//------------------------------// // The Pony Who is On a Quest to Claim Absolute Victory // Story: The Life and Times of a Winning Pony // by Chengar Qordath //------------------------------// “... and that’s what happened,” I finished. Blossom stared at me in open-mouthed shock from the other side of my couch. I couldn’t blame her–I’d dumped some rather big revelations on her just now. I decided to give her a little help getting her brain back into gear. “So, I’m guessing you’ve got a lot of questions to hit me with right now. Go ahead, toss them out there while I’m still in the mood to talk about it all.” After a couple seconds to untangle her brain, Blossom finally came up with the first thing she wanted to ask. “What happened after ... after all that?” “Well, I was in the hospital for a while, so a lot of the details are kinda fuzzy,” I admitted. “I did have a mild case of brain damage. And a broken leg. And the brain damage. And a punctured lung. And the brain damage. And the brain damage. Did I mention the brain damage?” “It might have come up,” Blossom answered with a wry grin. “So ... brain damage. That explains quite a bit.” “Yeah yeah, laugh it up.” Just because I’d deliberately set myself up for the joke didn’t mean I couldn’t grumble when she went for it. “The doctors said there wasn’t anything permanent though. Or at least, there won't be anything as long as I don't give myself any more concussions.” I gave a weak little laugh as a horrible joke popped into my head. “Well, maybe I didn’t completely avoid taking some long-term damage,” I confessed. “According to Derpy, I snore. I guess now we know why I have so much trouble getting anypony to sleep with me more than once.” That got a giggle out of Blossom. “It can’t be that bad.” “Don’t say that until you’ve heard it,” I warned her. “I’d like to.” A second after the words left her mouth Blossom started blushing, but she didn’t take them back. “Hear it. Some day.” Okay. That just made this conversation a couple levels more awkward than it needed to be. Time for a change of subject. “So yeah, snoring. That leaves me in better shape than Rainbow Dash.” Blossom’s eyes widened in surprise and a little bit of horror. “You didn’t do anything permanent to her ... down there, did you?” For a moment I considered telling her the truth, but honestly that's a pretty intimate detail. Better to go with a white lie. “Nah, as far as I know all her lady bits are still working. I did a lot of damage down there, but the docs were pretty good when it came to fixing her up. The worst she’ll probably have to live with is Pinkie Pie needing to put some extra effort in to get her off.” Assuming the two of them ever got around to actually banging. Come to think of it, some of Rainbow’s reluctance to have another pony messing around with her nethers might not just stem from her general lack of sex drive. That thought added on another layer of guilt when I finally confessed where the damage happened. “The thing is, when I popped her in the eye...” I sighed and scuffed a hoof along the floor. “Look, Rainbow’s never said anything about it, but a lot of the time when she crashes, it’s ‘cause she missed something that’s on the side that I got her on. I’d like to think that’s a coincidence, but...” Blossom winced. “Oh. That’s ... oh.” A second later her face pulled into a pained grimace. “Isn’t perfect vision a requirement for joining the Wonderbolts?” “Yeah, glasses and contacts don’t exactly get along with high-speed stunt flying.” Another nasty little twinge of guilt hit me. “Maybe there’s nothing to it though. I mean, she got into the Junior Speedsters after Flight Camp, and they’ve got vision rules too. Besides, she’s the only pony to ever pull off a Sonic Rainboom. If I was running the Wonderbolts, I’d care a lot more about that than whether or not her eyes are perfect.” “You...” Blossom trailed off with a confused shake of her head. “I don’t understand how you think sometimes. From the way you tell the story, Rainbow Dash tried to murder you, and now you’re friends. Hay, you feel guilty for defending yourself!” “I...” I sank back into the couch with a groan, and tried to get my thoughts back in order. “Look, Rainbow’s heart was in the right place. Her head was being really stupid, but I can’t hate her for thinking she was protecting Fluttershy. Hay, if I ever thought somepony did something like that to you, they’d end up in a shallow grave out in the Everfree forest.” “Uh–thanks, I guess.” Blossom gave an uncomfortable little flutter of her wings. “Nice to know that even with how weird things have been with us, I still rate as a good enough friend to merit a revenge fantasy against anypony that hurts me.” I tried to shrug the little awkward moment off. “What can I say? I get pissed when anypony I care about gets hurt.” I caught a little hint of a smile on Blossom’s face. I was a little surprised that just something as minor as saying that I cared about her got that kind of reaction. I hope she wasn’t taking what I’d said the wrong way. Yeah, I cared about her, but as my best friend, not as a potential fillyfriend. Not that I would have minded seeing that happen if things had worked out differently, but that’s not where we were right now. After just long enough for the silence to get a little awkward, Blossom tossed out another question. “How did Rainbow Dash not end up in ... well, in a lot of trouble? Did everypony just overlook it because you were all still fillies?” “Hold that thought for a sec.” I went into the kitchen long enough to grab myself a glass of my lemonade–to be honest, I’m a bit surprised I’d managed to get the whole story out without wanting a little something to smooth out my nerves. I was about to pour Blossom a glass when I remembered that she was a lightweight and a horny drunk. Two things we really didn’t need right now.  I settled down on the couch and took a sip of my mildly boozy lemonade before I got down to answering her question. “Being fillies helped, yeah. As far as the law was concerned, it was mostly the adults’ fault for letting things get so far out of hoof in the first place. Pretty much everypony at Flight Camp lost their jobs, and I heard a couple of them even got in legal trouble. Criminally negligent endangerment of fillies and all that.” I sighed and swallowed some more lemonade. “That’s not to say that Rainbow got off with nothing. My parents were really pissed, even after I told them I didn’t want press any charges. Still, it could’ve been a lot worse: they worked out a deal where she spent a couple years going to weekly therapy sessions instead of anything really bad. In a way, it actually kinda worked out for the best–part of her therapy was writing a couple letters to me for closure and stuff, and that got us talking again.” “And that’s all it took for you two to be friends again?” Blossom looked a little skeptical. I couldn’t really blame her for that–now that I thought back to everything that had gone down at Flight Camp, it did seem a little crazy that Rainbow and I could even have a semi-normal friendship afterwards. “Well, there was a bit more to it than just that.” I sighed and dug a little into the mental box of things I usually don’t like thinking about. “After I bugged out of military school, I needed a place to stay and some help getting things figured out. With the whole military tradition thing running in my family, staying with them wasn’t really an option. Rainbow and I were still swapping letters, and she mentioned that the Ponyville weather team needed a couple new pegasi. When I really needed a friend, she was there for me. That counts for a lot.” Blossom was still frowning at me. “So a couple letters and a favor or two, and you’re back to the way things were? Doesn’t that seem a little too easy?” “Maybe a little, but being mad at her for the rest of my life wouldn’t do me any good. I’d rather just put the past behind us and try to be friends with her now. It’s not exactly an easy thing to keep going,” I admitted. “We usually get along pretty good, but there have been plenty of times when things got awkward. That’s why I don’t even think about banging her friends–there’s way too much baggage there for that to end any way that isn’t disastrous. Plus there’s the whole Fluttershy thing.” “Yeah.” Blossom glanced at my drink. “I’m going to assume that I can’t have any of that after what happened last time, but I am kind of thirsty.” Lucky for her, I’d stocked up on non-alcoholic lemonade to prevent any repeats of the last incident. After double checking to make sure her drink was completely clean, I passed it over. “It’s funny,” she commented in-between sips. “You would think working things out with Fluttershy would be a lot easier than Rainbow Dash.” “Yeah, Fluttershy’s a lot easier to get along with than Rainbow.” I emptied out my own glass of lemonade, and wanted to smack myself over the head for not thinking to get a refill while I’d been getting Blossom’s. Perhaps that was for the best though–I really didn’t need more than one glass of alcohol in my system right now. “The thing is, being so easy to get along with is exactly what makes it so hard for me and Eepysqueak to get back to normal. With Rainbow, when there’s a problem she won’t hesitate to get right in your face and let you know that there’s a problem. She might not be direct about what’s bugging her sometimes, especially if she feels like she’s at fault for whatever’s wrong, but she at least let’s you know there’s a problem.” I was a little surprised when I felt Blossom wrap a wing around me, but I didn’t complain. I