friend, now and forever, Princess Celestia
PS: Please please please tell me this is a joke.
…
Dear ‘King’ Anon
Nothing is going to heal what I do to you.
It may not be today, or the next.
Perhaps we shall wait until you are old and your prime is but a memory.
You cannot know. So you shall not know.
But we WILL exact revenge upon you for thy role in our grounding.
And you shall wish that you were never born.
Sincerely, your best friend, Lulu
…
To King Anon
While as a Griffon my pride should be insulted, I understand your uncertainty of the state of my lands.
I would be honoured to come meet with you. In this time and age the Equestrians may have a point about harmony and friendship.
Sincerely, Emperor Grover V
…
To Anon
Yaks would love to come to Anon’s new house.
Rutherford is happy that drinking friend is closer to home now.
Many yaks scared when Crystal Empire returned. But yaks not that scared. Yaks ready to fight, yaks ready to win.
But yaks happy Anon is King now.
Bradford still very angry. Always keeps giant puppet of Anon in room. It looks like you but has many knives sticking in eyes.
Prince Rutherford
…
Dear Anon
Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please tell me this is a joke!
I love you like a brother Anon. Well I love you like a very close male friend. But please tell me this isn’t serious.
I’m sorry but you as a king is the last thing a nation needs when awakening a thousand years in the future.
If it was any other city I’m sure you’d make a great leader but I cannot sleep soundly knowing that not only have you been left to your own devices you have the lives of thousands of ponies in your hooves.
Also Mrs Cake wants to know when you’re coming back for a visit. Chocolate wants to know when her ‘Uncle Nonners’ is coming over to play again.
Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle
…
Reading through the responses to his letters Anon’s brow was fairly furrowed.
“Nice to know my ‘friends’ are giving me full support” he muttered.
Getting up from the desk in his new chambers at the Crystal City Anon went to the doors.
With confirmation Rutherford was coming he wanted to make sure the booze supply would be plentiful enough.
Opening his chamber doors he was stopped by two crystal ponies standing in his way.
One was a salmon coloured stallion with light white hair, wearing a slightly scruffy suit and tie while the other was a turquoise mare with a navy blue mane wearing a plain but still pretty looking wedding dress.
“M-my King, we’ve come for the Prima Nocta” the mare said, visibly upset with the whole concept.
The stallion, who Anon was fairly sure was her new husband, only looked ashamed of himself as his head was lowered to the ground.
Anon on the other hand just looked pissed as all hell.
“For fuck sake- do I need to get a town cryer or something? I’ve appealed that law. I. DO. NOT. WANT. YOUR. WIFE’S. VIRGINITY. I’ve had to say this ten times today!” Anon mini-ranted.
The couple suddenly brightened up.
“Y-you don’t?” The mare said, her fear being replaced by hope.
“Sweetheart, I've got a pregnant marefriend. I'm not about to start humping other stallion’s wives, those days are behind me. Now go home and enjoy your night, and for fuck sake tell everypony you meet that Prima Nocta is now illegal” Anon explained.
“Thank you my liege, you don’t know how much this means to us” the stallion thanked.
The couple quickly turned around and left Anon’s presence.
“I’ve got to get a message board up in the entrance or something” Anon sighed to himself.
AN: I know not much happened here but I thought it would be a quick reaction of the major factions to Anon’s ascension.
The Prima Nocta thing just sounds like something Sombra would do.