//------------------------------//
// Chapter 52: Past Tragedies 
// Story: Rosa 
// by awf 
//------------------------------//

Sky Light didn't want to go, but Rosa dragged her to get a shower. Part of the reason was the chat she wanted to have with her friend, but there was also the fact that Sky Light stank. Now that they hadn't been living in a dirty, run down van for a while, Rosa had become conscious of cleanliness again. She showered nearly every day, especially if she had sweated at all, and she made sure Sky Light kept herself clean as well. After all, Rosa had to cuddle with her every night. It was totally worth the few bucks these truck stop showers usually charged. This night was no different, so Sky Light didn't complain more than usual. She followed listlessly as Rosa made her way into the squat concrete building. There was a number of humans around the bar, drinking or eating, many of which glanced their way when the two ponies entered and the conversation lulled a little.

Rosa hoped it would be the right sort of cashier, especially since some of them had simply turned her away in the past. A few had gotten angry at the very idea. Most didn't care, though. She walked right up to the register and gave the lad her best smile. The young ones were usually the most amenable. "Hi! We're with one of the trucks and I was wondering if we could rent a couple of showers for bit?"

The lad stared a little, probably because he didn't usually get to see many ponies, Rosa guessed, but then he jerked awake and hurriedly tapped on his cash register. "Uh, yeah! Sure, no problem!"

Her smile widened. "Thank you! How much do I owe?"

He had to read the amount four times before it registered in his mind, the poor thing. "Uh, nine sixty please," he said at last.

Rosa rummaged in her backpack for a ten dollar note, noting with alarm that she didn't have all that many of those, and held it up with her mouth. "'ewe!"

The young man whose name tag proclaimed he was a 'Steven' and a student, took the proffered money very gingerly, as if he was afraid of hurting her, or maybe he expected Rosa to bite. It was a bit funny and she had no problems keeping up her pleasant grin. Then he reached down with the change and looked confused about how she might take it. Rosa simply lifted up her upturned hoof and he very gently deposited the two coins. They went into the pocket and jingled a little as they met their friends in there.

"Thanks! Through here?" Rosa said and took the initiative to move things along.

"Oh. Yes! There..." The cashier and several others watched her nudge the pegasus through the door to the shower area.

Rosa was relieved to see it was empty at the time, although she had had to shower with strange men present in the room and it had always turned out alright thus far. Most of these facilities followed a similar basic plan to the first one she had seen and this one was no exception. The most notable difference was that the shower cabins had that foggy plastic sliding door, rather than a curtain. Rosa nudged Sky Light into a cubicle and she reached behind to close and lock the door behind her. Rosa stepped in before Sky could do that and the mare jerked away in surprise. It was more of a reaction than Rosa had seen out of her lately and she decided to take that as a good sign.

"What the fuck?"

"Hush!" Rosa leaned her head to one side and flicked her ears around, making sure there was no one else in the large room with them. Then she lowered her voice to a whisper and faced her pegasus friend. "Sky, I've been really patient, but you're getting worse, okay? I really wanna help. What's wrong? Why were you crying today in the truck?"

"I wasn't. Nothing's wrong. I don't know what you're talking about!" Sky lied.

Sky couldn't quite meet her eyes, but Rosa kept staring at her muzzle, looking for any clues. "Something's wrong, I know it. Come on, Sky, you know you can tell me! We're in this together!"

"It's none of your business," the pegasus muttered darkly.

"It is too! We're trying to pull off this rescue, I need you focused. Tell me what's bothering you!" Rosa shut up when she realized she wouldn't get anything our of her by force. Pushing her would just make her clam up. Instead, Rosa let her breath out and lowered her head. "Please don't just shut me out. I'm your friend, right? You can tell me anything and I won't judge, you know that!"

In fact, Sky Light couldn't know that. Rosa had judged a lot in the past, but she was determined not to do so this time. This felt like something really important and whatever Sky Light was feeling, Rosa wanted to support her. She tried to convey that through her gentle smile.

Her friend turned away and stared at the wall tiles, but Rosa stepped closer and put her hooves around her. She was being careful with the wings, of course. A moment later she switched her grip lower, so she was not messing up Sky Light's feathers.

"I'm here for you," Rosa said, then used her own nickname right back at Sky Light, "sweetheart."

For a moment it seemed her friend would try to wiggle out, and she shifted in the strong grip but Rosa didn't let go. Sky drew a breath, then let it slowly out. Her ears folded down and Rosa sensed she had nearly won.