could use a little friendly contact right now. I shifted around a little until we were both comfortable, and then continued. “Fluttershy’s pretty much the exact opposite. She doesn’t want to sit down and have a serious talk about what’s wrong, she just apologizes and hopes that’ll fix everything. That’s what got me into so much trouble with her in the first place.” “Because she didn’t want to talk to you about the problems with your relationship,” Blossom concluded. “Yeah, pretty much.” It occurred to me that I probably shouldn’t be quite so comfortable letting a pony who hadn’t exactly made a secret of her romantic interest in me get so close. On the other hoof, Blossom was a good friend, and right now I needed that. Besides, our friendship was still fragile enough that throwing a fit every time she made a little bit of friendly contact with me would cause way too many problems. “She should’ve told you what the problem was.” I caught just a hint of disapproval in Blossom’s voice. “If she thought things were going too fast she needed to tell you, not go behind your back to somepony else.” Even though Blossom was probably right about that, I still felt an irrational urge to lash out at her for saying it. “It wasn’t Fluttershy’s fault,” I answered as levelly as I could. “Okay, she made a mistake. We both made a lot of them, really. We were way too feathering young to be getting into a sexual relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to expect her to handle everything perfectly, especially when I didn’t either.” Blossom frowned at that. “You didn’t say anything about that. From the way you told it, everything was going fine right up to the moment when Rainbow came after you.” “Well yeah, at the time I thought things were going great.” I sighed and studied my hooves for a bit, prompting Blossom to tighten her wing-hug on me. “In hindsight though, there were definitely some warning signs that I missed. When you’re young and eager to keep banging as much as possible now that you’ve discovered how awesome it is, it can be kinda easy to miss that your fillyfriend saying ‘Okay’ while not making eye contact isn’t exactly a good sign.” “You were just a filly, that hardly makes you a mind reader–especially back then.” Blossom gave me a friendly little nuzzle that had me once again pondering whether I should ask her to back off or not. I really didn’t want to drag our own issues into the mix here, but at the same time I didn’t want to seem like I was encouraging her. “Yeah, missing some signals is understandable,” I conceded. “But with a pony like Fluttershy, that kind of thing is important. She’s really bad at any kind of actual confrontation, so if you don’t catch the little subtle hints that something’s bothering her, then that’s it. The bottom line is, Fluttershy didn’t approach me with what was bothering her because I put her in a place where she felt like she couldn’t talk to me.” “Cloud Kicker...” Blossom’s wing tightened around my shoulders in a gentle squeeze. “It wasn’t your fault, okay?” “Yeah, it wasn’t really anypony’s fault,” I agreed. “Nopony was out to be cruel or hurtful–we just all made the sort of mistakes fillies dealing with relationships for the first time in their lives will usually make, and it all kinda spun out of control.” Blossom gave me another little nuzzle, and the two of us fell into a companionable silence for a bit. I have to admit, I’d missed having Blossom around. Eventually, she spoke up again. “So, is all of that why you...” Blossom waved a hoof around vaguely as she tried to come up with a diplomatic way of stating the obvious. “Why I do a lot of banging?” I finished for her. I thought about it for a moment, and shook my head. “Okay, it’s probably true that all of that happening kinda had an impact, but the simple truth is that I bang a lot because I like banging. It’s fun, and it feels good. I liked banging Fluttershy, and I’ve liked banging most of the ponies I’ve fooled around with since her.” I might’ve gone into some of the details on why exactly I liked banging so much if not for my current company. Going into a bit too much detail on the physical side of things might get Blossom a bit intrigued about it all. Worse, going over those memories might get her or me a bit too excited. Considering my little slip of the hoof earlier while I was helping her uncramp her leg, the last thing I needed to do was send any more mixed messages by doing something like detailing the warm, squiggly sensations that accompanied banging. “Look, the bottom line is that I made the big decisions about how my life has gone,” I concluded. “I’m not gonna pretend that if not for what happened with Fluttershy, I’d be some kind of picture of perfectly boring conventional monogamy. It’s my life, and I made these choices for myself.” “Speaking of your life and choices...” Blossom trailed off uncertainly for a bit before the gathered the resolve to continue. “What are you going to do about your job?” “I’m not too worried about it.” Well, that wasn’t completely honest–I was just a little bit worried. Not a huge amount, but a little. “Rainbow blew her top at me, but once she’s had a bit to calm down and realize what a mule she’s been, she’ll come around. That’s kinda the way she works. She’ll make plenty of mistakes, but she always makes things right after she feathers up.” Less than a second after the words left my mouth, there was the sound of a hoof knocking on my door. I wasn’t even surprised when a quick check through the peephole showed Rainbow Dash on the other side–the universe has an odd sense of humor like that sometimes. “It’s Rainbow,” I informed Blossom, before putting a carefully neutral expression and opening door. “Hello Rainbow Dash.” She might be here to apologize and try to make peace, but that didn’t mean I needed to make it easy for her. Rainbow tried to put a casual little smile on her face, but it very clearly didn’t reach her eyes. After an awkward couple seconds of silence she let out a nervous little laugh, then finally found her voice. “So ... uh ... hey Cloud Kicker. What’s up?” “Not much.” I tried to force myself to stay calm, but that just made me sound coldly furious instead of reasonable. “You know, I was about to go update my resume, start filing some job applications. The kind of thing a pony does when they’re unemployed.” Rainbow flinched at that, and spent a couple seconds intently studying the ground and scuffing her hooves in the dirt. If she’d done just about anything else I might have thrown her some little bit of encouragement to make it a bit easier on her, but she’d fired me. That’s a couple steps beyond the kind of thing I can just overlook on account of friendship. Finally, she swallowed enough of her pride to say what needed to be said. “Look, you don’t have to do that, okay? You’ve still got your job.” As far as apologies go, that was pretty weak. Blossom was quick to say as much. “I think you need to do better than that, Rainbow Dash.” She got up from the couch and walked up to the door, standing a little behind and to the side of me. “You fired Cloud Kicker for no good reason. Do you know how much something like that hurts?” Rainbow turned to her and let out an angry snort. “What the hay are you doing here, Blossomforth?” My ex-boss turned a baleful glare on me, and her voice dropped down to a low, threatening growl. “I wasn't kidding with what I said about Derpy, you feather things up with her and I'll make you regret it.” Oh, great. Rainbow was getting to the point where she tried to find some way to shift the blame or change the subject instead of just admitting that she’d made a mistake. Over the years I’ve developed a degree of tolerance for Rainbow's personality quirks–it’s a necessary part of being her friend. However, Blossom didn’t seem to be in the mood to put up with Rainbow’s unique way of doing things. “Hey! Maybe I'm just trying to look out for a friend who got hurt for no reason. Besides, what we do with each other in our personal time isn't any of your business!” “Rainbow, you really don't wanna go there right now,” I added in. It took a bit of effort on my part not to add a couple more choice words onto that. Rainbow was out of line, but turning this into a fight wouldn’t do either of us any good. I took a deep breath and forced myself to stay calm and in control. “Look, I'll come back to work for you, but I need some kinda guarantee this isn't gonna happen again.” Rainbow glared at the two of us and stubborn set her hooves. “I can always hire another manager, you know...” Blossom gave an angry shake of her head. “No, you try and hire somepony else, and I'll quit over that, too. What you did was wrong, Rainbow Dash.” Rainbow’s lips curled back from her teeth in an angry snarl. “Fine then! I’ll–” Rainbow seemed to catch herself, and took a couple deep breath before continuing in a slightly reasonable tone. “Okay, fine ... I was ... not okay, firing Cloud Kicker.” Oh for the love of Luna. Pulling an Ursa’s teeth would be easier than getting Rainbow to feathering apologize. “Not okay? That's it?” “It's more than not okay,” Blossom agreed. “You don't just fire somepony and then think it’s fine just because you admit that your decision was ‘not okay.’ You fired her for nothing but personal reasons today.” “Fine!” Rainbow gave an exasperated roll of her eyes, as if we were the ones being completely unreasonable here. “I fired you because you pissed me off! You happy now, Cloud Kicker?” I swear, it was like she was trying to make this apology go as badly as she possibly could. “No, Rainbow. I'm a pretty long feathering way from happy right now.” Rainbow Dash gave a frustrated little snort, then turned a baleful glare on Blossom. “Blossomforth? Bug out. This is old stuff that doesn't concern you.” Blossom didn’t budge. “Like hay it doesn't. You took something that happened years ago, and attacked Cloud Kicker for it. Maybe you should stop flying off the handle on her everytime you think she might have upset Fluttershy.” “Years ag–?” Rainbow rounded on me and shouted, “You told her!?” I met her fury with the stoic tranquility my family and West Hoof spent years drilling into me. “Yes. She's my friend.” Blossom took a step forward, putting her side-by-side with me. “And friends stand by each other.” A hint of her nasty sarcastic side showed when she added, “What, are you mad that your dirty little secret got out from your closed circle?” Rainbow’s ears drooped for a moment, until she decided to hide her shame with some more anger. “That–that's ancient history! It doesn't involve you!” “Then why did Cloud Kicker get fired for it today?” Blossom shouted right back. “Your ‘ancient history’ feathering does involve me when it starts hurting my friend and affecting my job!” “Okay, fine!” Rainbow shot back at her. “You're fired too! It’s none of your business now, so get outta here, Blossomforth!” Blossom’s mouth dropped open in shock when she heard that. Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Only Rainbow Dash could end up making things worse when she tried to apologize. “Rainbow. Chill.” Rainbow took a step forward and angrily flared her wings at me. “Don't tell me to chill! Try telling Fluttershy to chill! It's your damn fault she was too panicked to even try today!” “What the feather did I do?” I demanded. “Exist?” Blossom seemed to finally be getting over her surprise at getting fired out of hoof, and now she was ... well, Mount Blossom was getting ready to blow. “So that's it! I work my flank off for years and this is how you repay me! You're the biggest feathering idiot I've ever seen. Congratulations Rainbow, you've ruined Tornado Day for yourself, because nopony is going to feathering listen to you now. And you even think this is going to stick? When Cloudsdale finds out how you feathered this all up, and fired us for the stupidest reason you could, they'll demand you rehire us, and write us a feathering letter of apology on top of it. Hay, you’ll be lucky to keep your job at all!” Rainbow tried to glare back at her and come up with a snappy retort, but it wasn’t going too well for her. “I–you're–I–” She slammed a hoof down in the ground in impotent rage. “All right! Fine, I–fine!” Rainbow took several heavy breaths, before she actually managed to pull off a minor miracle for her, and back down a little bit. “You're right, I was...wrong, to fire both of you. You have your jobs back, no complications.” That wasn’t nearly good enough for Blossom. I felt the same way, but I couldn’t really get a word in edgewise now that Blossom was in full rant-mode. “I–No complications! No complications! I didn't do a feathering thing wrong! You just realized how badly you feathered up, and you’re trying to put the broken pieces back together. I want a real apology for us, Rainbow Dash! Right now you’re treating the both of us if we’re expendable. You're acting like some tin princess, not a proper weather manager!” Rainbow’s head and wings both drooped, but she was glaring resentfully at the two of us. “Look, I–okay, I acted stupid and fired you both out of hoof. Just–just take your damn jobs back, okay?” Then she did something I really didn’t expect, and very softly added, “Please?” That moment of vulnerability was enough to knock Blossom out of rant-mode, but she was still very put out with our semi-ex-boss. She sat down in the doorway and gave Rainbow a very skeptical frown. “I'm not even sure I can believe you right now.” “You’re not exactly doing much to make us think we’ll have any job security,” I agreed. So far she’d been bouncing back and forth between angry and apologetic so quickly I was kind of surprised her head wasn’t spinning in circles from it all. “How do we know we won’t just get fired again the next time you blow your top because Fluttershy sneezed in my direction, or one of us pointed out that you’re being stupid?” Rainbow’s mouth opened and closed a couple times before she actually managed to give us any kind of answer. “Because ... because you're not gonna, okay?” Well, that just inspired all kinds of confidence. “Just leave it at that and take your feathering job back. Hay, I’ll give you a twenty percent bonus.” “That's it?” Blossom growled. “Not even a bit of explanation of any guarantee this won’t happen again, you're just going to try and bribe us with bits to make us forget about all this?” I had to agree with Blossom, throwing some extra bits our way wasn’t good enough. It’s like she was ... well, do you want to know what the opposite of what an apology is supposed to be looks like? Here’s a hint, Rainbow was doing it right now. To be honest, thinking she could just toss some money my way to fix this was just making me madder at her. “Rainbow, I thought we were friends.” That actually got a flinch out of her. “We were. I mean, we are!” She hastily corrected herself. “We're– we're fine, okay? just ... just take your damn job back, okay? Derpy and Fluttershy and Twilight and ... well, lots of ponies. They’re ... they’re kinda pissed about me firing you, okay?” “Oh, so that’s how it is now?” My willingness to give Rainbow a chance to muddle her way through an apology was definitely slipping away. “I'm only getting my job back because you don’t want other ponies to be mad at you? That's all you've got to say for yourself? Look, I would’ve been okay with you stumbling around trying to apologize if you were actually sorry, but right now it sounds like you’re only apologizing to get everypony off your back.” “Shut up!” Rainbow screamed at us. “You ... you didn’t hear what Derpy and Fluttershy said! Derpy said she'd ... that she'd made a mistake making me her girls’ godmom, and Fluttershy ... Fluttershy...” Rainbow shuddered a little, and her voice dropped down to a shaken little whisper. “She yelled at me. Like, really mad yelling. She ... I thought she was okay with what happened back at Flight Camp, but I guess she just never said it all. The only way either of them are gonna forgive me is if I make up with you.” So, pretty much exactly what I said. Rainbow didn’t actually feel one bit of regret, she was just trying to dodge the consequences of her actions. “So other ponies are mad at you? Guess what, Rainbow? That's not my problem.” “But ... but you gotta forgive me!” Rainbow’s voice hit a frantic pitch. “Derpy thinks I’m gonna be a bad influence on her girls, and Fluttershy said I was a bad friend! I can’t just ... you gotta help me fix this!” And she was still only thinking about herself. “To be honest Rainbow, right now you haven’t given me much of a reason to disagree with either of them. ” Rainbow’s voice dropped down to an angry snarl. “Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? You already have Derpy in your bed, so what's the need for a godmom when you can be a whole second mommy. And I bet you’ve just been aching to go after Fluttershy again on the side. Yeah, I bet that’s it–you broke her heart and went to Derpy, and now Derpy gets her turn to get messed up by you! Hay, I bet–” I never found out what Rainbow was going to say next–Blossom’s hoof smacking into her face kinda cut her off. From the looks of things, she’d learned a thing or two about how to throw a proper punch since her scuffle with Fluttershy. To be honest, I was a little glad Blossom’s temper had snapped, because otherwise Rainbow might have kept pushing it until it was me hitting her instead. That could have gotten real ugly real fast. “Shut the hay up, Rainbow!” Blossom growled. “You can take your feathering job, and shove it! Cloud Kicker and I have an ironclad wrongful termination lawsuit against you right now, and I can’t think of a single reason we shouldn’t clean you out.” Rainbow was still reeling from the hit, and brought a hoof up to rub at what was probably a developing shiner. “I should ... I should ... fire your plots for this ... but ya know what, I–” Rainbow cut herself off by smacking the back of her own head, and then shaking it for good measure. “Just take your feathering jobs back, so I can fire you!” Okay, I could put up with a lot from Rainbow, but there’s a limit. Love and tolerance were officially going out the window for the next couple minutes. “Tell me something, Rainbow. Can you think of a single pony who's done more to feather up my entire life than you?” Rainbow grimaced and bared her teeth at me, and her voice dripped with contempt. “Oh, that's rich coming from you! I–oh, Luna stuff my flank with moon rocks, I–” Blossom and I both jumped in surprise when Rainbow slammed the side her head into my doorframe. “There!” Rainbow blinked a couple more times before she seemed to regain her bearings. “That's rich coming from you. I–I promise I won't ... fire you again for what happened.” Blossom and I didn’t know quite what to make of how Rainbow was acting. To be honest, I kinda suspected she was playing at being hurt to try and get some sympathy points. I know RD's taken harder hits then that before and brushed it off with no problem. However, there was no doubt about what she was saying. Blossom was the first to speak up. “Are you just saying that because you really care about us, or because you want to keep Tornado Day on track?” “Or because you just want