//------------------------------// // 30: Down to Earth // Story: Space Captain Pinkie Pie // by terrycloth //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle huddled close to Pinkie Pie atop their little shred of cloud, as the gentle – but cold – breeze pushed them slowly but steadily towards Ponyville. The sun was rising, and since they were still high enough to be above the winter cloud cover, the dawn’s orange light played over them, making everything glow. Twilight’s horn was glowing regardless, as she maintained the Wood-Wind spell that kept the breeze swishing through the pines and firs below, providing a rhythmic rustling to speed them on their way. Behind them, the massive storm was falling apart. A hooffull of weather-ponies were tearing off chunks to repair the cloud-cover over the mountain valley that they’d disassembled the day before to help build it, while the rest of the storm degraded gradually as the pegasus magic that had kept it in one towering column slowly faded. That was okay. It had saved her life, and Pinkie’s, and what more could you ask of a cloud? “I love riding on clouds,” Pinkie Pie said, muzzle held high in the wintry breeze. “We need to do this more often.” Twilight laughed, and hunched down, shivering. “I think I’m going to keep my hooves on the ground from now on. Falling out of the sky once is enough for me.” “Awwww,” Pinkie Pie said. “You’re not going to come with me on my next ship?” “Next… ship?” Twilight Sparkle asked, one eye twitching. The toneless rustle from the breeze somehow managed to get slightly discordant. “I’ve touched the sky, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie said, staring into the sun. “I’ve feasted on moon muffins and partied with the moon ponies. What else is waiting out there for us to find?” “Nothing else. Didn’t you hear Tess and Chance? All of Equestria is trapped in some sort of little bubble,” Twilight said. “Oh, Twilight Twilight Twilight,” Pinkie Pie said, patting her friend on the head. “Everypony knows that bubbles pop!” “Pinkie – don’t pop the world,” Twilight said. Pinkie Pie giggled at the image, and bounced around Twilight as she started to sing, with the *shika-shika* from the Wood-Wind spell as accompaniment. I gave up looking for a reason To live with things the way they are. I gave up thinking that it was always easy to get To anyplace I needed to be! You gave up way way way to easy. No magic spell to reach the stars. Just give up thinking and it Won’t seem so crazy will it? Everything is going to be all right! I can’t pop the world! I can’t pop the world! I can’t pop the world, Why let that stop you? Why let that stop you? Why let that stop you? Can’t pop the world! Can’t pop the world! Twilight laughed, and joined in. Our silly jelly jar’s completely broken. Even the space ship crashed and burned. We broke the moon, blew up the desert too… if you don’t give up this quest, what are you going to do? Don’t pop the world! Don’t pop the world! Don’t pop the world, I’m talking to you! I’m talking to you! I’m talking to you! Don’t pop the world! Don’t pop the world! Pinkie Pie shook her head. I gave up looking for a reason To live with things the way they are. Just give up thinking and it Won’t seem so crazy, how could it? If we don’t give up, what can’t we do? We can’t pop the world! We can’t pop the world! We can’t pop the world! Don’t let it pop you! Don’t let it pop you! Don’t let it pop you! Can’t pop the world! “I don’t know, Pinkie,” said one of the background singers who’d showed up to help sing the last chorus. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” Twilight snapped her head around, to see a couple weather ponies pacing them. Pinkie Pie waved to them and grinned. “Nope! Never!” “Seriously, Pinks,” Cloud-Kicker said. “Everypony thought you two were dead.” “Not everypony,” Raindrops replied. “Just Rainbow Dash. I think the army’s still searching for you.” “They’re searching, but they think they’re dead,” the first pegasus repeated. “You guys aren’t going to try to run away, are you? We already risked our necks building that storm for you, and if we let you get away, it’s going to start to look like a pattern.” “You couldn’t really stop us,” Twilight Sparkle said. “I’m sure Celestia would understand.” The two pegasi looked really nervous, so Twilight smiled. “Don’t worry, I won’t run. If I tried to – I don’t know – exile myself to the Everfree Forest, I’d probably just end up turned to stone again anyway, or eaten by a manticore. I might as well face the Princess, even if every nerve in my body is telling me to pick the manticore.” “If you’re going to get gobbled up, you should pick the hydra,” Pinkie Pie said. “It swallows ponies whole so you can really get the full experience.” “Or