I was walking through the stone cold street at midnight. I was waiting for something for me to kill with my Sniper Rifle. I wasn't going to be happy here if there wasn't a fight. Luckily, something was happening that would soon turn the world upside down.... literally.
I didn't know that there was a special way physics worked here, you see. I was shocked when I ended up learning the sun and the moon revolved around the world instead of vice-versa. Oh, and after that, ten things and some Jarate happened. Don't ask me about the Jarate, though. It was embarrassing when I had to explain what Jarate was. So here is a list of the ingredients needed to make Jarate:
Jar
Secret Ingredient
Once Medic tried to made a Jarategun. He got his famous Medigun, then got Jarate and Reclaimed Metal and crafted it all together. Here is the failed result that got us all screaming "MEDIC!" just so we could check his Medigun to see if he didn't do it again:
He wanted to use it to reveal enemy Spies, but he ended up covering us all with.... ugh. It makes me feel sick, thinking about MY OWN WEAPON. Anyway, off topic, so I will "Be Polite" and go back on topic and say sorry.
Sorry.
Anyway, I went outside after that and saw 2 princesses doing things to pass the time while they waited to go inside. When they noticed me, they followed me back inside when I went to ask if they were the princesses. They immediately began asking me questions about my life.
"Are you actually an assassin?"
"Yes."
"Are you really a professional?"
"Yes."
"Do professionals really have standards?"
"Yeah."
"Do you have feelings?"
"..."
"Uh... hello?"
"Feelings."
"Yeah... I said feelings..."
"Look mate. You know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy."
"Ooookaayyy....."
"Yeah."
"We will be off now."
"M-kay."
And when they left the door, the one called Luna collapsed onto the floor, twitching like crazy.
"What's happening?"
I suddenly felt the urge to remember the Medic and say "I have no idea!" out loud. And you know what happened?
"I have no idea!"
Yep. I did it. I feel like an idiot for doing it, since it doesn't sound right in my accent, but who cares? Anyway, Luna was bought inside and put in a bed, and left there while we all discussed what had happened.
"I think she has an illness. Just so you know."
"Maybe she just ate too much stuff. She does look fat, you know. And don't have a go at me for being honest."
"Grrr.... actually, it does make sense. She has been eating a lot lately, and she has been claiming she has been feeling a bit sick too. Maybe she-"
CRASH!
Our conversation was interrupted and we had to go upstairs to see if anything bad had happened. And then I got really excited because I would finally get to use my sniper rifle.
"Oh de-"
"Wooooo-WEE!"
"What are you so happy about? This is serious, you know."
"I know it is serious, but I finally get to use mah sniper rifle! WOO!"
"Sniper rif- Oh no."
"What?"
"He's planning on killing her."
"What??? But we only want her beaten!"
"Yeah, and he's an assassin, and assassins use violence as a way of defeating bad guys."
"Which means we have to do something. Quick."
And they flew off through the massive alicorn shaped hole in the wall. Then, I went downstairs and got my sniper rifle, which I had taken with me, and some Jarate to scare the villain before ending their despair.