ponies to stop being mad at you for acting like a mule?” I added. Rainbow glared at us, but then a second later she was staggering on her hooves. “I don't care about everypony being mad at me ... just a few.” Okay, I was starting to get a little worried about how strange she was acting now. Not to mention that her comment sounded like it might be leading in to making a proper apology instead of her very half-flanked efforts so far. “Rainbow ... what are you trying to say?” I wasn’t the only pony getting a little worried about how strangely Rainbow was acting. Blossom was looking back and forth between the hoof she’d smacked Rainbow with and the obviously not-quite-right pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, are you okay? You ... you don't look good.” Rainbow violently shook her head. “I don't ... I don't wanna ... don’t wanna have Fluttershy and Derpy mad at me, okay? Just ... just take the job back.” Nope, she wasn’t actually apologizing, just going on and on about herself. “Rainbow, this isn't about what they think, this is about us.” “Derpy said she'd ... made a mistake, making me their godmom,” Rainbow whined. “Fluttershy said I ruined the only romantic relationship she’d ever had. So it is about them. Just shut up and take the job back, okay?” Alright, this was just getting pathetic now. “Rainbow, for the love of Celestia, get over yourself! Can you give me a single feathering reason to take my old job back that doesn't center around it being good for you?” Blossom gave a sharp nod in agreement. “All I'm hearing here is regret that you caused problems for yourself, not that you regret hurting us.” Rainbow decided to try to play the wounded gazelle a bit more in an effort to milk some sympathy from us. “I'm so sorry for not wanting to be cut off from my damn goddaughters or have Fluttershy feathering hate me, alright?” “Me, me, me, me, me!” Blossom shot back with mocking sarcasm. “Okay, fine!” Rainbow yelled at us. “I was wrong–I fired you because you hurt me and because I thought you were still hurting Fluttershy. There! I said it! Happy now?” “Maybe I’d believe it if you showed anything resembling actual sorrow or remorse instead of giving us the worst apology ever..” I put my forehoof on the door and was getting ready to slam it in her face. “You're not the pony I thought you were.” “I–” Before Rainbow could go any more about herself, I shut the door. If I was lucky, it might have bonked her in the snout. I’d given her a fair chance to make things right. Hay, I’d given her a dozen fair chances. It should’ve been a simple, easy thing. ‘Hey, I feathered up, sorry.’ The sort of thing ‘lula or Dinky could manage without any trouble. What did I get instead? The Rainbow Dash Drama Show. Five minutes of Rainbow’s ego gone wild, and Blossom getting fired just for putting her neck out to help make Dash listen to reason. So that’s how she wanted things? Fine. Maybe Blossom had a point about how crazy it was that I kept forgiving Rainbow. I didn’t need some self-absorbed backstabber for a friend. Before I could share that particular thought with Blossom my door started shaking. Somepony was hitting it hard enough that I’m pretty sure it was gonna need some repairs. It wasn’t exactly hard to guess who that was. Rainbow always had to keep pushing things–it sounded like she was gonna break the door down at this rate. I opened up the top half of my door before she could do any more damage. “Rainbow, what the feather is your problem!?” Rainbow took a staggering step back and plopped down on the ground, clutching her head in her hooves. There were a couple scrapes and budding bruises on the right side of her face that hadn’t been there before... had she been slamming her head into my door? I was even more surprised when she spoke up and actually sounded mournful. “I was wrong to fire you, and I'm sorry. Please, um.... Please. Feather Tornado Day, and feather the record, I just... I'm sorry, Okay? I'm... I'm sorry.” Okay ... that was unexpected. Rainbow’s right eye had squeezed itself shut, and I could swear I saw brimming tears in her other eye. “Please, I'm... I'm not good at this, I'm just sorry, okay?” Wow. Rainbow had just managed ... well that was an incredible apology by her standards. No waffling or attempts to mitigate it, not even a hint of any ulterior motive. Just a pure and simple ‘I was wrong, and I’m sorry.’ I opened up my door the rest of the way and took a couple steps closer to her. “Look, Rainbow. We’ll work it out, okay?” Blossom came up next to me, and shot a concerned frown at the pony who was hopefully our boss again. “Rainbow Dash, is your eye ok?” “It’s fine!” Rainbow snapped at her, opening up her right eye. Blossom let out a horrified gasp when she saw Rainbow’s eye. I kinda shared the sentiment–her right eye had rolled up so far into the back of her head that I couldn’t see anything but white. “Rainbow?” I took another hesitant step towards her. I felt a little guilty for thinking she’d been faking the injury now that I could tell there really was something wrong with her. “Your eye is very much not fine.” Rainbow let out a very forced laugh and smacked a hoof on the right side of her head. “It’s fine, it does this sometimes. It just gets a little weird on me sometimes ever since the thing at Flight Camp.” She gave herself another smack on the head. “It's fine, see?” From the look on her face, Blossom was even less convinced by Rainbow’s explanation than I was. “Rainbow, maybe we should take you to the hospital, and then we can talk this out.” “I. Am. Fine,” Rainbow insisted with impressive stubbornness. Insisting you’re not hurt when anypony with a working brain can tell you are is a bit beyond the normal level of mule-headedness you can expect from a pony. “I just jumped into a cloud without checking for lighting again and ... I'm sorry. It won't happen again, okay? I'll promote you or something. Won't ever have to worry about me again.” Blossom shook her head, and her voice shifted to a gentle, soothing tone. “Rainbow Dash, I'm worried about you right now. I think I hit you harder than I meant to. Can we take you to the hospital? Just to let them take a look to make sure everything is okay.” I stepped up to Rainbow and was about to try to help her up when she turned an absolutely furious glare on me. “Touch me again,” she snarled hatefully. “I dare you. I feathering dare you.” I took several surprised steps back, and held my forelegs up in front of myself. “I didn't touch you at all, Rainbow.” Blossom took a few steps back away from Dash, and raised a hoof in a calming motion. “Whoa there, Rainbow Dash. Cloud Kicker is just trying to help.” She let off a laugh that was pure nervousness. “I t-think I might have gotten your eye there a bit.” Rainbow turned her glare from me to Blossom. “Yeah, you and her both ... what, do you want a shot at my plot while you're at it? I bet you and Cloud Kicker laughed it up when she told you how she kicked me there.” Rainbow let out a shaky breath, and pulled a conversational one-eighty. “I'm fine, really I'm–I'm fine. Just ... please. You're not fired, okay? Okay, Rainbow Dash had always been a bit mercurial, but going from pure nasty to practically begging us to take our jobs back in the space of a couple seconds was just ridiculous. The fact that she’d been smacking her own head around in some kind of effort to fix her eye probably wasn’t doing her brain any favors. “Rainbow? You’re kinda sending a mixed message here...” Rainbow staggered back up to her hooves and shouted at us. “Shuddup! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!” Blossom very slowly and cautiously stepped up towards the irrational pegasus. “Rainbow Dash, can you at least come in and sit down for a minute? It's been a long day, and it’s probably getting to you. We can get a Life Flight if you need it. Rainbow nearly smacked Blossom in the face when she flared her wings out. “Don’t call Life Flight!” Blossom hastily scrambled out of Rainbow’s reach before she could lash out again. “I don't need Life Flight, okay? I just ... I just need ya to know that I was wrong. 'm sorry.” Blossom was staring at Rainbow, and her knees were shaking a bit. I don’t think Rainbow meant to come close to smacking Blossom with one of her wings, but that didn’t change the fact that it had nearly happened. That made this a lot more serious. “Okay, Rainbow, something's seriously wrong here.” I wasn’t being gentle and reasonable anymore, my voice had a whip-crack of authority in it that I’d learned back at West Hoof. “You're going to the hospital. Now.” “To Tartarus with the hospital,” Rainbow snarled at me. “I. Am. Fine.” Rainbow growled and swiped a hoof in my general direction. “You try to touch me and I'll break one of your legs again. I've taken lessons since Camp, Cloud Kicker, I'll buck you up...” Oh Luna, we did not need this on top of everything else. Now she was getting violent on top of all the other problems. I tried to keep my voice as calm and non-threatening and possible. “Rainbow, I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm trying to help you.” I shot a look over my shoulder and at Blossom, and carefully whispered to her. “Blossom, you might wanna step back.” Blossom very slowly nodded, and then carefully backed away until she got to a point where Rainbow could not easily see or get to her. I very reluctantly took a step to the side, so that there would be no way for Rainbow to get to Blossom without her going through me first. I didn’t think Rainbow was likely to just attack her out the blue, but with how belligerent and unpredictable