by SoulHook

Ponyvillian Rhapsody

Previously: after Coal's and Vinyl's... er, “decisive” battle... they later found out that Vinyl had the upper hoof in getting the scene since Mane Death's bass player is still absent. However, when all hope seems to be lost, Vinyl shows up and tell them all she will wait until the band is gathered again. And yes, she is indeed planning something...

Part 7: Ponyvillian rhapsody

In the darkened room, a small lamp from the ceiling lit up an even smaller wooden crate. Three ponies of different sexes appeared from each side of the square object. To the west was the green pegasus. The east unveiled an orange stallion. A dark pink unicorn appeared from the south. And all of them glanced at each other with frowns, showing just how serious this business was. But the great final was without doubt the white unicorn wearing black shades who occupied the northern side of the crate. The obvious leader shoved a cigar in her mouth, occupying half of her mouth doing so.

“Ah right, thish ish et...” the white mare said due to the fat thing in her mouth and unfolded a map over the crate. “The enemy ish currently regrouping over at the train shtashion. Ash shoon ash they arh fhully numbered they will try to reach defenshe shone A”.

She smacked her hoof over the black A she had drawn on the map.

“But WE whill be there to shtop them dead in their tracksh! Doesh everypony got their asshignments?” she asked before the others glanced seriously on the pony next to them. They then shook their heads. The white leader sighed through her fat cigar.

“Lucky Shot!” she called and pointed at the dark pink unicorn mare. “You are to cover Defenshe zone A from all anglesh where the enemy can attack!”.

“Acid Rain!” she called out and pointed at the green pegasus mare. “You are to take plaishe on a nearby rooftop and provide cover for Lucky Shot by shniping their main forchesh!”.

“Sun of a Dutch!” she called out and pointed at the orange stallion who finally facehoofed.

“Aw, for the love of...” he mumbled and stood up to pull the lamp's string, lightning up the whole hotel room.... for some reason.

“AAHHH! THE DAYLIGHT! IT BUUUURNS!!” Vinyl suddenly roared and fell on her back.

“Stop joking around!Seriously, Vinyl! This is getting ridiculous!” he stated.

“What? The plan ish in all sheriousn-”.

“It's not that! What's up with the darn code names?! And why the bloody hay are you wearing sunglasses in the dark for? And that cigar makes you sound like Popeye the tailor on meth!”.

“NO!” Vinyl protested and popped out her cigar. “It makes me sound like Al Capony! And I be sendin' them land-lovers ta David Pones' locker! Hail Blackbeard!” she insisted and extended her right foreleg up in the air from the floor.


The silence fell over the room. All ponies either sat, stood or laid down in still peace and quiet. That until Vinyl sighed and sat up too. “Fine...” she then said and smacked away the cigar so it hit Lucky Catch's forehead, knocking her down due to disgust. Vinyl stood up on her hindleg in a snap after the glorious headshot, taking off her sunglasses and throwing them out through the closed window with a crash.

“Right. So our plan is to mess up the band so they'll hoof over the position to me” she explained while Rain Water helped brush off the cigar dust from her other friend's muzzle. “Aaaaand, minding we are three girls, four if including my aunt, and one guy.... we got this in a little box!”.

“Really?” Sunny Days asked in disbelief, looking ever so unamused. “And what is your plan?”.

Vinyl looked at her male friend for a long set of seconds before turning to the window she sat in front of the other day. “My plan, dear Sunny, is to completely humiliate Coal and his friends before the show starts in ten days. And that is by simply... stimulating... their basic needs”.

As Vinyl's fore hooves met each other beneath the sinister shadow of hers, Sunny Days raised an eyebrow. It didn't take long for him to understand what she meant by that. Thus, he spoke out if his mind.

“So hold on... you mean you're going to use us, your friends, to SEDUCE the band?” he asked, causing the other mares to flash and turn towards Vinyl's white back.

“What the... what kind of friend are you?” Lucky Catch said angrily.

