I was right on one front. There was a lot of paperwork related to this incident. I can see why police procedurals focus on the investigative elements, the shootouts, and the car chases. Most viewers would find several hours of police officers filling out page after page of paperwork extremely boring. All part of the job, I guess.
I had to check through the database to see which forms needed filling out in order to keep our police records up to date. And it was a lot. I set the printer running to get all the forms out and ready to fill in whilst I went over to the digital evidence board and added the day's events to it.
Phyllis had wanted proof that we were under threat? Now I had it. The machine, or rather an image of it, was posted on the board, and I tried to connect it to other things. I collected my evidence and thought hard. The machine had been piloted by a humanoid, or human, based on what little I could see of them when I had looked at them through my monitor. That firmly ruled out an attack on the part of either the unicorns or the pegasi.
But we were already on high alert. I was concerned somepony could spin the story and try to get this used as an excuse to start a war. That wouldn't end well for anypony. The only way to truly win at war, and a cold war if the film was anything to go by, is to not play.
I tried to connect the elements together. The person at the controls of that machine was clearly a fan of stripes, based on what I could see. I wondered if this had any connection to us, but was unsure. I couldn't think of anything stripy connected to Earth Ponies. I checked through my data once more, and once I had pinned that all up the printer beeped to indicate it was done printing the paper. This was handy indeed. I quickly got the stack of papers placed onto the desk, and took a close look at the pile. There were a lot of boxes and subsections to fill in, and this would take a while to complete. Perhaps I should hire more deputies.
I continued to dig through the stack of papers, my eyes focused on the task at hand. The weaponry that thing had packed concerned me as well. As far as I knew, none of the races had kit like that. The splatapault was hardly comparable to a modern rifle, and throwing a tennis ball was hardly threatening if the unicorn was especially big or simply moved out of the way. It takes a fair bit of force to stick a tennis ball to anything.
I had only one conclusion. Those weapons, and that machine, had come from another world. Another another world, as the one I had started in was yet to reach that level of technological capability and power.
I was only partway through the pile when suddenly Phyllis burst in through the door and closed it behind her. "Sprout!" she said. "There you are!"
I glanced up from the desk. "Huh? What's going on, mom?" God- sorry, Faust, it felt weird saying that.
Phyllis looked at me, concern in her eyes. "First a unicorn in town, then this attack from that giant thing? You were right, Sprout! You were right! We are in danger. I'm so, so sorry I didn't listen to you."
I got up from my desk. "All in the past," I replied. "Right now we need to decide what to do."
"The first thing that needs doing is to deal with that angry mob out there!" Phyllis replied, pointing to a growing crowd of ponies outdoors. Their words were muffled by the doors, but I could tell they were somewhat annoyed. "If we don't dispel them, it could turn to violence."
Violence. That's not good. It would reflect badly on me as a sheriff. I nodded and stepped back. "I'll get this tidied up, then I'll do something.
"There's my boy," Phyllis replied, getting oddly close to me. "The town needs its sheriff, and with you at the helm I'm certain we'll be kept safe from whatever nonsense those unicorns and pegasi are cooking up."
She went outdoors to speak to them as I got some of the paper moved, in order to create the illusion I'd done more work than I actually had. It was time for my date with destiny. My first public address as Sheriff of Maretime Bay! Let's make it a good one, as this will go down in the history books.
I strode forward, and pushed open the doors. "Citizens of Mareti-"
Unfortunately, I forgotten the door was on a sprung hinge. It immediately flew back and slammed into my muzzle.
"OW!"
I pushed the door back open, rubbing my nose.
"The Sheriff is here to speak now," Phyllis said. "That means you, sugarcube."
I switched on a microphone and addressed the crowd. "Citizens of Maretime Bay, I am aware we find ourselves in a time of great crisis. First, an apparent incursion by the unicorns, and a suspected abduction of one of our own citizens."
"Sunny had it coming!" shouted a voice. "She always wanted to be with them anyway. Attaching wings and a horn to yourself? That girl needed therapy."
"I trust there will be no further interruptions," I said. "Anyway, we were attacked again earlier today, and I fear that we may be in danger."