she was right now... “Rainbow, just let me take you to the hospital. For my own peace of mind.” I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or worried when she took a couple steps forward, into my door frame. With all the crazy mood swings, it was hard to tell if she was calming down and walking up to us as a friend or just getting into an attack position. Rainbow cracked her neck, and made a point of keeping her bad eye shut. “Don’t wanna go to the hospital ... too much touching. Too much... no. I’m fine. Just wanna get things settled with you, okay? Okay, maybe we could still talk our way through this. “Yeah, we're fine Rainbow.” “Yes, everything’s forgiven,” Blossom chimed in. “Just let us get you to the hospital. We’re both really worried about you.” “Rainbow, the ponies at the hospital are going to help you. Okay?” I took a single step forward and offered her my hoof. That was a mistake. Rainbow’s wings flared out defensively, and jabbed a couple quick punches through the air. “I’m ... I'm twenty percent more okay than you will ever be. Just ... go feather yourself off and take your job back, okay? I’m sorry.” She mimed a couple more punches in my general direction. “You just try it ... try it, and I'll ... Luna dammit, not again! Stupid feathering eye!” Rainbow slammed the side of her head into my wall hard enough to put a bit of a dent in it. “Try it and I'll kick your flank. I’m fine, just need to go see Fluttershy and Derpy. I’m sorry.” Okay, this wasn’t gonna work. Rainbow was bouncing around between moods a mile a minute, and if I let her leave she was gonna go looking for Derpy and Fluttershy. With the violent tendencies she was showing towards me, there was no way in Tartarus I was letting her near anypony I cared about. I didn’t know what the deal was with her, but it was bad, and she was unstable enough that ... no, I didn’t even want to think about what could happen. “Rainbow, at this rate you're gonna end up hurting yourself, or somepony else. I can't let that happen.” Rainbow took a single step forward and threw a halfhearted jab at me, but I could’ve dodged a shot like that with my eyes close. “I'm going, then,” Rainbow mumbled. “Fluttershy and Derpy need to know we're good.” Oh Celestia, I did not want to have to do this. Not again. Why are you making me do this? “Rainbow. Last chance. You’re my friend, and you need help. Please, just let us take you to the docs. Don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” “Rainbow Dash, please stop!” Blossom’s eyes were darting back and forth between the two of us, and her breath was coming in small, panicky gasps. “You're acting stupid, and you’re scaring me.” “Rainbow, let’s just go to the hospital.” With the way she was acting it was probably pointless, but I had make one last effort to reason with her. “They can patch you up and get your eye fixed, and Blossom can go get Derpy and Eepysqueek to meet you there, okay?” Blossom quickly nodded in agreement with my suggestion, her eyes practically begging Rainbow to take me up on the offer. “I don't need to go to the hospital, I'm fine!” Rainbow snarled as she dropped down into a defensive crouch “You wanna do this? I’m gonna kick your flank, teach you not to mess with me. Always wanted a rematch with you, Cloud Kicker. Think you’re so good, beating me. I hate losing.” Rainbow paused and blinked a couple time before shifting tracks again. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?” There was nothing for it, Rainbow looked like she was one wrong word away from turning violent. No way I could let her go looking for Derpy or Eepysqueak while she was like this. There was only one choice. I whispered a quick set of instructions to Blossom. “Stay back. As soon as it’s safe, get outta here and go get some Life Flight ponies.” Blossom very slowly nodded before she started backing away. There was a worried frown on her face as her eyes shot back and forth between Rainbow and me. “Cloud Kicker, be careful.” “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” With any luck I should be able to take her down quickly and cleanly. I know she’d started hoof-to-hoof combat classes after Flight Camp, but hopefully she hadn’t learned enough to be a problem. I very reluctantly faced my friend down. “Rainbow, it doesn’t have to go this way.” Rainbow gave me a tight, nasty little grin. “Yeah it does. I’ve been waiting more than ten years for a chance to kick your flank!” A couple quick flaps of her wings got her in the air, and then she was coming right at me with two extended forehooves. I tried to dodge, but all I managed to do was take the hit on my shoulder instead of right to the face. Celestia, how had Rainbow managed to get even faster than she’d been the last time we fought?  It was a good thing we were in my house–at least this way she wouldn’t have enough space to really get going. Blossom stumbled away from the two of us and let out a terrified shriek. “Look out, Cloud Kicker!” Rainbow came around for another pass at me, but this time I was ready for just how ridiculously fast she could be. Rainbow had learned some lessons since Flight Camp–this time she was being real careful to keep her wings safe from me. Too bad for her that West Hoof taught me a couple dozen other ways to take a hostile pegasus out of the sky. I dropped flat onto my back right as she was about to hit me, and stuck my legs straight up. That tangled her badly enough to cost her some control. Not a huge amount by most standards, but when you’re fighting indoors it doesn’t take much to get a high-speed pegasus in trouble. Rainbow was still trying to shake off effects of slamming head-first into my living room wall when I jumped her. There were several ways I could’ve ended the fight right then and there, but I hesitated. Contrary to what you might read in some of the kids books, It’s kinda hard to incapacitate a pony to the point where they can’t fight without hurting them pretty badly in the process. Therein lay the problem: I didn’t want to hurt Rainbow Dash. That’s one of the problems that comes from learning a military martial arts discipline. Most of the techniques involved killing or crippling your opponent. Not what you wanted when you were trying to disable a friend who was hurting herself already. I tried to grapple and pin her instead–it still wasn’t exactly a gentle process, but it would get her down with the least damage. Plus, whatever classes she took in martial arts were probably in a style that let her use that crazy speed of hers, and a grapple took that away. Unfortunately, I was rusty enough with my relatively harmless grappling to give her enough of an opening to chomp at my ear. If I’d been a bit slower to react she might’ve gotten a good grip on my ear, which could’ve lead to all kinds of trouble. A quick hoof to the diaphragm knocked the wind out of her and got her teeth off of my ear before she could do serious damage. Rainbow managed to catch her breath right around the time I put a hoof to the uninjured side of head and pressed it down into my carpet. “You want a piece of me?” Rainbow snarled up at me. “Bring it on, then! Come at me pone!” Blossom was screaming something at us, but I couldn’t afford to take my focus off of Rainbow Dash for a second. Now that I had her grappled she was mostly just flailing around and doing anything she could to get loose. She got some hits in, but the angle was all wrong for her to actually make them count. The closest she got to actually hurting me was when she managed clip the tip of my nose hard enough to sting and remind me of the time she broke it. I broke out one of my favorite little dirty Krav Pega tricks, and put my mouth right next to Rainbow’s ear before I shouted “Rainbow! Stop this!” Having somepony screaming into her ear disoriented Rainbow for a just a second, giving me enough time to drop my hind quarters onto her spine and used my rear legs to pin her wings against her ribs. As soon as she realized what had happened Rainbow started wildly trying to buck me off. “Lemme go! I am not gonna lose one of my oldest friends because of you! You’re not gonna take my goddaughters away from me! Just take your feathering job back already!” Just when I was starting to get the situation under control, Blossom went and did the sort of stupid thing most ponies with no combat training tend to do. Instead of clearing out to go get help like I told her to, she ran up to Rainbow and started trying to calm her down. “Rainbow Dash, please! Stop it! You're hurting yourself!” Rainbow was way past the point where she could be reasoned with. Instead of calming down, she sank her teeth into Blossom’s foreleg. I quickly bit down on her mane and pulled back until Rainbow lost her grip on Blossom’s leg. As soon as Blossom was loose, I put both my forelegs on Rainbow’s head and slammed it back down onto the floor harder than I should’ve. “Mess with me all you want, Rainbow. I can take it. But don’t you feathering dare hurt her!” As soon as she was free Blossom scrambled away from Rainbow, favoring her injured leg. Rainbow immediately started thrashing underneath me again. “Cloud Kicker, you bitch! I knew you'd cheat on Derpy!” Okay, that one stung a bit. Blossom was fighting back tears, though I’m not sure how much of that was from what Rainbow said as opposed to fact that Rainbow bit her. Either way, I wasn’t in the mood to put up with any more of it. “Rainbow? Shut up.” Rainbow might not be getting away from me, but unless I gagged her there wasn’t much I could do stop her from lashing out verbally. “Oh, please! You thought you'd