“You selling us like some chap tramps from Fillydelphia?” Rain Water asked more disappointingly, giving Vinyl the perfect opening to further explain her plan. She looked over her shoulder, still covered in a pitch-black shade over her eyes. She grinned like a demon.

“Are you girls telling me... that you don't want to score with those stallions? You were both drooling your gums out when looking at the vocalist, I can tell...” she spoke like she knew everything about her friends. And in fact, the two other mares looked away in embarrassment. Then, Vinyl's ice-cold look landed on the orange stallion.

“And you, Sunny... I can already tell you've used your special coltcuddler powers to...

“My special WHAT, now?”.

“... to seduce one of the guitarists already. And if auntie Marguerite joins too, which I know by the name of Celestia she will, we only have the head of the snake to cut off left...” Vinyl ended like she was never interrupted.

The eyes of all the other ponies in the room widened. Lucky and Rain flinched while Sunny put a hoof over his chest. None of them wanted to believe what they heard. This was absolute blasphemy to everything the DJ believed in. Hypocrisy invaded the empty air and swirled around the white unicorn mare who turned back to the window. A bead of sweat broke from her horned forehead.

“No... Vinyl. Y-you can't... p-possibly mean...” Sunny stuttered and stepped backwards.

“Vinyl, are you... s-serious? What's gotten into you?!”.

“Hush, Rain Water! She's probably possessed or something...” Lucky managed to stop her pegasus friend.

But Vinyl was fully aware of her decision. And she didn't regret it even the slightest. This would after all be her greatest success ever, and the absolutely shiniest trophy on her wall of scored stallions.

“Yes. I'm going to make him beg for me to nail him... so hard...” she said as the imaginary succubus horns and wings emerged from her body...

Speaking of Discord... I wonder what Coal Silvermane is up to now, Sunny Days thought to himself.

- - - -
The purple stallion stood in front of the four-pony crowd. He had just exited the train arriving from another part of Equestria, now keeping his pose on the hindlegs and with crossed forelegs. Coal, Stricken, Cord, Wide Beat and Golden Brochure all stood in unison to behold their friend and coworker take his first step on the soils of Ponyville. As his careful hoof touched dirt, he put his forelegs on his waist.

Coal widened his eyes. His vocal cords tensed as he struck a foreleg into the air

“I see a little silhouette of a colt!” he sang.

Scaramouch, Scaramouch! Will you do the fandango?” the others in the band sang out loud behind Coal.

All three stallions surrounded the dark brown mare. “THUNDERBOLTS AND LIGHTNING! VERY, VERY FRIGHTENING ME!!” they sang to scare the living hay out of her.

Deep Bass jumped up to his friends, causing them all to turn around in a swirl. Coal stepped forward and stared deep into his eyes. Bass started off first with his lightest voice while Coal followed with the deeper variant.


And then both together.

Gallileo, Figaro!” they sang before Coal pushed away Bass to continue alone. “Magnificoo-ooh!!!”.

A poor foal wearing a dirty headscarf and big, wet eyes stepped forward to the stallions, causing them to turn around in a swirl again.

“I'm just a poor colt nopony loves me” he said which brought the band of stallions to hold him up like a victory trophy.

“He's just a poor colt from a poor family! Spare him his life from this monstrosity!!!”.

Before the foal could say anything more, he was already thrown away several meters to Golden who caught him like a hoofball. The band ran up to her and snatched the poor foal again.

“Easy come, easy go...” Coal sang right before he and the others held the foal up above their heads. “Will you let me go?!” he screamed.

“Bismillah, no! We will not let you go!”.

“Let him go!” Golden called out.

“Bismillah, no! We will not let you go!”.

“Let him go!!!”.

“Bismillah, no! We will not let you go!”.

“Let me go!” the foal cried in fear.

“Never let you go!”.

“Let me go!” he repeated on the edge of tears.

“Never let you go!”.

“Let me go!”