There was no time to celebrate, however, because the other mare took another shuddering breath and spoke very softly: "Bad memories. I didn't know it would hit me that hard, but something about seeing the landscape slide by brings me back to..." She didn't finish.

"Back to where? What bad memories?"

Sky shook her head. "You wouldn't understand, Rosa. Just let it go."

"Try me."

The pegasus leaned her head to the side and thought hard about it. Rosa could barely keep from biting her lip in nervousness. She was going to crack! She was finally about to spill out some answers!

"It's sad," Sky Light finally spoke. "I don't wanna bother you with it. It'll pass."

That had been a big mistake. Now Rosa really wanted to know. If something was bringing her friend down, she wanted to hear all about it and help her through it, if at all possible. After all, Sky Light had always been there when Rosa had been pining after Lillian. She kept her hug tight, leaned her head against Sky's back and closed her eyes.

"Bother me with it," Rosa commanded softly. "Please- I wanna be here for you. You've always been there for me, Sky. Please?"

The other mare sniffled and moved again, but this time Rosa released her so she could turn around to face her. There were tears in her eyes again, and Rosa quickly gathered her into a hug. Physical contact was key, she knew. Rosa might not have been an expert hobo, but she had been training for stuff like this at the School most of her life.

"I'm not- I don't wanna-" Sky Light sobbed, but then couldn't speak anymore, overcome with some indescribable sadness. She went limp, but Rosa could easily support her by sitting on her haunches. Her friend could lean on her like that all she wanted - Rosa was an earth pony, after all.

"It's okay, there's no hurry. Whenever you're ready," she reassured Sky.

It took Sky Light almost a minute before she could talk again. "You're a good friend, Rosa. I really don't want you to hurt. I promise I'll be fine-"

Rosa hushed her with a hoof on the muzzle, easily supporting her weight with one foreleg against her body. It felt nice when Sky made herself comfortable against Rosa's chest fluff for a change. "Shut up, you nitwit and tell me! Or else I'll go and imagine the most horrible things and then I'll have nightmares and cry all the time. You want that, huh?!"

She had kept her voice light, as if making a small joke, and it worked. That one almost brought a smile to Sky's lips. "Yeah, you'd do that, you little idiot, wouldn't you?" She sobered up quickly and looked down to the floor tiles. "I had a daughter, you know?"

It came out of nowhere and made Rosa gasp in shock. The revelation was bad enough, but Sky Light had said 'had'. Rosa's eyes watered instantly and her stomach clenched up in fear.

"W-What h-happened?"

Her friend gave her a pained, forlorn look and Rosa quickly nuzzled her. No one should feel that way!

"Stillborn," Sky whispered with another sniffle.

Rosa was choked up as well. She was already crying silently. "I'm so, so sorry, Sky," she said, understanding that it was not enough, but there were no other words. "I'm sorry..."

"It was my own damned fault," Sky explained with a sudden, angry flash of her eyes. She stiffened in Rosa's grasp and growled. "It was booze." She seemed determined to tell the whole story and Rosa didn't stop her. It was going to be sad and horrible, she could already feel that, but if talking about it helped Sky, then Rosa would bite her tongue and listen closely. It was the least she could do for her friend.

"I was twenty or twenty one. Just after I ran away. I lived with this group of ponies in some huge pipes on a construction site. Mares and stallions. We were all teens so of course we bucked all the time. I was stupid and didn't know I was going into heat until it was too late." Her words felt like they were coming from a large distance. She paused every now and then to take a shuddering breath, but each time she pushed forward with her story. "At first I didn't even realize it. Heh, I thought I was just getting fat. No morning sickness, see?" Sky gave a self-deprecating laugh. "Then, when I did find out, I got super freaked out. No chance in hell I could raise a foal, not on the streets. I thought about going back to the human, but I was afraid he'd just beat it out of me."

Rosa had started worrying that was what eventually happened, at least until she remembered that Sky had said 'booze'. She really didn't know which thought was worse and she bit her lip to keep quiet. Sky Light didn't need more questions, she just needed Rosa's ears right at the moment, and friendly hooves around her, and Rosa's beating heart next to hers.

"I decided to leave. I started train hopping because I couldn't look my gang in the eye anymore. I didn't even know which one of them was the father," the mare explained. "I just wanted out of there! Anywhere. Anyway, I got depressed and I started drinking. Like- a lot. I don't think I was sober a single day after leaving. Don't ask me how I got money for booze. Half the time I didn't even know which direction the train was going."

"Oh no..."

