A young colt whistled a cheerful tune as he trotted through Ponyville, taking in the sights and enjoying the early morning air. Or at least, that’s what he appeared to be doing. Look a little closer, and one would notice the glint in his eye. This colt was looking to cause trouble. Big trouble.
But before the fun could begin, he had to get the ball rolling, and that meant paying a visit to one particular house. It didn’t matter that he’d never set hoof in Ponyville before, he knew exactly where he was going.
Finally, he reached the house in question. Permitting himself a sinister grin, the colt knocked on the door and waited. Sure enough, the filly he’d been hoping to see opened the door.
“Ugh… it’s six in the morning. Who the…” started Scootaloo but then trailed off when she realized who she was looking at.
“Hey, sis. Just wanted to let you know that I happened to be in the neighborhood,” said the colt.
But to the colt’s disappointment, Scootaloo’s reaction was a bit underwhelming. She just continued to look at him, unblinking, before slowly closing the door. No slamming, no yelling, nothing of the sort that the colt desired.
But then he heard the click of a lock, followed by a sudden scream across the hivemind.
“WHAT THE **** IS TWITCH DOING IN PONYVILLE?!” screamed Scootaloo.
Twitch grinned. Mission accomplished. He turned and started trotting away as the hive erupted into chaos.
“He’s WHAT?!”
“How the buck did he get out of the hive without anyone noticing?!”
“Why is he in Ponyville of all places?!”
“Oh no...”
“Oh NO!”
“Someone, stop him! Pin him down before anything happens!”
“The guards are already on the way, but they’ll take hours to get there!”
“Scootaloo! It has to be you!”
“Oh hay no! There is no way in Equestria I’m setting a hoof outside this door!” cried Scootaloo.
“Scootaloo, as your mother…” started Blue Monarch.
“No! I refuse! Ground me for months, I don’t care! I am not dealing with Twitch!” screamed Scootaloo.
Twitch grinned. There was the reaction he’d been looking for. And wouldn’t you know it, she was doing exactly what he’d been hoping for. If the only family in town wasn’t going to stop him from having fun, he was going to have a little fun.
Fluttershy hummed a happy tune as she made her way to her kitchen. It had proven to be a good morning so far. No major injuries to patch up, no fights among the more aggressive animals, and she had just finished sweeping, meaning she could take a moment to herself and enjoy a quick snack.
She reached for her fruit bowl, pulled out an apple, and sank her fang into it. She had to admit, it really wasn’t that bad still having a bit of fruit bat in her. The cravings were more than manageable, the fruit tasted better than ever, and while it was still a little intimidating, she had to admit the fang was starting to grow on her. Discord certainly seemed to like it, so…
There was a sudden thump from outside, startling Fluttershy. She nervously peeked outside, and immediately forgot about her snack. There was an injured bunny outside! The poor thing was torn up and bleeding!
She tossed her half-drained fruit aside, grabbed a first aid kit, and dashed out the door. It might already be too late. Those wounds looked so vicious. It was… It was…
It was just a stuffed bunny, covered in red paint with bits of pink string glued on to look like intestines.
…
“Angel, sweetie, could you hold down the house for a bit? I need to have a word with Rainbow about jokes. In. Poor. Taste,” growled Fluttershy.
Rarity let out a sigh of relief as she put down her sewing needle, and put the now finished dress onto the ponequin.
“Another one done. Honestly, why is it always that I either have far too many items to work on at once, or so few that I find myself with nothing to do? Need and demand will be as they are, but is a sensible workload every now and then too much to hope for?” Rarity mumbled.
Alas, the clock was still ticking. So Rarity put the finished dress aside and pulled out her sketchbook to start the next one. She immediately winced when she saw what the next item was.
“Bleh. This one must have been a premium commission from one of my more eccentric clients. Otherwise I doubt I would have ever agreed to such a terrible…” started Rarity.
But then she paused. Her well-honed fashion disaster sense was tingling, and not in the way a substandard sketch would cause. Something was wrong.
Rarity held the sketchbook up to the light, and was horrified to see the clear lines of light going through two designs. Somepony had torn them out, ripped them apart, and put them back together mismatched. The results were positively revolting! And if Rarity hadn't caught it before she started sewing…
“Pinkie Pie. You’ve gone too far this time! Nopony messes with my sketchbook! This means war!” Rarity declared to the heavens.
…
“After I finish, of course. Those deadlines aren’t going to wait,” Rarity mumbled as she started fixing the torn sketches.
