//------------------------------// // 5. Do Crime (kits) // Story: Twiggled: A RariTwi Exquisite Corpse // by SigmasonicX //------------------------------// “Such a lovely shade of violet,” thought Rarity as she continued to stare into Twilight’s eyes. So cute and so very full of… alarm? Rarity scarcely had time to wonder what had so startled Twilight before her girlfriend grabbed her and hurled the pair of them under a table. The impact with the floor knocked the already tenuous breath out of her. The hair on her arms prickled and stood on ends as a low hum vibrated her skull. Then the plate window of the cafe shattered and sprayed across the small cafe. Despite the ringing in her ears, Rarity could make out villainous laughter. Fending off Twilight’s clutching grasp and ignoring the hushed “Rarity, no!”, she peaked out from under the table. A short, very poorly dressed man stood out in front of the cafe. Dressed in a tight yellow shirt, purple, of all colors, overalls, and holding forth a golden accordion he bounced from foot to foot as he cackled. “Poor little princess!” His nasally voice seemed to rub against Rarity’s ears in quite the same way a kazoo did. “You thought you could escape? There is no escape from Seniõr Ques–” There was a hollow thunking sound, and the man’s head tilted ever so slightly. Then he toppled forward to reveal a pair of figures standing in the moonlight. “Mother fu– ah!” whined the leftmost figure, and shorter. Removing her hand from a half meter section of pipe and shaking it. “It was like hitting a brick wall.” The rightmost figure chuckled. “Missed the sweet spot, eh, Dash?” Ignoring the glare the injured girl gave her, she stepped forward. “Anyone in here hu– Rarity?!” “Holy shit! Dude, are you okay?” Both figures hopped through the broken sill. “We’re quite alright now, Sunset dear,” said Rarity as she helped Twilight out from under the table. “We?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “I thought you swore off dating after Appleja–” Sunset step on Rainbow’s foot. “Care to introduce us to your friend?” The slight pause before “friend” gave Rarity an out should she wish it. Sunset was always, well, not polite, but considerate. “Oh, of course.” Rarity pulled Twilight forward. “This is Sitwee. We met earlier tonight and have been having an absolutely lovely evening together. And this is Sunset.” Twilight took Sunset’s outstretched hand and gave it a small shake. “Um, thanks for, um,” Twilight gestured towards the broken window. “Stopping that creep.” From over by the bar where the waiter was still recovering from the sonic blast, Rainbow piped up, “Dammit, Rares. I’ve told you to do it right!” Sighing and massaging the bridge of her nose, Rarity gestured to take in both Sunset and Rainbow. “These miscreants are Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash. They… ugh, fight. Crime.” Twilight had glanced towards Rarity while she gave her amended introduction, and was nearly startled off of her feet when she looked back to find Rainbow Dash right in front of her, leaning in to examine her far too closely. “Sitwee, huh? She’s cute!” A siren in the distance drew their attention. Sunset grabbed Rainbow, but turned towards Twilight and Rarity. “It’s been great to meet you, Sitwee, but we’re not exactly, um.” “Fucking pigs don’t like us horning in on their turf!” shouted Rainbow. Twilight opened her mouth to defend her brother, but caught herself before she revealed her identity to these two. “Actually, we’d both rather avoid the attention of the constabulary as well.” Dash and Sunset glanced at each other and Rainbow’s face split into a wide grin. “You should keep this one, Rares.” “I hadn’t planned otherwise, darling.” With a chopping motion, Sunset killed the banter. “Let’s get off the street.” She gestured towards a small alley across from the Cafe. “After you.” Rainbow and Sunset lead them into a small nondescript apartment on the first floor of a small, nondescript building just off 2nd and Charles. Muffled radio chatter became clear as Dash opened the door. “... authorities are still looking for the missing Princess. Queen Velvet asks that any…” With an annoyed squawk the radio went silent as Rainbow hip checked it on her way to the kitchen. A small tiled corner of the room, with a two-eye range, fridge, and microwave. “You two want anything to drink?” Dash asked as she rummaged around in the fridge. Twilight gave a polite “yes, please,” but Rarity declined with the shake of her head. She wasn’t quite desperate enough to taste whatever offbrand energy drink Rainbow had purchased this week. “And bathroom’s right through there,” Rainbow Dash said and pointed at one of the two narrow doors in the back wall. Sunset gestured the two of them towards their couch. A well used, but comfortably plush affair against one wall of the small living room. Rarity saw Twilight’s flash of confusion as she looked at the cramped (Rarity would say intimate, were she to be generous.) sofa with more than a little concern. Rarity guided Twilight to sit on the couch. Sunset opted to sit on one arm, while Rainbow came back with three metal cans and tossed one each to Twilight and Sunset. She gave Sunset a significant look, then grabbed a folding chair, turned it around, and sat backwards in it. Clearing her throat, Sunset spoke. “Now that we’re not out where everyone can see us, I think you owe us a bit of an explanation.” Rarity sighed. It was only fair, and her friends did deserve to know what they might be getting into. She only hoped her story didn’t make them too exuberant in their desire to “set the streets alight” as they’d once so colorfully put it. “Well, dears. Get comfortable, because it’s quite a tale.” “So let me get this straight,” Rainbow said, grinning. “This Mr. Cheese dude is after ‘Sitwee’ for some reason,” the near audible quotes around the name made Rarity wince, “And that’s got the cops and royal guard and and and the entire freaking House Manehattan involved?” “I don’t think they’re working together,” mumbled Twilight. Rarity noted that she seemed much more subdued than earlier in the evening. Perhaps it was the assassination, or whatever, attempt, or maybe it was just the way Dash’s personality tended to squeeze everyone else out. “Don’t forget about the ‘magic accordion,’ ” Sunset said. “Really wish we’d grabbed that off the bozo. Magic toys like that sell for a lot.” She stared into her drink for a moment. “Though I don’t like the idea of giving a weapon like that to the kind of people who’d buy it from us.” “Eh,” Dash shrugged off the thought and opened another can. “Pinkie’d like it.” She titled the can up and began to gulp its contents down. “I hardly think giving it to Pinkie Pie would be safer than any of your more normal contacts.” At Twilight’s alarmed look, Rarity gave her a comforting pat on the arm. “Pinkie’s quite a dear, but she sometimes gets far too excited about and far too comfortable with magical explosions and music.” “Well,” said Sunet. “We’re down to help you two out. Neither of us would leave a friend hanging. And Rarity’s girlfriend is our friend. But,” and Sunset glanced at Twilight, “I want to know who you actually are first.” “Dude, Sunset. You are slowing down.” Dash hopped over her chair to sit on Sunset’s lap. “That whole ‘missing princess’ thing and now Rarity has a new girlfriend, and some bozos who can afford to chuck magic at exploding harmonicas? She’s gotta be–” Sunset placed a hand over Dash’s mouth. “Yeah, but I want her to tell.” Rarity opened her mouth, but a glare from Sunset had her closing it again. All eyes fixed on Twilight. Twilight breathed in deeply, using the calming technique Dame Cadance had taught her. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and–” A pounding knock at their door cut her off.