maybe a dragon?” Twilight suggested. “We could trigger Spike’s greed-based growth spurt …” She noticed Raindrops and Cloud-Kicker staring at them in morbid fascination. “I’m not evil!” “Uh huh,” Raindrops said, unconvinced. “We’re here, by the way.” Twilight looked around at the clouds, which all looked about the same. “Are you sure?” Cloud-Kicker nodded. “We put these clouds here, I think I can recognize them.” “Or at least the navigational markers,” Raindrops said, pointing to little tufts of clouds that honestly looked the same as every other cloud in the sky. Still, there was no reason not to trust the pegasi, so Twilight teleported them all down to ground. Sure enough, they appeared right in the middle of the town square. “Ah, it’s good to be home,” Twilight said, looking around at all the ponies staring at her entrance. “Hi, everypony!” Pinkie Pie cried cheerfully, waving to the crowd. Then the screaming started, and the running around in circles, and Twilight and Pinkie Pie stood back-to-back just staring at the chaos while their pegasus escort made themselves scarce. “I’m not evil!” Twilight shouted, but if anypony heard, they didn’t stop reacting like she was the next incarnation of Nightmare Moon. It was almost a relief when the Royal Guard showed up to arrest her. === With Pinkie Pie helping to pass the time with dungeon-themed songs and games, it seemed like no time at all before they were let out of their cell and brought, under escort, to face Princess Celestia’s judgment. Through the windows they passed on the way, however, they could tell that the sun was setting, and they’d been imprisoned for nearly an entire day. The reason for the delay was obvious as soon as they entered the throne room – not only was Princess Celestia present, flanked by Shining Armor, Cadance, and an incredibly life-like statue of Twilight herself, but Princess Luna was in attendance as well, accompanied by four of her night guards, twice her usual complement. Between that show of force, and the dozen or so unicorn guards stationed around the room – with at least a pair by every exit – it was clear that trying to fight or flee was not an option. Not that she would have run in any case. “The Twilight Court is now in session,” Celestia proclaimed. Twilight looked around, but there was no sign of the usual courtiers. “The first item on the agenda is the disposition of the prisoners, Twilight Star Sparkle and Pinkamena Diane Pie.” “The second item on the agenda had best be the cessation of this idiotic war,” Luna said. It was probably not meant to be heard by anypony but Celestia, but the room was nearly silent except for the princesses, and everypony heard. Celestia, unfazed, levitated the scroll with the night’s agenda over to Luna for her to inspect, and the princess of the night nodded, satisfied. “Normally,” Celestia said, turning back to the prisoners, “we’d start by reading off the list of charges, but that’s more for the intimidation factor than anything else. Instead, I think it might be best if you begin by telling us all exactly what happened to bring us to the current state of affairs.” “We never meant to hurt anypony,” Twilight said, lowering her head. “I just don’t know what went wrong!” “Then tell us your story, Twilight Sparkle, and perhaps we can offer some insight,” Luna replied. So Twilight started talking, and with occasional help from Pinkie Pie, described the entire journey to the moon and what they did there, and who they met there. The story stretched on into the night, but if anypony was bored by the length of the tale, they kept it well hidden. Well, aside from one of the night guards who kept struggling to stifle his yawn. “…and then the two of us spent the night in the cloud. In the morning, when it started breaking up, we headed to Ponyville where we were both immediately arrested,” Twilight said, finishing up. “Hoofcuffed!” Pinkie Pie added cheerfully. “And then we spent the day in the dungeon, having an awesome dungeon party with the guards and the other prisoners, and then we were brought up here where you asked us to tell our story, so we started out by describing how –“ “That’s enough, Pinkie Pie,” Celestia said gently, “We were here for the rest.” “So what happens next?” Twilight asked, looking up at her mentor fearfully. Celestia looked grim, but her voice remained gentle. “I’m very disappointed in you, Twilight Sparkle,” she said. “Not only for your carelessness with the Moon Cannon, which nearly caused a tragedy of unimaginable scale, but for your use of the want-it-need-it spell which I specifically forbid you to use on ponies, as well as your foray into…” she looked at the statue of a terrified Twilight standing next to her, and said with distaste, “…mirror magic.” Twilight