"Yeah. I was drunk off my ass when..." A shudder ran through Sky Light's body and she was weeping openly. It took incredible effort, but she finished the story, her voice cracking: "When I gave birth. It was on the train... That's why- the horizon..." Sky Light gasped for breath, then choked out: "She was so little!"

It was too much. Rosa started crying out loud with Sky and holding on to her for all she was worth. They gripped each other almost painfully, but neither minded in the slightest. Rosa just hoped her friend could hear her heartbeat while she was pressing her head against Rosa's barrel.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Rosa kept repeating, knowing the words would never be enough.

"I named her 'Daisy'!" Sky Light wailed.

Rosa didn't know what else to do, so she started alternating between licking Sky's muzzle and nuzzling her, all just to make sure she knew She wasn't alone.

"Buried her in a park near the next stop. Then I just... went back on the train. Drank some more." Despite how long ago it had happened, Sky Light still felt the loss keenly. "You rem-remind me of her," she sobbed and Rosa gave her a squeeze. "Oh god, I'm sorry!" Sky Light said quietly in a broken voice. "My sweet little Daisy, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay," Rosa lied, "it's okay. I'm here."

Sky Light pulled away for a moment to look at her, then bursts into tears again and gripped Rosa once more. The two kept hugging and Rosa settled down into a more comfortable position. It would probably take a while, but she didn't care at that point.
They both needed to cry this out. Things would be better after a good cry.

At least that was what Rosa hoped.





Rosa didn't know how much time passed before her friend spoke again. "I thought it's been long enough!" Sky Light wailed and slammed the floor with a hoof. "Maybe it's because you remind me of her so much! She was an earth pony, too. God, I'm so sorry! I didn't know it would hit me like this!"

"Shut up," Rosa told her, not unkindly. "Of course it hit you! You'd have to be some kind of a monster for it not to! I'm glad you told me."

"I hardly ever thought about it, and when I did I just got drunk again. Not lately anyway. You remind me of her, but you also take a lot of attention Rosa. Maybe that's a good thing." The mare gives Rosa a sad smile. "Taking care of you - you're so young - maybe I thought it was some kind of payment, you know? I really thought I was finally past it!"

"You're never past... something like that."

Sky sniffled some more, but it looked like the worst was over. "Please don't tell anyone. Please?" she begged miserably.

"I swear."

Rosa held her friend in silence for a bit, then she started licking her muzzle once more. Her tears were hot and a bit salty, but she didn't mind. She spoke between her ministrations. "Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry and I guess there's nothing I can say to make it better... but please tell me if there's anything I can do, okay? Anything at all. Ever!"

Sky Light nodded in silence and Rosa kissed the tip of her nose. "It's going to be fine. I'll keep the nightmares away this time, okay? I owe you for... for before. With Lillian."

"That's right, you do," Sky Light said so matter-of-factly that Rosa couldn't help chuckling. That was a bit of her old spirit back and it was encouraging.

"Anytime you wanna talk about it - just tell me, okay? We'll go somewhere private. I know crying helps." Rosa was guessing at the last part, but she had always felt better after a good cry. True, her own misfortunes had never been that horrible, but if it helped even a little, she would weep with Sky Light every day until the pain was at least tolerable. It would probably never be gone.

"Thanks, Rosa. You're really sweet, even if you are a little idiot."

That one almost made Rosa laugh and she smiled at her friend. "Yeah, that's me. Little idiot Rosa. Come on, let's get that shower now. We can share since we're already here."

Now that she thought about it, Rosa was incredibly grateful that no one had come in during their talk and subsequent crying. 'Small miracles', she said to herself. Maybe, she started thinking, it was not a good idea to rush to this White Pigeon place right away. Sky Light would need more time to get over this and Rosa wanted to focus on her exclusively for a while. They had enough money and the summer was nearly there. They could afford to bum around a little in the city where Pavo worked. Maybe for a couple of weeks until he made another round trip. The man would ask questions, but Rosa could just tell him they needed to get some stuff together to prepare. Then, next time he came back he could help them get to White Pigeon. It would give her and Sky Light some time to work through her grief. Rosa's grief, too, now. She hated herself for thinking like that, but if the mare remembered that tragedy at the wrong moment, it would ruin any chances they might have for getting Maribelle out. Besides, Rosa herself needed to cry it out, too. It had been the saddest, most devastating thing she had heard in her entire life.

Rosa shuddered and started licking Sky's muzzle again, more to comfort herself than the other mare. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm here for you."

Sky drew a shuddering breath and let it out in a sad sigh. Rosa could only hope this was the breakthrough she had needed. How long had the mare held it all in without telling anyone? Rosa almost felt honored that Sky Light trusted her this much.