//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 
// Story: What We Are 
// by Twisted Brew 
//------------------------------//

This is fine.

It's been nearly two weeks since your last talk with Twilight, with her informing you of your most recent predicament. More accurately, your last warning she did deliver. While it had bothered you at first and still does to a certain degree, it's been the very last thing on your mind. A pleasant change, among one other since that day. Your new bunkmate, Jade, has been keeping much closer since then. After yanking the bars apart to pull her into your cell, she had simply refused to leave your side. The guards weren't particularly happy about this new arrangement, but there was little they could do to reverse it. The few brave souls to try were reminded of how easily you could bend these surrounding metal bars, which has proven to suffice as an adequate deterrent. You have found yourself caring remarkably less about the ponies around you as well as their perception of you. It hardly felt as though they mattered. This thought has only reinforced by your newest comfort hobby. As you sit atop your stone bench, you idly move your hand back and forth, dragging your palm across the belly of the diamond dog who currently lays on her back with her head resting on your lap.

Jade hums and coos in delight at your ministrations, smiling to herself with her eyes closed as she rests on your person. This has become significantly more regular and has proved an excelent means of stress relief. You find yourself smiling much more frequently since your impromptu relationship with her suddenly blossomed like a fresh lotus in the sudden act of heat and passion. It was quite the sight for the guard who dropped by that morning, finding you both naked and tangled together on the floor like a discarded pretzle. They tried to reprimand both of you that day, but their lecturing fell upon deaf ears. Before too long, they simply gave up on trying to separate you from her. You didn't even need to threaten them, which was surprising. The only thing you had done in response to their feeble attempts was hold Jade tighter to your person and ignore them until they stopped trying all together. As a form of punishment, they had taken away your outside time, but that hardly bothered you. Now you spend all of your days like this, with Jade almost always pressed against you and you yourself grinning like a loon. Jail sucks, that goes without saying, but it seems only a minor inconvienience now. Time flies by in an almost hushed blur and it's only a matter of days when the good news reaches your ears.

"Snap out of it!" You feel your ears twitch as you look up at the guard, standing on the other side of your cell door. She has a sour expression on her face, one that reveals many layers of frustration and disgust. "About bucking time. Put your head on straight and get the hell out of here."

It's about time.

Jade snaps to attention, bolting up off of the bench and standing just a few feet shy of you. "Is it time to go?" she asks hopefully, her tail wagging uncontrollably behind her back. "Are we leaving?"

"Finally," you say aloud as you rise to your feet. For a moment, your eyes wander to the shredded shirt on the ground. You consider it for a seond before shrugging off the useless material. The metal door clicks as the lock is opened and the door swings wide with an audable creek. You hardly have a moment to react before Jade is upon you once more, holding you in a tight embrace. Not wanting to dwell here much longer, you work your arms around the dog and swoop her up off of her feet. She giggles at this, kicking lightly as you hold her.

"Beasty! Put me down!" she calls out with a laugh while you actively ignore her pleas and strut out of the room, following a few feet behind the guardmare leading you. "Stop treating me like a weak stud! I can walk just fine on my own!"

You'll never get used to this weird gender thing.

After a bit of teasing, you allow Jade to walk on her own and slowly make your way to the exit. You make a quick stop by a counter to retrieve your belongings. There's not much to recover, but you take them all the same and in mere minutes you are once again outside. The bright sun graces your eyes once more, it's warmth hitting your bare torso as the smells of your surroundings seep into your nostrils. Then, not two seconds after your departure, the sound of a cannon goes off nearby. You're unaffected by the boom and the sudden raining of confetti. It had startled you the first time, but now it was simply routine. However, your new company isn't as welcoming. The loud bark coming from behind catches your full attention, the growls that follow after high in volume and meancing in nature.

Jade jumps out from behind you, taking an agressive stance on all fours as she lands and scans the area for potential threats. Her eyes rest on a small group of ponies who reel back in shock, while one in particular lets out a small sqeak and ducks down to hide behind the canon set in front of her bubbly pink friend. You know you should have some sort of reaction to her behavior toward your friends, but you can hardly blame her. Your own reaction when first this happened wasn't too far off. It took Pinkie nearly a whole month to work out the fist shaped dent you had made on her oversized party favor.