just bring Blossom over here and write it off as a tea party? I told you what I'd do if you feathered it up with Derpy, I'll–argh! Again with the eye! Stop getting all weird on me, you stupid eye!” Rainbow went quiet for a second, and then started slamming her head into my floor again. Hard enough to make me wince. I let out a relieved breath when Blossom grabbed a pillow off my couch and shoved it under Rainbow’s head to stop her from doing any more damage. Still, me pinning Rainbow down wasn’t a perfect solution, especially since we still needed to get her to the hospital. “Blossom, I've got some rope in my closet. Go get it.” Blossom stared at me blankly for a second before shaking her head and snapping out of it. “Uh, right. I’ll be right back.” A minute later she came back, my rope in her teeth. “‘ere, I go’ it.” “Not what I normally use this for, but it'll have to do.” I took the rope from her and got to work tying Rainbow up. I was a little surprised she wasn’t causing more trouble for me when it came to getting her restrained–I might have been relieved if she didn’t look so glassy-eyed and unfocused. She’d been hitting herself in the head a lot, and hard. Blossom watched the two of us with a small frown on her face. “I really hope that is clean. I had it in my mouth.” “I wash it after I use it,” I distractedly reassure her. “Otherwise, it starts to get an ... odor.” Rainbow made a weak, half-hearted effort to get loose from me. “Whorse...” “What do we do with her now?” Blossom asked. “Are you sure that rope will hold her? Do we take her to the hospital, or...” I finished roping Rainbow up before answered that one.“Yeah, she's not getting loose.” I trotted over to Blossom and checked the bite she’d gotten from Rainbow. “That rope can hold a stallion about the size of Big Mac suspended from my ceiling.” Blossom stared at me with her mouth half-open. “Why do you need a rope that strong?” A second later it all clicked for her. “You ... you know it’s that strong from experience, don’t you?” “You'd be surprised what some ponies are into.” That got a little squeak out of Blossom, but right now I was more worried about her leg than her innocence. As far as I could tell, Rainbow Dash hadn’t done any serious damage. The bite was gonna leave a nasty bruise, but her fur should cover that up for the most part. She’d probably be doing a lot of flying for the next couple days, though–walking on that wouldn’t be very much fun. I looked back up at Blossom’s face. “You’re gonna be fine, but we should have somepony who knows what they’re doing check it anyway. Just to be safe.” Blossom’s brain seemed to be having a bit of trouble moving past the whole rope issue, if the next thing that came out her mouth was any indication. “A stallion the size of Big Mac, or a stallion named Big Mac?” A second later she facehoofed and groaned. “You know what, forget I asked. I’m happier not knowing. So, hospital now?” Rainbow weakly slammed her head into the pillow. “Cheating whorse...” I sighed. “Yeah, hospital. Let’s find a cart for her.” Getting Rainbow to the hospital and explaining everything took a bit of doing, but we got it done. Either the staff was made up of stone-faced professionals, or Ponyville’s hospital deals with enough of the really bizarre cases, because nopony even batted an eyelash when we brought Rainbow in. Then came the really hard part: waiting to see if Rainbow would be okay. Blossom shuffled uncomfortably on the hard wooden benches of the hospital’s waiting room and finally asked the question that had been on both of our minds for a while. “What are we going to do? What do we tell everypony?” “We do our duty,” I answered her stoically. “Rainbow's sick, so you're in command of the weather team now.” Blossom took a couple deep breaths as she wrapped her mind around that. Whenever we’d needed to cover for Rainbow in the past, she’d always kind of deferred to me. After a few seconds she nodded. “Alright, well first thing I'm doing is offering your job back. Let's just get that out of the way.” Blossom sighed and ran a hoof over her face. “After that, I guess we need to contact Rainbow's friends and family to tell them she's in the hospital.” “Yeah.” At least Blossom and I had cleaned ourselves up enough to hide what damage Rainbow had done to us. Derpy would freak if she found out Dash and I had gotten into another fight, and I don’t even what to think about how Eepy would take it. I tried to distract myself from all that by focusing on the job. “You'll need to be the official boss though–keeping Tornado Day on track is gonna be hard enough without expecting everypony to take orders from me right after they all saw Rainbow fire me.” Blossom gave a slightly shaky nod. “Right, I'm in charge.” She stopped to let a couple nasty-sounding coughs. “So, we tell everypony who needs to know what happened, and then we deal with the weather stuff in the morning. We keep going with Tornado Duty preparations as though nothing were wrong.” “Sounds like a plan.” Blossom was handling all the responsibility getting dumped on her a bit better than I’d expected. “As for Rainbow Dash, we’ll tell the rest of the weather staff if it's ... pony pox or something.” Blossom frowned and shook her head. “I'll just say Dash had another flying accident. That happens so often everypony will buy it.” “Whichever you think would work better, boss.” Blossom gave a surprised little jump when I called her that. I guess that kinda drove it home–she was the boss now. Before we could get any further into the implications of that, Derpy crashed through one of the walls and hastily flew up to us. “Cloud Kicker! I heard Rainbow Dash is in the hospital! What happened?” She landed front of me and gave me a quick kiss, earning an annoyed eye-roll from Blossom. “You’re alright too, right? First I heard Dash was hurt, and that you were here too, and after what happened between you two earlier today I feared the worst had happened. You didn’t ... please tell me you two didn’t...” “No, it wasn’t like that,” I hastily reassured her. I didn’t want her thinking I’d put Rainbow in the hospital again. Sure, there’d been a bit of a scuffle, but compared to what happened ten years ago... “Okay.” Derpy let out a relieved breath. “I ... when I heard you were both here, I was so scared...” Derpy wrapped her forelegs around me and kissed me just a bit longer and harder than most ponies would think was strictly appropriate for a public setting. When she finally pulled back, there was a hint of a nervous blush on her face. “I just ... I’m glad you’re okay.” Derpy nervously cleared her throat. “So, what happened to Rainbow anyway? Another flying accident?” I was considering whether or not I should tell her exactly what had happened when Blossom put a hoof on my shoulder and shook her head very slightly. Much as I hate to admit it, she kinda had a point there. Considering the history, Derpy wouldn’t take the news that Rainbow and I got into a scuffle very well. Hay, I wasn’t taking it very well. I sighed, and tried to figure out how I wanted to put it all. “Rainbow’s first try at apologizing didn’t go all that well. You know he she can get. After that ... well, I think all the stress kinda got to her, and she started hitting her head against the wall and stuff until ... yeah.” It’s not like I was lying to her, not really. Everything I’d said was true, I was just leaving out a couple little details that nopony needed to know about. If Derpy found out that Rainbow and I had exchanged blows, she would get all worked up. “Don’t tell anypony,” Blossom quickly added. “It’s ... we’re going to tell the weather team that she just had a flying accident.” Derpy very slowly nodded her head. “Yeah, I suppose that’s best. Rainbow’s problems ... she deserves a bit of privacy, not having them be the talk of the town.” “Thank you, Derpy.” Wow, that’s three words I hadn’t expected to hear out of Blossom’s mouth. Derpy gave a wall-eyed blink of surprise, and after a couple of seconds an embarrassed little blush appeared on Blossom’s face. “I ... I owe you an apology for how I acted last time.” "Oh..." Derpy seemed unsure how to act for a second, then put on one of her classic bubbly smiles. "That's very grown up of you. I’m glad we settled that, because I do want to be your friend. Apology accepted." Blossom gave a little twitch, then took a deep breath and very calmly added. “With all that said, I also want to tell you that I love Cloud Kicker, and I'm not gonna let you take her away from me.” Well, so much for my hopes of my best friend and fillyfriend getting along. “Okay, Blossom, I'm flattered that you really want me, but–” Blossom cut me off with a gentle hoof on my mouth. “No, Cloud Kicker. I'm not gonna give up on you.” Derpy let out an annoyed grumble as she walked up and pointedly removed Blossom’s hoof. “I love Cloud Kicker too, Blossomforth. We’re in a relationship, and you need to learn to deal with that.” Blossom met Derpy’s eyes with a determined glare. “No, I don't. I need to kick your sorry flank and get my mare.” A second later she spotted my less than approving look, and abashedly amended, “I–I didn't mean the part about flank-kicking ... um ... literally. I meant...” She gave a quick shake of her head, and got her determination back “What I meant was that I am not going to let you beat me.” Derpy sighed and broke out the tone she usually used on her daughter whenever Dinky was being particularly troublesome. “Blossomforth, I understand that you and I both want the same somepony...” “I am pretty amazing like that,” I snarked. Blossom giggled and