“Let me go-ho-ho-hooo” the foal finally ended up crying.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!” the band of stallions continued angrily.

“Oh mamma Mia, mamma Mia!” Coal started anew to signal his friends for the last part. “Mamma Mia?! LET ME GO!!!” the foal shouted for the last time. Then the whole band posed around the held foal like a fountain statue with him on the top and sang together.

“Nigtmare Moon has a Discord put aside for me... for meee... for MEEEEEEEEEE-”.

And it was at that moment Golden Brochure had taken a shovel from the train's coal supply cart and smacked down the vocalist, right before doing the same to the others.

Five minutes later...

Golden Brochure brushed of the little crying foal and then gave him a bit to buy something for. When he scurried away, the manager mare turned to the knocked out stallions.

“Okay, guys: I know you're all excited to be together again, but do you have to kidnap an innocent foal just because of your inability to control yourself? And why did you sing while doing so?”.

Coal, Wide Beat, Cord and Deep Bass all rubbed the back of their heads, chuckling at the female standing prepared with the shovel again.

“We're back at full strength and it's moment like this we have to be sure the title makes some sense”.


“Nothing. Now! Everypony!” Coal commanded which sent all his crew up on all four. “We g-”.

“Our pervert is still knocked out...” Cord stated after a glance at the blue stallion. Coal rubbed his chin for a second.

“Well... it looks like he was...” he said and put on a set of black shades. “... Stricken to the ground”.

As the beautiful view of Ponyville's rooftops unveiled itself from a higher perspective, a loud 'yeah' could be heard while a certain steel gray stallion was knocked down by another hit from the shovel...

- - - -
Vinyl had left the hotel together with only two of her friends, Rain Water and Lucky Catch. She kept walking with the deep shade of black over her eyes, grinning toothily like a literal demon by night.

“Uhm, Vinyl? Can you stop looking like that?” the dark pink unicorn asked her friend.

“I... wish... I... could....” the mentioned pony stated like her jaw was locked. “What?” Rain Water followed.

It was at that moment they all realized Vinyl's face was covered in sweat. “It... has... been... s-so long.... since I.... used... th-th-th-hnnggg...”.

And just like that, Vinyl caused a cracking noise like every bone in her body snapped at once. Suddenly she was back to normal and sighed. “Phew... wow, it's been so long since I used my 'white widow look' that my facial muscles collapsed...”.

“White widow look? Vinyl, was that a pun based on the color of your coat?”.

“Yep! And it gets better. If you take the first letter of each word and type them on a computer, what does it look like?”.

Lucky and Rain frowned in annoyance.

“What's up with your world war references today, Vinyl...?” the pegasus mare asked the laughing unicorn. She didn't mind the question as long as it didn't require a serious answer. Right now she only had one thing in mind, the total victory over her sworn nemesis. This was her battle, an honor she would pledge her life to get. Nothing else really mattered to her.

Anywhere the wind blow...” she hummed silently as she held her head high. She beheld the town of her foalhood, the silent and quiet little Ponyville where the Apples once upon a time settled down long before she was born to make money and survive the open land. It was a gentle town where many of her family members and old friends had lived and died just like so many others had. She sure missed them all, especially those she knew she'd never see again...

Suddenly she stopped in synchronization with everypony around her on the street. Some ponies flipped out believing it was an Ursa coming into town again. Some were convinced it was a total storm breaking through to annihilate the town. And some simply told themselves it was the day of judgment predicted to happen once and for all. Surely all those religious prophets and professors couldn't be wrong.... again... right?

But Vinyl just arched her eyebrows while the inhabitants of her favorite town evacuated the streets. Wild noises and running ponies overran the streets until absolutely nopony else remained but she and the two others behind her. The last doors shut and the final windows closed, now the silhouette of the small stallions could reveal itself. “Ugh... of course”.

From down the street, four ponies emerged in the background of tortured strings and a beating bass. The guitars were coated in magic thanks to the unicorns, but the bass had to be played by hoof. And the strong noises were lead by the deep and dark tones of the one and only pony known for his demonic voice. He threw his fore hooves with strength and determination like he gave orders to an invisible crowd.