looked up at the princess, pleading for mercy with huge watering eyes. Celestia was unmoved. “I’m afraid that I have no choice but to –“ She was interrupted as the doors to the throne room were flung open by two slightly different shades of blue magic, the unicorns on guard shoved aside as the elements of harmony barged into the room, Rainbow Dash in the lead. “Stop right there!” she said, pointing towards Twilight and Pinkie Pie, or possibly the princesses. “Don’t worry, Princess! We’ve got this!” Shining Armor stepped forwards. “What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded. “This is a private session!” “Elements, assemble!” proclaimed the Great and Powerful Trixie, the element of magic perched on her head. The others fanned out to either side, with Rainbow Dash pulling back to hover directly above her. “Twilight Sparkle! In the name of the sun and the moon, prepare to receive your punishment!” Twilight could do nothing but stare in disbelief as the elements activated, and a brilliant beam of energy shot from the six hovering, glowing ponies, tearing through the force field put up reflexively by the captain of the guard as if it was tissue paper. As Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly up and down beside her, it engulfed them in a whirlwind of rainbow light. === Shining Armor’s head cleared from the blinding overload of light and sound the elements had left him with as they shattered his shield to see the throne room in chaos. The Elements of Harmony were locked in formation, hovering and glowing with a brilliant rainbow connecting them to the tornado of light in the middle of the room. The guards were hunkered down against the doors and walls, some of them squinting at the display, others holding up a hoof to protect their vision. A glance over his shoulder showed the princesses unmoved, Celestia grim, Luna furious. Cadance was casting a spell, finishing as the last of the fuzziness left Shining Armor’s mind, and smiled at him encouragingly. Suddenly, the elements of harmony collapsed to the ground, drained and unconscious. A curly-maned earth pony was ejected from the maelstrom, and half-bounced, half-slid across the floor, ending up against the side wall, below a stained glass window depicting the victory over Nightmare Moon. “Secure her!” Shining Armor shouted to the guards, above the still-deafening magical tinkling sound of the swirling rainbow, but kept himself focused on the pony still somehow holding out against the power of Harmony. The rainbow of light started to pulse, and fade away to a tattered spiral spinning around the flat white outline of a pony. As he watched, it grew larger, and transformed – a long, curving horn extending from its head, far longer and sharper than any unicorn’s… a pair of gigantic wings spreading to the sides, catching the last vestiges of the rainbow inside them with a blinding flash. When he blinked the spots out of his eyes, a new alicorn stood in the center of the room, laughing. Well, actually, it was more of a giggle. “Heeheeheeheehee*snort*heehee. Everypony’s so tiny! Teeny weeny little ponies!” A dozen beams of magical energy, in all colors of the rainbow, shot towards the giggling pony, who was suddenly surrounded by floating pentagonal mirrors, which intercepted and absorbed all the beams, then flew up overhead and assembled into a dodecahedron, which started spinning around, emitting the energy as a dozen harmless, multicolored spotlights. Two of the braver guards charged, only to have their target leap into the air at the last second with a joyful “Wheee!” She bounced off one’s head, and the other’s rear end, sending them both sprawling. Celestia, still sitting proudly on her throne, shouted, “Enough!” Princess Pinkie Pie frowned, as she hovered in midair in the center of the room. “But the party was just starting!” “This is your idea of fun?” Shining Armor asked her. “Fighting with my guards, the entire throne room in disarray?” “Oh, come ooooon,” Pinkie Pie said, “Can’t I rampage just a little bit?” “We would not recommend it,” Luna replied. “A second chance to shape your reputation may be a long time coming. A long, lonely time.” “Party poopers,” Pinkie Pie pouted, but she landed softly and helped the two guards she’d knocked down to their hooves. Then she spotted the lavender pony crumpled by the wall, and gasped. She bounced over and leaned down, grinning widely right in the other pony’s face. “Hey, Twilight,” she said. Twilight stared back blankly, as she had been since being thrown from the rainbow, but shifted her gaze to look Pinkie in the eyes at least. Pinkie Pie put a hoof to Twilight’s forehead, then lifted it to her own. “Got your hooooorn!” Twilight reached up and felt around, then screamed. === Twilight