gave me a playful little punch in the shoulder. “Quiet, you.” “Hey, it’s the truth!” I grinned and buffed a hoof on my chest. “It’s like I said, I’ve got irresistible charm. It’s no surprise that I’ve got ponies fighting over me.” Derpy loudly cleared her throat and hit the both of us with a disapproving glare. Guess that’s one of the advantages of having eyes like hers; she could glare at both us at the same time. I gave an apologetic little flinch at my fillyfriend’s obvious disapproval, but Blossom just glared right back at her. “What?” she spat defiantly. “Do you have a problem?” Derpy let out a long-suffering sigh, and very patiently began. “Blossom, you need to accept–” “No,” Blossom cut her off. “I really don't.” Derpy’s face screwed up in annoyed frown. “So what then? Are you going to attack me, or try some foalish plot to force me away from Cloud Kicker?” “No, nothing like that.” Blossom smirked. “I just have to be better than you.” Derpy’s upper lip curled up slightly. “Oh yes, you're off to an amazing start.” I swear, even Pinkie Pie might have been able to detect that much sarcasm. Blossom shot her a tight, competitive little grin. “Better than you realize. I guess you haven’t heard what my special talent is. I don't give up, and I don't lose.” “I didn’t want to have this conversation, but if you insist...” Derpy sighed into her hoof. “Love isn't a competition, Blossomforth. It’s–” “You're in between me and the pony I love,” Blossom cut her off. “I don't know about you, but right now I feel pretty feathering competed against right now. If you don’t want this to be a competition, then get the hay out of my way.” “You had your chance!” I was a little surprised that Derpy actually snapped at her like that, even with Blossom needling at her like she had been–Derpy’s normally very even-tempered. Even more surprising, Derpy kept going. “For years you had your chance and you didn't take it! I don't know why you waited until you did to even admit to yourself that you liked her, but you are the only pony to blame for not trying to connect with Cloud Kicker.” “You're right,” Blossom admitted. “I missed a lot of chances. I was too scared of being rejected to put my heart out on the line. I guess seeing you and Cloud Kicker hook up put things into perspective for me.” Blossom turned to me and gave me a tender smile. “I know what I want now, and I'm going to fight for it.” Whoa, what the hay had gotten into Blossom? For a pony who used to blush and squeak at the mention of anything sexual, she was getting really direct about this. Maybe it was like she said, and the threat of losing me to Derpy had motivated her to start stepping outside of her comfort zone a bit more. Derpy frowned at Blossom, but took a couple deep breaths before she spoke. “I understand that we have our share of disagreements, but your passive-aggressive attitude is not helping things, Blossomforth.” That got Blossom up out of her seat and glaring at Derpy. “Am I supposed to pretend I'm completely okay with you taking away the mare I love? And for the record, I'm not being passive-aggressive. I'm being very actively aggressive.” “No, you're not.” Derpy shot back hotly “You've been throwing out snide remarks and angrily avoiding me like Dinky when she’s throwing a temper tantrum. I've been more than patient, Blossom, but even I have my limits!” “I don't want your patience,” Blossom snapped right back. She took a couple steps forward, placing her well within Derpy’s personal space. “I want Cloud Kicker, and you're in my way. I'd suggest you get out of it.” I was a little stunned when Derpy actually flared her wings and shouted. “I will not!” Blossom took a step back in shock, and Derpy blinked in surprise a couple times as she realized that she’d lost her cool. After a couple deep breaths, she continued on in a more level, reasonable tone. “Put yourself in my horseshoes, Blossom–I have been alone all my life because of the stigma and responsibilities that come with being a single mother. Now I've found my special somepony, but her self-entitled friend wants to take my fillyfriend away from me! I swear, if you were one of my daughters, I'd–” “You’d what?” Blossom shot back challengingly, “I’d give you a good spanking!” Derpy snarled. “Ooo, kinky.” That earned me glares from both the mares currently fighting over which one of them should have me. It was worth it though. Once the two angry mares were done glaring at me, they picked their argument back up right where they’d left off. Blossom sneered at Derpy and growled. “I’m self-entitled? That's rich, coming from a pony who was born in Canterlot with a feathering silver spoon in her mouth. I grew up in an orphanage and earned every single feathering thing I have by fighting tooth and hoof for it. Some ponies don't get life hoofed over to them on a silver platter!” Derpy snorted and rolled her eyes. “So just because you’re an orphan, that makes it fine to just waltz in and steal my fillyfriend?” Derpy’s voice was laced with more contempt than I’d ever expected to hear from her. “Oh, poor baby who started out with nothing. If you wanted Cloud Kicker so badly, you should have put your muzzle between her legs when you had the chance!” “Oh ... you ...” Blossom sputtered and fumed for a bit before finally shouting “Well maybe I should just do that right now! I bet I could have her melting in my hooves so fast she'd forget all about you!” “Go ahead and try!” Derpy snapped back. “Do you really expect to impress her with your extensive experience? I bet you wouldn’t even know where to start!” I was a little tempted to object to Derpy just volunteering me like that, but speaking up would probably just get them both glaring at me again. Personally, I was inclined to stick with my current ‘stay quiet and hope they don’t remember I’m here’ strategy. That seemed to be what the receptionist was doing. It was a pity somepony like Redheart who wouldn’t put up with this nonsense wasn’t around–getting chucked out the hospital might be enough of a wake-up call to stop these two from arguing. Or maybe it would just get them fighting over whose fault it was that we’d been thrown out. Blossom scoffed. “So you wanna talk bout experience, huh? You think she would prefer your soggy, over-used muffin? Did you ever find out who Dinky's father was? I'm sure there so many different stallions, it was hard to keep track.” “How dare you bring my baby into this!” Derpy looked beyond furious, and I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t hastily interposed myself between the two of them it would’ve have come to blows right then and there.   I gave Derpy a hug that would hopefully be tight enough to keep her from breaking loose and jumping Blossom. “Derpy, calm down! It’s not worth it.” I turned to face Blossom and hit her with my best disapproving glare. “Blossom, that was way out of line and you know it. Look, I’m flattered that you feel that way about me, but that does not give you the right to take a cheap shot like that at Derpy. To hay with banging, I’d suggest you pick your next words very carefully if you wanna keep being my friend at all.” Blossom’s ears went back flat on her head. “I ... I wasn’t trying to ... I’m sorry.” Blossom sighed and scuffed a hoof along the floor. “I didn’t mean it that way–your daughter doesn’t deserve to get pulled into our argument. I’m sorry.” Derpy was still glaring daggers at Blossom, but after several seconds of awkward silence she very slowly nodded her head. “Apology accepted, but if you ever bring my Muffin into this again I swear I’ll...” “Right.” I released my hug on Derpy and let out a relieved breath–that was one potential crisis defused. “Okay, good. Glad that’s settled.” I sighed and rubbed a hoof on my forehead. “Look, I get that there are some issues here that we really need to resolve. I’d really like to not have my best and my fillyfriend at each other’s throats. Hay, I’d really like to think that I could have a serious romantic relationship that doesn’t end up going to Tartarus.” Blossom flinched at that. “I–I’m really sorry, Cloud Kicker. I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories of what happened between you and Fluttershy.” Next thing I knew, I was on the receiving end of a less-than-pleased look from my fillyfriend. “Cloud Kicker! You told her?” I felt a twitch of annoyance with my fillyfriend. “I'd just been fired for it, Derpy! Sorry if it upsets you that I decided to tell my best friend why our boss just chucked me out on my flank. I figured if she’s gonna get mixed up in all this she deserves to know what the deal is.” Blossom stepped up and gave me an affectionate little nuzzle. “She needed somepony to talk to, and I was there for her. What’s so bad about that?” Derpy hit Blossom with the most furiously jealous wall-eyed glare I’ve ever seen, and her voice dropped down to angry growl. “She has a fillyfriend, Blossomforth.” “Then why weren't you there when she needed you?” Blossom demanded, wrapping a possessive wing around me. I was more than a little tempted to shrug her off, but that would make it look like I was taking Derpy’s side. But letting her do that made it look like I was on Blossom’s side ... argh! Why were these two putting me in a position where I couldn’t just be nice to my best friend or my fillyfriend without worrying that they’d see it as me taking a feathering side? Derpy’s upper lip pulled back in a snarl. “I was trying to talk some sense into Rainbow, you bi–” Derpy cut herself off before she could finish the curse. “I was trying to actually get Cloud Kicker her job back without resorting