This event would go down as the second worst prank spree in Ponyville’s history. It would ultimately be surpassed many years in the future, but here and now an angry mob of ponies were making a scene outside Twilight’s castle.
“Alright, who’s the wiseguy that replaced my toothpaste with icing? Are you trying to cost me my license?” demanded Colgate.
“My cello’s strings have been tangled! It’ll take hours for me to fix this! I have a concert this evening!” cried Octavia.
“When I get my hooves on whoever flooded my powdered gem stockpile with glitter…” grumbled Sparkler.
“Ah’ve got four barrels of apples covered in muck! Ah can’t sell any of this!” said Applejack with an angry stomp.
“They spiked our sugar bags with powdered cold medicine! This is unforgivable!” shouted Pinkie Pie.
“Scribbling in my Daring Doo collection?! Even if it was removable ink, that’s just taking it too far!” added Rainbow Dash.
Several ponies paused, only just realizing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were in the crowd. Suspects number one and two were apparently not responsible this time.
“Princess, please tell me you’re planning to do something about this. Half our records have been scrambled around. We can’t find anything, and several contracts need to be renewed soon,” said Mayor Mare.
“Everypony, please calm down. The culprit for this latest, and frankly unbearable, prank spree has been identified. I’ve been informed that several guards arrived a few minutes ago, and have already arrested the one responsible,” reassured Twilight Sparkle.
“Royal guards? For a prankster? Is there an escaped criminal in town or something?” asked Carrot Top.
“Not quite, but let’s just say that the culprit is a bit of a… diplomatic issue,” said Twilight Sparkle.
“I dearly apologize for all the trouble Twitch has caused. Please spread the word that we will compensate for any damages and grievances the good ponies of Ponyville may have,” apologized Blue Monarch.
“Oh, don’t worry about that. This is Ponyville. This sort of thing happens every week or so. Nopony’s really that upset or expecting compensation aside from help cleaning up the mess,” reassured Twilight Sparkle.
“Nevertheless, the offer should be made. Twitch has always been a menace, but he’s kept his antics to the hive. I don’t know what compelled him to leave and cause chaos out here today, but rest assured we will be taking steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again,” declared Blue Monarch.
Twilight looked like she wanted to say something, but felt like it would be impolite to speak up. Blue Monarch, being a changeling, picked it up all the same.
“Princess, one of my children just terrorized your home. If you have any grievance…” started Blue.
“It’s not a grievance. It’s just… we have our share of pranksters in town, but Twitch seems to be constantly going too far. There’s only so much you can dismiss as youthful shenanigans. If Twitch is this unmanageable and destructive, why haven’t you taken more drastic measures to control him?” asked Twilight.
Blue Monarch seemed momentarily surprised that Twilight, of all ponies, was asking this, but then just let out a tired sigh. A sense of weariness seemed to overcome her.
“I have… considered more drastic forms of discipline, believe me. Outright arresting him, getting a cockatrice, and I can’t even deny I’ve never fantasized about…” Blue Monarch trailed off at Twilight’s horrified look.
“I didn’t mean something that extreme! Just, more than grounding him all the time since that doesn’t seem to work,” said Twilight with a frantic wave of her hoof.
“What other options do we have? Banishment? Before we revealed ourselves, he would have been a security risk. And now that the world knows of us, he’s a diplomatic incident waiting to happen. You and the ponies of this town might be willing to wave this incident off, but what about the rest of Equestria? Outside Equestria? We’ve been working so hard to prove that Chrysalis was an outlier for our species,” said Blue Monarch with a shake of her head.
“I can see why you’d be worried. Even if Twitch can’t lay eggs and build up his own army like Chrysalis, it’s not hard to imagine him becoming some sort of public menace if he truly left the hive,” noted Twilight.
“Precisely. And that’s just banishment. If I were to…” Blue Monarch paused again, seeming to have difficulty putting what she wanted to say into words.
“Tell me, Princess, what would you do if your child was destined to become a villain?” asked Blue Monarch.
Twilight blinked in surprise and nervously rubbed the back of her neck. That was… quite an awkward question, and it put what she’d just said to the changeling princess about drastic measures in a darker light.
“It has become increasingly apparent to me that at some point Twitch is going to be a problem that you and your friends, or maybe your successors, are going to have to address. Perhaps more of a friendship problem than a battle for Equestria, but it’s going to happen. Twitch just gets too much delight from causing others misery. And I…” Blue Monarch put a hoof to her head, looking utterly exhausted.