Sparkle knelt in the soft, fragrant soil of the castle gardens, stubbornly trying to coax a rose bush to grow. “Come on, you stupid plant,” she growled. “I know it’s winter, but that’s no excuse. Do you see any snow? I don’t see any snow. This whole garden is basically a greenhouse. Bloom!” The grass rustled as somepony landed behind her, and she glanced over her shoulder to see Rainbow Dash looking awkward and uncomfortable. “Hey, Twi,” she said, scratching at the ground with a hoof. “I just wanted to say… um…” “Did you know Earth Ponies don’t write down their methodology?” Twilight Sparkle blurted out. “I went to the royal library and asked for a beginning book of plant magic, and the librarian looked at me like I’d grown a second head. It’s all passed down orally, in a tradition of apprenticeship.” Rainbow Dash blinked, and glanced at the stack of books next to the ex-unicorn. Twilight followed her glance. “So all I have to go on are these books written by unicorns and pegasai after observing earth ponies at work. I’d read a few of them before, and they seemed somewhat plausible at the time, but they were written before anypony developed the scientific method, so it’s mostly wild speculation mixed in with thought experiments presented as facts. This one,” she said, staring at the book on top, which stubbornly refused to move, due to her lack of a horn, until she knocked it off the stack with a hoof. “This one says that earth pony hooves are the focus of their magic, just like unicorn horns and feathers for pegasi. It’s an aesthetically pleasing explanation – simple, elegant, and completely wrong!” Conveniently, the book had fallen open to an illustration of the faulty principle in question. “Maybe I should come back later,” Rainbow Dash said, taking a step back, and spreading her wings. “No, wait, stop,” Twilight said. “You had something to say, and I interrupted you.” Rainbow Dash stared at Twilight Sparkle for a few seconds, and when it looked like she was actually going to stay quiet, started where she’d left off. “I forgive you.” Twilight stared at her, and snapped, “For what?” “What do you think?” Rainbow Dash said. “For letting me think you and Pinkie were dead for, like, a whole day! I was sobbing my eyes out and hiding from everypony – Applejack had to chase me down and hogtie me to tell me you’d been found. What were you thinking! Do you have any idea how uncool that made me look?” “Well,” Twilight said, “in chronological order, I was thinking, ‘I’m going to die’, ‘help, I’m trapped here’, ‘Celestia, I’m tired’, ‘I can’t wait to get back to Ponyville’, and ‘horseapples, I’ve been locked in a dungeon’.” “Oh,” Rainbow said, looking embarrassed again. “What happened, anyway? The other Twilight said she left you behind when she teleported… how’d you get out of the ship?” “I was unconscious,” Twilight said, “but from what I’ve gathered the teleport probably ‘stuttered’. Queen Meanie –“ “Who?” Rainbow Dash asked. Twilight winced. “The mirror-me. Pinkie came up with the name. Queen Meanie was interrupted while casting the teleport, and dropped me and Pinkie partway. Fortunately, it still killed our momentum, so we fell relatively gently onto the big fluffy cloud somepony’d set up below us.” “Glad to hear somepony got some use out of it,” Rainbow Dash said. “It saved my life,” Twilight said, earnestly, then frowned as she looked back at the flowerbed. “More or less.” “Twilight… I…” “Oh, who am I kidding,” Twilight said, standing up and heading for the outer wall of the garden, where the terrace overlooked a thousand-foot drop to the swampy forest below. “My life is over.” “Twilight, I’m –“ Rainbow Dash flew over quickly as Twilight hopped up on the edge of the wall. “Hey!” Twilight laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill myself. I mean, it wouldn’t do any good. Permanent transformations transmute the spirit – I’d still be an earth pony in the next life.” She stood up on her hind legs, and leaned out over the edge. “But if an errant gust of wind –“ Rainbow Dash tackled her back into the garden, and pinned her to the ground. “I’msorryIturnedyouintoanearthpony!” Twilight blinked. “What?” “I’m sorry I turned you into an earth pony.” “You didn’t turn me into an earth pony, Rainbow,” Twilight said, scowling. “I did that to myself. The elements of harmony made me face up to the reckless and dangerous way I’d been using my magic, and I had a stray thought that if I was an earth pony, I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anypony.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “You always did think too much.” “Also, there’s a safety field around Canterlot, to keep ponies from hurting themselves falling off the edge,” Twilight added. “So you can get off of me now.”