Despite your feeling, seeing those particular ponies in fear brings you no joy. Stepping forward, you lean down beside Jade and place a hand on her head. You begin petting at her raised hairs, ushering them back down to their rightful position. "Take a breath, love. They're harmless."

Jade appears hesitant, but after glancing over yourself and meeting your gaze, she begins to settle. After nearly a full minute of staring them down, she relaxes enough to get her senses back and stands upright, you following shortly after. While she is a bit more passive, you can see the distrust in her eyes. In the blink of an eye, she wraps her arms around you from your side. You flinch a bit at her sudden movement, lifting your arms out of the way as she coils her own arms tightly around your chest. Holding you in a tight embrace, her venomous gaze doesn't dare leave Twilight and her entourage. You regard her with a curious look for a bit before turning you attention back to the startled heros of this town.

Silence fills the air for a good while, the air thick with tension. You find little comfort in seeing your so-called friends again, an odd detail you take a mental note of. You stare out at them and they stare back at you, their eyes not being shy to lock onto the dog who is clinging to your side every so often. Before the silent interaction can continue any further, Applejack decides to shatter it like a dinner plate. "Alright, ah'll be the one to say it: What in tarnation is going on here?"

They were bound to ask sooner or later.

Knowing this time would come, you had tried to prepare a response while still locked away in your cell. Alas, you couldn't seem to come up with an explaination that could convey everything you wanted them to know in just a few words. It wasn't long after that when you decided that you didn't care enough to fill them in on the details all at once. If they want to truly understand, they will have to experience it first-hand much like yourself. Until then, thie best they will get out of you is the abridged summary. "Ladies...Rainbow," Dash takes exception to your little jab and shoots you a small glare, "this is Jade, my former cellmate and current mate in general."

It's silent once more and you're getting really fed up with it. Having it be quiet is one thing, it's another when it's due to shock and ponies are staring at you with slacked jaws and eyelids looking like they could launch into the sky at any moment. More than that, know just how tense this situation is making Jade only fuels your desire to escape this situation as soon as possible. "Great talk, girls...Rainbow." The pegasus closes her jaw and begins to glare at you once more. "Let's do it again some time."

Without any further warning, you turn on your heel and begin hiking your way back into town with Jade in tow, her neck craning as she continues to stare daggers into the group. You can hear them calling out to you, but none seem willing to try and make an approach - yet another instance you decide to take note of. It's hardly within your willpower to go back or even respond to them at this time. You're fresh out of jail, becoming reaquainted with the outside world and - above all else - you desperately need a shower. As you waltz into town, ponies left and right spread apart for you like the red sea as both yourself and Jade work your way through. It doesn't take long for you to find the house you've been living at almost as long as you've been here. It's a quaint little place and the owner was willing to rent it to you for a surprisingly low price.

Fishing out your keys, you unlock the door and step into your humble abode. You and Jade have to crouch a bit to make it through the front door, but once inside it's just high enough that you can both stand upright. For the first time since leaving jail, Jade removes herself from you and begins looking around the quaint little living space. There's not much to offer; a small couch in the living room, a short kitchen, one bedroom and one bathroom. Your eyes wander to said bathroom and you begin stripping off what clothes you still have as you make your way in. "Make yourself comfortable if you can. I'll be back out in a few."

You remain in the shower probably longer than you need to, but after being gone for so long it feels well-deserved. After getting yourself cleaned up, you allow yourself a large amount of time to soak before finally killing the tap and drying yourself off. You wrap a towel aroud your waist and step back out into the living room. Glancing around, you see Jade huddled up on the couch. Her eyes are peacefully closed as she takes deep, labored breaths while her body rests upon the plush surface. You find yourelf smiling again as you turn away and go into your room to grab some clean clothes. Once dressed, you toss the towel aside and go back out into the living space to-

Someone is here.

You come to a full stop, feeling your ears shift back as they focus. Your head angles toward the door, following the source of the noise. There's a distinct sound of hoofsteps approaching. Unconciously, you take a deep breath through your nose. A familiar smell reaches you, one that steadily becomes stronger as it draws near. The steps reach your door and you hear a knocking soon follow. Blinking a few times to calm your senses, you make you way over to the door and open it. On the other side stands Twilight Sparkle, who regards you with caution and a hint of worry.