to underhoofed tactics. You know, like letting your boss beat the feathers out of herself.” Dammit, I couldn’t let that one slide. “Derpy! That is not what happened!” They could toss a couple snide remarks at each other and I’d stay out of it, but when it comes to something like accusing Blossom of deliberately injuring Rainbow to get me my job back I had to step in. Unfortunately, Derpy took that exactly how I’d been afraid she would, and shot me a confused and slightly hurt look. “We're in the hospital, sweetie. Rainbow would never come here on her own. Somepony made her come here.” Derpy tossed a positively toxic glare at Blossom. Considering that I’d been the one to tie Rainbow up and drag her here, Derpy’s words sent a twinge of guilt through my gut. Blossom took note of my reaction, and met Derpy’s glare with an equally furious one. “Derpy. Drop this. Now.” Derpy’s wings flared. “Rainbow Dash is my friend, my daughters' godmother, and she has a history of self-destructive behavior. I beg your pardon for worrying about her!” I was surprised when Blossom actually backed down a bit, tucking her wings back in and shooting a concerned glance towards the operating room. “I'm worried about her too, okay? She's my boss, and I'd like to think she's a friend as well.” Sadly, Blossom’s disinterest in continuing the argument seemed to be a one-sided thing. “If you’re so worried about Rainbow Dash, then why did you slink after Cloud Kicker when your 'friend' clearly needed your help?” That knocked Blossom right out of her moment of moroseness, and she came back twice as furious. “Gee, maybe because I care about Cloud Kicker too, and thought she just might need a friend after she lost her feathering job!” Derpy scoffed at that. “Cloud Kicker's a big filly, she can take care of herself for a little bit.” Derpy smiled at me with lidded eyes, and her voice slipped into a surprisingly seductive purr. “Once I was done with Rainbow I was planning to drop by your place to help you unwind...” Next thing I knew, I was on the receiving end of demanding stares from both the mares who wanted me in their bed. Too bad a threesome was probably out of the question. When several seconds of carefully neutral silence did nothing to deter them, I knew I was in trouble. I was on the spot, and they weren’t gonna let me out until I’d said something. I gave an uncomfortable little shuffle of my wings, and tried to give the most neutral but honest answer I could. “I really appreciate what you were trying to do, Derpy, but it was nice to have somepony to talk to right after all that went down.” Blossom shot a victorious smirk at Derpy, who gave a guilty flinch. Dammit, so much for trying not to take sides. Derpy met my eyes with an apologetic little grin “Oh ... I’m so sorry, sweetie, I was just trying to help ... I guess I'm not very good at that, either.” “Oh, it's fine.” Blossom’s voice was thick with condescending sarcasm. “You were just more worried about Rainbow Dash than your fillyfriend, that's all.” I let out an annoyed little grumble and shot a less than happy look at Blossom. It would be really nice if these two could just stop sniping at each other for five minutes. Derpy hit Blossom with a watery-eyed glare. “And you're so much better, being so busy trying to split things up between me and my fillyfriend that Rainbow hurts herself under your snout? Were you too busy looking for a pity shag to notice her self-destruction, or did you want a promotion as well as a clopjob?” Great, these two were already getting out of control. Again. Before I could step in to try to calm things down, Blossom lost her cool and shouted. “Go feather yourself, Derpy! You weren't there, you don't know what happened!” Derpy shot a nasty little smirk at her. “Hey, somepony had to keep the training for Tornado Day on track after you abandoned us to chase after your crush.” Blossom’s voice turned positively acidic. “Out of curiosity, how many other things are there that are more important to you than your comforting your distraught fillyfriend? Were you planning to run a couple errands and read a Daring Doo book before you got around to checking up on her?” Derpy furiously stomped on the floor. “I would have gone to her right away if I didn't have to do your job on top of mine! Some ponies have a sense of responsibility!” Blossom broke out the nasty sarcasm again. “Oh, I'm so sorry that my concern for Cloud Kicker's well-being cause you a minor inconvenience. Now that I understand where your priorities are...” “Bite me, you lazy, selfish, inconsiderate child!” Whoa! I don’t think I’d ever seen Derpy just completely snap like that before. She’s normally such a bubbly sweetheart, but now... And the most incredible part was that she wasn’t even done yet. “No wonder you’ve gone through your entire life without ever being loved by anypony!” Oh Celestia, why did she have to go there? I had to abandon my position of comfortable neutrality again. “Derpy, that’s ... that’s as cheap of a shot as what you thought Blossom said about Dinky, except she didn’t mean it.” Blossom’s breathing was pretty unsteady as she glared at Derpy, and it took her a few tries to actually say something. “And I'm sure you don't know anyone who went most of their life without anypony loving them,” I could barely hear her as she whispered, “And how much that hurts.” Horrified guilt slowly dawned on Derpy’s face. “I ... Oh Luna , I ...” Derpy’s hind legs collapsed underneath her, and she clapped her hooves over her mouth. A second later she was glaring at Blossom again. “You ... how could you use one my girls against me like that?” Okay, I was getting sick of trying to be the neutral peacemaker while these two tore each other to bits and kept dragging me into the middle of it. “Y'know what? Feather this.” Both of them jumped in surprise when I said that. “I'm gonna–y'know what, I don't even know what I'm gonna go do, but I'm gonna go do it for a while. You two can figure your stuff out on your own.” Both of them had their mouths open, probably to try to accuse the other one of starting the whole fight or something, but I didn’t even give them a chance. “You think you're tired of this, I'm the one caught in the middle. Yeah, I’ve got commitment issues, but the rules were also there so I wouldn’t have put up with this kinda horseapples! Figure something out, or you can both learn to live by yourselves.” I stormed up to the front desk, and dug out a nurse who looked like she really just wanted to be anywhere else than trapped in a hospital lobby with two furiously arguing mares. “What room is Rainbow Dash in?” “Um–she hasn’t been cleared to have visitors yet...” the receptionist began uncertainly. “Do I look like I care?” I growled. “Room number. Now.” “Um ... she’s in room A113, but...” I didn’t even bother to hear the rest of what she had to say before I took off. In hindsight it might’ve been a good idea to ask for directions to the room first, but I was a bit too pissed off to think about details like that. It took me a couple minutes of wandering before I worked out the hospital’s room numbering system and found my way to Rainbow’s room on my own. Perhaps that was a good thing, since it gave me a little time to calm down from dealing with all the stupid drama with Blossom and Derpy. For the first time since it all happened, I was starting to wonder if hooking up with Derpy had been the right move. I mean, being a swinging single had a lot going for it, like not having to deal with all this stupid relationship drama and stress. Just going around and banging who I want, when I want was so much easier. Rainbow Dash looked up in surprise from her bed when I walked in the door. There was a bandage over the right side of her face that covered up her eye, but aside from that she looked like she was doing alright. Or at least, she had been doing alright until she saw me. Her ears went flat, and she started studying her hospital gown intently. “Um ... hey, Cloud Kicker.” “Yeah, hi.” Okay ... this was a bit awkward. Maybe coming in to see her like this wasn’t my best idea. Too late to leave now, though. “So ... um, how’s the thing with your eye?” “They fixed it up alright,” Rainbow answered with forced casualness. “Just gotta take it easy for a couple days, and I’ll be fine. I’ll even be good to fly for Tornado Day, s’long as I wear flight goggles.” “Oh. That’s good.” “Yeah.” The awkward silence came back for a bit before Rainbow announced. “Um ... tell Blossom it’s not her ... uh, look, her smacking me just kinda ... well, I’d done most of the damage myself with crashing and stuff before, the hit was just the last little bit it needed. So it’s not her fault that my eye got all ... y’know. Besides, I kinda deserved that hit.” Rainbow sighed and turned her head toward me, but still couldn’t quite look at me with her one uncovered eye. “Hay, I deserved a lot worse. I think I was kinda hoping you’d kick my flank for everything I’d done. I feathered up bad this time.” I very slowly nodded. “Yeah, you did.” Rainbow looked down and rubbed her hooves together uncomfortably. “I'm sorry, okay?” No half-flanking this time, just a simple, genuine apology. “S’alright. Everypony makes mistakes.” “Yeah, but this one was bad.” Rainbow sighed and fidgeted with her bedsheets. “I ... y’know how I had to do that therapy stuff after Flight Camp? I ... probably oughta get back to that. Maybe Twilight knows somepony who’d be good at that.” “Yeah, she probably would,” I agreed. “Cloud Kicker?” Rainbow asked with unusual hesitation. “We okay?” I smiled and nodded to her. “Yeah. We're okay.”