"What if the unicorns come back?" another voice said.
"And what if they bring the pegasi with them?" said a third. "That's what happened the last time they attacked us!"
I tapped the microphone. "I shall see this town through its darkest days and we shall emerge victorious. But victory can never be obtained without sacrifice. The price of our freedom is eternal vigilance, for without it we are nothing."
I adjusted the sound system as electric guitars began to play in the background. Here's hoping I could sing well. "Now is not the time to be complacent! We should do something!"
Well, here goes nothing.
"Something is lurking, something is near/
Something is feeling stranger, stranger!
Stirring up discord, whipping up fear/
Whispering softly, "danger, danger!"
"Outsiders creep up slow and steady/
Wings glistening, horns at the ready/
Think what they could do to the status quo?"
"Oh no!" Phyllis added, for some reason.
I moved about the crowd to check everypony was listening.
"They're gonna steal, plunder, and pillage!
They're gonna take over the village!"
At this moment, I looked at a family who weren't paying attention.
"Don't just sit on your butts and do nothing and wait/
Let's enter a blind, irrational state!"
I turned my attention back to the crowd, and moved into the square once again, focusing closely on the crowd.
"Better get nervous, better get tense/
Better not let them catch you blinking!
You don't need a reason, fillies and gents/
This is no time for sober thinking!"
Time for a bit of reverse psychology. I knew exactly how to get them in a mood to commence rearmament.
So I suggested the first thing that came to mind. "Mob!"
"Mob?" a pony asked.
"M-M-Mob, mob!" I replied. These fools were cottoning on.
"Mob?" asked another pony.
"Mob?" asked yet another. Yes, I know what I said the first time.
"Angry, angry mob!" I replied. Nothing like stoking social rage for getting things done.
And this, it seemed finally got them onside.
"Mob, m-m-mob, mob!
Mob, mob, angry, angry!"
I jumped on a building and continued with my address.
"Sharpen your senses, sharpen your tongues/
Sharpen your moral indignation!
Gather in groups and ready your lungs/
Holler with pent-up aggravation!"
This time, the crowd didn't need any prompting.
"Mob, mob, m-m-mob, mob!
Mob, mob, angry, angry!
Mob, mob, m-m-mob, mob!
Mob, mob, angry, angry!"
To my surprise, things didn't suddenly turn into a Disney Acid Sequence. That was a relief. Still, a conveniently timed streetcar rolled past, so I jumped onto that and fired up a megaphone to see if I could address even more ponies.
"Fight, see in black and white/
That's your pony right!
Time to lift your manes and proudly-
"Throng, numbers make you strong!
Millions can't be wrong/
Especially when they're screaming loudly!"
I turned to an assembled crowd and decided to latch onto their insecurity.
"You might not have a bale of hay to borrow!
Are you saddled with your sorrow?
Are you scared about tomorrow?
"Well, it's all gonna work out painlessly
If you follow my orders brainlessly!"
I jumped in front of the crowd and began to move forward. They began to follow in step behind me. Time to see if this had truly worked.
"Who are we?" I called.
"We're an angry mob!" the mob replied.
"What are we?" I added.
"We're an angry mob!" the mob replied again.
Time to see if they were really following my orders brainlessly. "Look at this corn!"
"It's on the cob!" the crowd answered.
Time for one last test. I looked over to a pony who was sitting at a table. "Look at that guy!"
The pony, who was wearing a hat, looked over. "Erm, my name's Rob."
Perfect. Step one of my plan was complete. All that remained was to sing the last bit of the song. We marched down the street towards the CanterLogic factory, the crowd moving in perfect step.
"Mob, mob, m-m-mob, mob!
Mob, mob, angry, angry!
Mob, mob, m-m-mob, mob!
Mob, mob, angry, angry!"
The mob continued singing this whilst I went off on my own separate vocal line on top.
"M-Mob, m-mob!
M-Mob, m-mob!
M-Mob, m-mob!"
We stopped in front of the factory, and sang the last bit.
"...angry, angry mob!"
One of the crabs then clicked his claws aggressively. I smiled. The plan to initiate rearmament had worked. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I was doing it for the right reasons.