"Hi, Handyman..." Twilight begins somewhat nervously. Her muzzle scrunches a bit as sniffs the air before taking a quick peek past you and into the house.

You raise a brow at her, not so much out of confusion, but more questioningly. You're not surprised in the slightest that she has decided to drop by, moreso by her very awkward greeting. "Hi?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?" She glances behind you once more, looking unsure of herself - a very rare occurence. "In private?"

Thinking on it for a few seconds, you glance back at Jade, who is still happily napping on your couch. You let out a sigh and crouch down to step out of the house before closing the door behind you as quietly as possible. "Lead on, Purple."

Nodding, Twilight begins leading you away from your home while you follow idly behind her. After a short walk, you find yourself at a small outdoor resteraunt. She talks to some stallion in a suit before he leads you both to a table and you take your seats. Settling in, knowing that this will probably be rather unpleasant, you go about mentally preparing yourself for the worst. Meanwhile, the suited pony returns to place two salads on the table, one in front of either of you. Staring down at the small mass of green leaves and tomatoes, you sigh internally.

This vegetarian diet is killing me.

After magicing a fork into her hold and taking a quick bite from her bowl, Twilight finally speaks up. "I'm happy to see that you're doing well."

"Yeah, it's great," you coldly respond. "Can we go ahead and skip the small talk? You know how much I hate this 'beating around the bush' crap."

Twilight swallows and lets out a sigh, setting her fork back down on the table as her eyes meet you. "Always straight to the point," she says, seeming to be talking mostly to herself. "Let's just go ahead an address the elephant in the room."

"You mean the dog, right?"

"Yes! Exactly." Twilight takes a deep breath through her nose before continuing. "I suppose the...biggest question I have is just...How??"

There are a lot of ways to answer this question. At this point, you have a literal list of reasons, but most of those are reserved for 'why' rather than 'how'. "We just clicked," you simply say to her. "I spent nearly every second of every day in there with her, and the more we talked, the more it all just started to make sense."

Twilight tilts her head at this. "The more 'what' started to make sense?"

You didn't want to talk about this initially; part of you doesn't think that either you or Twilight is ready for this to be said out loud. However, you do feel as though you owe her at least that. These ponies may not be what you consider friends, but she's put a lot of time and effort into you over the course of the past year that you've been here. "That I'm not gonna make it here."

The mood shifts as you feel a sudden weight being lifted from your chest, a weight that seems to be stacking onto Twilight. "N-no! Of course you can! Y-you just need more time, that's all! With my friends and I here to help, we can mold you into the perfect stallion."

You can only imagine what her anxiety is doing to her on the inside if she's behaving like this in broad daylight. Normally, this talk of changing and molding you would lead to you becoming frustrated and - that one time - ripping a table in half. Now though, it just serves as a reminder for how out of place you are and how alien you truly feel among these colorful equines. "I'm not a stallion, Twilight. I never will be." The mare in front of you shifts uncomfortably in her seat, rubbing her hooves together like a manic scientist. "At the end of the day, I just plain-ol' don't belong here. Just look around."

Holding up a hand, you motion in every which direction, pointing out nothing in particular. "This is a pony town in a pony's world," you say as she follows your hand with her eyes. "A world that just wasn't made for me. My existence was never even in the cards, yet here I am."

Looking back to you, Twilight is quick to defend. "That doesn't mean it can't be, though!" she argues, her words finding no solace in your mind. "We can make this work. If you just try a little harder, we can-"

"No," you rudely interupt, causing her features to sink a bit.

"No?" she asks, as if to be sure she heard you correctly.

"No."

Twilight fumbles, struggling desperately to get the words out before finding her place. "What do you, 'no'? How can you just- I mean it doesn't- Why wouldn't you-!?"

"Just stop." Your words seem to work in silencing her, if only for the moment.

"I have done everything I can," you begin, feeling no little amount of frustration for having to relive all of this. "I have tried to change my attitude. I went out to make friend. I've changed my diet, my lifestyle, and even surpressed my most basic instincts to fit in here, and it's just not enough."

I will never be enough.

"I put my heart and soul into trying to adapt to live here peacefully with all of you. The harder I try though, the more it is starting to backfire on me." Feeling a familiar fire in your gut, your voice raises as you press on. "And for some fucking reason, it always comes down to me and how I need to change. God forbid anypony here sees me as anything more than an animal, or a tool, or some unique species to try and have sex with to get another notch under their belt!"