“What should I do, Princess? Lock him up, giving him incentive to escape and ensure we can’t track him? Restrict his ability to cause trouble until he decides to stop following my rules entirely? Petrification, so that when he eventually gets free he’ll have a motive to seek revenge? I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been letting him terrorize us in a limited fashion, in the hope it will starve off whatever twisted destiny he’s headed for. Better an out of hoof prankster than a terrorist,” said Blue Monarch.
The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as Twilight struggled to think of a response to that.
“Um… I…” she mumbled
Blue Monarch gave a bitter chuckle.
“It just occurred to me that this is rather similar to what my aunt had to deal with when Chrysalis was young. Did you know she’d always been a problem child? Always ranting about vengeance and embracing our heritage. Well, at least I can say I won’t repeat the mistakes made then. My aunt dismissed it all as a teen rebellion and gave it no further thought,” said Blue Monarch.
“I… I’m sorry. Is there anything we can do to help? If Fluttershy could get Discord to come around, well, to an extent at least, maybe we can…” Twilight paused as Blue Monarch raised a hoof.
“The offer is appreciated, but I simply cannot allow it. You and your friends are one of Equrstria’s greatest shields. Dealing with Twitch would require a level of time, devotion, and patience I’m honestly not sure you can afford to offer,” said Blue Monarch.
The emotions Twilight radiated at that moment were surprisingly varied. Apparently she couldn’t decide whether to take praise for deeds past, guilt for an inability to help, or a sense of resigned doom at yet another reminder of the frankly insane path her life had taken the past few years.
“Er… if you're absolutely certain we can’t help…” started Twilight.
“I am. If it ever reaches the point where the bearers of Harmony must interfere, you will be the first to know. And rest assured, regardless of whatever future awaits that menace, I’ll be personally ensuring that he is properly punished for this mess. I’ve been preparing for this day, and it's time to crack out a certain nasty little surprise,” said Blue Monarch with a sneer.
Some time later, Blue Monarch stared down at Twitch, who was currently tied down to a bench, in the Ponville jailhouse, in a straightjacket, with hoofcuffs on just to be sure. Twitch, for his part, just sat on the iron bench with a smirk.
“Well, I’d ask if you’re proud of yourself, but it‘s quite obvious what the answer is. You do realize that if you had rampaged in any other part of Equestria…” started Blue Monarch.
“Well, Duh. Why do you think I came all the way to Ponyville?” replied Twitch with an eyeroll.
“First, don’t you dare interrupt me when you’re in this much trouble. Second, I can think of at least two dozen reasons why you’d target this town. And third, that in no way justifies your actions today! What in the All Mother’s name were you thinking?!” demanded Blue Monarch.
“Oh please. As if you could even begin to understand how my mind works. Don’t even try, mom. You’ll just end up hurting yourself. So, how about we skip the lecture and get to the part where you try, and fail, to discipline me?” replied Twitch.
“I had no desire to waste my breath on a lecture you’d have ignored anyway. But if you’re so eager to be punished…” said Blue Monarch.
She then levitated over a record album, and showed Twitch the title. Instantly, Twitch’s confident smirk was replaced with an expression of absolute horror.
“No. No, you wouldn’t dare! You hate that stuff just as much as the rest of us! You swore that that abomination would never be heard in the hive again!” objected Twitch.
“Yes, I did. But then again, we’re not at the hive right now, are we?” said Blue Monarch as she pulled out a pair of ear plugs.
“That’s your brilliant plan?! To torture me with something that you wouldn’t dare to use at the hive so I never leave home again?!” exclaimed Twitch.
“Considering the sweat already forming on your brow, I’d say it's rather well thought out. So, as punishment for this little excursion and all the misery you've inflicted upon the good citizens of this town, I hereby sentence you to half an hour of listening to this… mockery of sound. And the next time you dare cause trouble outside our walls, I’ll triple it. So, sit back and enjoy yourself, Twitch. I know I will,” said Blue Monarch with a sneer.
Remember everyone, block out both me and Twitch for the next half hour. None of you deserve to listen to this garbage,” Blue Monarch sent into the hivemind.
And with that, the record was slapped into a record player and began to play. The air was soon filled with the screeches and wails of the bane of all changelings. It was quickly joined with the sound of Twitch screaming in agony.
Twitch might have enjoyed inflicting misery, but there were certain lines he’d never cross. That cursed record was one of them. And as his mind began to cloud up in a desperate attempt to protect itself, several new avenues of torture suddenly seemed far more acceptable to use against his family.
After being forced to listen for half an hour, Twitch was in such agony he didn’t make a single quip as he was escorted back to the hive. It would be a very, very long time before Twitch would dare leave home again.
But one day, he would…