Vinyl listened for a moment, doing her best do interpret what the stallion was singing.

What he sang:

“Fought with the evil ways of disaster, the good has left my calling.
But I don't need no guiding, for I am already where I belong at last.
A wonderland for me, where all can be happy
like a murderer's knife in its victim's heart.
See my joy, see my laughter, see my eternal peace and quiet...”.

What Vinyl heard:


And she could have sworn he said something about pre-heat pizza rolls and a fire deep inside his butt. However, she didn't have much more time than that to grimace in disgust and confusion over the pretty unique lyrics. Coal finally saw the trio standing in the middle of the road. The others noticed the same and let the music fade away slowly in the last echoes. Vinyl smiled and so did Coal. Both put on their most cocky expressions and tried to outshine the other by looking taller. Much to Vinyl's disadvantage, Coal was a teeny-tiny inch higher. Yes, both literally and figuratively.

“You know what? I used to think you guys tried to summon Discord with your way of singing. But I must say you've convinced me I was wrong...” Vinyl started of maturely.

“Oh..?” Coal responded in slight amusement.

“Yeah.... you sound more like the colts from One Misdirection...”.

A string broke from Stricken's guitar. The entire band glared at Vinyl, especially Coal who still did his best to not lose this uncalled-for battle.

“Cute... did they all 'misdirect' when they shot their loads at your mouth? That'd explain all the white on your fur” Coal countered, waking up a chuckle from the band. A vein tensed up over Vinyl's temple.

“Why don't you ask your mom? Last time I checked her scheme there were an awful lot of '1MD's on it after my weekly appointments...” Vinyl sent back at once, making it harder for Coal who actually still smiled. Then the unicorn mare suddenly picked up two bits from nowhere.

“By the way. Give her those” she said and gently tossed the bits at Coal. “Two bits... as usual” she ended without any trace of amusement while the two coins hit the steel gray chest and ended up jingling on the ground.

Coal forgot to breath while smiling.

“THAT'S BUCKING IT!!!” he then screamed out in a less mature way and jumped at the mare in front off him. But right when Vinyl too was about to charge forward...

“Ahem!” a voice uttered that both the vocalist and the especially the DJ recognized. They froze in mid-air and stared left to see Mayor Mare a short distance away from them. “I'd hate to ruin your play-date... but aren't there more important things at stake right now?”.

The two rivals stared for a few seconds, then turned to look at each other again. Oh right, the scene...

“Hey, is that Neighchapel doing a signing?” Vinyl wondered and pointed. The entire band of stallions turned their heads in an instant with wide eyes and attentive ears... only to realize there was absolutely nothing behind them aside from the town itself. As Coal looked forward again, Vinyl had already started galloping the other way.

“Run, Coal, run!!” the others shouted, sending adrenaline through Coal's body as he charged after the tricky unicorn.

The dust from running hooves calmed down, leaving the four remaining stallions alone with the three other mares. They looked at each other in silence, all abandoned from the only two ponies who prevented them to do anything at all. They walked a little closer towards each other, still beholding what was in front of them. The younger mares smirked shyly while the stallions went on to full-fledged smiles.

“So... any of you who have marefriends?” the mature mare known as the mayor of this town asked bluntly.

The stallions dropped their smiles and gulped nervously instead...

To be continued...

Author's Note:
Well, I said I wouldn't abandon this story. And here's the evidence! Bo-yeah, fellas! Fellas...? meh, whatever.

So just a heads up: this story might go on for a while (like, over twenty chapters) if it keeps getting more viewers. I sure do hope some more people will find this story eventually, but until then I can only hope the OC tag doesn't scare them away. But no matter what, I will continue this story just for you guys who reads it ^^

And yes, Bohemian Rhapsody is a very hyped song. But well, none the less legendary.

Brohoof on ya all!