Your muscles tense, your feet pushing against the ground as you rise up from your seat and start leaning over the table as your face contorts in anger. "No! I'm the problem! I'm always the fucking problem, even when I didn't do anything wrong!" Throwing caution to the wind, you give in to the despair you've felt for so long and simply allow it to flow out of you. "But I'm the one that needs to change! Heaven forbid this whole racist town that could barely handle a fucking zebra learns to actually accept me! I'm always the one who needs to change, to do better, to meld into your society like I'm not an individual - like I'm not my own fucking person!"

At this point, you're nearly nose to nose with Twilight, who had long since started cowering at your lingering gaze that only got closer and closer to her. "Well fuck you, and fuck Ponyville!" That alone feels like you've just dropped the weight of the world off of your shoulders. Your body feels so light and relaxed now that you don't even care that ponies are staring at you from all directions. Basking in this newfound serenity, you slowly lower yourself back into your seat and take a calming breath before finishing your thought. "I don't want to hate any of you. But the longer I'm here, the more I do."

This is probably the only time you have ever watched the light die in a pony's eyes. Twilight seems almost lifeless as those final words leave you lips, as if she cannot even fathom what she is hearing. She appears dumbfounded and completely lost, while also terribly sad and even destroyed to a certain degree. "You can't mean that..."

"I wish I didn't." There seems to be nothing left of her at that as you watch her slump over some with tears threatening to escape her. With this, there's nothing left to be said. You're not sure what is to come, or even what you will do next, but you know that it won't happen here. Jade has spoken to you about her home in the past. You intend to ask her if she can take you there. On the off chance that she doesn't, you refuse to remain in Ponyville regardless. The time for you to choose you own path is long overdue and you've made your choice. "Thanks for everything, Twilight."

The alicorn doesn't react; you don't think she even has the strength to do so right now.

Rising from your seat, you take your leave and let Twilight deal with this on her own. Surely, her friends will comfort her in time. Unfortunately, that means that you won't have long to start legging it out of town before they all show up at your doorstep. You walk home in a semi-rushed pace, hoping to buy yourself some time. You are just turning the corner when you see Jade standing outside, growling at a group of ponies that are walking by. She is crouched to the ground, nose in the grass, sniffing around with a panicked look in her eyes. As you draw near, her sights land on you and she is all too eager to come running. You brace yourself for impact as she charges, leaping onto you once she is close enough. You catch her in your arms as her own find their way around you.

"By the stars, I thought I had lost you!" Jade desperately says in your ear as she rubs her face against yours. "I thought for sure the ponies showed up and took you away." It sounds like she wants to continue on this thought, but she pauses and sniffs at you curiously before leaning back to look at you, furrowing her brow in disgust. "You smell like a pony..."

"I showered earlier, remember?" you say, assuming it's just the soap that threw her off. Jade climbs off of your person and begins sniffing you up and down, grimacing unpleasantly before pressing her body against you and rubbing herself on every surface of you she can. "What are you doing?"

"I can't stand that pony stench being on you," Jade says plainly, probably expecting you to understand what her point in all of this is.

Rather than discuss the matter further, you think it best to move on to a more pressing issue. "Where did you say you lived again?"

Jade halts her rubbing and takes a step back to look at you in full view. "Underground, just past the entrance to the Everfree Forest."

"If we leave now, how fast can we get there?" you ask a bit hurriedly.

Jade blinks a few times before the realization dawns on her. On her face now is the biggest smile you've ever seen to grace her pretty little muzzle. "Y-you...you want to come home...with me?"

"And I don't want to wait a second longer." You say this with both genuine interest and desperation to leave before you find yourself with a group of mares hot on your trail.

The light that died in Twilight's eyes earlier seems to have transfered over to Jade, who throws herself against you faster than you can register. Her warm muzzle is pressed to your lips and you find yourself fairly eager to return the gesture. The kiss lasts a bit longer than it probably should, but the dog wastes no time getting herself into gear when you finally do separate. "Follow me and stay close," she says as she grabs one of your hands in her paw and tugs you along. "I have so many wonderful things to show you!"